Chav Monkeys

[Damini]

I need to vent. I hate them. Stupid chavvey boy wonders. I've just come back to my house to find two chavvy boys tucked behind my car. The oldest, all of 14, had a huge hacksaw. The youngest, maybe 12 and shorter than the freaky Cranky, just had a hacksaw blade. When I approached they just came out in front of me, bold as brass, and tried to hide the saws up their jumpers.

On Sunday we had a chav come up to our car (this one I think, judging by the tattered puffa, and the oh so sinister base ball cap, is the leader) and demand we wind down our window. My bruv wound his down slightly, and we were treated to this conversation.

Chav Leader: You got my ball? You got my ball? You got my ball? You got my ball? You got my ball?

Bruv: Eh? What ball?

Chav Leader: You got my ball? My ball? You got it? Dahnt lie to me! Dahnt lie to me! Dahnt lie to me! You got my ball?

Me: What on earth are you going on about?

And so this went on... Apparently, my brother the unhealthy looking punk who had only just turned up at my house, had stolen this chav leaders football earlier on. Tosh and bollocks. You know how someone keeps repeating a phrase over and over again to rile themselves up into doing something? Well, this accumalated, after the umpteenth "You got my ball?" into "You better not, or else I'll..." and then all sorts of gestures meant to imply he had a knife on him. Now, this guy was so scrawney I could probably have snapped him, but I really dont appreciate being threatened with a weapon, implied or real, right outside my front door. Especially when I know damn well that retaliation of any kind will mean a criminal record or a car on fire, or some nasty cuts from a stanley knife.

So my proposition is this, since apparently genginering a virus to attack imbeciles and wipe them from the face of this planet is unethical, I say we swop the chavs for the asylum seekers. We house all the chavs together on the same estates, or in holding places, and let them bullshit and threaten each other, rather than other people. Let chavs only snap the aerials off of chav mobiles. Let them blow themselves up by trying to out do each others speakers in their Boom Boom Boom cars. Let them realise then they cant go shoplifting because fellow chavs dont have the IQ to open shops, so they'll have to spend hours brewing their own sodding cider.

Everyone seems so up in arms about the asylum seekers ruining our country and living off of benefits, but I personally prefer that ten fold to our home grown retards, steadfastly defying social evolotion to try and return to all bollocks and hunting male. They serve no bloody purpose in life, they justy strut around trying to be as "hard" as possible, and pride themselves on acting and speaking like sub intelligence is a cool trait to have. Seriously, is this a nineties/noughties evolution, or did I just not notice this when I was younger?

I've written to the police; not to report it, because that would be as dumb as throwing wasps at the chavs, but to find out what the crime rate actually is in my quiet little road. Cos if its chronic it loosk like I'm going to be moving, lovely house or not. Kenny is out till seven every night and I don't much feel like being a young version of the pensioners too scared to leave their houses. And its already getting there.

EDIT:// That was all a bit too grumpy, but theres something very annoying about the feeling that you are being bullied by people TEN YEARS younger than you... Grrr and all that.

 

[Wij]

Damn, that sux

Look on the bright side. They will always be poor and unhappy and die scabby from a fatal disease in their mid-forties having had no more fun in their grey little lives than a £1.49 bottle of Spectra Cider can offer. They quite often kill or maim each other earlier than that. You can probably look forward to living in two fine houses with well-stocked wine-cellars, one in the suburbs and one in the country with neighbourhood security guards and laser-security cameras (one day) picking off the chavs as they approach (OK, we might have to vote Tory to allow the cameras to actually kill them.)

You get the idea anyway

 

[~Lazarus~]

/me fluffles Damini



That better hon ?

 

[Will]

I live in a lovely area like that, caught a couple of kids poking about under my flatmates car, so they sprinted off. I went down to checkit, and found a basin (why?) and a carving knife. So I took them up to my flat, and went back to watching TV.

Fifteen minutes later, the neds (chavs to you I guess) were back, demanding their knife back, because their Mum would kill them if they lost her good knife. Nothing scares a ned more than the threat of their Mum, at least until they hit 15. And since my neighbour knows where they live, and told them this in rather threatening terms, we have had no more problems at all.

