Its Official, Darthy Is...........

[Darthshearer]

Shit with women

As proven here and here.

Now, the girl in the latter thread I am seeing still and she is awesome. We have a couple of weeks ago just spent a week in Cyprus. Its the best and most amazing holiday I have ever had, hand on heart. She is exciting, ambitious a great laugh and very caring. Plus she bought me the King of the Mountains Jersey for my Bday

Right, why I am shit with women.

The week before were due to go away she is in the gym where her ex goes and he came over to chat with her. She is poliet and chats back. General chit chat and she mentions she is going away, which he says "Oh girly holiday" and she looks at him sheepishly and says "No" and he looks suprised (now this is what she told me and I fully trust and believe her). Anyways, that evening she comes over mine, tells me this and it doesnt bother me, then around 11pm she gets a text off him, which she shows me and it doesnt say anything other than, "Battered, did a good time in the run today, just hammered" This doesnt mean much to most but for me!!! WOoooooo LOCO time! It knocked me for six. Anyways that evening we went to bed and I mentioned I didnt feel great and she reassued me she doesnt make any effort to speak to him, contact him at all and I felt good.

The next day we go shopping and a bloke from her mountaineering group she belogs too texts her, I was look and it said "Hey when you coming climbing again then? xxxxx" Now, when I saw the kisses I felt sick and shit. She explained he is 42 (she is 28) and there is no WAY shell find him attractive. So that put me at ease and then she goes on to say that last year she went climbing and there was only her and him and on one of the lifts he lifted her top up to expose her belly to blow rasberrys on it, well thats was like kicking me in the face. Anyways, that evening I spoke with her saying I felt a little uneasy, again she reassured me.

Now, all this is good. Shes been VERY understanding, VERY caring and generally awesome.

A week before we went away this girl told me she had fallen in love with me, great stuff as I know I felt the same, she is awesome and definatley Someone I want to be with forever.

Now, I trust her 1000000000% and believe what she tells me and thats great. Why I am shit with women.........well keep reading.

We have a great holiday and we come off last week and from then its gone a little Pete Tong in my dept, maybe Yoni or the other ladies (Trem :wub can help me.

Firstly, we come off holiday and she goes to the gym as normal and the ex is there again talking to her. Now, she tells me and its cool. My partner is doing some really tough exams for work. She did these exams when the ex split up with her so she was all over the place, extremly upset and not at all well. Anyways, he asks about when she gets the results and it was last Thursday.

Well, Thursday comes and he texts her saying good luck etc and well, she fails Which he was "Oh youll bounce back dont worry" Well, it was like going from 200mph after a great start to our relationship and a great holiday to 0mph. Just hitting a brick wall. I just didnt know what to do when I saw her face. She was devastated. I tried to console her but it didnt seem to help. She called her mother and she said it was a difficult time etc when it happend and that she needs to be positive. She is worried about work etc.

Well, she stayed at mine that evening and I didnt sleep one bit because I felt useless, I was just trying to put myself into her shoes and it must hurt so much, she is an extremly proud person and I know it was hard for her to go into work on Friday for her. I know she didnt sleep at all too. Friday morning comes and she was still on her arse, I tried so much to help, made her breakfast etc but didnt work. She then told me she had texted the ex telling him she couldnt speak / contact him again, which I was shocked about. But in a slefish way happy about.

Anyway, Saturday she studied and Saturday night I went to see her. It was good, we went for Japanese, then went into a bar after for a drink and she just went quiet. She is quiet anyways, but she was really quiet, I though she may of seen an ex. We got home and I asked if she was ok, she said she was tired so watched a bit of TV and she went to sleep.

Sunday we had a good day, went for lunch with her mum and dad and then biking, where she bonked DOH! She is again really quiet. She again assures me when we get home she is ok just tired and maybe still a little down.

Now, I am seriously kicking the fuck out of myself. I am worried Ive done something wrong. Ive talked to her, texted her and she says I seriousley have nothing to worry about she is just a little down over her exams and thats it.

This kid from her climbing group phoned her which she didnt answer as she was biking, this scared me AGAIN, why? WHats wrong with me? Why am I so fucking insecure?

Well, Ive basically told her I am a little insecure, well a lot and its stilll early in our relationship and it will get better, which she agrees.

