I need you people to posh this shit up (random crap inside)

[Clown]

I'm writing a complaint letter to Bulldog.

Dear Sir/Madam,

Name: André De La Bruton
Customer Reference: bdol
Date: 15th August 2007

I am writing regarding my Bulldog account. I want to find out what I am being charged monthly, according to your system. I am meant to be charged £15 p/m for both the telephone line rental and (up to) 8mb broadband and whatever calls I make (average £0 p/m), as arranged over the telephone when settling the bill in May 2007, but it appears that I am getting charged more.

In May 2007, I called up to settle my bill and cancel my subscription. I wanted to cancel because Bulldog had suspended my service as my bills were not being paid. The reason my bills were not paid was because Bulldog had messed up my direct debit again, even after I had tried at least 5 times to set it up over the telephone with Bulldog's billing department. This is indicated by my billing history; every time I had settle a bill in bulk, I gave them my details to set up the direct debit and was assured that it would be set up. My billing history shows that I have had to settle bulk bills at least 5 times since January 2006.

I was put through to your cancellation department after I had settled the bill. The person offered me the current package I was on but charged at £15. This new charge was meant to start after May's bill. I was also going to be credited £10 for the time I was suspended in May due to errors made by Bulldog's billing department. She also checked that you had my bank account details to set up the direct debit again.

On 14th June 2007, I got an email saying that there was no method of payment on my account and that I had to complete the attached direct debit form. I tried to call up again, but apparently there was a problem with your system and I should try again later. I called up the next day and the system was still playing up. I called up a third time to give my bank details and tried to find out why it wasn't sorted out before. I was told that my bank details were put on to somebody else's record. A name that was not familiar to me, a name that didn't even begin with the same letter as mine.

From looking at my bill online on 14th August 2007, it looks like I have been charged the following amounts:
May = £30 (£120 payment made)
June = £30
July = £20-£15 (£35 payment made via Direct Debit to cover June and July, I don't know what the -£15 is from)
August = £20 (Not yet charged)

I want you to break down what the monthly charge for is for me. I want you to tell me exactly what I'm paying for and how much I'm being charged for it. I also want you to explain what the -£15 is for on July's bill. I am seriously thinking about leaving Bulldog, again, after this. But I am interested in your response and how this will be resolved.

I look forward to your reply within 10 days, and hope this matter can be sorted out quickly. I assure you that if a suitable response is not made, I will be considering further advice.

Yours sincerely

André De La Bruton

Help me or post pictures of trees. The choice is yours.

 

[Kryten]

probably easier if I had started from scratch, but made some changes below - half the bollocks and nearly-long words come from having spent the last 4 months contacting my banks/creditors and telling them they're mostly a bunch of retards, in a slightly more legal tone.

Dear Sir/Madam,

Name: André De La Bruton
Customer Reference: bdol
Date: 15th August 2007

I am writing regarding my Bulldog account. I require a full statement of all financial matters between us so I can see your version of our account and the monthly payments your system is incurring.

I understand that I am supposed to be charged £15 p/m for both the telephone line rental and (up to) 8mb broadband and whatever calls I make (average £0 p/m), as arranged over the telephone when settling the bill in May 2007, but it appears that I am getting charged more.

In May 2007, I called up to settle my bill and cancel my subscription, because Bulldog had suspended my service as my bills were not being paid. This was a discrepancy with your systems as Bulldog had made further errors in setting up my direct debit again, even after I had tried at least 5 times previously to set it up over the telephone with Bulldog's billing department. This is indicated by my billing history; every time I had settled a bill in bulk, I gave them my details to set up the direct debit and was assured that it would be set up. My billing history shows that I have had to settle bulk bills at least 5 times since January 2006 - and all discrepancies were due to an error at your end, rather than mine.

I was referred through to your cancellation department after I had settled the bill. The person offered me the current package I was on but charged at £15. This new charge was meant to start after May's bill. I was also going to be credited £10 for the time I was suspended in May due to errors made by Bulldog's billing department. Your representative also checked that you had my correct bank account details to set up the direct debit again.

On 14th June 2007, I received an email informing me that there was no method of payment on my account and that I had to complete the attached direct debit form. I tried to contact you again by telephone, but apparently there was a problem with your system and I should try again later. I called the next day and your system was still having problems. I called a third time to give my bank details and tried to enquire as to why it was not previously sorted out, and I was told that my bank details were added to an unrelated persons record, someone entirely unbeknown to myself.

