Head boxed

[Calaen]

Right once again I am in need of some Ot help. I probably just need an ear to burn.

Last weekend I went on a stag doo with my best friend and 12 others.

On the first night I met a group of girls who were locked out of their room with only towels on. There room lock was broke on both ends. Anyway they got a room next door and I climbed across the balcony to get all their clothes for them. They were very happy and so was I because I would have hated them to be stuck in on their first night because of something out of their control.

So about 3 hours later we are in a bar and the girls come in, I get alot of hero like worship and we share a few drinks. Anyway one of the girls who was an absolute beauty tells me that tonight she is going to have sex with me. Me being married I just laughed it off and carried on drinking. Anyway we all end up back in my room and we go to sleep. to cut a long story short the rest of the weekend went along without anything silly going on.

This is where I need some advice, I cant get her out of my head. I have no idea why, I declined what would have been a good experience because I know better than to cheat on my wife. But I just cant stop thinking about her. I wish I had her full name or an email addy or something. It is driving me to distraction.

that about covers it. Am I bad?

 

[Cozak]

Done the right thing if you ask me mate, hard to say no in a situation like that. Big ups yourself!

 

[old.Tohtori]

Congratulations! You're a cheating son of a b*tch.

Just like the rest of people around this world.

Only thing is, when you don't cheat, you start to miss the missed opportunity. Again, like all people.

If you had cheated, your "interest of what might have been" would be replaced by "How could i do that to my wife!". This is proven by, you not cheating. You knew it would be wrong(in your mind), so you didn't do it. Otherwise you would've cheated and not think twice about it.

It's simple really. Everything has a consequence, be the decicion whatever it may, and consequences tend to make us think.

What consequences we can live with, is dependant on our morals, way of life and other nice lil things like that.

 

[Sparx]

big grats mate you beat temptation not many would have, me personally i would rather be left with the what if instead why did i

You done the right thing.

All your doing now is thinking about the what ifs, try to forget about it

 

[Calaen]

big grats mate you beat temptation not many would have, me personally i would rather be left with the what if instead why did i

You done the right thing.

All your doing now is thinking about the what ifs, try to forget about it

Thats the thing I know I did right, cannot seem to get her out of my head, she was good laugh as well with a geat personality. I am not usually into black girls but she really blew me away.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Thats the thing I know I did right, cannot seem to get her out of my head, she was good laugh as well with a geat personality. I am not usually into black girls but she really blew me away.

Well, technically she didn't blow you

By the way, what i meant with "you're a cheating son of a b*tch liek the rest of us" is that everyone cheats, just some resist the temptation.

Cheating is basicly in our dna.

 

[Blackjack]

Well, you did the right thing.
The reason you are having trouble forgetting about this girl is that what you did is counter intuitive. Every bit of instinct and male nature is screaming out for you to do it. And since she was a pretty one to boot, your ego is having trouble letting go.
Most men doesn't often get offered sex by beautiful women they've just met. Unlike women, that can't go anywhere without getting offered dick.
The thought of the reward without the work, so to speak, is very appealing.

Just forget about this chick for now, It'll pass

 

[gohan]

sex is dirty m'kay


also had you ahve done it 1 of 2 things would of happened,

1. god would be angry an you would get some STD an ur cock would drop of or


2. your wife would find out, be angry, get a knife, and as if by magic ur cock would drop off!!!


neither one is appealing :<

 

[Calaen]

Nice to read it from someone elses words though, I have been telling myself for 3 days I did the right thing.

 

[Marc]

The problem is, you were with 12 other lads. If it happened they would of blagged. If it was cut and dried that no one would of found out, id of done it without a doubt. It seems to me, if you cant get her out of your head, you regret not bagging it.

 

[NikonL]

It's already been stated, basically you did the right thing, and it's just human nature that's preventing you from forgetting about it. The brain holds things like morals, and "right and wrongs". Most of these aren't anything to do with being human, they're not survival traits or whatever, they're just things that have been put in place by society.

Despite you saying "i can't get her out of my head" it's actually your instincts that have taken over. A woman would say you were "thinking with your penis". and then her and her girlfriends would laugh. Because things like this are apparently grade A humor to females, but that's just because they don't understand what it's like to HAVE a penis, and to be driven by instinct to such an extent.

