her male friends

[old.Tohtori]

I should also say she's stressed that they are friends and that she has picked me to be her boyfriend.

She's thinking if she SHOULD be with you or her friend?

 

[babs]

I have known her for around a year and she would never cheat on her boyfriend we have grown pretty close as friends and that is all it would ever unless god was looking down on me and blessed me with luck which aint gonna happen any time soon.

Doesn't this bit just re-inforce what the paranoid among us think? Yeah you're great friends, but given half a chance you'd be apricots-deep in her.

 

[old.user4556]

he's thinking if she SHOULD be with you or her friend?

No, what she's meaning is that these guys are her friends and nothing more and doesn't consider them boyfriend material. She's not picked me as a friend, she's picked me to be her boyfriend - not the guys i'm jealous of.

 

[tris-]

She's thinking if she SHOULD be with you or her friend?

lol dude stop winding him up

 

[old.user4556]

Doesn't this bit just re-inforce what the paranoid among us think? Yeah you're great friends, but given half a chance you'd be apricots-deep in her.

Exactly what I was thinking babs. Again, it's not her i don't trust, it's men i don't trust.

I've had female friends in the past that i would have sex with given the slightest opportunity.

 

[Aada]

Doesn't this bit just re-inforce what the paranoid among us think? Yeah you're great friends, but given half a chance you'd be apricots-deep in her.

If we were both single then yeah but i have been with my girlfriend for around 4 years never even really thought about being with anyone else.

And this friend is no exception if were both single it would be on the cards but i am not one to ruin relationships for anyone.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Well i personally could never even consider having sex with my friends.

It's just that, friendship. I have "people i know" who are "friends" that i'd shag in a heartbeat, but these are good friends and not that material.

 

[Skyler]

I can be a jealous person and I suppose the more I care about someone the more that could happen, but it's not uncontrollable.

More recently I've found that jealousy or anxiety over someone disappears if they make me feel wanted or important and valued. Even if it's a little bit, or one or two subtle things that make me feel just a little bit special, it works wonders for how I feel.

As long as she shows you in whatever way that you are her boyfriend, the one she loves etc. then I would tell you to thrive on that feeling and savour it.

If she starts fobbing you off or giving you distinct feelings like you're no longer that important or her friends are being increasingly prioritised over you, then I would start to worry and feel jealous. Not that it's a feeling you can turn on and off.

If you feel the way you seem to about her then thrive on the fact that she's yours and the biggest threat her friends pose to you is occupying her attention. But if she cares about you as much as she should, she'll definitely make you feel more important and more special than they could ever be.

I think I could explain this all a bit better but oh well, my views on this stuff are complicated

 

[DaGaffer]

Exactly what I was thinking babs. Again, it's not her i don't trust, it's men i don't trust.

I've had female friends in the past that i would have sex with given the slightest opportunity.

Wow, that one line speaks volumes about your attitude to women mate. Your implication is that somehow women have no say in the matter and simply allow themselves to be seduced. Kind of old school aincha?

I think you really need to look at the roots of your jealousy and why it affects you so much. One thing I will say from experience is that you should have a certain amount of jealousy, it shows you give a shit, but at the same time always ask yourself the question "am I being a dick?" and go from there.

 

[Lester]

My wife is about as jealous as anybody can get and it does cause a strain. I have moderated my behaviour over the years and am always careful about what I say about, say women at work, not because anything is going on, but it gets her agitated. Why do I moderate my behaviour, when I shoud just tell her to chill? Well I guess it's because I love her and want her to be happy. The jealousy she feels is more about her insecurity and feelings for me than any reall concern that I would play away. This is evidence by the fact that I'm a munter and she is not - it should be me that follows her around and checks her text message.

I think it is slightly different for men though - I had two very good friends who were girls when I was in my teens, but when I met my missus, they had to go. It's a universal truth that even though I talked about my most personal probs etc with these girls and considered them friends not girlfiends, being a man, I would have "been up to my Apricots" given a chance. So they had to go.

Although I dunno what I'm talking about really!

 

[Trem]

*texts Lesters wife*

 

[Bullitt]

its HER that you need to trust

Nail on the head there.

I used to be the very jealous type who would be the same as you are now. However one bad relationship taught me LOADS and changed everything. Now I simply don't get jealous. It was a great learning experience.

My current girlfriend tries to wind me up, she phoned me a few weeks back about some 26 year old Doctor asking her out for dinner. I just said 'nice one, wish I had some fancy pants doctor asking me out - tell you what string him along, get a house and car then i'll have them' and she loved the fact I didn't rise to the bait.

At the end of the day you can't control other peoples actions. Any number of men could hit on her and there's not alot you can rationally do about it, just put some trust in her and enjoy the experience of having something they don't.

 

[TdC]

tbh G (and Lester), imo you should speak up and try to manage to meet (not meat) in the middle ground. I'm well aware that some things us blokes just do to make the woman happy, but one's life should should revolve purely around not doing something the mrs wouldn't like or being aggravated because the mrs is doing something you dislike.

(mrs tdc does give me hell on occasion though)

 

[Calaen]

Exactly what I was thinking babs. Again, it's not her i don't trust, it's men i don't trust.

I've had female friends in the past that i would have sex with given the slightest opportunity.

I think you are being very short sighted here to be honest, as far as that statement goes, you think that all men other than yourself are rapists? Because obviously Females have no say at all when they want to have sex.

I think you are destined to be lonely mate. Jealousy is not a good emotion when it comes to relationships and no good will come from a relationship where one of the partners is jealous.

