Crouching starlings, hidden bird nest

Big G

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Recently, my dad has been disturbed in the morning by scrabling birds on the roof of the house. It seemed a little strange that they could be so loud to wake him up, but on closer inspection, he spotted starlings flying under the tiles of the roof. Indeed, there is a nest in our attic.

Additionally, every time a bird shits on my car; i go out and wash it off immediately to stop any paintwork damage. Every time i do it, the shit returns within a day; so clearly it's a result of the parents going to and fro the nest. So between my dad's disturbance and poop on car, we want rid of the little bastards.

However, there is a problem.

According to the RSPB, it's illegal to place an ultrasonic deterent beside an active nest and I daresay that if we remove the nest ourselves, that'll also be "against the law".

So basically, us humans have to suffer sleep deprevation and property damage? Forgive me for saying nanny state bullshit. Has anyone had problems with birds/pests and what can you do to get them removed? Will the RSPB come and remove a nest that's proving to be a pain in the arse?
 

DaGaffer

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Big G said:
Recently, my dad has been disturbed in the morning by scrabling birds on the roof of the house. It seemed a little strange that they could be so loud to wake him up, but on closer inspection, he spotted starlings flying under the tiles of the roof. Indeed, there is a nest in our attic.

Additionally, every time a bird shits on my car; i go out and wash it off immediately to stop any paintwork damage. Every time i do it, the shit returns within a day; so clearly it's a result of the parents going to and fro the nest. So between my dad's disturbance and poop on car, we want rid of the little bastards.

However, there is a problem.

According to the RSPB, it's illegal to place an ultrasonic deterent beside an active nest and I daresay that if we remove the nest ourselves, that'll also be "against the law".

So basically, us humans have to suffer sleep deprevation and property damage? Forgive me for saying nanny state bullshit. Has anyone had problems with birds/pests and what can you do to get them removed? Will the RSPB come and remove a nest that's proving to be a pain in the arse?
Get a cat. Stick it in the attic. Seriously. RSPB can't touch you, and the cat probably won't get the starlings but its smell will scare the buggers off. Worked at my parents old house.

PS. Remember to remove cat from attic...
 

Big G

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Great idea, small problem, dad hates the neighbours cat for shitting in our garden :(.

It watches our roof with a look of desire on its face. It wants starling and chips.
 

Gumbo

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How exactly are the RSPB going to find out if you remove the nest?
 

Chilly

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who gives a shit about the rspb, just remove it or place one of those deterrant things, although dont be surprised when loads of dogs go crazy from the noise :)
 

Big G

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Gumbo said:
How exactly are the RSPB going to find out if you remove the nest?
That's what my dad says.

"how are they going to know eh?!"
 

throdgrain

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Starlings used to be vermin, along with Sparrows, however they're numbers have fallen dramatically over the last few years, so much so that they are now off the list and its illegal to hurt them.
Shame you cant just put up with it for a few weeks really :(
 

TdC

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get a car shroud matey, then leave your da to sort his own problems ;)
 

leggy

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get the cat to piss on a teddy.

stick it in loft.

win.
 

Tilda

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Park car not infront of nest exit.
Ignore sounds in roof.
Wait for baby birds to leave when they can fly.
Remove nest and block up gaps in roof.

:D
 

MYstIC G

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Big G said:
So basically, us humans have to suffer sleep deprevation and property damage? Forgive me for saying nanny state bullshit. Has anyone had problems with birds/pests and what can you do to get them removed? Will the RSPB come and remove a nest that's proving to be a pain in the arse?
Who's gonna fucking know you've done it other than you and the birds... don't think they'll grass you to the cops tbfh.
 

Tom

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Any eggs in there? If so, wait until they fly the nest. If not, remove the nest, they'll bugger off somewhere else if you keep disturbing them.
 

Big G

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MYstIC G said:
Who's gonna fucking know you've done it other than you and the birds... don't think they'll grass you to the cops tbfh.
We have tree hugging, animal worshipping neighbours; so there is a chance of being grassed on.
 

Brynn

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Big G said:
We have tree hugging, animal worshipping neighbours; so there is a chance of being grassed on.
sprinkle their car with bird seed, and let the birds crap on their car then when they get pissed off, get rid of the birds nest. Then *if* you get blamed for knocking it down, say you saw your neigbour getting irate with the bird crap on his car.
 

old.Tohtori

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Getting a cat might solve the bird problem, but then the cat would(trust me) walk over the car roof and leave muddy pawprints all over it. New animal, new problems.
 

Gumbo

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Get a dog to eat the cat that eat the bird that eat the spider that eat the fly that wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her...
 

Mazling

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Ahh, it seems there is an ecosystem problem. Thermonuclear explosions are renowned for their uses in removing them.
 

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