At the end of the day mate, you've done the hard part. And you did it properly. Sure if you've shagged her you'd have had the "yeah a hot girl was all over me" bragging rights. and that would have been worth a few kudos in the eyes of a certain type of people (idiots). But at the end of the day that's pretty empty. Right now, you've got bragging rights that a hot girl was all over you, and that you weren't desperate, you just laughed it off. Much cooler IMO.

 

[old.Tohtori]

MArc kinda siad another point to what i was trying to say.

People regret everything, be it hooking up with a girl, not hook up, get a coffe, not get a coffe, go to that party or not go. People always tend to look at "what if" because the choice they made wasn't as "glamorous" as they thought.

In this case, your love and respect for your wife overcame your desire to have a wild adventure, but i'd be careful, later on in your relationship, when things ain't "that great", and since you DO think "what if" about this, you might not be so eager to dismiss it.

At the end of the day mate, you've done the hard part. And you did it properly. Sure if you've shagged her you'd have had the "yeah a hot girl was all over me" bragging rights. and that would have been worth a few kudos in the eyes of a certain type of people (idiots). But at the end of the day that's pretty empty. Right now, you've got bragging rights that a hot girl was all over you, and that you weren't desperate, you just laughed it off. Much cooler IMO.

This ofcourse also depends on how the message of "doing the dirty" would be brought to daylight.

If someone came in here and said "Hey guys, i nailed a hot chick while my dumb*ss wife is at home" and someone cheered, that would be somewhat idiotic(allthough quite normal among men).

But if someone came in and said "Look guys, i think i did a horrible thing...this and that happened and now i feel really bad. Not because i did it, but because i don't feel that bad about it. My marriage hasn't been all that lately and i dunno what to think", it would most likely get very little "you're an a-hole" replies.

 

[Huntingtons]

dunno, tell your wife how you feel about the episode?

and its nothing bad about thinking like that imo, but you should tell her it and how you feel about the "what if" etc. she might get angry or what do i know but in the end she'll have to understand

 

[DocWolfe]

Its only because you want something you can't have. You'll forget about it. Definately no point beating yourself up over it... its like when you look at an attractive bird in the streets.

Theres a difference between love and desire.

 

[Mey]

First i'd like to say congratulations, i don't know whether i'd be able to do the same thing in your situation, but then i'm not married hehe

Perhaps this episode is telling you that something isn't right in your marriage, and perhaps you should talk to your wife about it? Maybe she feels the same, i dunno without more information which is probably abit too personal for Off-topic it's hard to say anything more. I'm abit drunk so i'm rambling but bare with me.

In all i think you did the right thing, a one night stand could threaten a good relationship with your wife, and what for sex with a girl who was willing to give it you without barely knowing you - she's probably a dirty slut who'd ditch you straight away (who knows).

Also don't listen to Marc he's from St. Helens and it's a well known fact that people from St. Helens are dirtay whoores! Sorry Marc but we both know it's True! Saint 'elens for life ey'

 

[old.Tohtori]

dunno, tell your wife how you feel about the episode?

and its nothing bad about thinking like that imo, but you should tell her it and how you feel about the "what if" etc. she might get angry or what do i know but in the end she'll have to understand

Oh no no no no no no no *deep breath* no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!!!!

If offered sexor by stranger, never, EVER tell the missus. It's not a matter of trust, or that you didn't do anything, or that your "wife will understand 'cause she's my special woman".

I'm syaing this only once, ONLY ONCE....ALL, ALL women will take that information and use it as a weapon the next time you fight, and there's SH*T all you can do to counter it. It's your fault, no matter what, and YOU came on to HER when the fight day comes.

"But i'm being honest and telling the truth and i don't want to hurt her by lying to her"

Shut uuuuuup! *shakes head vigorously* I said NO!

 

[Lenore]

Oh no no no no no no no *deep breath* no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!!!!

If offered sexor by stranger, never, EVER tell the missus. It's not a matter of trust, or that you didn't do anything, or that your "wife will understand 'cause she's my special woman".