Now, she again seems quiet tonight. I was supposed to be going to Wales this weekend but cant as a mate has bailed, so tried to arrange seeing her and she has made plans, cool, not her fault, but again she seems quiet and its scaring the shit out of me.

If I ask her much more, why she is quiet shell get pissed off with me To try and cheer her up Ive booked an evening into a Spa for her which she is really happy about. Today weve emailed and she tells me she loves me and misses me etc, so why am I worried

So confused

 

[Tom]

I think you have Gender Dysphoria.

 

[Darthshearer]

I think you have Gender Dysphoria.

:lol:

 

[TdC]

relax a bit Darthy. imo you're going too hard for it mate. ease off a little.

 

[Garaen]

The only thing your insecurity is going to do is drive a massive wedge between you two and push her away, you seem to be a bit too intense and nagging from reading the post (i could be wrong). She's probably down because she failed the exams and is reminded about that fact every day she goes to work.

 

[ramathorn]

being so insecure and constantly asking if you have done something wrong or if you (as a couple) are ok is not going to help things. chill, people deal with disapointment in different ways. be supportive but take it easy and try not to be too clingy

 

[tris-]

Im not a women expert, but a way to resolve a lot of 'issues' like these is to stop thinking about them so much in my experience. Take a day to seriously think on it but dont act yet, goto sleep thinking on it and wake up and see what your first thought is on the subject.
I dont know if there is any science on it or what, but i believe in your sleep your brain can work more logically or something on problems youve got .
Plus if you keep thinking on it daily, while youre awake, you get more stressed and make badly calculated moves.

think about this though -

She fucked up on exams and is down. Youre making it an issue about your self asking if youve done something...
She told her EX to FO, as you implied you would want her to do but still made a problem of it. Can she ever do the right thing...

Based on my extensive observations of the Jeremy Kyle show and the trisha show, I would say:
She wants time to be down about whats happened and doesnt need you being a pussy. Maybe you should just be there for her, go out to the countryside or something and lay in a field together and just chat shit. Or just lay there silently and cuddle.

 

[Darthshearer]

Tris, I havent made an issue about her telling the ex to FO. She told me and all I have said it OK.

Anyways, maybe I am asking her to much if she is ok all the time. I have just decided to read the texts she has seen me that Ive saved, like one tonight before she went to sleep.

Just need to chill I think.

 

[MYstIC G]

Just need to chill I think.

Play some CS or something.

 

[TdC]

Play some CS or something.

or, take her out for a burger, don't talk about exams, don't talk about work, and don't talk about exes. step away from your cares, chill and hang out. maybe catch a movie or go bowling or some silliness like that.

 

[Ctuchik]

if you can, just put yourself in her situation with a boyfriend/girlfriend that acts like you do and then think about what you would have done. i had simmilar issues as you do and i didnt get over that untill i did just that. because i found out that if i would have been dating someone like myself i'd gone fucking mental

give her some space, DONT ask if its something you have done every time she's a tad down because sooner rather then later it will be something you have done, or said in this case.

because it gets very boring very fast to have to explain to someone that "no its not you're fault" every day or so.

feel free to make sure she knows that you care for her and all that fluffy stuff. just dont try to crawl in under her skin, because they dont like that.

just let her know you're there if she needs it and leave it at that unless she's having a mental breakdown or something.

 

[MYstIC G]

or, take her out for a burger, don't talk about exams, don't talk about work, and don't talk about exes. step away from your cares, chill and hang out. maybe catch a movie or go bowling or some silliness like that.

or, play some Left 4 Dead.

 

[ECA]

You sound verrrry insecure, although she has to realise that contact with her ex on a regular basis will make anyone uncomfortable.

Have you tried ballgagging her and spanking her?

 

[DaGaffer]

Tris, I havent made an issue about her telling the ex to FO. She told me and all I have said it OK.

Anyways, maybe I am asking her to much if she is ok all the time. I have just decided to read the texts she has seen me that Ive saved, like one tonight before she went to sleep.

Just need to chill I think.

You think you haven't. From the way its freaking you out, you clearly have, even if just through body language and tone of voice.

You've really got to learn to relax a bit, carry on like this and you'll have an aneurism.

