Duck for Hire

[~Lazarus~]

A duck walks into a bar and ask for a pint of larger shandy.
The barman stands back in amazement and says "Wow, you're a talking duck! We don't often get many talking ducks in."

The duck replies
"Yes well you'll get at least one for the next four days."
"Why?" asks the barman.
"Well I'm doing some plastering on the new houses being built down the road, so I'll be in for a swift one on my dinner hour"

"That's amazing" said the barman "I've got a friend who runs a circus he could do with a guy like you, he pays big wages as well, much more than you'll be earning now. I'll give him a bell if you like?"

"Sounds great mate" said the duck "But them circus types live in tents don't they?"

"Yeah" says the barman "Why?"

"Well" says the duck "What the hell do they want with a plasterer?"

 

[bigbb]

Oh, please. Someone, do the honours...

 

[Will]

 

[Ch3tan]

Poor misguided soul :/

 

[~Lazarus~]

ok,ok - and everyone is a critic.

Heres one to, hopefully, atone for the previous dire joke.

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. The other whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps out to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: 'Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead.'

There is silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: 'OK, now what?'

 

[Will]

Originally posted by ItchyTrigaFinga

Indeed.

 

[bigbb]

Heard it. Probably on here... Try again.

 

[.cage]

A jelly-baby walks into a clinic and says to his doctor, 'excuse me, I would like to be tested for AIDS', to which the doctor replys 'what? what are you talking about, you're a jelly baby'.
'Yeah, but ive been sleeping with allsorts'

AHHAHAHAHHHWHW>h>WAGAHAHHA HAHAHHA

 

[caLLous]

*groan*

 

[.cage]

The comedy was in how shit that was, signified by the "AHAHAHOAHOAHOEHOAHOEH"

 

[bigbb]

That got a ruffle in my wuffle.


The forums have been distinctly boring for a few days now.

*twiddle thumbs*

 

[caLLous]

you'd think with 10,965 members the place would be a bit more alive :/

 

[bigbb]

Well, out of the mounting pile of donkeys shottles on here you'd think there'd be something worth posting on, but it's just all boring :/

Spark an interesting debate someone. Hang on, wait till I get home though, don't want to get too excited now, gotta go in 20minutes.

 

[Will]

Originally posted by bigbb
The forums have been distinctly boring for a few days now.

*twiddle thumbs*

I wonder how much that has to do with my posting holiday this weekend?

I was going to start a new thread for this one, but I'll just drop it in here. I hate M$ Word, it is the tool of the devil. Why will it not leave my images in the place I want them relative to the text, and why do the images just move when I draw a little circle on top?

 

[bigbb]

That's always knuckled my duckle. A lot of people suggest using text boxes, which as with DHTML layers in web design, are shitelington. They often suggest using M$ Publisher as an alternative.

But you would have thought with such a popular and widely used programme as Word and the diffrenciation of DTP and Word processing packages almost non-existent these days, they could sort those key issues out.

Bunch of wongering dongers.

 

[Will]

To make matters worse, I just struggled through, handed in the new training manual, and guess what? I have to change all the screenshots.

 

[caLLous]

to make the images just not move at all (no matter what you do to the text) make it completely wrap around the doodah... or something...

 

[Summo]

Yeah, and thing with the anchor points.

You know...

 

[caLLous]

couldn't have put it better myself... well done Summo

 

[Will]

Well, I have a 10 minute break to try to chill out. I feel the urge to install linux when I go home.

 

[caLLous]

it can't be THAT bad?

 

[Will]

What, wasting 2 hours of my day trying to get a red circle on a screenshot without everything moving about? Oh, it is.