I'm syaing this only once, ONLY ONCE....ALL, ALL women will take that information and use it as a weapon the next time you fight, and there's SH*T all you can do to counter it. It's your fault, no matter what, and YOU came on to HER when the fight day comes.

"But i'm being honest and telling the truth and i don't want to hurt her by lying to her"

Shut uuuuuup! *shakes head vigorously* I said NO!

hate to say it but it really is true. if u feel like it its in your head because you think your having problems then talk about the problems. only ever mention the girl if everything is ok and do it in a ha ha its so funny kinda situation.

i mean i think its funny that my boyfriends boss hits on him, and that guys hit on him. but thats just me

 

[Calaen]

I actually told my wife the day I got back that this girl offered it up on a plate. We are comfortable enough with each other to know that we would not cross that line, especially as we are expecting our first child and we really are going well at the moment.

I sat down with her last night and told her I was feeling a bit down about the whole episode and we talked, I have woke up this morning with a little less weight on my mind so hopefully it is going to go away. Cheers for all your thoughts.

 

[Huntingtons]

cant say i know, not a woman nor been married - and i wouldnt be able to keep it for my self that i was offered sexor by chocolate beauty

 

[Tilda]

Cal, you did the right thing, but now get her out of your head. Its just a passing crush/infatuation. You're never going to see her again, and are presumably happily married, you looked but didn't touch, and now you need to move on.

 

[Bahumat]

You were offered something you should not have due to being in a relationship. You did the right thing, but because of "missing" that opportunity, you will dwell on it a little bit.

Don't tell the missus, honesty is normally the best policy, but you'll get what Tohtori said, and "oh, so you thought about it/her, am i not enough for you"

seriously, dont say a word

 

[Calaen]

You were offered something you should not have due to being in a relationship. You did the right thing, but because of "missing" that opportunity, you will dwell on it a little bit.

Don't tell the missus, honesty is normally the best policy, but you'll get what Tohtori said, and "oh, so you thought about it/her, am i not enough for you"

seriously, dont say a word

All ready spoke about it We agreed on honesty from the start and we can both take it and prefer it.

 

[Jupitus]

I actually told my wife the day I got back that this girl offered it up on a plate. We are comfortable enough with each other to know that we would not cross that line, especially as we are expecting our first child and we really are going well at the moment.

I sat down with her last night and told her I was feeling a bit down about the whole episode and we talked, I have woke up this morning with a little less weight on my mind so hopefully it is going to go away. Cheers for all your thoughts.

Spot on Cal - right thing to do, and forget about the other girl

 

[Huntingtons]

na na na na naaa na! i was right and you were wrong toh! NA NA NA NA NAAA Na!

 

[old.Tohtori]

na na na na naaa na! i was right and you were wrong toh! NA NA NA NA NAAA Na!

Yeah well, read my post again, i said "the next time a fight occurs".

Although his wife sayes "Ah hehe, that's cool and all", it's in her head, FOREVER.

I'm quite sure a snipe like "Well why don't ya find your mocca lover and go f*ck her" etc is on it's way. If she runs out of bullets that is.

Never said the "better halves" don't say they understand, or that they DO understand, i said it's like giving the enemy an h-bomb and them going "Oh tis ok, we not going to use it".

 

[Bullitt]

Oh no no no no no no no *deep breath* no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!!!!

If offered sexor by stranger, never, EVER tell the missus. It's not a matter of trust, or that you didn't do anything, or that your "wife will understand 'cause she's my special woman".

I'm syaing this only once, ONLY ONCE....ALL, ALL women will take that information and use it as a weapon the next time you fight, and there's SH*T all you can do to counter it. It's your fault, no matter what, and YOU came on to HER when the fight day comes.

"But i'm being honest and telling the truth and i don't want to hurt her by lying to her"

Shut uuuuuup! *shakes head vigorously* I said NO!

You couldn't be further from the truth. Myself and the girlfriend always tell each other stuff like this and it makes us laugh, and it strengthens what we've already got. That's because we understand you can't control the actions of other people (i.e third parties).

Further more it immediately wipes out those 'niggling' thoughts about the other person. But of course every situation is different for people.

You just come across as very naive.

