Funerals and respect.

[Zebolt]

I came into a discussion with my cousin last night and I feel like someway I hurt his feelings even though I feel I'm right. I would like to know what some of you guys think.

His mother passed away a few days ago (which I were fairly close to) and we were talking about her funeral. I said I would go for him if he wanted me to but I personally don't need to go to a funeral to say good bye or remember someone. I don't think ppl should have to go to funerals just cuz' they have to show respect to the living relatives. In my oppinion it should be a ceremony for ppl who feel the need for it for some kind of closure or whatever they feel at funerals. Just cuz' someone doesn't go to a funeral doesn't mean they loved the person any less or have a lack or respect. Some ppl just have other ways to say good bye.

As I said to my cousin, I will go the funeral if you want me there, cuz' I don't want to upset him. I love him alot, but personally I don't feel the need for a funeral to pay my respects and to say good bye. I've done that inside my head several times already by thinking about how much I miss her.

What's your thoughts on this?

 

[Mey]

If you can go and it won't be painful for you just do it.

I find nothing sadder than a funeral with hardly anyone there.

 

[Cerb]

Yeah what mey said plus personaly ive always viewed funerals as much a show of suppport for those left alive when they have lost someone as a goodbye to the dead

 

[megadave]

Yeah what mey said plus personaly ive always viewed funerals as much a show of suppport for those left alive when they have lost someone as a goodbye to the dead

This

 

[Zebolt]

Yes, I will go, for him. But I just feel it's crap that our society have made such a huge thing about the funerals. I don't wanna feel like I should have to go just cuz' I know half my relatives will hate me for not going. I think it should be totally optional, everyone deals with death differently.

I would like to stand my ground and don't go just to prove my point. But I realize this is not the time for this and I won't but it upsets me that I should have to feel that I have to go.

 

[Mey]

Man up for god sake.

 

[Cadelin]

He is not asking you to get up and make a speech about his mother, he just expects you to attend his mother and your aunts funeral.

There are two reasons to go to a funeral.
1) To say a final goodbye to the deceased.
2) To support those people who are saving goodbye.

Fine you might not feel that you need to go to a funeral to say goodbye but your cousin expects you to be there. The dead person doesn't care who turns up to their funeral, its the living relatives that do and you are clearly offending them by saying that you care enough about them to go.

 

[Mikah75]

I agree completely. I go to family members as I don't really have a choice without a huge argument breaking out and making it even more upsetting for my close family which isn't something I would do when they are already greaving.

Last year my grandfather passed away and I went all the way to scotland for the funeral even though I had a huge end of year assignment due, but then everyone asked if I would read out all this stuff from the bible about how my grandad was passing through the afterlife and joining God of which I said no. I'm a devout athiest and reading something so putrid to my beliefs will never happen, it upset them and angered them but they soon forgot thankfully but still wasn't nice to do.

Just go and don't mention again that its for him, even if you are.

 

[Huntingtons]

Yes, I will go, for him. But I just feel it's crap that our society have made such a huge thing about the funerals. I don't wanna feel like I should have to go just cuz' I know half my relatives will hate me for not going. I think it should be totally optional, everyone deals with death differently.

I would like to stand my ground and don't go just to prove my point. But I realize this is not the time for this and I won't but it upsets me that I should have to feel that I have to go.

the thing is, its a gesture of respect. 1 thing is to say it, another thing is to do something. Like shaking hands with aquientances (sp?). Why do you need to do it? to show the person you're not feeling superior to him and show him the correct respect.

 

[Sparx]

yeah i think same as most here, the funeral isnt just about your feelings, its about supporting the people left behind aswell as saying your farewells. Remember you dont get another chance after that, and you may regret not doing so in years to come

 

[Zenith.UK]

It's a no-brainer for me. If it's family, you go.
It doesn't matter if you want to be there or not. You go.
It's better to go and not be needed by someone grieving, than needed and not go.

I had to take care of my father-in-law's funeral arrangements because my wife was in no state to sort it all out. I was at the funeral to say goodbye to him, but mainly to support my wife.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Personally know what you're saying, even if i'm probably just "making an argument mewmewmew".

I don't feel the need to attend funerals, i don't mind death even, never been a big deal for me if someone does go.

I try my best to respect and remember people when they're alive, if they die, well, i'll say hi if/when the time comes and if/when there's the after-death meet.

But i would go, not to show respect or to say final goodbyes, but to be there if someone happened to need my support. Don't take it as an obligation, take it as a possibility to show support to those who are living.

 

[Mey]

I see it as a way of showing other people that the person who died meant something to you, and people draw comfort from the fact that someone they loved meant something to someone else too.

 

[Thorwyn]

As I see it, it´s not neccessarily a matter of respect for the one who died. It´s more a matter of "I´m with you" for those who are left behind.
Your cousin is in a state of mourning and he´s looking for every little bit that might help him ease his pain. Bringing your own mother (or any close relative) to the grave is a hard thing to do. You want people to be there and share your loss. I could write a lot more on that matter, but I`ll stop here.
My recommendation is: do it for your cousin, not for his mother.

