Rant Freedom in a long term relationship?

[tris-]

But there is nothing nicer than being so close to someone and watching them grow and vice versa.

then i guess its down to what works best for the individual in question.
for the time being what works for me is being selfish and doing exaxctly what i want. and why shouldnt i!

i currently have no need for intimacy and equally i dont think i could be bothered having to try cater for someone elses needs.

 

[elisera]

but cannot you also not see the benefit of that quote?

add to that, you can share achievments with friends without the same level of time commitment.

Sharing achievements with friends is always good, I agree, but as I have never saw putting time into my relationships a bad thing I would still rather share it all with someone special

 

[elisera]

for the time being what works for me is being selfish and doing exaxctly what i want. and why shouldnt i!

Absolutely no reason at all If you are happy then go for it.

Just wouldnt be for me

 

[tris-]

Sharing achievements with friends is always good, I agree, but as I have never saw putting time into my relationships a bad thing I would still rather share it all with someone special

time pandering to someone elses needs is time i could be spending doing something else. thats just my opinion of course.

 

[Belgerath]

Well i think we can agree to disagree on this

(personally i think once you meet the right person your opinion on this will change)

 

[Calaen]

I agree with Tris, even though I am happily married, fortunately for me my wife understands that I do consider myself to be very selfish.

I need me time most days, I love spending time with her because we actually have nothing in common other than our love for each other.

The most important thing is that everyday I wake up knowing that we will share a laugh at some point during the day, regardless of the mood we are in.

some people do feel the need to have intimacy, this is a massive failing in a person for me, its great to have a partner around, however just having one for the sake of not being alone is a massive sign of someone being very insecure.

I love my own company and along with Tris I can only spend so much time with people before I think god I could use a couple of hours for myself. I thinks its a very good trait to have, I am self reliant I don't feel the need to have to be saying something in a room full of people just to be having a good time.

 

[Sar]

Personally I need at least an hour or three to myself every day, even if it's just to surf for a while. My mrs is my best mate, and we tend to have a good laugh every day together.

I was like tris before I met her, and now I couldn't imagine living without her.

 

[leviathane]

think the general consensus seems to feel as long as you have "me" time long term relationships are great. My ex didn't really understand that, and was very for lack of a better word clingy, and seemed to get suspicious when I wanted just to doss on my own.

 

[Edmond]

a lot of it comes down to both parties being accepting of one another. it works in all aspects of relationships, if one wants more than the other, or less, then thats where the problems begin. You have to find whats comfortable, it shouldn't be all 'one rule for you, and one for me'

If you can find someone that you can trust and be trusted with, then your more than half the way there, be it a friendship or relationship. its not always easy to find the balance, but when you do, with someone that is special, then its a wonderfull thing to experiance

 

[tris-]

maybe its just what ive experienced then. well obviously as our past experience will shape the present for how we act.

so i guess i should be thanking all those useless women i slept with, and the useless girlfriends i had. those experiences are allowing me to appreciate even more the things i currently do. if it was not for them i would not of realised what is actually worth investing time in.

THANKS!

 

[DaGaffer]

The only problem with "me time" is that you have to keep it under control. I certainly didn't do that when I was married (I blame BF:1942 and work ). Now I'm in a relationship where my girlfriend insists on my having a certain amount of "me time" (e.g. she got the beers in and parked me in front of the telly for the United Champions League game the other night, then left me alone) but also makes it equally clear that we have properly put aside "us time" as well. Works very well for someone as feckless as me.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Those who try to become "one life", usually fail.

Those who live two lives with same direction, usually succeed.

Or meet Smith...

 

[Yoni]

I find me time horribly overrated when you have no one else in your life... However DaGaffer is correct... if there is someone else some self control is required... I too have been guilty of taking too much me time... I guess it goes with the other thread about not taking ones partner for granted.. :|

 

[Ignition]

This is a balancing act that my most recent relationship failed abysmally at. Even when I had 'me' time I was never really left alone.

If anyone finds the solution to this holy grail please write a book about it, you'll make millions.

 

[tris-]

Even when I had 'me' time I was never really left alone.

the instance that scars my mind the most was when i was trying to write an essay for uni. the individual at the time basically came to my house, sat on my bed and stared at me while i did the work. along with coughing, chewing nails and generally being an irritating ****.

 

[russell]

the instance that scars my mind the most was when i was trying to write an essay for uni. the individual at the time basically came to my house, sat on my bed and stared at me while i did the work. along with coughing, chewing nails and generally being an irritating ****.

That would drive me mad. Why didn't you tell her to go?

 

[Bullitt]

I think it's all down to the individuals perception of a 'relationship'. People can and will read all sorts of things into other peoples relationships as it doesn't match their own, it's all about compromise and understanding between the two people involved.

Personally for me it's all about prioritising and seeing things rationally, I enjoy the 'me' time playing games or a night out 'wiv da lads', but I see time with my partner more important than that.

Granted though I have the advantage of dating a nurse - so shifts are pretty random. In contrast i'm a mon-fri office monkey and as such i get 1 in two weekends 'free' where she's working. This is ideal and i can recommend it to anyone.

To summarize - bag yourself a nurse!