Girlfriends and Doac!

[Dandare]

Just thinking tonight at work where I'm going wrong
My problem is simple really, last year I split from my wife of 8 years which was for the best all round, there was many factors but me spending so much time playing DoaC in my old computer room definatley contributed a part I guess.
So been with my currrent girlfriend 5 months now and promised myself I would never compromise a relationship etc, and play a hell of a lot less.
I am not really playing much but when I do sometimes my g/f seems to fooking hate it and even though my computer is in the living room and I strike a converstion up with her I can feel the tension and stuff.
If theres a slight row she will remark "oh why don't you just play on your silly game".
Even worse now at weekends if I get up early to play and she stays in beds she STILL moans when she gets up!
So I'm wondering how you guys combat this problem or is it just me that has this problem
WTF is wrong with her lol, I mean it's not like I enjoy sitting there and watching shite soaps on TV all night
I don't neglect her in the bedroom and do my fair share of housework etc.

 

[Teslacoil]

i handled it with sitting down and talking to the missy , about hobbies , my hobby is my computer + games , her's is maybe watching boring soap operas , well while you watch your boring soap operas i'll play games , since that is what i like to do , if you get a negative response from that , ask her what she wan't of you that is so demanding that you can't relax with your hobby.


if everything fail's and she just doesn't wan't you to have a hobby , find a new gf , there are plenty to pick from that actually respect you for having a hobby.

 

[Hawkwind]

i handled it with sitting down and talking to the missy , about hobbies , my hobby is my computer + games , her's is maybe watching boring soap operas , well while you watch your boring soap operas i'll play games , since that is what i like to do , if you get a negative response from that , ask her what she wan't of you that is so demanding that you can't relax with your hobby.

Worked for me on the wife. She loves all those stupid hospital dramas. Also, we agreed to go out together at least once a week. Usually restaurant but sometimes just to a mall or cinema. Time difference here means many arranged raids are late night so kids not a problem for me.

Only real problem is trying to do ML's which take 2-3 hours. Usually can only do them in the summer when family are back in the UK or the Mrs is out with friends.

 

[Zegas]

Heh two past girlfriends i've had have played computers too much anyways so i've been fine :< One played DAoC too so :|

 

[Ballard]

well my GF doesnt like computer games but she understands that they will always be a very important part in my life and she knows never to try and make me choose between them and her As much as she hated ml9 marathons till 3 am in the morn she got used to it after awhile. Still on a more serious note you do need to make sure she knows that its not all computer games and you will commit time to teh relationship aswell. Gifts like watches,flowers or just nice compliments etc work best in my experience.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Girls are about levarage(sp?).

Plain and simple.

They NEED something to groan and moan about, or the relationship is screwed. I've actually heard this from "Teh Source" *60's music of shockhorror*

I had a relly, where everything was, well, perfect. Nothing wrong, ladidaa, we split up because...err...we either one didn't know why the hell we split up! It was just too easy. Can you believe that? Yeah, learned it the hard way. Too much good stuff makes the girls dull...err..boys?

Personally, i leave my girlfriend alone when i play with my toy. You decide which is the GF and which the toy, the comp or the girl *grin* Normally that is. They also need "quality time". Which means looking at NOTHING else but them.

No...playing and chatting isn't quality time...

I just don't use it. Guess i'm not hooked on games, anyway, the one i have around Teh Float now and then, likes to play consoles. She plays them, i play MMO's. And that's about it really. Things working, she's off my comp and... Another relly going to the crapper i guess...

 

[Stalkzor]

Well m8, do like me, buy her a Nintendo DS or PSP. She loves playing stupid games on DS while watching crap on TV... that's me free to play DAOC.

 

[eggy]

WTF is wrong with her lol, I mean it's not like I enjoy sitting there and watching shite soaps on TV all night
I don't neglect her in the bedroom and do my fair share of housework etc.

You've been married eight years and you have to ask questions like that...this concerns me somewhat.

Personally, with past girlfriends, I wouldn't touch a PC when they're round unless I had to. Then again, I haven't lived with any of them. If I was living with someone, sure they would have to respect my hobbies, but if I played a game more than 8 hours or so a week while permanently attached, I'd have a serious think about what I was doing.