 

[Amanita]

I think that you should go to show support for your friend.

 

[fettoken]

I came into a discussion with my cousin last night and I feel like someway I hurt his feelings even though I feel I'm right. I would like to know what some of you guys think.

His mother passed away a few days ago (which I were fairly close to) and we were talking about her funeral. I said I would go for him if he wanted me to but I personally don't need to go to a funeral to say good bye or remember someone. I don't think ppl should have to go to funerals just cuz' they have to show respect to the living relatives. In my oppinion it should be a ceremony for ppl who feel the need for it for some kind of closure or whatever they feel at funerals. Just cuz' someone doesn't go to a funeral doesn't mean they loved the person any less or have a lack or respect. Some ppl just have other ways to say good bye.

As I said to my cousin, I will go the funeral if you want me there, cuz' I don't want to upset him. I love him alot, but personally I don't feel the need for a funeral to pay my respects and to say good bye. I've done that inside my head several times already by thinking about how much I miss her.

What's your thoughts on this?

I agree. I don't think you should go just because someone is pressuring you to go, or because of social standards.

 

[Mey]

No wonder the world is so messed up nobody has a sense of duty anymore.

 

[Bahumat]

I think it makes perfect sense why you dont want to go, but that person will appreciate you being there. Being surrounded by the people you love takes the edge off it so I think yiour cousin would really appreciate it.

I got the giggles at my nan's funeral with my younger brother. We felt bad because everyone was crying I also never cried and felt bad about that, but everyone deals with things differently.

 

[old.Tohtori]

No wonder the world is so messed up nobody has a sense of duty anymore.

Well i agree on the "shouldn't be forced" part. Duty is no duty unless it is something you MUST do.

It's polite, friendly, nice to go to a funeral you don't want to, but it is NOT a duty.

 

[Bahumat]

Well i agree on the "shouldn't be forced" part. Duty is no duty unless it is something you MUST do.

It's polite, friendly, nice to go to a funeral you don't want to, but it is NOT a duty.

Post time copier!

 

[Gwadien]

Surely the idea of a funeral is for the loved one of who died, to show that they did suceed, and have friends in real life? - and exchange happy stories about the person, celebrating the persons life, not their death?

I've always said, you'll regret it if you don't go, and also, true fact for my family, probably true for others; we only meet all the cousins etc, at funerals really :|

 

[fettoken]

Personally. I would not regret not going to a funeral of a family member / cousin. I would rather remember them as they were, than go on a funeral and dwell on it any further.

 

[- English -]

He probably needs you there. When my neph died I was lucky to have some great friends at the funeral with me. They hardly knew him, though they came for me which Ill always respect them for.

 

[tierk]

I lost my younger brother when he was 22 years old. On the 40th day after his death we had a "service" at the mosque. Over 800 people showed up (Musim, Christian, Jewish as well as atheist) to share in our grief and to also pay their respect to my late brother.

It was one of the most moving things i have ever experienced and it was just amazing to know that so many people cared about me, my familly and my late brother and it is one of the only good things that i can take away from what was otherwise one of the worst years i have every had.

Going to a funereal is all about showing support, love and a willingness to be there for others in their time of need and she was your aunt as well after all.

 

[Gwadien]

I lost my younger brother when he was 22 years old. On the 40th day after his death we had a "service" at the mosque. Over 800 people showed up (Musim, Christian, Jewish as well as atheist) to share in our grief and to also pay their respect to my late brother.

It was one of the most moving things i have ever experienced and it was just amazing to know that so many people cared about me, my familly and my late brother and it is one of the only good things that i can take away from what was otherwise one of the worst years i have every had.

Going to a funereal is all about showing support, love and a willingness to be there for others in their time of need and she was your aunt as well after all.

Last time I had RE, only Muslims we're allowed in mosques or was that Sikh temples? :|

 

[Mey]

As long as you respect the rules of the Mosque i'm pretty sure anyone can go in.

 

[tierk]

Last time I had RE, only Muslims we're allowed in mosques or was that Sikh temples? :|

I have never known there to be an issue about people going to mosques so long as you follow the rules. Having said that i know that many westerners here in Qatar are scared to try and go and see mosques - from the inside - as they are scared something will happen, not that anything has ever happened it is just peoples perception.

 

[old.Tohtori]

I have never known there to be an issue about people going to mosques so long as you follow the rules. Having said that i know that many westerners here in Qatar are scared to try and go and see mosques - from the inside - as they are scared something will happen, not that anything has ever happened it is just peoples perception.

See kids? This is how the evil musilimims get you and then they EAT you!

 

[Hawkwind]

Only one Mosque in Dubai allows non muslims in, that is Jumeirah Mosque and only for guided tours which explain the religion and what it means to be a muslim. Its a very good tour for anyone comming this way.

There are famous Mosques like the Blue Mosque in Istanbul which are very welcomming but in general you can't just go in to any mosque and take a look see.

 

[Uara]

Yeah it was like that when I visited Morocco, very few Mosques there would allow non-muslims inside them. I think one of the largers one did at a certain time but apart from that you generally weren't able to see inside.