 

[throdgrain]

These scum threaten you,and there's fuck all you can do about it. Call the police ? Be serious.
Its all very well comparing them favourably to asylum seekers , but to my mind its the pc asylum seeker society we live in that encourages these people to behave in such a fashion, as they quite simply know they're going to get away with it.Yeah there were people like that when I was 20 -good god I live in Crawley ffs, its populated by them- but there was less simple immunity to the law.
My wife used to work at a primary school, but she left when she could no longer take be told to "fuck off you old bitch" by some 7-year old kid.The thing is, there is no punishment available to them. I find it quite depressing, and I sympathise m8 .

 

[Scouse]

WTF is a chav?!!! I'm guessing you mean daft cunt kid.

Corporal punishment should be brought back straight away.

And, frankly, if I caught someone doing that I'd beat the living shit out of them and *REALLY* put the frightners on them if they were ever seen or heard of again.

 

[Trem]

Woah thats rough Damini, i got threatened once in my shop by a smack-head,cause he came in 1 minute after we had opened and wanted change for a £20 to phone his dealer, after telling him we had no change he proceeded to buy a can of pop(50p)after which he flew into a fury screaming "yeah thats right only give change when i buy something" etc etc, now this is just me and it aint my shop windows that are gonna get smashed, but i flew over the counter (after he said "he'll see me later")and dragged the little bastard out by his throat, never seen him again.Now im not usually like that, but how much are we expected to take?The scrotes are on the "sick" because they are "addicted" to drugs and they get their methadone to top up their regular supplies of heroine, it angers me the point of exploding.We don't have much trouble with yougsters round here but the druggies are increasing so are the break-ins

 

[Scouse]

Try living in Bradford. The amount of times I've been told to get out of "their" country by the pakistani's amazes me.


Thing is - it's such a small minority it's giving everyone a bad name

 

[throdgrain]

Scouse , a chav is actually a name for a gypsy, but can be interpreted to mean any peice of shit like that.

ps. GG last night tremor

 

[Scouse]

Theiving gypo bastards eh?!

We get a fuckload through every 2 years and the crime rate (violent/robbery/sexual) goes through the roof.



Actually, I should say "shot into space" because where I live it's through the roof anyway.

 

[Wij]

Hate to racially stereotype gypsies (romany people) but they always seem to be like that. The ones that used pop round Selby every year were horibbly inbred. One family had 4 sisters claiming for babies with no father stated on the Birth Certificate. Their dad had fathered them all :/

 

[Summo]

So you, like, saw all their birth certificates then, or like, something, did you? Did you?

 

[Wij]

I'm not without civil service connections.

 

[Trem]

Originally posted by throdgrain
Scouse , a chav is actually a name for a gypsy, but can be interpreted to mean any peice of shit like that.

ps. GG last night tremor

I really enjoyed it throd, we should praccy with mi5, them being n00bies like us and all.What do you think about that?I cant play Friday im working

 

[throdgrain]

I dont think they'd want to mate, they dont take losing very well do they ? No gg or nothing, just silence, followed by departure. However if they was up for it i'd say it would be a good idea yes

Summo dont gimme that politically correct stuff, shoot the fucking lot of 'em ;p

 

[Damini]

Chav's to me are Townies, not gypsies. The people that have to spit every two minutes and walk like their knees were put on backwards at birth. The female of the species is commonly known as a Mandy, or a Sharon, and can be heard screaming her mating cry of "You fucking bitch! Stoopid caaaw!!" at the top of my street right now. Alluring...

I've just had a screaming match with the council too. The chavs, confounded by modern technology, had been jumping and screaming around an abandoned tumble drier at the bottom of the street. Its not quite the black obelisk, but they are reacting as if it is. The keep running up to it, and kicking it, then running away. One of them managed to pull a metal tube out of it, and ran waving it down the street. Man Has Made A Rudementary Weapon.

But the council refuse to remove this tumble drier, unless I pay them thirteen quid. Why the hell should I pay them, when its not mine, and when the local monkeys are using it to barricade the road and make weapons from it? "You said it was your responsibility" hissed he council man "You said it was on your property!". I hung up in a strop.

Grrr. Pissed off. I had lots to do today but I got a moody on, and Ive just watched Doctor Who instead.