 

[old.Tohtori]

You couldn't be further from the truth. Myself and the girlfriend always tell each other stuff like this and it makes us laugh, and it strengthens what we've already got. That's because we understand you can't control the actions of other people (i.e third parties).

Further more it immediately wipes out those 'niggling' thoughts about the other person. But of course every situation is different for people.

You just come across as very naive.

Generalising maybe, but most definetly not naive.

Naive would be to think that it won't happen, ever.

It's just how the women operate, they remember stuff for years to come and when backed into a corner, out come the things you thought were ok.

This does not happen to all and some couples never experience it.

I know that. But let's return to this topic in 5-10 years and you might have changed your view on this.

The point is, to an extent, why tell something that might cause a problem, when there's nothing that should become a problem.

 

[Mojo]

Generalising maybe, but most definetly not naive.

Naive would be to think that it won't happen, ever.

It's just how the women operate, they remember stuff for years to come and when backed into a corner, out come the things you thought were ok.

This does not happen to all and some couples never experience it.

I know that. But let's return to this topic in 5-10 years and you might have changed your view on this.

The point is, to an extent, why tell something that might cause a problem, when there's nothing that should become a problem.

+1

Toh is right anyone who thinks othrwise is Nieve, Maybe some have a good woman etc and have not had the headufck relationships but A LOT....MOST will crucify you like he said.

 

[Ezteq]

Well, anyone else find it a bit upsetting that these days not cheating is considered an anomaly? lol.

anyway i think you did good, don't beat yourself up about it do the old pro and con thing and tbh she might have been really crap in bed, given you a hicky or an STD, just because she seemed perfect doesnt mean she was youve gone and put her on a mighty pedastal its time to knock her off it.

first thing imagine youve just done the deed, wasn;t that great tbh and she just didnt know all the nice stuff you like, it was exciting but tbh now your feeling really uncomfortable with this other woman in your bed, if its you and your wife right now yu'd either be chatting or making a cup of tea together but now your stuck and omg oh no you really reaally need to let one rip...


right wtf do you do?? theres this ultra hot totty there and omg if she leans on your stomache once more your probably going to expload argh think think... aaah its ok shes getting up to go to the bathroom PHEW! omfg! wtf is that?? it sounds like someone choking a hyena?? "Um are you alright in there?" "eergh yeah" *hack, cough, splat, thud* "just a bit of a cough" a it of a cough??? wtf??? "Hay can I use your tooth brush i kind of yacked a bit when i was coughing" OMFG NO WAY eeeergh!! "Yeah ok np..." im sure they sell them in the lobby ill get a new one when she goes.

Next morning!

aww man that was the most uncomfortable night of my LIFE christ she must have at least 12 elbows and 32 knees, and they all dug in to me at one point in the night... oh look she's a drooler, niiiice *prod* "hellooo, wakey wakey" *snort* "Huzzahwahhfnurgh" "Um... cooeee wakey wakey time to get uuuuup" (demonic cough) *hack hack, retch* grab coffee cup by side of bed and gob in it *ting* "Aaah hi there handsome, gis a kiss" aaaaaaaargh didnt she throw up last night and im sure she just coughed up jabba the hutt! *peck* "Morning, um I dont want to be rude but I have to go out with my friends this morning, so if you wouldnt mind popping your kit on..." *the look* "Oh right i see, i get you, i was just a one night stand eh?!" "No dont try to wriggle out of it" "bu..." "Pffft!! save it your pathetic only after one thing the lot of you well thats it you bastard screw you!!!" "Um but i did say i was married..." "YOU WHAT!! i didnt hear you say that!! well then your wifes going to have a nice time while you explain those scratches down your back isnt she!" ? " Um what scratches?" *turns round* "there arnt an..." *demonic cat leap-hack-scratch* "Aaaargh!!!!" *ooze* "Those scratches!!!" *gets up, steals best shirt, flounce out of room*see! now then arn't you glad you said no! you didnt realise i was psychic did you but i am and thats what would have happened so there now you can feel better about yourself and realise that your fantasy is just based on the old bullseye "heres what you could have won" thing, once you stop thinking it would have been prefect youll realise that you actually have it better as it is

 

[Calaen]

Well said as ever