her male friends

[old.user4556]

Yes, another Big G relationship thread.

This one is good. I like her a lot, I would even say that I have loving feelings for her. This has been going on since Halloween, so we're approaching two and a half months. We've met one another's parents, we've done all sorts together over Christmas. I'm so glad to be with someone where we're so into one another. I've been promoted; I've got a lovely car and a palace for a flat - I really feel like I can offer her the world, and I want to treat her right with the respect and love she deserves.

There is one small problem. At the moment, we can't be together; we're taking a break for a couple of months whilst she sorts out something in her life that she needs to be by herself to do (without going into detail, she gets some sort of anxiety/panic attacks - she doesn't want to fuck up our relationship with it). I've told her i will stand by her, support her and do what it takes to make it work. We've agreed to exclusivity, we stay in touch regularly via txt/phone, she considers me her boyfriend and tells me she plans on being with noone but me.

But there is something burning me up inside; the same thing that fucked up my last relationship: jealousy. She has a lot of close male friends, she texts them a lot, she sees them a lot (granted, the uni's are out over xmas so that's why). Now, I accept that she's known them for years and i can't ever change that and she's given me no reason not to trust her, but I just can't help but feel that overwhelming sensation of burning jealousy. Now, I know these guys are firmly in the friend zone, and have been for years (some even have girlfriends) - my mind runs away with absolutely absurd fantasies about what might be going on when I'm not around.

I need to sort this out, because I want to hold onto this one. I haven't revealed my feelings to her, because I know it's the path to destruction. How the fuck do i deal with this.

Does your significant other have male friends? Are you ok with it? Is this just something new i have to learn to accept? Women of the forum, do you have close male friends? How does your other half feel?

Discuss.

 

[Wij]

Dunno. My wife and previous gfs never really had close male friends. Mates, but not like their female friends by a long chalk. Never really had to deal with it then but in my experience most women get on better with other women for long periods because they have weird women-talk that bores men senseless. Some women seem to get on better with men though and I always avoided them (slightly) romantically because it might be a bit weird

Try not to get jealous but try to work out what she's getting out of having male-friends. If she's just a really matey type who hates talking about Strictly Come Dancing then I'm sure you'll be OK. If she's a bit flirty then it might be an insecurity thing and she'll do your head in. Grant her trust when you aren't there and keep a slight eye out when you are.

Women eh ?

 

[TdC]

are they close friends or do you make them close friends? now's a good chance to grow a little I guess. grant her the trust she's granting you, and don't forget to do something constructive every time you get the jealous willies.

 

[MYstIC G]

Truth is... it's me that she's fucking.

Sorry, not funny and kinda blunt I guess, but get over yourself dude or live your life shagging around.

 

[ECA]

You know it makes sense!

 

[Chilly]

http://www.break.com/index/girl_dumped_live_on_the_radio.html

 

[ECA]

http://www.break.com/index/girl_dumped_live_on_the_radio.html

Oh you fucker I just posted this in a seperate thread.

 

[Chilly]

its worth infinitely more here.

 

[Mobius]

Maybe you need to confront the reasons for your jealousy before it destroys another one of your relationships. Do you have intimacy issues or does it stem from some other deep rooted memory? Platonic friendships are the norm, especially young women in university etc. Give her the benefit of the doubt and just chill out. If it turns out she has been fooling around, at least you can say you weren't being paranoid for a reason. I mean she hasn't given you any reason to doubt her dedication to you so far, so stop being a negative nancy!

 

[Fweddy]

I know a guy who has several close female friends. His girlfriend keeps getting jealous about this. I know him, his girlfriend and his friends well enough to be certain nothing untoward is going on.

Even though these two are near perfect for each other, this has nearly killed their relationship several times. When they go out she feels jealous and insecure, he feels untrusted and resentful and his friends feel they are causing trouble or being pushed out.

My advice is learn to accept it.

 

[Ch3tan]

Try not to get jealous but try to work out what she's getting out of having male-friends.

Cock?

