Hunt the septic tank.

W

Wilier

Guest
So, me living on an old farm, far away from anywhere, is stuck with having a septic tank, which for the last 8 years has been no trouble. The drains blocked a couple of times, but Ive cleared them with 20m of drain rod, no bother.

Until yesterday. Mrs Wil noticed the manhole cover appeared to be floating. I lifted it up (in me best Marigolds) to be greeted by a big old puddle of piss, toilet roll and pooh.:( Drain rods in hand, I attempted a clean up, but no good, the water wasnt going. Dammit, septic tank must be full. Rang a local firm to empty, 90 quid, no probs mate, just show us the cover to the tank.................:eek6: Oh My God. Where the fuck is the tank.

Using my Engineering type brain, I measured 20m in the direction that the drain appeared to be flowing and proceded to dig test holes in an attempt to locate said septic tank. 3hrs and 4 holes later, still no good. Until Mrs Wil remembered a drawing in the housey stuff file which shows the location.

She wandered around mumbling, holding the drawing and a stick and poking the ground then shouted.

"I think it'll be here" ramming the stick into the ground. Cue lots of digging and sweating, and low-and-behold, the septic tank is unearthed. Nothing in the world can prepare your nasal receptors for the onslaught of 8+years worth of human waste. Take it from me, it was a bit smelly.

I'll bring a piccy in this afternoon, unfortunatley, it wont be in Smellovision.















Im really bored, hence the long and pointless post. :(
 
S

Scooba Da Bass

Guest
I was hoping this'd be about Americans :/
 
W

WPKenny

Guest
I can, to some extent, sympathise with you.

When I was about 18 I was working in a pub that had just been rebuilt. Unfortunately they seemed to use pipes on the loo's about half an inch in diameter so they bloked practically every friday and saturday night. Most times it would just mean a good old plunge or slow, regular flushing till it went away. But it was apparent one morning that the amount of crap and tissue that was in the toilet that morning certainly wasn't going to be "slowly flushed away".

So I put the marigolds on and grabbed a bin bag and went in.

At first it didn't look all that bad, it just looked like some malicious bastard had just bunged a load of toilet paper down the pan.

So I dove in with the marigolds. It was then my nostrils were greeted with a rather hefty release of gas that'd built up from the rotten shit underneath said tissue paper. Now, I'm not normally a squeemish person but this smell actually made me retch.

So for the next 20 minutes I had to run out of the toilet, take a breath of air and run bag in and shovel as much of this multilayered shit/toilet paper mountain as possible. Not a pleasent smell.

It seemed to be burned into my nostrils for months after too. Every time I took a deep breath, I was convinced I could smell it again. EUCH!

Rotten poo is not a nice smell.
 
M

mr.Blacky

Guest
but did you wash your hands when you where finished?
 
S

S-Gray

Guest
erk, wouldnt like to have them Jobs heh

And LOL at Kennys "Wibble Cam"
 
M

Munkey-

Guest
we had septic tank. great fun playing in the garden which smells of fucking sewage :(

we had to empty it and then have it repaired as it appeard that the fucktard that had built our house had also installed the septic tank pipe wrong. oh good goody fucking goody.

sympathise with ya willier. really, i do
 
W

Wilier

Guest
Actually, I neglected to mention, that the tank is in the field next to our house, behind a bunch of tree's, so these tend to filter the smell away.

Went to have another dig around when I got up today (feckin quick turaround............RAHHHHH) but decided to go and drink coffee and eat biscuits in the conservatory instead.:)
 
J

JohnyWishbone

Guest
ok, please educate the ignorant. if you have had the tank for 8 yrs or so with just the odd 4 flush blockage.. what happens to the wastage normally ? dont you have to have them emptied on a regular basis so to speak ?

