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SFXman
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- Thread starter
- #31
lol! Man I have to go search for more hilarious ones...
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Sharma
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- Thread starter
- #32
[02:42] <Bazerka> weev?
[02:43] * Bazerka throws sprouts at weevil
[02:46] <weevil> hi
[02:46] <weevil> STOP THROWING SPROUTS
[02:43] * Bazerka throws sprouts at weevil
[02:46] <weevil> hi
[02:46] <weevil> STOP THROWING SPROUTS
S
SFXman
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- Thread starter
- #33
We want more! We want more! We want more!
Just read some of these....
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
Hehe...
# Customer: "When I touch the sound card board at the back of my PC, I can feel electric current."
# Tech Support: "Then don't touch it."
---------------
* Customer: "Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton."
* Tech Support: "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that problem."
I did call him back and helped him fix his problem. He didn't complain about my response, but he did get members of the department asking for a while afterwards if he'd fixed his "other" problem.
---------------
I used to work as a salesman in a computer shop. About five minutes before closing time a customer came in. He was quite a frequent visitor and usually also quite an annoying one. This time he wanted a parallel cable to go from the computer to the printer switchbox. He got it and left. About ten minutes after our closing time, the telephone rang. I picked it up, and sure enough, it was this customer, angry and insisting that I had sold him the wrong cable. I was convinced I hadn't, so I asked him what kind of connectors he needed.
* Him: "Female 25-pin on one end, and Male 25-pin on the other."
* Me: "Yeah, ok, and what do you have? Vice versa?"
* Him: "Erm...hmm...that would be all." (click)
LOL ^^
-----------------------------
# Tech Support: "Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?"
# Customer: "Yes."
# Tech Support: "All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?"
# Customer: "How?"
# Tech Support: "Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer."
# Customer: "Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?"
# Tech Support: "Um yes, that might be an idea."
--------------------------------
# Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?"
# Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me."
# Tech Support: "Oh, it's me too." [chuckle]
# Customer: "No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e."
# Tech Support: "Oh, sorry."
--------------------------
LOL!
# Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?"
# Customer: "No, I'm alone right now."
------------------------------
# Tech Support: "May I ask who's calling, please?"
# Customer: "You're joking."
# Tech Support: "No, I need to know so I can log the call. What's your name, please?"
# Customer: "You're joking!"
# Tech Support: "No, really! I need to know."
# Customer: "No...." (chuckles) "My name is Yuriy Jokin. I'm Russian. I know what my name means in English. It's very confusing!"
------------------------
Man those are funny... the Tech Support ones...
Just read some of these....
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
Hehe...
# Customer: "When I touch the sound card board at the back of my PC, I can feel electric current."
# Tech Support: "Then don't touch it."
---------------
* Customer: "Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton."
* Tech Support: "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that problem."
I did call him back and helped him fix his problem. He didn't complain about my response, but he did get members of the department asking for a while afterwards if he'd fixed his "other" problem.
---------------
I used to work as a salesman in a computer shop. About five minutes before closing time a customer came in. He was quite a frequent visitor and usually also quite an annoying one. This time he wanted a parallel cable to go from the computer to the printer switchbox. He got it and left. About ten minutes after our closing time, the telephone rang. I picked it up, and sure enough, it was this customer, angry and insisting that I had sold him the wrong cable. I was convinced I hadn't, so I asked him what kind of connectors he needed.
* Him: "Female 25-pin on one end, and Male 25-pin on the other."
* Me: "Yeah, ok, and what do you have? Vice versa?"
* Him: "Erm...hmm...that would be all." (click)
LOL ^^
-----------------------------
# Tech Support: "Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?"
# Customer: "Yes."
# Tech Support: "All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?"
# Customer: "How?"
# Tech Support: "Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer."
# Customer: "Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?"
# Tech Support: "Um yes, that might be an idea."
--------------------------------
# Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?"
# Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me."
# Tech Support: "Oh, it's me too." [chuckle]
# Customer: "No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e."
# Tech Support: "Oh, sorry."
--------------------------
LOL!
# Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?"
# Customer: "No, I'm alone right now."
------------------------------
# Tech Support: "May I ask who's calling, please?"
# Customer: "You're joking."
# Tech Support: "No, I need to know so I can log the call. What's your name, please?"
# Customer: "You're joking!"
# Tech Support: "No, really! I need to know."
# Customer: "No...." (chuckles) "My name is Yuriy Jokin. I'm Russian. I know what my name means in English. It's very confusing!"
