Britain's Best Bus Routes

[bigbb]

Originally posted by SomeGuy
Ooh! Start a 'Bus Route' thread! Watch peeps post counts rocket!

As a means of both occupying the mind and further the knowledge of the nation as to the best bus routes we are about unveil a book of bus routes.

This thread will go down in history as the founder of bus route knowledge. It will also see the rise of my very own 'Talks Too Much' status with any luck and perhaps even lead to your very own rise in status.

A 'book' will be published at the end entitled: 'Britian's Best Bus Routes' and will be available at all desperate book shops for the thrusty price of £9.99*.

Now i'll start with the bus route 700 which I spoke of today which runs from Portsmouth, Clarance Peer to Brighton, Pool Valley.

It is a double decker and mildly comprises of 52 seats with supplementary chewing gum available under every seat. There are 3 disfunctional seating arrangements with holes and further rips in the fabric.

Next...

*Batteries not included.

 

[Sawtooth]

My memories of buses are many. The afternoon trip to the Sharston swimming baths on the 370 or 371 were splendid. In those days of course youi could just hop on the back where the friendly bus conductor or "Clippy" would greet you with a cheery nod and a smile as he took your fare and rewarded you with a ticket, often with some sage advice about gardening.

You could sit at the front either up top or down below and pretend you were driving the bus. Oh happy days.

Saw

 

[old.Reverend Flatus]

Buses? Bah!

 

[bigbb]

Ahh yes, the fun we've all had on our local transport. Those were the days

/me dreams

*veer off road*

 

[Will]

And don't get me started on night buses - those wonderful songs, the heads bouncing off the windows, the vomit...

I hate night buses.

 

[Summo]

The worst bus route was route 2 (temporary name during school collection hours) from my school to Bicknacre, via Danbury.

The gits used to throw things out of the window at me on my bike.

 

[bigbb]

In fact I had a somewhat disturbing experience rececntly. While sitting on the Route 23* coming home I was startled to hear and see a quite mentally preturbed member of our society who engaged in a range of indulging noises and screams. This pleasent individual also managed to create some light chomping and chewing noises without actually digesting any edable items.

This was an experiene not to be repeated.

*Route 23 briefly comprises of 23 seats including 13 standees and 1 wheel chair accomadation. The buses are all registered X and have only recently be commisioned to the 23 route in July. The buses are fairly unadulterated and have a swift and powerful engine sure to take you through or over a roundabout at your leisure.

The bus also has a neat trick of contracting the suspension as and when needed to pick up older reisdents at the start and end of their journey.

 

[Wij]

I was once forced into an hour-long conversation with a mad old perv of about 80 who flashed his underpants with a brown stain on the front ( ) at a pair of schoolgirls who foolishly sat within a 10 seat radius.

He even insisted we swap addresses at the end of the journey. I hope Mr Smith of 111 Doncaster Road, Selby has a kind personality :/

 

[throdgrain]

Buses are for ppl with no money and the very young.

(just my tenpenoth worth )

 

[xane]

I'd like to nominate the London Transport No 8 route that starts at Victoria station and ends up somewhere in East London near where I live. A very handy route for avoiding the drunken yobs on the Underground when coming back from the West End at night.

Honourable mention goes to No N25 night bus that calls outside the Rocky Horror cinema and then gets full of middle aged blokes in suspender belts and basques (plus some decent totty too), just a pity it ends up in the godforsaken dump of Ilford.

 

[bigbb]

Originally posted by throdgrain
Buses are for ppl with no money and the very young.

(just my tenpenoth worth )

And what a constructive ten penny worth.

 

[bigbb]

I just thought we have failed to mention the wonderful instigators of many bus related crimes, the very drivers themselves. Some of the finest bus routes, piloted through a wild combination of eratic drivers and badly placed traffic lights are taken on by the upstanding members of our community and revolutionise the the role of the bus driver as a bit of a 'hit and run'.

I can imagine with a mundane job such as this, smacking the bus up a well placed kerb and accelerating towards speed bumps are just some of the quite unique perks of the job. However, I have also witnessed countless awaiting customers raising one hand to thereby signal the driver to stop and the driver lightly raising his hand to conduct a royal wave back and promptly applying a further acceleration while turning towards the awaiting passangers.

The fun and games witnessed on our public services may well be never ending.

 

[PR.]

I took buses to college for the first 6months then I swapped one psychopathic driver for another one of meh mates giving me a lift in the back of a Mini Metro

 

[Ch3tan]

109 and its night bus equivilent N159.

Although the 250 comes a close second.

 

[old.Reverend Flatus]

Originally posted by bigbb
I just thought we have failed to mention the wonderful instigators of many bus related crimes, the very drivers themselves...

Bus drivers? Pah! Not a patch on the notorious taxi driver, read Flatus's terrible tales of taxi-driving twats.

 

[Vroomparrot]

Originally posted by bigbb

I can imagine with a mundane job such as this, smacking the bus up a well placed kerb and accelerating towards speed bumps are just some of the quite unique perks of the job.

How true this is - once, on an H37 going from Richmond to Hounslow, I nearly hit the ceiling with my noggin when we went over one speed bump at breakneck speed.

Thankfully I now live in the country where there are no buses, just lots of drunk old farts in old bangers.

 

[bodhi]

The 101 from stafford to stoke is pretty bad. Mainly cos it goes into Stoke.

 

[bigbb]

I have decided to introduce a section named: Britain's Worst Bus Routes and name and shame the relevant routes. I think a do's and don't's listing is need as well to make sure you don't hand over a £10 note for a 60p fare and only get £5.50 back.

This guide will enable bus users everywhere to establish how to board a bus correctly, placing the boardee in the least stressful and painful situation. Gawd knows how bus manufacturers such as Plaxton, Wight and Volvo produce such resiliant machines cabable of some of the most brutal abuse. From manouvering around pedestrians attempting to commit suicide to bus drivers not realising there is more than a 3 meters of vehicle behind them and cutting around corners like it's a wheel-barrow.

Gawd bless you manufacturers

 

[old.ignus]

totally agree, with the taxi thing Rev.

Buses are for people without cars and for sex on the top deck.

 

[bodhi]

True.

 

[Summo]

As if, Bod.

 

[old.Reverend Flatus]

Originally posted by ignus
totally agree, with the taxi thing Rev.

Utter bastards

Originally posted by ignus
Buses are for people without cars and for sex on the top deck.

The way they drive buses round here you'd be lucky to manage it!

 

[bodhi]

Adds to the challenge

 

[SoWat]

As an Army brat in Germany, I used to get driven to school in a military bus. They're just like normal buses, except they're specially designed to be freezing in winter and boiling in summer; they were also painted army green. I think the maximum speed was about 25mph. They were driven by Germans who were obviously out for revenge after their WWII kicking.

Each bus also had a hatchet-faced 'warden' on board to make sure we behaved ourselves.