Another one that bemuses me is people that play this game when they have kids (younger ones, ie ~2 years old). If I was playing a game instead of spending that time with kids, I'd feel like I was a bad father.

That's just me though, ofc.

 

[Case]

You play games, you enjoy playing games. It's a part of who you are and that will never change, years ago when gaming was a fairly niche activity I can understand the attitude of a lot of women, however, nowadays that is out of date.

A relationship is often about compromise but you shouldn`t feel bad about doing what you enjoy (unless it`s killing babies or something). I met a girl who was open minded enough to look at what I did and understand that I will always be playing games and nothing she could do would change that, sure I reduced the amount I played as part of the compromise but I wouldn`t give it up and she understands that would be an unfair thing to ask.

After a while she decided to try a couple of games and low and behold enjoyed it! Been married for 2 years and together for nearly 6 now and never argue about playing on the PC.

 

[elisera]

Coming from the live-in gf side of this I would agree that quality time is the key here..

We both play for around the same amount of time a week but trust me, my idea of a nice night together does not involve him playing the game while I sit and get the odd half sentence... The same goes in reverse, I wouldn't expect him to sit and watch me play all the time either. Now thats not to say we both constantly play at the same times - sometimes I would read a book or watch tv or he would go play snooker while I go on for a while but its getting a balance that works for you.

We usually have one full night a week where we don't go on the game at all and tbh thats more than enough. We both work hard and we relax by being online.

 

[Gamah]

My GF thinks daoc is sad, but I don't live with her and its not a real problem to limit my time to playing when she is not around. I don't really play when shes around, unless she has come to mine to do some work or catch 40 winks (her house is noisy) and I play a hell of a lot less than I used to. Probaly 10 hours a week max.

If I did live with her she would have to understand my hobbies and I would play the game whilst she watched the shite crap she does on telly.

 

[old.Tohtori]

After reading all the "shite they look on tv" comments, i don't wonder why they bugger you about your playing

 

[Tilda]

My last gf though daoc looked fun, just didnt have the time to play, she tolerated it, I didn't mind her going out/having her hobbies.
Ballance and communication is the key.
You have to have a balance between gaming and doing other things, especially being with your gf. You also have to communicate with her, when these times are, and how you respect her interests so hopefully she comes to respect yours.

 

[Overdriven]

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM


Yes, my experiance in the matter makes the above totally correct.

 

[Jeremiah]

Best thing to do IMO is to decided if DAOC is a hobby or an addiction. A hobby is something you do in your spare time. In no way is it something that you should have to argue your corner for, or try to "make them understand". DAOC is an extremly addictive game (I got lost in it for 3 years ) and really, if you have a special person in your life, then I would kick the game to the side.

Playing it in your spare time, or when she is watching her TV shows, is fine. But the moment you say "I'm on a ML raid, gimmie one more hour" then there is a problem because you are putting the game first and thats a dangerous thing to do. I used to mistake my GF watching TV as meaning I could play, but she'd only watch it because she was waiting for me to finish. Recognise the danger points, you shouldnt let a game take precedence (sp!) over someone you love.

I gave up DAOC because I knew I couldnt compromise. Every time I said "I'll be there in a min" it was like a punch in the ribs because I was giving the impression that the game was more important than her. Decide whats more important and aim for that, sometimes keeping both is impossible.

 

[Thadius]

Heh my ex girlfriend was into wow(she was a bit clueless I know )

Nuff said, I just got on with touching Outlander and she never knew!!

 

[old.Tohtori]

I gave up DAOC because I knew I couldnt compromise. Every time I said "I'll be there in a min" it was like a punch in the ribs because I was giving the impression that the game was more important than her.

You poor girl manipulated bastard.

That's the thing "the women" want us to believe.

You have to make points clear:

A: "It's not more important then you, but it's what i do, and when i say i need one more minute, i need one more minute."
B: "Makeup. Wait one minute. Do i NEED to spell it out?"
C: "When i say something, i mean it. There's no "hidden meaning" or a "girl hidden somewhere". I just said i'm not hungry 'cause i'm not!"

Women like to implant these little thingies in mens heads. They don't get wrong impressions, but they love to torture you when you think they do.