------------------------
Man those are funny... the Tech Support ones...
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Eliz
Guest
- Thread starter
- #34
#2456 +(426)- [X]
<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rofl
<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
rofl
T
Testin da Cable
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- Thread starter
- #35
Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.
Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
tech support kills!
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
Customer: "Oh."
Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
Customer: "Why?"
Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
Customer: "Ok."
I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.
Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."
Pause.
Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
tech support kills!
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SFXman
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- Thread starter
- #36
TdC, hehe... that one is ridiculous. I remember reading it thinking the person has the worst case of ADD and suffers from loss of short-term memory.
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healer_mcheal
Guest
- Thread starter
- #37
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
lol
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
lol
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SilverHood
Guest
- Thread starter
- #38
it's funny cos it's true...
try working in customer support and see
try working in customer support and see
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Sharma
Guest
- Thread starter
- #39
Give more quotes!
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Garnet
Guest
- Thread starter
- #40
rofl
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Sharma
Guest
- Thread starter
- #41
anymore people?
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Tilda
Guest
- Thread starter
- #42
Customer: "I can't do this button right."
Tech Support: "Come again?"
Customer: "I can't do this button on the screen. It says I have to click on this button, but I can't seem to figure it right."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, exactly how are you trying to click on the screen?"
Customer: "Well, I'm pressing the button on the screen with the mouse thing."
Tech Support: "Wait a second -- are you touching the screen?"
Customer: "Of course! I'm pressing the mouse thing on the button!"
The client was physically touching the screen with the mouse. I had her put her poor mouse down onto its mouse pad and vainly tried to explain to her the relationship between mouse and cursor. She didn't get it. It was like a video game that was too hard for her.
Tech Support: "Move the cursor onto the button that says 'Next'."
Customer: "Ok...ok...come on, move over there...come on come on comeoncomeoncomeon...DAMMIT, I went past it! Ok, get back there, come on you stupid thing...come one...OK! OK, I GOT IT ON THERE! IT'S ON THE BUTTON!!!"
Tech Support: (face in hands) "Now press the button on the mouse.
Customer: "Nothing happens."
Tech Support: "Are you pressing the right button or the left button?"
Customer: "How am I supposed to know which one is the right one to press?"
Tech Support: "Not right as in 'correct;' right as in 'the opposite of left.'"
Customer: "Oh. Yes, I'm pressing the right one."
Tech Support: "You need to press the left one."
Customer: "But I'm left-handed, and I want to press the other one
Tech Support: "Come again?"
Customer: "I can't do this button on the screen. It says I have to click on this button, but I can't seem to figure it right."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, exactly how are you trying to click on the screen?"
Customer: "Well, I'm pressing the button on the screen with the mouse thing."
Tech Support: "Wait a second -- are you touching the screen?"
Customer: "Of course! I'm pressing the mouse thing on the button!"
The client was physically touching the screen with the mouse. I had her put her poor mouse down onto its mouse pad and vainly tried to explain to her the relationship between mouse and cursor. She didn't get it. It was like a video game that was too hard for her.
Tech Support: "Move the cursor onto the button that says 'Next'."
Customer: "Ok...ok...come on, move over there...come on come on comeoncomeoncomeon...DAMMIT, I went past it! Ok, get back there, come on you stupid thing...come one...OK! OK, I GOT IT ON THERE! IT'S ON THE BUTTON!!!"
Tech Support: (face in hands) "Now press the button on the mouse.
Customer: "Nothing happens."
Tech Support: "Are you pressing the right button or the left button?"
Customer: "How am I supposed to know which one is the right one to press?"
Tech Support: "Not right as in 'correct;' right as in 'the opposite of left.'"
Customer: "Oh. Yes, I'm pressing the right one."
Tech Support: "You need to press the left one."
Customer: "But I'm left-handed, and I want to press the other one
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Tilda
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- Thread starter
- #43
Tech Support: "Hello, tech support, may I help you?"
Customer: (in a thick Russian accent) "Yes. Monitor is working fine but has sparks and smoke flying out back. Is ok?"
Tech Support: (blink)
========================
Tech Support: "Hello, tech support, can I help you?"
Customer: (slowly) "Oohh." (pause) "I think I did a bad thing."
Tech Support: "Ok, so tell me what's up."
Customer: "Well, my computer was running great. Everything was working fine, I had no problems whatsoever."
Tech Support: "Ok..."
Customer: "So I decided to open it up and have a look inside. I saw all these wires dangling all over the place. There were grey flat ones, and small red, black, and yellow ones, and it seemed like they weren't connected to anything. So I decided to plug them all in."