 

[Calaen]

tbh G (and Lester), imo you should speak up and try to manage to meet (not meat) in the middle ground. I'm well aware that some things us blokes just do to make the woman happy, but one's life should should revolve purely around not doing something the mrs wouldn't like or being aggravated because the mrs is doing something you dislike.

(mrs tdc does give me hell on occasion though)

I would not be in a relationship full stop if I thought my wife did not trust me.

 

[Trem]

Samm either trusts me or doesn't care

Is there love or different levels of jealousy, I can't tell the difference.

 

[MYstIC G]

"apricots"... *chuckle*

 

[TdC]

I would not be in a relationship full stop if I thought my wife did not trust me.

me either mate. I'm aware the gf dislikes some of my female friends, but I'm also aware that the reason for that is not related to jealousy in the slightest.

 

[`mongoose]

I feel guilty if another woman even cracks on to me - I'd be shit at the whole cheating thing. My wife always cracks up about it cos she knows I am a one partner kind of bloke.

I held off getting married for ages because when I did get married I wanted it to be the right person - someone I could trust and someone who would trust me, even when I found the 'right' person I held back from marriage until we'd lived together for 2 years.

I understand you trust the girl G but if you trust her, you have to trust her ability to set these guys straight if they crack on to her.

You can't have a successful relationship where you stick your partner on a pedestal and then 'protect' her or him. You end up stifling them and eventually resenting them for being so needy. I think you know the problem, and I think you're probably trying to deal with it. You don't want to let this irrational jealousy blight every relationship you ever have.

M

 

[Gamah]

To be fair my girlfriend has male friends, I get Jealous all the time in my head but I think I am being a silly twat and move passed it. I have had a girlfriend cheat on me in the past and it was not nice, however I went out and fucked some whore and it made me feel better (but thats a different story)

She loves me and I reckon she won't cheat, I used to spend so much time obsessing about it it's silly. I am getting better though, we have been together over a year but when she was at Uni I was shitting a brick every day about it lol. I am off to uni in a year or so as a mature student and I hope she can trust me. As someone posted before i'd be shit at the cheating thing, i'd do it and be racked with guilt and she would know what I had done .

I was in the exactly the same posistion as you are now, but fuck it bro..life is about living, if you get hurt it REALLY sucks but life goes on and you will get over it.

This is the line that you need to pay real attention too:

Worrying about it will put tremendous strain on your relationship and from what my girl mates have told me it will make her more likley to cheat. If you fuck around with anger and Jealously you will lose her either way.

 

[Sparx]

Nail on the head there.

I used to be the very jealous type who would be the same as you are now. However one bad relationship taught me LOADS and changed everything. Now I simply don't get jealous. It was a great learning experience.

My current girlfriend tries to wind me up, she phoned me a few weeks back about some 26 year old Doctor asking her out for dinner. I just said 'nice one, wish I had some fancy pants doctor asking me out - tell you what string him along, get a house and car then i'll have them' and she loved the fact I didn't rise to the bait.

At the end of the day you can't control other peoples actions. Any number of men could hit on her and there's not alot you can rationally do about it, just put some trust in her and enjoy the experience of having something they don't.

my ex used to do this to me too. She would say things like "this guy at the bus top asked for my number he was well fit" to which i would reply "He got a sister?"

Never take the bait

 

[old.user4556]

I think you are destined to be lonely mate. Jealousy is not a good emotion when it comes to relationships and no good will come from a relationship where one of the partners is jealous.

I know it's a problem, I admit to the problem and I'm trying to fix the problem.

I need to leave her alone during this period, I'm giving her my blind faith/trust and I'm gonna have to just suppress the jealousy.

If i don't, it will be over anyway. If I want to make this work, I need to stop and give her the space she wants/needs right now.

 

[Xtro]

Or find another bird who is more easy going.

Not being a cnut, just thinking you're rushing it and into something heavy again!

GL HF anyways, women eh...sheesh.

 

[Calaen]

I know it's a problem, I admit to the problem and I'm trying to fix the problem.

I need to leave her alone during this period, I'm giving her my blind faith/trust and I'm gonna have to just suppress the jealousy.

If i don't, it will be over anyway. If I want to make this work, I need to stop and give her the space she wants/needs right now.

What I am trying to say is you should not need to suppress it mate it should not exist :-(

Do not go creating problems there is enough of them going to creep up in a relationship anyway without you adding more.

You remind me of Dysfunction from {KEA} he thinks all new joiners are going to be wasters because the last one we had one time at band camp was a tool

I am a bit weird though so you cannot really judge anything by my own experience I have had a couple of ex g/f's cheat on me and it did not really bother me at all. I hurt for a few days but then thought fuck it I am better off without that shit. Moved on to the next one but not judging her by my previous ones efforts, you can't you gotta wipe the slate clean, you could be cock of the north for all I know, although technically speaking I am* but as long as its a new relationship you should start treating her and yourself a whole lot better when it comes to the relationship with regards to trust.






*probably not true.

 

[Xtro]

Erm Calaen...wife? Did you post you have a wife? How old are you?

Shit I thought you were about 15...

 

[TdC]

ooh and I thought you were really called Susan!

though lately I stopped believing everything Trem tells me tbh

 

[Calaen]

Erm Calaen...wife? Did you post you have a wife? How old are you?

Shit I thought you were about 15...

I am 28 29 in June and I am married for 2 years to my partner of 7 Due our first baby in July!!!!

ooooah Im just a love machine!!!!