EDIT: By the way, women hate me 'cause i have women friends teling me women stuff

 

[Jeremiah]

You poor girl manipulated bastard.

That's the thing "the women" want us to believe.

Hehe, to some it might seem that way, but when I knew 1min would turn into 10 or 20mins (and she knew it too) then I knew something was wrong with me! If it was just 1min, then I would have been fine, but you know what its like in DAOC. A 1min task always takes longer

 

[old.Tohtori]

Hehe, to some it might seem that way, but when I knew 1min would turn into 10 or 20mins (and she knew it too) then I knew something was wrong with me! If it was just 1min, then I would have been fine, but you know what its like in DAOC. A 1min task always takes longer

Yes, that's true, in that case men are bastards

But even then you have ways to make them think it's ok

 

[Cadiva]

Coming from the live-in gf side of this I would agree that quality time is the key here..

We both play for around the same amount of time a week but trust me, my idea of a nice night together does not involve him playing the game while I sit and get the odd half sentence... The same goes in reverse, I wouldn't expect him to sit and watch me play all the time either. Now thats not to say we both constantly play at the same times - sometimes I would read a book or watch tv or he would go play snooker while I go on for a while but its getting a balance that works for you.

We usually have one full night a week where we don't go on the game at all and tbh thats more than enough. We both work hard and we relax by being online.

Ditto, although we don't always have a night away from the PCs, sometimes it will be him watching a DvD on his PC while I'm gaming on mine, sometimes I'm reading stuff on the net and he's playing.

So long as you're making time to talk to each other, do things together, whether its online or off, then you'll have a much better chance of keeping things going.
Also, be honest with any girlfriend about your gaming. Don't lie and say I only play a couple of hours a week if you're normally online 4 hours a day

I don't understand people, either male or female, who think that gaming is a 'lesser' persuit than sitting in front of a bloody television though, specially if they're watching all those reality TV shows and soaps.

 

[Lamp]

History can teach us a lot.

Take your neolithic cave man.

If he got any grief off the misses, your man just whacked her over the head with a wooden club. Problem solved.

 

[Job]

It's not really DAOC that's the problem, it's women and their built in abilty to moan about EVERYTHING!

Think of how many things your GF moans about where as in the same situation you wouldn't dream of complaining.

Would you ever say to the chick..

'You scruffy twat'
'That looks fuckin stupid I'm not going out with you dressed like that'
'That hobby of yours is sad, why don't you get a life'
We're going to my mothers and thats the end of that'
'Getoff you dirty get, all you think about is sex'

No you wouldnt , would you.

It's a cultural thing, chicks moan, men put up with it to keep the peace and keep getting laid.

 

[Thadius]

It's a cultural thing, chicks moan, men put up with it to keep the peace and keep getting laid.

That should be in the bible, its a fact of life!

 

[Mybuddies]

My wife likes soaps/trashy TV. I like Daoc.

So I don't play until the kids are in bed and she is happily in front of the telly.

From time to time when she wants to watch something on telly I like, we watch it together.

Wives/gfs are fine with you playing (I have found) as long as they have something to do too. Its when they sit around bored, feeling lonely and 2nd to a game the trouble starts. That's when you need to sacrifice some gametime.

Oh, and getting up 1st thing while your wife/gf is still in bed really pisses them off. I've tried it.

My 2 cents hope it helps.

 

[elisera]

I don't understand people, either male or female, who think that gaming is a 'lesser' persuit than sitting in front of a bloody television though, specially if they're watching all those reality TV shows and soaps.

No suprise that I agree with you totally there Cad! I get so many strange looks from other females I know (friends AND family) that think it is so antisocial for me to sit and play a game while they sit and stare at that box in the corner totally silent... The fact that I am on Vent/in game talking to dozens of different people all over the world doesn't factor into it at all! How many new friends have they made from watching Coronation Whine?..

It's not really DAOC that's the problem, it's women and their built in abilty to moan about EVERYTHING!

Think of how many things your GF moans about where as in the same situation you wouldn't dream of complaining.

Would you ever say to the chick..