Tech Support: "Um, you mean you plugged them all in? What did you plug them into?"
Customer: "Well, whatever I could get them to connect to. I saw pins sticking off of some of the boards that didn't have anything on them, so I plugged all the loose wires in to make it run better."
Tech Support: "And then you..."
Customer: "And so I plugged them all in, and I hit the power button, and there was this loud bang and a flash and a puff of smoke. Now it doesn't work at all."
Tech Support: (suppressing all emotion and turning deep crimson) "Can you hold for a minute, please?"
==================
At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."
Customer: (in a thick Russian accent) "Yes. Monitor is working fine but has sparks and smoke flying out back. Is ok?"
Tech Support: (blink)
========================
Tech Support: "Hello, tech support, can I help you?"
Customer: (slowly) "Oohh." (pause) "I think I did a bad thing."
Tech Support: "Ok, so tell me what's up."
Customer: "Well, my computer was running great. Everything was working fine, I had no problems whatsoever."
Tech Support: "Ok..."
Customer: "So I decided to open it up and have a look inside. I saw all these wires dangling all over the place. There were grey flat ones, and small red, black, and yellow ones, and it seemed like they weren't connected to anything. So I decided to plug them all in."
Tech Support: "Um, you mean you plugged them all in? What did you plug them into?"
Customer: "Well, whatever I could get them to connect to. I saw pins sticking off of some of the boards that didn't have anything on them, so I plugged all the loose wires in to make it run better."
Tech Support: "And then you..."
Customer: "And so I plugged them all in, and I hit the power button, and there was this loud bang and a flash and a puff of smoke. Now it doesn't work at all."
Tech Support: (suppressing all emotion and turning deep crimson) "Can you hold for a minute, please?"
==================
At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.
Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."
Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."
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Sibanac
Guest
- Thread starter
- #44
This happend to me
on dark night i am working alone in a dark server room samewhere in brussels, sudenly loads of red things begin flashing on my dark screen,
After a few quick checks i conclude that we lost all our internet conctions.
So I call our network helpdesk in Houston Texas
<ME> Hello, i am calling from the brussels datacenter we lost all our internet connections, can you check it out please.
<helpdesk> You need to send us an email with your problem
<ME> *sigh* I cant , we lost network here
<helpdesk> We'll we cant do anything without a mail
<ME> OK, well how am i suposed to send you a mail ?
<helpdesk> explains me how to start outlook ect ...
<ME> listen verry carefully I cant send a mail because the network connection died on us i am calling you to fix it, if i send you a mail now you will get it when it is fixed, by that time i dont need your help anymore
<helpdesk> ok en when do you think it will be fixed ?
after that i hang up and called again, got another chap on the line with a brain
on dark night i am working alone in a dark server room samewhere in brussels, sudenly loads of red things begin flashing on my dark screen,
After a few quick checks i conclude that we lost all our internet conctions.
So I call our network helpdesk in Houston Texas
<ME> Hello, i am calling from the brussels datacenter we lost all our internet connections, can you check it out please.
<helpdesk> You need to send us an email with your problem
<ME> *sigh* I cant , we lost network here
<helpdesk> We'll we cant do anything without a mail
<ME> OK, well how am i suposed to send you a mail ?
<helpdesk> explains me how to start outlook ect ...
<ME> listen verry carefully I cant send a mail because the network connection died on us i am calling you to fix it, if i send you a mail now you will get it when it is fixed, by that time i dont need your help anymore
<helpdesk> ok en when do you think it will be fixed ?
after that i hang up and called again, got another chap on the line with a brain
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Teh Krypt
Guest
- Thread starter
- #45
Wonder if I can work somewhere like that as work expreiance?
God That would be fun.
God That would be fun.
O
old.Tohtori
Guest
- Thread starter
- #46
Personal experience with our company tech guy:
<Me>: Hey, mail isn't seem to be working.
<Tehcie>: Yeah i know.
<Me>: You fixing it?
<Techie>: Yeah i sent everyone a mail about it.
<Me>: ....
<Me>: Hey, mail isn't seem to be working.
<Tehcie>: Yeah i know.
<Me>: You fixing it?
<Techie>: Yeah i sent everyone a mail about it.
<Me>: ....
O
old.0xygen
Guest
- Thread starter
- #47
/afk tornado
good old bash.org
good old bash.org
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Sharma
Guest
- Thread starter
- #48
lol