I need more advice.

M

~Mobius~

Guest
Ok for some time now I have gone red at the mere glance of a girl. This problem is really causing problems in my life, emotionally and mentally. If a girl so much as looks at I will go completely red and they will be completely turned off. No one talks to me at work because they think I am weird or something. I have converted to pretending I have dropped something under my desk whenever a female colleague approaches me.
Is this a medical problem, or self esteem? Does/did anyone else have this problem? If so, how did you cure it? I am desperate.

Yours embaressingly(sp)
 
T

TheJkWhoSaysNi

Guest
If a specific girl looks at you.. or if any girl looks at you?

If it's the latter then... no offence but that's just silly :p
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
Talk to the 'older women' at work who you don't fancy so much, and chat about normal everyday things. Get used to talking to females, almost as if they were normal human beings (which they sometimes claim to be, don't believe a word!) then do the same with someone you fancy. I think you'll find they'll react similar to everybody else who you talk to.
 
T

TheJkWhoSaysNi

Guest
An alternate strategy: Get too pissed to care ;)
 
S

(Shovel)

Guest
If you know that you have low self esteem I would suggest that is an avenue to approach - it can do no harm to boost SE anyway.
If you don't know, I'd suggest writing down a brief "what I think of myself", fold it up and read it the next day. It's hardly scientific, but leaving it overnight can help you realise the extremes of your mood.

As to whether it's medical or not. Pretty much every emotional state can have a clinical cause, but not every. Similarly, pretty much every emotional state can have a level of severity at which point it 'becomes' medical. However, I personal don't think that it's important working out whether something is officially clinical or not for advice like this, a doctor will happily diagnose such things.
Where it matters is whether medical treatment is required (antidepressants which rebalance chemicals causing Clinical Depression for instance). There's no way you can get that straight without consulting a doctor though.

There are various self esteme focused courses out there, the specific names for which escape me - but I will try and remember to ask and find out for you.


You don't have to answer this: Is this [women] the only area of your life that you find is affected? Is the rest of your life (social and otherwise) fine? It will probably assist you to work out whether there's something bigger going on or not.


Hope that helps a bit. Critically, try and avoid getting into a panic, be as rational as you possibly can. Not an especially easy thing to do, but it's important when apraising yourself.
 
D

dr_jo

Guest
Personally I would say that it's mainly a self esteem thing, but there's other factors too. Experience plays a part too, as well as whether you fancy them or not.
I never used to be able to speak to guys who I fancied, but I'm fine with them as friends.

As for what you should do, I would try a couple of things. Firstly, you need to learn to love yourself. Or at least like youself. And I mean all of you, and that includes your personality, and the way you speak to others.

And after that, it's all about practice. Try making sure you think of the women at work as potential friends, and nothing more. It will come with time. Everything does.
 
M

Munkey-

Guest
They are human! Albeit rather a bit more ...... sensitive ....... than others.

Go talk to them, just because they look at you or speak to you doesnt mean they want to shag you (unfortunatly)

If, at the end of the day, you've made a girl laugh with you then thats your mission done! well, in my opinion anyway. Mostly i make them laugh and feel rather bewildered at the end of the day but thats normal for me.

Speak to some at school when you're working with them and the like.
 
E

ECA

Guest
Mob. I used to have this problem, it was really bad.

I just thought in my head oneday that men/women are the same apart from various dangly bits, and by and large want the same thing.

Women are not a different species, although at times it can seem like it.

I don't know if it will work for you, but extreme blushing can be a medical problem also, as well as a SE issue.

you CAN have an operation to help it, fairly low risk no scaring etc. go see your doc.

sounds more like a SE thing because when It happened to me It happened in a variety of situations, could be a teacher talking to me in class, talking to a girl, etc. etc.
 
X

Xtro 2.0

Guest
Said it before...

Ticket to Schipol Airport, train to Centraal Station, go down Damrak, second on left, Tari has moved on so ask for Ingra.

20 minutes later, years of troubles swept away. Huzzah.
 
M

~Mobius~

Guest
Originally posted by ECA
sounds more like a SE thing because when It happened to me It happened in a variety of situations, could be a teacher talking to me in class, talking to a girl, etc. etc.
Click to expand...

Same as me, teacher in class is especially bad. Or if a stranger suddenly initiates conversation with me. I will ask my doctor.

Thanks for the help.
 
M

~Mobius~

Guest
Shovel, it happens all the time. Me and a friend was playing pool and this girl was sitting near us. After the game my friend asked me why I was bright red and sweating like mad, so I guess its very noticeable. I don't mean to sound vain but it makes me really self consciousce. I was speaking to a girl once who suddenly said why do you always go red, this like totally destroyed my confidence which was slowly building up during the conversation, now I go red even if a girl says hi. It also happens when speaking to teachers of either gender, or to strangers, or if anyone looks at me directly in the eyes in fact.
 
S

SilverHood

Guest
Mobius, your answer is Beer.

It will solve all your problems.
After one too many, you will think you are Don Juan, and you can chat, dance and smile at the prettiest girl around.
And you won't go red at all.*


*Until the morning


:D
 
D

dysfunction

Guest
Originally posted by ~Mobius~
Ok for some time now I have gone red at the mere glance of a girl.....

how did you cure it? I am desperate.
Click to expand...


What you need to have is confidence. That is all. It may not be easy to get but try and eliminate your fear.


Read this for a while....it may give you some ideas...

http://www.fastseduction.com/guide/

When seeing a girl you'd like to approach, don't even try to "feel confident". Instead, think: "See that girl? I am the perfect experience for her!". Think of the way she will have goosbumps from the way you'll make her feel good
Click to expand...


There are bits of it which I disagree with but take from it what you think will work for you. Its fun reading regardless if you make use of the "advice"
 
B

bigbb

Guest
Can't say I've got any suggestions, but I admire you for recognising your problem and seeking advice.
 
K

kameleon

Guest
lie under the sunbed for too long

Then they wont notice you blushing
 
M

~Mobius~

Guest
Oh well I went a whole day without going red today, and even spoke a few words to a girl and managed to stay peachy looking. Work tomorrow though, hope I am ok. :(
 
D

doh_boy

Guest
If you subscribe to the 'face your fears' school. You could get a job in the 'service industry' I've learnt to hate most people in the world from working in it for many years ;). Seriously though working in a bar, restaurant or something like that will improve your social skills immensely..
 
Deebs

Deebs

Chief Arsewipe
Staff member
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Originally posted by Xtro 2.0
Said it before...

Ticket to Schipol Airport, train to Centraal Station, go down Damrak, second on left, Tari has moved on so ask for Ingra.

20 minutes later, years of troubles swept away. Huzzah.
Click to expand...

Know the place well..... :p

Well maybe other parts of it.
 
I

Insane

Guest
Originally posted by DBs
Know the place well..... :p

Well maybe other parts of it.
Click to expand...

so thats your other job on the side then :eek:
 
I

icemaiden

Guest
Hmm tbh in a way i'd say Xtro's suggestion is ideal. Well the theory of it anyways. Go find a nice friendly young lady and show her how lovely yer bedroom wallpaper is. It seems that once you quit worrying about the whole thing the better it will get. If you skip the whole conversation bit you might get on a lot betters.
I had a similar prob when i was younger, although i had a thing with ppl in authority. Teachers, doctors, policemen or anyone like that would make me go bright red, i'd start shaking and just generally be stressed, turned out in the end it was some sort of panic attacks i was having.
 
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