In the spirit of ....

[Olgaline]

It's Christmas soon anyway, Here's a good Old Joke

Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

1 C Water
1 C Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C Brown sugar
Lemon juice, nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer.
Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity...Whew is it hot in here ?
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something ... Who cares? Whatever the heck you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway???​

 

[Lamp]

The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit
==========================================

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Everybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.
Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;
I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece to see what the matter
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch blew the chimeny apart,
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight
"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"

 

[Imgormiel]

Both of you guys need to find the nearest bar and get drunk imo

 

[Lamp]

I've got a stinking cold at the mo and don't feel like going anywhere

 

[Imgormiel]

I've got a stinking cold at the mo and don't feel like going anywhere

Life SuXx, shame

 

[pikeh]

there was two eggs sitting on the kitchen side.
one egg looks at a whisk on the other side of the room.
"whats that over there?" he says.
the other egg goes;
"beats me."

 

[Lamp]

Pikeh, thats not a Christmas joke.

 

[pikeh]

Pikeh, thats not a Christmas joke. So unfortunately, you have to be culled with the bird-flu infected turkeys. Sorry, thats just the way it is. Bye !

eggs go into christmas cake!

 

[Lamp]

So does my dick if I decide to fuck one, but you don't see "penis skin, scrote hairs, and semen soup" listed on the ingredients.

 

[old.Tohtori]

On a dark and cold, november night,
the people marveled at the sight,
The townsquare lit, it was so bright.
Some man had up, his christmas light!

Then out came Seel all dressed in black,
Had had enough, indeed he had.
He took his shotgun and shot a gran.
Then turned the barrel on the man.

He shot the man who did this deed,
he shot them all, shot them indeed.
He took them out and with a grin,
he wiped the blood from off his chin.

"Even if we may have snow,
you feel that you jus have to show,
that every other yeartime sucks,
it's not yet christmas you little f*cks!"

 

[CorNokZ]

If you switch the letters around in

old.Tohtori

you get:

The Grinch

 

[old.Tohtori]

If you switch the letters around in

old.Tohtori

you get:

The Grinch

It took you this many years to notice my avid Grinch'nes on these forums?

 

[CorNokZ]

I just learned reading this past year.. So I couldn't read last years xmax threads

 

[old.Tohtori]

I just learned reading this past year.. So I couldn't read last years xmax threads

No no, i meant towards christmas, not in general

 

[Huntingtons]

I just learned reading this past year.. So I couldn't read last years xmax threads

just because you copy text into a program that speaks it for you doesnt make you able to read you fucking brain hemorrhage