NB. I still talk to my ex-wife and my girlfriend hates it. I've made the effort to cut back (even though its annoying because there is zero chance of me and my ex ever getting back together) but she has to trust me, and you have to trust your girlfriend, because without that you're doomed.

 

[old.Tohtori]

First the Darthy stops being jealous.

If the Mrs Darthy goes off, she goes, nothing you can do to stop it. Jealous Darthy is not helping. Little jealous is good, show Mrs Darthy that Mr Darthy gives a crap, but make it funny jealous, not rage jealous.

Second the Darthy will stop making things about himself. Mrs Darthy say "loves you", this mean they not go somewhere fast.

Third the Darthy, if gets annoyed, tells the Mrs that the Darthy is annoyed.

"The Darthy feels it is uncomfirtable that the Mrs Darthy doesn't talk with Mr Darthy."

Then talk, not shout, talk.

Darthy become happy.

 

[Damini]

Why does she show you every text she recieves? Do you ask to see them? Do you act weird if she doesn't read them to you? Did her ex demand to know what was going on in all her texts, and she'd just carried it on? I just find that a little odd, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Well, at any time, but for a new relationship it's a weird habit to be in already.

 

[Darthshearer]

She has just shown me them thats all.

Last night I looked at the texts I had saved and felt good, Ill calm down and chill

 

[Bahumat]

Ask yourself this. Would you be annoyed if someone asked you every 5 minutes if you were ok, even though you say Yes...?

She knows you care, you've already shown that. She probably wants time to think about her future and get over the fact she failed, where she could have improved etc etc.

This does not apply to all Men or Women, but I've seen it countless times.

If a woman has a problem or shit day, she does not want you to fix it. She just wants a hug or it goes down well if you do a nice gesture (meal etc).

If a guy has a problem, he just wants to fix it.

Again, this does not apply to all people, but men sometimes make matters worse when they try and 'fix' their problem. I dunno, maybe they assume we think they can't solve it themselves lol. I have no idea!

I would personally say "I want you to know I care and you can come to me if you wanna talk about it. I won't keep asking if you're ok, not becuase I dont care, but because I know it's kinda annoying lol".

 

[Bahumat]

Regarding my post, I hope you are not offended. The starting line sounds...or should I say 'reads' like i'm telling you off hehe.

also why is 'minge' one of the thread tags???

 

[Darthshearer]

Bahumat, no, its useful. Thanks very much.

Shes sent me some great emails today and I am feeling loads better, more relaxed and chilled out.

I have zero to worry about

 

[Bahumat]

Bahumat, no, its useful. Thanks very much.

Shes sent me some great emails today and I am feeling loads better, more relaxed and chilled out.

I have zero to worry about

You say that, but you just stepped in dog poo

 

[Darthshearer]

You say that, but you just stepped in dog poo

Awwwww I wondered what that smell was

 

[Bahumat]

Awwwww I wondered what that smell was

The smell of success!

Ok enough taking your thread off topic!

 

[Nate]

As everyone knows I'm a relationship expert so only listen to what I have to say and do it to the word as soon as you've finished reading the post. Any other posts after this one in this thread are useless, I already know as I have a magic left testicle that can see in to the future.

First you need to log in to steam, then you need to buy Team Fortress 2 and play a Scout for 24 hours non stop. Whilst playing you must press x 4 repeatedly, actually carrying out what the map requires isn't as important as spamming you need a teleporter here. Try to find a teleporter and crouch, hit it with your baseball, shoot it, whatever, don't use it..just tell it you need a teleporter here. You can also do this to an Engineer, if there isn't one around do it to anyone else.

Once you have completed your 24 hours of non stop TF2 you should go outside and shout at the sun(if it's cloudy try and guess where the sun is) "You need a teleporter here." Do this until you pass out/fall asleep/get taken away.

This should occupy you enough for you to be yourself again around your girlfriend as she would be happy with the amount of time since you last asked if she was ok.

 

[Shagrat]

wow Nate, thats great advice.

That might help a lot of people. :worthy:

 

[throdgrain]

OK Darth, I've read a few of your threads on this subject now. The time has come for the answers to be revealed.


The truth is this.

Stop being a twat and asking people on a bloody internet forum about rediculous bollocks in you life!

































Sorry, but it had to be said