 

[TdC]

maybe she's a smelly-trainer fetishist?

 

[Xtro]

mngjhgjhgjhg . Sorry thats the sound of flu like shit leaving my throat.

Anyways I might be a bit blunter here than with Sharma as I feel rough.

Jealousy - BLAH FUCKING BLAH get over it. I read your post 3 times (go me), the main thing in the jealousy section that sticks out for me is "some of them even have girlfriends". Because having a partner makes a man faithful...right? Hmm!

Now I'm not trying to stir you up even more, quite the reverse. It doesn't matter if she has a million or two male friends/colleagues/whatever - its HER that you need to trust. If a guy likes her it doesn't mean jack shit if she is ok with you and you can trust her. Guys will come along who like her, they will get knocked back and might keep friends no worries. You're gonna have a long unhappy life if you can't accept this.

It doesn't have to be in a nightclub/pub/party, could be anywhere so don't get jealous over her socialising.

Male friends - my missus has loads. I have loads of female friends. 90% of my closest friends are female. She has had to deal with it and me too. Do I get jealous? yep. But I tell her about it and we talk. I don't go nuts and I don't stop her going out. If someone has come on to her I expect her to tell me. With the way she dresses and looks I expect her to get attention so you get even more used to it.

2 more things G - a) again you mention material stuff like "flat like a palace" etc. This really hasn't got anything to do with your chance of relationships being 100% secure you know. I've been out with posh birds and paupers, makes no difference to me.

b) the taking a break thing. wow, after such a short time? Hmm worrying. This far overrides the jealousy for me. I don't know the in's and out's of your relationship and don't profess to but this is a major blow imho. Again I have had this happen to me and after taking a month of "please don't call me just text me I need space blah blah blah" I thought bollocks to this and wound up what was a 7 year relationship sharpish.

Don't you think all this is very soon after your last relationship too? I think you need to slow down a bit and enjoy stuff more.

Ah fuck it one last point proving I'm a total hypocrite (sp?) - I found out a guy at my missus's work tried it on with her after her saying she wasn't interested and beat the living shit out of him. I don't recommend this

 

[Trem]

Your jealousy won't stop her doing anything at anytime if she wants to.

The trick is to try and not care, if it doesn't kill you it doesn't kill you, if that makes sense. If she goes with someone else it won't stop you from breathing and your heart from beating.

Now for my amazing advice I would like sis pics.

 

[babs]

The friends thing didn't bother me either. I mean it probably would in real life, I'm a jealous shit at the best of times, but from reading your original post there's one phrase that sticks out to me like a sore thumb.

tells me she plans on being with noone but me

Only plans?? Would it kill her to just say "I won't be with anyone else"? Maybe it's mega-jealous babs creeping out here with his girl-paranoia and a hundred other issues, but it just sounds like a big get-out clause if and when it's needed.

Taking relationship advice from me though is probably like using MJ's baby-sitting service.

 

[Trem]

Does it ease your jealousy that Emma only wants me and you but no one else?

 

[babs]

It does indeed, 2 small peens in her life make up for the one decent one she should have.

 

[TdC]

now that's true love folks

 

[MaCaBr3]

I'm the guy who boyfriends always get jealous about even when I had a gf myself at a given time, 2 of my closest friends are girls(as in 26y/o + not teenage college girls you fuckers) and their boyfriends always got jealous about me beeing so close them, but one advice to you, it's ultimately not about me, but about the boyfriends forbidden them to whatever they want, ultimately it's about trust. One advice, jealousy of the boyfriends part made if worse for the relationship. Just cope with it that a close friend is equally important to her as a boyfriend.

The only thing you have to stick in your mind is: oh well, at least i'm fucking her.

 

[Trem]

The only thing you have to stick in your mind is: oh well, at least i'm fucking her.

So am I.

 

[MaCaBr3]

So am I.

 

[TdC]

I'm filming it all!

 

[Trem]

I'm filming it all!