 

[kanonfodda]

Originally posted by Damini

I've just had a screaming match with the council too. The chavs, confounded by modern technology, had been jumping and screaming around an abandoned tumble drier at the bottom of the street. Its not quite the black obelisk, but they are reacting as if it is. The keep running up to it, and kicking it, then running away. One of them managed to pull a metal tube out of it, and ran waving it down the street. Man Has Made A Rudementary Weapon.

Phone and speak to the highways section, tell them it is blocking the road, they should send someone down to sort it. ;0) (I work for a local council)

 

[Damini]

Erm... Right now it is on top of our garage... ??

 

[xane]

Originally posted by kanonfodda


Phone and speak to the highways section, tell them it is blocking the road, they should send someone down to sort it. ;0) (I work for a local council)

And of course, if it _isnt_ blocking the road already ....

 

[Sar]

Originally posted by Damini
Its not quite the black obelisk, but they are reacting as if it is. The keep running up to it, and kicking it, then running away. One of them managed to pull a metal tube out of it, and ran waving it down the street. Man Has Made A Rudementary Weapon.

FUCKING LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I wub j00 D

 

[Wij]

I don't know about you but I think a picture of Damini and Kenny putting a washing machine in the middle of the road would make my life complete. I might draw one in crayon tonight.

 

[xane]

Don't forget the notice saying "Plz Burn Me"

 

[Wij]

My doctor says noone is supposed to mention the B word around me.

 

[old.Kez]

Originally posted by Wij
OK, we might have to vote Tory to allow the cameras to actually kill them

roffle.

 

[old.samm]

I dont understand how such a chunk of society could have stepped so far back in the evolutionary ladder. I find it hard to believe that they are all just short of a few million braincells (usually the one that promote social awareness) short. But if they aren't all completely retarded then why are they so ignorant.

Last week we were awoken at about 3.01am by what can only be described as some stupid slapper whore cow bag in our street (or under our window is how it sounded), so drunk that I think she must have blinded herself, screamning and bawling various nonscensical half sentences the most memourable of which was
"Do ya fink im a lady?"

Her pimp/partner or whatever he was then replied with the fine answer of
"Well ya not acting like a lady now are ya"

If I hadn't of been so sleepy, (and a little bit more brave) I'd have gone down and shut her up. Instead in the polite way that I have I quietly closed the windows so as not to disturb them with my tuts of disapprovement. Why do you always end up feeling so helpless around them?


But on a lighter note, if youre interested Damini Someguy should be posting piccys of my dog in her T-Shirt on the Damini's Diary thread. Hee Hee.

 

[*charlton_thd*]

it seems that sheffield chavs are slightly higher up the evolutionary ladder than those...
round here they steal cars and "razz" them round the streets at 2am...YAY
they all congregate at the local breeding/drug centre, my old school and tell stories of their escapades and laugh heartily at their drug hunting stories.

And they sell ecstacy during breaktimes...YAY

my little sis really shouldn't be at that school....

 

[Hashmonster]

they go by the name of 'garyboys' round this area, baseball caps the lot....

well ard when in a group of course, but by themselves...

 

[mr.Blacky]

hmmm never had that problem, worst we (family and I) had was with some asylem seekers. 6 (out of 200) were a pain in the ass. They kept on harrasing young women

 

[Recoil101]

I have a theory about these type of people.... bear with me on this.....

Most of these people live in certain areas of towns and cities, they probably meet thier respective sharons, traceys, garys and kevs (no disrespect to people with aforemetioned names they were merely examples) in thier local boozer of an evening whilst supping a pint of the finest Cooking Lager... They go home and copulate, thus producing little sharons, traceys, garys and kevs... These little sharons, traceys, garys and kevs grow up and so the cycle begins again... thus forming a fairly isolated gene pool... its a more subtle form of interbreeding, rather than the mutations that usually occur we are presented with the spitting, knees on backwards and as Damini so rightly said the mating call of the Mandy.....

It is just a theory, for anyone who lives in Coventry like I do, you wont be surprised as to why this theory came about

 

[Daffeh]

hehehe we dont get any 'kevs' in this part of Cov

but ive certainly seen the little fuckers around town