p.s I am a complete towny and dont know
 
T

throdgrain

Guest
We had a drain blocked outside our shop a couple of years ago. The smell was horrendous. Unfortunately, the 2 car dealers who had the site before us (known to us as the dangerous brothers) had in thier usual ten-bob fashion tarmac'd over the whole drive and front of the shop, covering the manhole cover. Thus the shit/bog roll/piss/other stuff had to escape where the tarmac met the road, resulting in the aforementioned shit etc pouring down the A22 in stream past the traffic lights. It was summer , and no-one was best pleased.
In the end the dangerous brothers got one of their employees to dig up the tarmac where the cover was ,and then rod the whole thing, an operation that took nearly two days.
I stayed in me office for a large proportion of that time :)
 
W

wolfeeh

Guest
lol

/me cunts self laughing.

sorry mate, that's fucking class.

that'll teach u to live on a farm
 
E

Embattle

Guest
I'm a townie too although my arse is referred to as the worse spetic tank :p
 
W

Wilier

Guest
Originally posted by Johny Wishbone
ok, please educate the ignorant. if you have had the tank for 8 yrs or so with just the odd 4 flush blockage.. what happens to the wastage normally ? dont you have to have them emptied on a regular basis so to speak ?

p.s I am a complete towny and dont know
Click to expand...

Well, I think (and obviously I cant be sure until its empty) thats its either

a; an old style thing with a weir in. So the solids stay in one side and the liquids flow over the weir and soak away. Over time the solids decompose and are carried away with the liquids. or

b; A tank thats bust.


Im betting on it being 'a' and that over time its just become blocked/full etc. Not forgetting that when it was designed, people didnt have dishwashers, washing machines etc which are prolly to much for it to handle.


Of course, all this could be rubbish I made up.
;)
 
G

Gumbo

Guest
You're not talking Rubbish, that's exactly how they work, they are also often made up of bricks with gaps in them for walls so the liquid can flow out easily....

More recently newer houses have had Large plastic tanks put in instead of the old soak away style septic tanks, these do require repeated emptying, and 90 quid a pop sounds about right for the going rate......

More recently still, people are installing things called bio-spheres which are sophisticated sewage treatment facility's scaled down to service one property. Alledgedly the liquid flowing out of these is pure enough to drink, apparently 'Mad Rod', from my local, tests his tank once a month in precisely this manner.

You are also right when you say that modern uses of old tanks often overstress their design resulting in them filling up waaaay too fast. This is both down to the increased use of water, but more importantly the amount of detergents and chemicals, (even the dye in Toilet Paper) which kills the useful bacteria which breaks down the waste.

Gumbo's useful hints.....

1. Pour in a bucket full of coalite, each tennisball size piece of coalite has the surface area of a footie pitch, lot's of area for the nice bacteria to live in :clap:

2. Place a dead Rabbit/Pigeon/annoying neighbour, into the tank, this helps to kick start the system again.

3. Shit Less....

Sorry for long post, but I think we've covered some important ground here.

Ps. Please don't ask me how I know so much about septic tanks.
 
W

Wilier

Guest
Excellent. Thanks very much for that. Im sure I can find a dead rabbit somewhere (or a badger ;) )


BTW, you appear very knowledgeable about septic tanks. How would this be?:p
 
H

Hashmonster

Guest
LMAO, look at kenny's web cam :D

wpkenny.jpg
 
E

Embattle

Guest
Originally posted by Wilier

BTW, you appear very knowledgeable about septic tanks. How would this be?:p
Click to expand...

It needs an answer septic man :p
 
W

Wilier

Guest
I spose I could always put a dead kitten in there.:)
 
C

caLLous

Guest
Originally posted by old.gumbo
Ps. Please don't ask me how I know so much about septic tanks.
Click to expand...
Sorry, but I have to.

How do you know so much about septic tanks? :|
 
W

wolfeeh

Guest
i hear...

...camazotz has some he needs getting rid of :)
 
G

Gumbo

Guest
OK, but it's not very exciting...

My Dad used to be a builders merchant and sold the damn things, plus I am also a country boy, like willier, and add that to the terrible sewage problems we have where I live, much like Willier also, and it adds up to an almost Encyclopaedic knowledge of septic Tanks, and alternative sewarage remedys.

I thank you :D
 
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