I talk too much!

[]SK[]

Ahhh thats better.
Hes one I just read somewhere.

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

 

[old.ulrikwolfsbane]

shift that mess off the sidewalk

:touch:

 

[~Lazarus~]

There is this homosexual couple who have been partners
for years, and eventually one of them goes and dies. The surviving partner is distraught and goes to the chapel of rest to pay his last respects.

While at the chapel the funeral director gets chatting to the man
about what kind of service would be appropriate. The gay man says that he wants a form of service that is suitable to show how much he cared for his partner. The funeral director suggests a grand burial, but the man declines this as he cannot face the idea of the worms and bugs crawling over his partner, so the funeral director suggests cremation, but again the gay man doesn't want to see his partner burn.

The funeral director is a bit lost for ideas when the man says..
"can you cut him up into small pieces and put him in a carrier
bag so I can take him home."

The funeral director is a bit shocked by this and asks
why, the man replies...... "So that I can put him in a pot and
make a really spicy curry out of him"

Even more shocked and disgusted the funeral director
asks him why he would want to do that, and the gay replies......

"So that I can feel him dribbling out of my arse in the morning one last time.............."

 

[]SK[]

ah sicko

 

[Wij]

yeuch

 

[]SK[]

good one though

 

[~Lazarus~]

I thought it was funny......

 

[]SK[]

Suppose you can relate to it though

 

[~Lazarus~]

Naw mate - I wouldnt push anyones stool in - for any price.

 

[Wij]

 

[Summo]

Heh heh. Funnee joke.

 

[DAN200]

I got one, you might know it but what the hell:

There's this guy who has to go on a buissness trip away from his wife at home, while he's away he dosen't want his wife getting to "familliar" with other men so he decides to get something to keep his wife occupied, a toy perhaps.

Anyhow, he goes down the local novelty shop looking for something to buy, immediately he notices something on the shelf he thinks she might like. "Hey", he calls to the Shopkeeper, "How much for that thing up there?"
"Oh", the shopkeeper replies, "Im afraid that item is not for sale"
"I'll give you £30 for it"
"Im sorry sir but I can't sell you that item"
"£50?"
"No sir, I told you that item is not for sale"
"Ok" said the man at last, "I'll give you £200 for it"
"Deal!" Said the shopkeeper, he took the item down from the shelf, carefully shutting the shutting the shop curtains as he did so. "This", the shopkeeper paused for affect, "Is a voodoo penis, it can be verrry pleasing for your female friend IF, you learn how to use it"
The man looked at him puzzled.
"You use the voodoo penis like this" he said, "VOODOO PENIS, THE DOOR!" he shouted and suddenly the penis flew inexplicably accross the room and attacked the door savagely, the man stood there stunned at what he was seeing, "Now" said the shopkeeper, "this, is the important bit", again he paused "VOODOO PENIS, THE BOX" and suddenly the penis stopped what it was doing and it flew back into its box, the flaps closing as it did so.
"I'll take it!" said the man excitedly!
"Good luck"

When the man got home he showed the voodoo penis to his wife and explained to her exsactly how to use it. 5 hours later, the man was off on his buissness trip and his wife was alone in the house. An hour later, the woman decided to use this new gift. She took off her clothes and shouted "VOODOO PENIS, MY VAGINA", moments later she was enjoying the thrills of the penis moving inside her.

15 minutes later she decided she had had enough and decided to remove the voodoo penis, but, she had forgotten the command. Worried about what to do the woman decided to drive down to the hospital and have it surgically removed, still moving inside her.

She set off down the road swerving all over the place, left and right, right and left, all over. Shortly later, she was stopped by the police. "Excuse me madam!" said the policeman, "but could you please explain the reasons for your terrible, terrible driving to me??"
"Im sorry officer" said the woman, "but my husband has purchashed me a voodoo penis and i've forgotten the command to take it out.
"Yeah right" said the officer, "VOODOO PENIS MY ASS!!"

 

[Summo]

What happened next?

 

[DAN200]

work it out SomeGuy

 

[Summo]

She got arrested?

 

[DAN200]

Ok, just incase that stupidness is genuine.... he got done up the bum by the voodoo penis.

 

[Summo]

 

[DAN200]

Plllleasse tell me your not getting that joke was an act, otherwise my opinion of your intelligence will be serviely deterioated.

 

[Summo]

Dan, there's nothing funny about anal sex, despite what your pr0n mag may tell you.

It's shameful, disgusting, shameful and un-Christian.

Clearly I have no part in this thread. I bid you good day.

 

[DAN200]

Its the joke and the way that its written thats funny, not the p0rn.

Anywasy, its nowhere near as bad as Lazuruses joke.

 

[Will]

He is just fucking with you

Originally posted by SomeGuy
It's shameful, disgusting, shameful and un-Christian.

Does that sound like the Someguy we all know and... know?

 

[Nighty-]

I need to post more.

 

[Wij]

Where was this shop then ?

 

[~Lazarus~]

Originally posted by DAN200
Its the joke and the way that its written thats funny, not the p0rn.

Anywasy, its nowhere near as bad as Lazuruses joke.

Oi.

the argument is between you and holier-than-thou Someguy.

Leave me the fcuk out of it.

 

[Summo]

/me passes judgement on Lazarus

 

[~Lazarus~]

... and I give a flying f../.....

 

[Summo]

*smite*

 

[~Lazarus~]

*ouch*

wtf ?

 

[Summo]

*smug*

 

[Wij]

*not care*