From looking at my bill online on 14th August 2007, it appears that I have been charged the following amounts:
May = £30 (£120 payment made)
June = £30
July = £20-£15 (£35 payment made via Direct Debit to cover June and July, I don't know what the -£15 is from)
August = £20 (Not yet charged)

I want you to break down what the monthly charge for is for me. I want you to tell me exactly what I'm paying for and how much I'm being charged for it. I also want you to explain what the -£15 is for on July's bill.

I sincerely hope this matter can be resolved quickly and correctly. I have so far been unimpressed by the level of service received from your company and I see no reason why I should continue to accept unprofessional conduct from you. I expect some recompense for the inconvenience caused, the time wasted and the costs of the phone calls, however my foremost concern is that the above issues are correct with immediate effect and that I am kept informed of all progress. Only after your response will I be able to judge whether I should continue to use your services or if legal action will be required.

I look forward to an expeditious reply within 10 working days, and hope this matter can be sorted out quickly. I am obliged to inform you that a copy of this letter has been retained for legal purposes should your response is deemed inappropriate and that action will be taken if matters are not dealt with properly.

Yours sincerely

André De La Bruton

 

[dysfunction]

I don't have any trees to post...

 

[babs]

I'd go with....

Darling Fascist Bullyboy,

Give me some more money, you bastard.

May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your wo-man,

Neil

 

[mycenae]

http://files.myopera.com/kaylinq/blog/pinkybrain.jpg

 

[00dave]

I'd go with....

Darling Fascist Bullyboy,

Give me some more money, you bastard.

May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your wo-man,

Neil

I seem to recall it was signed boomshanka

 

[Draylor]

Clown in capable of writing a letter shocker.

 

[Clown]

Why does that surprise you? You see me talking every day, I'm hardly a brooky.

 

[Maljonic]

I think it sounds all right as it is, I would just take out the 10 days thing at the bottom.

 

[Panda On Smack]

 

[dysfunction]

 

[TdC]

I googled for "large wood" pics and got a security popup warning me of website blockage and then my work browser closed itself :/

 

[dysfunction]

I googled for "large wood" pics and got a security popup warning me of website blockage and then my work browser closed itself :/

hehehehe

Noob...


You don't have rep enabled...

 

[TdC]

hehe noob indeed. you can still rep me though. I write people who rep me down in my "must not forget to se><or" book

 

[TdC]

!!!

Trem and Babs just repped me about 50 times o0

 

[dysfunction]

Well in that case I'll rep you a bit as well!

 

[TdC]

cheers I'll fit you in after Babs and before Trem
















ooh err matron! dodgeyness prevails ! :seksor:

 

[dysfunction]

between babs and Trem! I am fortunate!

 

[TdC]

ooh, d'you really think so?

 

[Clown]

I expect further compensation for the inconvenience caused, the time wasted and the cost of the phone calls. I also expect for the bills duly paid for June and July to be factored into the cost of further bill payments.

Does this make sense or am I waffling?

 

[Kryten]

Not sure if "expect" would be the right choice of wording, thinking about it - maybe "your consideration into" might be more appropriate to make it sound a little less demanding on your behalf. Otherwise no it's not waffling, it's fine.

Might also be worth saying you've had advise from the Citizen's Advice Bureau who have been forwarded a copy of this letter, and that they have suggested dealing with ISPA (not a governing body for ISP's but are a "higher body" that ISP's are normally registered with, sort of a central complaints place) and the Office of Fair Trading/Trading Standards - but of course you hope it doesn't have to go that far (basically saying sort it out and pay me off to avoid further bulldog+trading standards problems)

It certainly wont hurt to report this issue to the ISPA now anyway, regardless of intent or purpose. - ISPA - Home
They're very, very helpful and expedited Pipex into sorting out their dodgy billing when I moved house a year or so ago.

 

[Chilly]

I think expect is correct. If it was the other way round they'd be charging you all sorts of shit.

Clown: the second version looks great and the little legal action drop might get it moving a bit faster.

 

[dysfunction]

You dont the need the "for" after "expect" in the second sentence...

 

[Trem]

!!!

