Lordy, I go away for a weekend and you all end up as biologicaly altered kittens or smelly old men who have plastic bags inserted into their nether-regions to stop them from pissing all over the floor.
Three men are at a bar, discussing which is the worst age to be. The first says, "Well, I'm 50, and I think that that's the worst age. All my glands have gone haywire, and it's impossible to pee. I have to stand infront of the toilet for hours before anything comes out."
"Well," says the second, "I'm 60! - And that is definately the worst age! Not only can you not pee, but it takes hours to crap aswell. I need to swallow three packets of constipation tablets before I can squeeze the little buggers out."
"That's nothing," says the third, a 70 year old man.
"Why, what's wrong with you? - Can't pee?" asks the first.
"Oh no! I have a fine piss every morning, bright and early at 7:30AM."
"Can't shite?" asks the second.
"They come out easy. A big jobbie pops right out at 7:30AM each and every morning."
"Well, what's wrong?!" scream the first and second, jealous for this old mans brilliant digestion.
"...I wake up at 8:00AM."
*May not be as the joke was when first printed in TeH NeWZPaPaH