'You scruffy twat'
'That looks fuckin stupid I'm not going out with you dressed like that'
'That hobby of yours is sad, why don't you get a life'
We're going to my mothers and thats the end of that'
'Getoff you dirty get, all you think about is sex'

No you wouldnt , would you.

It's a cultural thing, chicks moan, men put up with it to keep the peace and keep getting laid.

And not ALL girls moan like that!! I tend to weigh up whether something is worth arguing over before I open my mouth and 99 times out of 100 its not so I keep my mouth shut and let him get on with it if it keeps him happy. I'm not with him to change him... If I did I wouldn't like him half as much!

 

[Commandment]

'You scruffy twat'
'That looks fuckin stupid I'm not going out with you dressed like that'
'That hobby of yours is sad, why don't you get a life'
We're going to my mothers and thats the end of that'
'Getoff you dirty get, all you think about is sex'

i havent and have never had a G/F like that! if i did she would have been kicked to the kerb quicker than thadius's pants when he see's outlander!

ye its all about balence, i got the whole computer talk a couple of times from her. but ive never said oh we cant do this <ie go cinema or what not> because of set group or ml raid. its just stupid RL comes first over IG!.

There will allways be more ml raids / Groups. But she sure as hell wont allways be there :>

 

[cHodAX]

Never put your life on the back burner for a game, if you do then you are on the fast track to ending up a lonely old man. There are very few women who will understand or accept the amount of time an average DAoC player puts in, women are generally much more social creatures than men and they don't like coming second to anything in a relationship. So, you need to decide your priorties. If you think this relationship is going anywhere then I suggest you cut your playing time back to no more than 10 hours a week and make her aware of your sacrifice. Then get out there and enjoy life a little, trust me it can be just as addictive as DAoC.

 

[DocWolfe]

women are just attention seeking, they need constant reassurance because they lack confidence about themselves, a couple of slaps to the ground usually sorts them out.

 

[cHodAX]

women are just attention seeking, they need constant reassurance because they lack confidence about themselves, a couple of slaps to the ground usually sorts them out.

Old Casanova there ^^

 

[[HB]Jpeg]

i Think i got lucky... My gf Doesnt lik my Game but she understands its what i enjoy to do. dont get me wrong i dont sit here all evening on comp.. because the end of the day ..

My family >>> DAOC

my gf works days and i work from home ussually in the evenings. so i tend to play daoc in the daytime or when she is out. if she goes shopping i know i got a cple of hours minnimum ingame. and cos she works early she tends to be asleep 10-11pm so i see to her needs from when she home from work till she asleep .. other than that i tend to be ingame or working myself.


i think the main thing is.... is ti let her know you love her more than daoc .. and as said above try make em realise its something that you enjoy and love as your hobby. but it will always be 2nd to her and the rest of the family .


i feel very sorry for those who when u do /stats <name here> and you see em on a load of rp's . but there online time is 9+hours . because that means those people are either out of work.. have no gf etc etc ... and when it comes to having a real life.. they are gonna struggle to cope with the day 2 day running of a house with a family in it.and thats when the problems arise when they cant see they play TO MUCH daoc and its effecting there relationship.

the main poster that says he sits on his comp playing his game .. whilst at same time having a conversation with his gf. Thats wrong imo... cos im sure you dont listen to everything she says and are constantly saying "1 sec darling im in a fight" or "Sorry darling say that again i didnt hear you cos the troll whacked me and i had to fight him" .. and im sure she gets the feeling that you more interested in your game than her. she aint stupid im sure and see's those small lil things... so can ya blame her for hating daoc and getting pissed of when she turns around on sofa and see's you playing it.


when i 1st moved in with my gf .. i stressed it to her.. at times i like to have some "me" Time .. where i can do summin on my own and not have the hassle of her or kids on my back. and during that "me" time i play daoc... altho not all time soemtimes i might go upstairs n watch a film ive downloaded.. or piss about surfing the net. but because we spoke about it early in our relationship she understaands that everybody needs some time to themselves sometimes. hence our relationship with my gf and daoc is pretty much solid.

i do get a tad pee'd off sometimes i cant join a set grp my /gu are building etc etc cos i cant commit to specific times etc etc... but i dont mind either cos as said above the end of the day..

REAL life and my Family are far far more important than a Online Game.