How do you go about stealing a car?

[Rubber Bullets]

OK so I don't want to actually do anything illegal, but here's the thing; some fucker has dumped their car outside our house.

It is an 'F' reg Cavalier in really bad nick with no tax and has been there for 3 weeks now. There is a full can of coke on tha back seat that is probably worth more than the car. Parking in our road is really bad at the best of times, this is making things far worse.

Just to rub salt into the wound we found out today that the council have been given the wrong number plate for it and will have to try to find its owners again before it can go on the list to be removed, and that wait is 4 (yes four) months.

Our road is short, straight and on a steep slope. At the bottom of the slope is a road and on the other side of the road is the local police station, it is sooo tempting to just smash a window, take teh handbrake off and let gravity do its thing, then they'd move the fucker.

There are also some school books in the back, from the local roman catholic school, which you can only get your kids into by going to mass, so another idea would be to hotwire it and park it in the church carpark, Sadly I have no idea how to do this, hence the (tounge in cheek honest guv) thread title.

Any advice/ideas welcome.

s

 

[Sar]

Ring your local police station and tell them there's an abandoned car outside your house.

They'll usually pass this on officially to the council, who will post a notice on the car, and after 7 days it'll get towed away.

Nice 'n simple.

 

[Rubber Bullets]

After 7 days they notify the council who put it on the list to be towed away. This is as you say, simple. Sadly this list is 4 months long, around here anyway. I really don't still want to be looking at this heap of shit in October.

s

This is exactly what we have done by the way

 

[GDW]

Go to your local filling station and buy a gallon of petrol. At about 3am go outside to the car, smash a window and liberally pour the gallon of petrol all over the inside of the car. Stand well back and ignite with a match. Run back inside and dial 999 and ask for the firebrigade. They will put out the fire and the police will have the remains removed in less than 7 days.

Make sure you have an adult with you to make sure you dont get hurt

 

[Rubber Bullets]

Now we're getting somewhere

I like that idea GDW, though the car may be a bit close to the house to risk petrol, parrafin's a possibility.

Sadly I don't know any adults though so it may be a complete non-starter

s

 

[MYstIC G]

Smash a window, release handbrake, push to nearest duck pond?

 

[Durzel]

We've had a Citroen BX parked in the car port area next to our house for about 5 years (no joke). No one has touched it. It's been there so long that the plants have actually grown around the wheels.

No one can be bothered to deal with it

 

[Rubber Bullets]

Originally posted by MYstIC G
Smash a window, release handbrake, push to nearest duck pond?

Very tempting Meg, as I said though the only place we could get it, considering that the steering lock would come on, would be through a wall and into the grounds of the local police station.

Ideal I'm sure you're thinking but we have kicked up such a fuss over this already that I imagine we would be prime suspects

s

 

[Rubber Bullets]

The council will take them Durz, if they are notified, it is just that even round here, in quite an affluent area, they get 60 cars dumped a month. Most of them no longer have registered keepers so it is impossible to do anything but haul them away, and that costs the council un-recoverable money as they are worthless.

s

 

[Gumbo]

you can break the steering lock by putting a bar through the wheel and jerking it round using the extra leverage.

 

[wolfeeh]

eh

60 whole cars a month abandoned!? a car crusher can destroy a car in 5 mins flat... (gonna watch this happen in work next week, they're bringing the dvla's car crusher to the work's car park and several cars that are to be destroyed, to entertain us (celebrating 100 years of motor vehicle registration))

council are useless plebs by the look of it...

i'd go for the handbrake off, police station option... make sure you don't get any prints or fibres on the vehicle

 

[cjravey]

I will post its location on the community notice board outside my flats. It'll be gone in sixty seconds.

 

[Tom]

Some cunt has parked a Mk1 Astra outside my house, I just got back from work and its still there, after a week. Tax ran out in April, so I'm having the fucker moved. Bastards. Why my house?

 

[Xavier]

I'd try the parrafin AND the handbrake just make sure you do it at night while the cop shop is empty and that it hits an exterior wall rather than coasting through the front doors and torches the place

 

[kameleon]

Put a padlock on it round here thats a guarantee to get something nicked. Luckily in Manchester , we have a proper council who tow cars away within 7 days (whats left of them anyway). Perhaps the local health and safety commission could get something done about it, mention kids playing on it etc.

 

[xane]

I think the "seven day rule" was brought in especially for my area, there was a road nearby that was just used as a dumping ground all the time.

I'd just move it up the road a little, then it becomes S.E.P.

 

[kanonfodda]

Phone the police and tell them you saw someone at the car early this morning, leaving a small package under the front wheel.

maybe a digital clock radio?

see how quick yo uget a response.

 

[JohnyWishbone]

I'd go for the hand brake as well..

But after several weeks I would put money on it that it's totally seized on... and the pile of crap wont budge an inch.

I would continue at the council, but maybe change tact.. get your local councillor involved. You might be suprised at the result if you start badgering those feckers. They h8 being pulled out of the pub or bookys to do some work..

 

[nath]

Does no one think that taking off the handbrake and letting it roll down the hill is a *tad* dangerous? Like, someone might get run over, it might end up rolling in to some poor bastards car etc?

 

[JohnyWishbone]

DOH !!

hes right.. scrap the hand brake idea and just ring your councillor.

 

[Trem]

I hot wired my mums Nova once, she had had it broken into and they tried to steal it, along the way they had ripped all the ignition wires out so I had to get it started for her. Can I just say Vauxhalls are soooooo easy to hot wire. The problem you have here RB is that the car probably won't start hence it being dumped there, get in it(ram a screwdriver in the key hole and twist real hard until its loose then twist the whole barrell around, Vauxhalls are good like that) sit in the seat and gently roll it across to the police station. If its still there in September when I come down I will do it for ya matey

 

[~Lazarus~]

Cant understand this RB.

When we were trying to sell our old house, someone had parked an old Citroen BX outside our door, then rtook the wheels off and put them in the back seat.

I phoned the police, the car was gone within 3 days.

Best thing you can do is let the tyres down, do the back window (and side windows ) and then phone the polive OR even phone the scrappy - he might give you money for it )

 

[Trem]

OR, do it up, put 3 spoke alloys on it(thats what thieves like) and put a steering lock on it, rest assured it will be stolen within hours.

 

[nath]

Or the cheaper option, put a piece of paper on it saying "please don't steal me"

Shouldn't take long tbh |:

 

[Wij]

Take it out for a nice meal and get it a little tipsy. Claim that your friends are using your house tonight and that you'd rather go to its house for that final coffee. Then get some more drinks down it. When it's feeling a little tired offer to take it to bed. During the goodnight kiss you should easily be able to make your move.

Next comes the tricky bit. First get it nice and worked up with 'regular moves'. Then when it's really getting excited slip a finger into the 'wrong hole.' Just fiddle around the edges first. It will feel quite like you're just playing around the area and by the time it realises what you're doing it'll be enjoying it too much. Now you need to...


Hang on - what did you want doing again ?

 

[NaveT]

Get a few of your mates and try and lift the backend of it into the road.....at this point it becomes an obstruction.

Phone the police and they will get it moved within a few hours.

 

[nath]

...back to the pavement?

 

[dysfunction]

Set it on fire and then call the police.

Tell them its burst into flames once before but you managed to out it out the last time...

 

[Durzel]

Nuke the entire site/car from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

 

[DApea!]

The DVLA are probably more effective than the Police, is it Taxed?, they'll be on it like a ton of rusty metal.

Anything for money these days.

(If you're wondering, cars _have_ to be taxed if parked on a public road).