Trem and Babs just repped me about 50 times o0

Nah Samm was logged in in my name so thats o..............what the fuck! Dirty Dutchy loving cow


I don't fancy your chances btw Clownz0r, Bulldog were absolute wanks when I tried to communicate with them, expect your letter to find the nearest bin when it arrives. I would certainly send it recorded delivery as well, will give you loads more leverage if the shit hits the fan.

 

[Clown]

I'm actually going to email it to them - complaints@bulldogsomethingsomething.com

I'm going to use bits of your copy Kryten, but not all of it. A lot of it just makes it look like pretentious crap. It's what I would laugh at and pass around the office before I put it to the bottom of my pile of work, if I received anything like that.

Thanks for your help lads.

 

[babs]

Oh yeah, they call me the breadman, such is my skill in being part of a sandwich.

Trem, Teeds. I'm going to go the full two rounds with you (that's four in your world trem).

 

[Clown]

Okay see if this is any better -

Dear Sir/Madam,

To: complaints@bulldogbroadband.com
From: André De La Bruton
Customer Reference: bdol
Date: 17th August 2007

I am writing regarding my Bulldog account. I require a full statement of all financial matters between us so I can see your version of our account and the monthly payments your system is incurring. I understand that I am supposed to be charged £15 p/m for both the telephone line rental and unlimited (up to) 8mb broadband plus the cost of whatever calls I make from my landline (average £0 p/m), as arranged over the telephone when settling the bill in May 2007. It appears that I am getting charged more, and I am confused as to what I am paying for.

In May 2007, I called up to settle my bill and cancel my subscription because Bulldog had suspended my service as my bills were not being paid. The reason my bills were not paid was down to a discrepancy with your system as Bulldog had made further errors in setting my direct debit, even after I had tried at least 5 times previously to set it up over the phone with your billing department. This is indicated by my billing history; every time I had to settle a bill in bulk, I gave them my details to set up the direct debit. My billing history shows that I have had to settle multiple month's bills at least 5 times since January 2006 and all discrepancies were due to an error on your part, not mine.

I was referred to your cancellation department after I had settled the bill. Your representative offered me the current package I was on, but charged at £15, to stay with the company. This new charge was meant to start after May's bill. I was also going to be credited £10 in compensation for the time I was suspended in May due to the errors detailed above. During this call I asked her to double check that you had my correct bank account details to set up the direct debit, which she confirmed.

On 14th June 2007, I received an email saying that there was no method of payment on my account and that I had to complete the attached direct debit form. I tried to contact you again by telephone, but apparently there was a problem with your system and I should try again later. I called the next day and the system was still having problems. I called up on the third day to give my bank details and enquired as to why it wasn't sorted out previously. I was told that my bank details were added to an unrelated customer's record, someone entirely unbeknown to myself. I did briefly question how this could have happened, but at the time I was more worried with correcting the payment details.

From looking at my bill online on 14th August 2007, it looks like I have been charged the following amounts:
May = £30 (£120 payment made to cover February, March, April and May)
June = £30
July = £20-£15 (£35 payment made via Direct Debit to cover June and July)
August = £20 (Not yet paid)

I want you to break down what the monthly charge for is for me. I want you to tell me exactly what I'm paying for and how much I'm being charged for it. I also want you to explain what the -£15 is for on July's bill.

I hope this matter can be resolved quickly and correctly. I have been unimpressed by the level of service received from your company and I am seriously contemplating why I should continue to accept unprofessional conduct from you. I expect further compensation for the inconvenience caused, the time wasted and the cost of the phone calls. I also expect the bills, duly paid for June and July, to be factored into the cost of further bill payments. However my foremost concern is that the above issues are corrected with immediate effect and that I am kept informed of all progress made. Only after your response is made will I be able to judge whether I will continue to use your services or if further action will be required.

I look forward to your reply within 10 days, and hope this matter can be sorted out swiftly. I am obliged to inform you that a copy of this letter will be retained for legal purposes. I will be considering further advice if matters are not dealt with properly.

Yours sincerely

André De La Bruton

 

[dysfunction]

After receiving a letter like that i would be posting pics of trees for quite some time!

 

[TdC]

I think it's about as clear as you can get it Clown, though ofc, being me, I'd make it slightly milder in tone. more of a steel hand in velvet glove thing.

however, from the letter I gather that you've already been in contact with them and basically got nothing nothing in return. in that case I'd also be quite severe.

 

[Clown]

:bazbeer:lul hAppy BARFday!! llllulll