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[WPKenny]

I've recently been contacted on Facebook by a guy I used to know when we were both kids.

I add people randomly on Facebook. I don't necessarily want to speak to all these people but it's nice to drop into their profiles every now and then just to see what they're up to now and then.

So I'd logged in to do just that and he messages me out of the blue on the live chat thing built into the page.

Fairly early into the conversation he apologises to me for being a c**t to me when we were kids. He was one of those hot and cold type of people where he's fine on his own but around others he took on the pack mentality and I was often the target.

My feelings of that time aren't massively prominent in my head. Yes he was a cock but we were kids (around 15/16) and it's now nearly 12 years ago and I've moved on and it's not something I ever think about.

I accepted his apology and explained that we were kids back then and, kids being kids, none of us were angels.

He doesn't live locally any more but there's a few old friends weddings coming up that he'll be around for and he's asked to meet up with me so he can buy me a drink and apologise in person.

Now I don't hold a grudge against the guy. It was all in the past and when he was being nice he was quite easy to get along with.

So my dilemma is whether I go along and meet up with him and see how it goes or do I just say "It's fine, it was all in the past. Thanks for the offer of a drink but let's leave it there."?


I don't know what's messing with my head more. The fact I'm such a cynical bastard and have a hard time believing he's being 100% sincere and in truth he's flipped and will turn up at the pub ready to stab me? What are his reasons for this sudden regret? He told me it was triggered by a chance encounter with a guy he used to treat in a similar manner to me and they "had words" (he didn't go into detail).

I don't know what I'd get out of it but I don't want to be unhelpful. If he's decided he needs to do some sort of purge and right all the wrongs in his life, who am I to stand in his way? Do I go along just to make him feel better and get it out of his system? Or do I politely decline and tell him I'd rather give the trip down memory lane a miss?

*confused*

 

[ECA]

He's probably gay and is madly in love with you.

 

[Tilda]

Go to the drinks.

I had a friend at school who I got on awesomly with when we were just two of us, when there was a group, sometimes he was fine, othertimes he was a bit of a twat.
He appologised to me on msn and Im fine with that, our school year is having a bit of a reunion over the summer so I'll see him then and if he wants to buy me a drink, fine.

It must have taken a bit of guts for your person to message you and appologise, at the end of the day, everybody does cvntish things at school they're not so proud of, everybody changes loads when they grow up and leave school.
If it were me I'd go to the drinks, let him buy you one, buy him one back, talk about the good times.

 

[pez]

I'd say fuck him. You've moved on clearly and do you really want to be reminded of a time when you were the 'butt of the joke?' I would politely decline, the apology would benefit him more than you and you don't owe him anything.

 

[Kryten]

Personally, I'd go for benefit of the doubt. It was years ago. Kids are kids, as was said. Half the folks on my Facebook account were people I considered "bullies" or otherwise twattish. Outside of Facebook, I've bumped into a particularly bad one whilst ordering a kebab in a local shop. 10 minutes later we've exchanged numbers and gone for a pint the following weekend.

The past is often best left in the past, and if you held a grudge against someone for what happened as children/teenagers, you'd be fairly unpopular if you were still local to that school

If I was you, I'd accept his offer. You'd probably bump into eachother anyway at this friend's do, and it'd probably appear rude to decline. Buy eachother a pint and you'd have already forgotten what had happened. You'll have replaced a bad memory with a good one, he'd have done something that he feels might have made amends and elaying his own guilt.


Separately, it's amazing to see how people grow up. Going back to my own Facebook account, there's folks on there I'd not have dreamed about getting in contact with again, and in most cases the only contact is those funwall comments and dirty pictures/jokes doing the round. But just about all of them have sent a message when adding as a friend to see how I was, what I was getting up to and the obligatory "omg you're married? I can't believe it!"
Was almost weird that 2 days after one of those very messages from someone in my form at school, we both moved into a new block of flats on the same floor, 1 door away!

 

[00dave]

perhaps he's just taken part in some 'flatliners' experiment and you're haunting him.

 

[nath]

I was contacted by an old school friend on facebook - well, he sent a message asking if I was the Nathan that had gone to this particular school. I subsequently deleted my facebook account - shit I barely want the friends I currently have, let alone bringing back old ones.