You may have noticed its a bit cold

 

[MYstIC G]

It does indeed, 2 small peens in her life make up for the one decent one she should have.

Quoted for posterity so it can't be taken back in future!

 

[Tilda]

G, jelousy looks at the small details. The fact she has male friends and txts them. Love or affection looks at the bigger picture, shes with you, your her bf, she presumably lets you do norty things to her, you've met her parents etc.
Keep reminding yourself to look at the bigger picture.

 

[Sparx]

i have loads of close girl mates, alot of ppl think the are fucking stunning and in a way they are, but thats weird i see them as just mates couldnt possibly get with them.

Her male friends will think the same way. Best thing to do is when you start that road of thinking do something right away that will take your mind off it. Do you have any hobbies that require concentration/though? get one if not

Women are funny when they like someone that the only person they will see. Any man could chat them up but they arent like us, they just wont be interested

 

[Aada]

Until she gives you a reason not to trust her then just bite your tongue. I have this really good girl-friend at work she is a really awsome/gorgeous girl and she adores her boyfriend we talk a lot about our relationships and she doesn't go out or mentions anything about male friends at work because her boyfriend goes into jealous mode and it goes down like a lead balloon.

I have known her for around a year and she would never cheat on her boyfriend we have grown pretty close as friends and that is all it would ever unless god was looking down on me and blessed me with luck which aint gonna happen any time soon.

On Saturday there is a guy leaving at work and she wants to go to the party (my girlfriend is ok with me going coz i never gave her a reason for her not to trust me) with me and a few other people but she can't go because her jealous BF will go into a strop and she says it simply isn't worth the hassle going because when she gets back it will be 20 questions and a shitty atmosphere.

Do not be that jealous guy who makes his girlfriend feel like she can't talk about blokes or go out in a group with men and women without you there. I'm an idiot on these forums i know but i am trying to mend my ways, i was once a jealous **** and it really does do you nothing but harm.

 

[old.user4556]

A lot of good words spoken on here, many thanks. To address some points:

b) the taking a break thing. wow, after such a short time? Hmm worrying.

Perhaps, but it's not a "lets have a break, i need space from you" - this was an issue she was upfront about that she told me a month back that she needed to sort out. Instead, we both jumped in and ran with it, everything seemed fine but she had another "episode" where she basically said "i need to sort this out on my own, otherwise i'll tear this apart before it even gets going". I won't elaborate further than that, it's not a third party issue; it's to do with her mental state.

2 more things G - a) again you mention material stuff like "flat like a palace" etc. This really hasn't got anything to do with your chance of relationships being 100% secure you know. I've been out with posh birds and paupers, makes no difference to me.

Yep, I agree. I say that more as a case of that in addition to our bond, i'm already setup for both of us to really enjoy our time together. I don't mean it as a single point for attraction.

Only plans?? Would it kill her to just say "I won't be with anyone else"? Maybe it's mega-jealous babs creeping out here with his girl-paranoia and a hundred other issues, but it just sounds like a big get-out clause if and when it's needed.

Bit too much analysis there imo babs. I should say that we agreed to exclusivity; i told her i wasn't going to be with anyone else and she said the same. It was my preceeding sentence of something like "do you still consider me your boyfriend" and she said that back.

Your jealousy won't stop her doing anything at anytime if she wants to.

Yep that's very true, although my jealousy will ruin it and potentially push her in the arms of someone else.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I'm one of those "male friends", like some others on this thread too.

Got two girls, best friends i could ask for, and their men...well...*cough*

Let's just say they do get jealous, if that's a word appropriate for silly behaviour.

What i can say is, if the male friends wanted to, they'd try and f*ck her, and then be friends no more.

She'll never leave her friends for you, and i guess that's all i can say as advice.

Live with it, deal with it, get it over with.

You guys should've seen the look on one of my "angels" boyfriends when he heard she had stayed overnight

By the way, this works both ways, and is worse with women when they hear i got two girl-friends.

 

[old.user4556]

I should also say she's stressed that they are friends and that she has picked me to be her boyfriend.