Advice Death.

Discussion in 'The Front Room' started by russell, Jan 29, 2012.

  1. russell

    russell Resident Freddy

    A close friends Dad is dying. He has weeks. He is a top man and was a big part of my life a few years ago. I dont want to intrude.
    She is being so brave. I have said time again that I am here if she needs me, for anything. But that sounds so lame.
    People with experience in this kind of thing -what can I really do to help without imposing?
  2. Big G

    Big G Has a sexy sister. I am also a Bodhi wannabee.

    It's impossible to say Russell, I think all you can do is make her know that you are a phonecall away and always there incase she needs someone.

    I'm going through a similar situation where my cousin died in September of a brain tumour and I did my best to be there for my other cousins (her sisters), but I've not heard a single thing since. I guess grieving is something that people may do on their own and in their own way, but they will probably take massive comfort knowing they can call on you if they need someone.
  3. TdC

    TdC Trem's hunky sex love muffin Staff member Moderator

    everyone does it differently as Big G says, though the alone part I'm not so sure of. I have no idea how I'd handle that situation other than doing what you did (eg offering aid) and keeping out of the way until needed. it doesn't sound very proactive, but I have no idea what else to do really.

    edit: when something bad happens to a mate in my group of man friends, we tend to invite each other out for activities a bit more than we do normally. eg lots of beer and music. when something happens to a lady friend, they tend to tell me afterwards and I help with the broken pieces. this kind of makes me wonder if men want aid before an event, and woman want aid afterwards. ah well.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. old.Tohtori

    old.Tohtori FH is my second home

    All you can do is let her know you're there(as corny as it is) and listen if she has something to say. You can also initiate the discussion of feelings and such, shared pain and all.

    Best wishes on it for all, and don't forget that while you are concerned for your friend, do take some time to cope yourself or you might snap at some moment.
    • Agree Agree x 1
  5. Moriath

    Moriath I am a FH squatter FH Subscriber

    Yup, my dad died 11years ago and I have had friends with similar deaths in the family. All you can do is sympathise, offer support and be a shoulder to cry on if they need.

    Everyone deals with death in different ways. You can't tell till it happens.
  6. Gwadien

    Gwadien Uneducated Northern Cretin

    A good hug can never go wrong :)
  7. mycenae

    mycenae Can't get enough of FH

    Without wishing to sound preachy, and I apologise if thiis sounds that way, but something that has always stuck in my head since I heard it, is to know and understand the difference between 'empathy' and 'sympathy.' Basically, its impossible to be empathic unless you know exactly how someone else is feeling, which when its to do with emotions is impossible, so be sure never to say something like 'I know how you feel, when my dog/mates parent/etc died.......'
    Other than that, all you can do is offer support, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen and thats all anyone could ask of you x
    • Agree Agree x 1
  8. Punishment

    Punishment FH is my second home

    Just be there for her.

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