In my defense, I had a gander at his profile and he appears to have become a bit of a Jesus freak.

 

[Tom]

I'd say go along. People change a lot as they grow up, he's probably trying to sort his life out.

Plus when I meet with my old school chums I have a great time laughing about all the silly stuff we did at school, things I'd forgotten about etc. Was 20 years this year since I left school

 

[old.user4556]

perhaps he's just taken part in some 'flatliners' experiment and you're haunting him.

Best reply ever

In seriousness, my opinion is forget about it and pretend it never happened and politely decline his offer. If you dig up the past, all you get is dirty. You've moved on in your life, for the best; I'd be suspicious of someone's motives at this late stage. The mates I have now that are good mates, were just as good mates 10 years ago. The people that treated me like shit 10 years ago are nowhere to be seen, and I'd like to keep it that way. What benefit do you stand to gain by inviting a bad chunk of your past back into your life? Some of my other good mates from back then have drifted off to other parts of the country, some are married; so life forces people apart to an extent.

The situation might have been different if you were good mates and life forced you apart (uni, a job, a life change, marriage or whatever) and you lost touch, and then you wanted to rekindle good times or a lost friendship - that situation is worth chasing up.

<management course speak>

People in life are either drains or radiators - they radiate warmth and motivate you, make you feel good inside about yourself. The other type of people are drains, set to suck life out of you, de-motivate you and generally drag you down. Surround yourself with more radiators and cut out the drains.

</management course speak>

 

[old.user4556]

People change a lot as they grow up

They certainly do, but there are a fair few people that exhibit neurosis and general weirdness at high school and carry it on into adulthood.

I'm trying to find the BBC news article of a bloke I used to kick around with when I was a kid living in Ayr on the west coast of Scotland. He was strange, got up to no good, bullied certain people and generally he got worse as he got older - he was nice to me, seemed like an ok bloke. I moved to the other end of Scotland in my teens, and I found out fairly recently that he was jailed for seven years for kidnap and attempted murder of a girl.

People of bad ilk should be left behind, better the devil you know.

 

[TdC]

gwann then Kenny. if he'[s still a cunnt you'll know within minutes. even teh Will agrees./

 

[Chilly]

Guy I knew at school did a similar thing with me and several of my friends (ie was a cock, now years later apologises with offer of beers). I just made a noncommital grunt because I genuinely think the guy is a **** and couldnt give a fuck if I'm in his good books or not.

Luckily I made the right call, he was on fucking Rogue Trader a week later ripping some old dear off for replacing some tiles in her bathroom AND he took a slash against the side of her house. What a ****.

Remember kenny: once a ****, always a ****!


oh and do I win a prize for saying c u n t the most in a single post?

 

[Ch3tan]

See I would not agree to meet him, fair enough if you are at the same event by chance and he offers you a drink. But do not meet up with him for no other reason than to appease his guilty conscience.

 

[old.user4556]

See I would not agree to meet him, fair enough if you are at the same event by chance and he offers you a drink. But do not meet up with him for no other reason than to appease his guilty conscience.

Yes indeed, I think his interests are selfish and nothing to do with mending a relationship.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Apart from Big G's rather shameful management spiel, he is indeed correct.

 

[old.user4556]

Apart from Big G's rather shameful management spiel

Disgraceful wasn't it. That's the kind of guff you have to listen to in large corporations.

 

[old.user4556]

PS Kenny, if you do meet up with him and he says that some Nigerian bloke had been in touch with him and informed him that he and you were entitled to $30mil and all you had to do was shell out for your half of the up front fee of $30,000 - you know it was a bad idea to meet up.

 

[Bahumat]

Dont go, he will either kidnap you, or poison your drinks.

 

[WPKenny]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Lou seems to think he may not even get back in touch but if I does I wanted to have an idea of what I might do.

I'm swaying more towards meeting him. I don't particularly bare him any ill will so if it helps him and his conscience out then so be it.

 

[Tilda]

Just do it, be the bigger man, if you dont go, you're just as bad as he is.
People, surprisingly, change, and often for the better.