House Sitting

[Damini]

You guys get a thread as a side effect of my chronic boredom. I am currently house sitting. It's all a bit random. A woman came into work, and we got chatting; she asked if I was losing my job, I said aye and asked if she knew of any jobs going, she said nay but then suddenly asked if I wanted to house sit for her.

Now, I took that as meaning it would be a paid job.

I turned up and found she had left me some apples.

So, here I am, house sitting a nine? bedroom country mansion type thing, and I AM SO BORED. I can't even run around the place naked and howling, as I get lost, and I haven't worked out how the heating works, and I'm worried that the door to the incredibly creepy basement I was *expressly told not to enter* will creak open, and a nest of rapist monsters will escape. I've had to download an app to play white noise at night, so I can't hear the ghosts coming out of the paintings to eat my soul. And the garden... I can't look outside the windows once it gets dark because I am convinced all the neighbours will be burning a wicker man, or having sex with a goat in order to cleave this world in two and allow Beezlebub to break free from hell.

Over active imagination + isolation + no phone reception + NO SKY TV = crazy Damini. Please, kind sirs and madams, may I have some distractions?

If you post anything scary in an attempt to be funny I will track you down and rip out your still beating heart.

love and kisses,

Damini x

 

[megadave]

How can you be bored? Surely there's loads of snooping to do?

 

[Damini]

Pfft, like I haven't done that already. I am a woman, you know.

 

[old.user4556]

Damini, for god's sake DON'T LOOK BEHIND YOU!

 

[Damini]

Damini, for god's sake DON'T LOOK BEHIND YOU!

I hope you get herpes.

 

[Damini]

*resists looking behind me*

 

[old.user4556]

I hope the guy behind you hasn't got herpes.

 

[old.user4556]

I think someone's got Damini

 

[Damini]

No. Everything is ok. I am not being forced to type this. Please go about your business.

 

[old.user4556]

I'd be too scared to just sit in someone's house. Since i'm cynical and parnoid, i'd suspect that I was being tested / watched by someone on a nanny cam.

 

[Raven]

I would be opening that basement door first. Like a big red button that says DO NOT TOUCH

 

[Roo Stercogburn]

You guys get a thread as a side effect of my chronic boredom. I am currently house sitting. It's all a bit random. A woman came into work, and we got chatting; she asked if I was losing my job, I said aye and asked if she knew of any jobs going, she said nay but then suddenly asked if I wanted to house sit for her.

Now, I took that as meaning it would be a paid job.

I turned up and found she had left me some apples.

So, here I am, house sitting a nine? bedroom country mansion type thing, and I AM SO BORED. I can't even run around the place naked and howling, as I get lost, and I haven't worked out how the heating works, and I'm worried that the door to the incredibly creepy basement I was *expressly told not to enter* will creak open, and a nest of rapist monsters will escape. I've had to download an app to play white noise at night, so I can't hear the ghosts coming out of the paintings to eat my soul. And the garden... I can't look outside the windows once it gets dark because I am convinced all the neighbours will be burning a wicker man, or having sex with a goat in order to cleave this world in two and allow Beezlebub to break free from hell.

Over active imagination + isolation + no phone reception + NO SKY TV = crazy Damini. Please, kind sirs and madams, may I have some distractions?

If you post anything scary in an attempt to be funny I will track you down and rip out your still beating heart.

love and kisses,

Damini x

PM me an email address, been ages and can't remember if I've got one for you. You'll blow milk out of your nose

 

[Damini]

I did worry at first. I mean, who the hell gives their house and car keys to someone they have only met for five minutes? I was concerned that they were staging a robbery, and needed me to house sit so that I could be a fall guy. Now I just think they wanted someone stupid enough to guard their house from burglars, and get paid in apples.

 

[Raven]

Well you write don't you?

Could be the start of a story...

 

[old.user4556]

It could be called "House sitting; a tale of herpes and apples".

 

[Jupitus]

Well you write don't you?

Could be the start of a story...

True enough, but she has to survive to be able to finis




























Sorry sweetie

 

[Wazzerphuk]

If you tread on the right (or wrong, depending on your viewpoint) floorboard, you're going straight into that basement, you do realise this?

 

[Punishment]

I would be opening that basement door first. Like a big red button that says DO NOT TOUCH

Father Ted: Flight into Terror - YouTube

Seriously tho thats bloody random, she doesn't know who you are didn't ask for any references and didn't agree payment and just handed you the keys, what a wally and im even more suprised you agreed to do it

Very very strange

 

[Damini]

Right, I'm going to bed now to listen to whale music.

P.s. You are a shower of bastards.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Whale music is actually the sound of clowns being raped in a basement, it's all an elaborate cover.

 

[Damini]

Father Ted: Flight into Terror - YouTube

Seriously tho thats bloody random, she doesn't know who you are didn't ask for any references and didn't agree payment and just handed you the keys, what a wally and im even more suprised you agreed to do it

Very very strange

I was having an impulsive day and figured it would be useful as a writing retreat. As for her thinking, I obviously have a trust worthy/gullible face.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Or one she'd like hanging above her bed.

 

[megadave]

Surely she'll pay you afterwards? Who would ask if someone has a job then offer them a job without pay?

 

[ECA]

That basement is a sex dungeon and you know it.

 

[old.user4556]

Anyone noticed Wij is awfully quiet tonight?

 

[Shagrat]

we need photos of everything in her underwear drawer, especially the really saucy stuff.

Well, when I say we, I mean I.

 

[Punishment]

Right, I'm going to bed now to listen to whale music.

P.s. You are a shower of bastards.

I wish i lived nearby so i could scare the crap outta ya haha

 

[old.user4556]

Jizz on one of her pillows.

Oh wait...

 

[Shagrat]

How long are you house sitting for. I could bring the family down for a couple of days, could do with a holiday.

I'll pick up Derek Acorah on the way.

 

[Punishment]

Surely she'll pay you afterwards? Who would ask if someone has a job then offer them a job without pay?

Think about it, they are back the house is safe you are no longer needed, some people have alot of neck and will say alright thanks cya