Bluuuuuuurrrrrrr

[russell]

So I am sick, some really nasty bug which is making me chunder and is keeping me up for the second night running with really painful stomach cramps. And Mr Russell is shitting himself that I am pregnant (I'm not) cos I cant even keep water down and am living with my face in the toilet bowl.


uke:Tis me!

So come on guys -make me feel better and tell me your tales of woe of being ill. Whats the poorliest you have been and what happened. What do you do to make yourself feel better?

 

[Deebs]

I had a cold once. Took whisky and garlic to get rid of it.

Obviously MANCOLD/MANFLU is a life and death thing.

 

[Fweddy]

I sneezed this morning.

 

[PLightstar]

Last year I went on holiday, I wasn't feeling to brill during the holiday but soldiered on, went to a night club and got very dizzy and almost fainted the rest of the holiday was downhill with aches and pains all over, couldn't sleep. Got home after a few days, holiday ruined then I wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breath, as you would I panicked and tried to phone my mum and found out because I couldn't breathe my voice had gone, I then coughed and was able to breath once again, I went to the Dr's and I had a throat infection, my mum made me stay at hers for a week, though it was nice to be looked after I could hardly say no because my voice had gone.

 

[old.Tohtori]

So come on guys -make me feel better and tell me your tales of woe of being ill. Whats the poorliest you have been and what happened. What do you do to make yourself feel better?

Get drunk

Well, maybe not.

I do find that a shot or two of Scotlands finest helps with a couple of things that ales ya.

As a "cheer" thing, i did reconcile with my friend in a way

 

[Damini]

When me and Kenny went on holiday to Los Angeles, he got sick. S.I.C.K. This guy is never really poorly, and it seems that is because he saves it all up so he can have five years worth of vomiting in the space of three days.

Honestly, I've never seen or heard anything like it. When he was puking it sounded like Dr Zoidberg, drowning in porridge. I asked the cleaning staff to give me plastic bags, so he could sit on the toilet (oh yes, he was that sick) and vomit at the same time, and the bags they gave were the size of bin liners, so you'd hear him be sick, and then a second or so later, hear it crashing onto the floor inside the plastic, like stomach acid water balloons. He stored all the bags in the bath afterwards. I had to bribe the cleaners to take away boxes filled with vomit soaked towels (just what is an appropriate tip for that?) and I spent the whole time on the internet, or curled up on the end of the bed, waiting to catch it as well.

The poorliest I've ever been was when I had some awful strain of flu when I was 12. I had a temperature of 104, was convinced someone had stolen my mouth, and spent a long time picking centimetres off my pillow and letting them go free. Then they gave me penicillin, and my hands and feet turned bright red and inflated, and my throat began to swell shut. Oh, happy days.

 

[Rubber Bullets]

When I was 19 I had tickets to see The Cramps at the Hammersmith Odeon, front row centre. There were a few of us going and we stayed in London for the weekend. On the day of the show a couple of spots came up on my face, I realised that I'd caught chickenpox from my nephew the week before.

I didn't feel too bad, though the spots were coming thick and fast, so I decided to go to the concert anyway. Fortunately, amongst a Cramps audience, a face full of pussy spots isn't a stand out sort of thing. The concert was one of the best I've ever been to, at one point Lux Interior came out to the front and made his way along the front of the orchestra pit by holding onto each one of us in turn. For a week or two after that I half expected to read that the tour had been cancelled due to a chickenpox outbreak!

Later that night I started to feel rough, and by the morning I felt really shit. My face was as covered as it could be with itchy, pussy, oozing spots, as was most of my body. It was at that point that I had to get on a coach for the five hour journey back to Exeter! Without doubt this was the worst journey of my life, I didn't even have a paper bag to put over my head, I've no idea what sort of looks I was getting as I just sat with my head down and looking out the window the entire way.

I spent the next 4 days in bed feeling the roughest I have in my life. Overall it was worth it though, it was a great gig.

BTW never get chicken pox as an adult, and if you have kids make sure they catch it young. They'll thank you in the long run!

RB

 

[Dukat]

Aww russel Get well soon!

The worst I've been ?

Hmm, I guess the worst I've ever been was when I was alot younger, maybe 10 or 11, had tonsilitis(sp?) for what seemed like forever, used to hate not being able to do anything like that, any time I ate anything it was agony, I found that I could just about drink lemonade without it being too painful so I lived off of just that for two weeks or so, because of that I rarely drink it anymore - had enough in those two weeks to last me a lifetime

I tell you what though, after being like that for two weeks you really do appreciate it when you get better - after that my appetite went mad because I suddenly realised what I was missing food wise and it hasnt changed since then its like I'm trying to get enough food in just incase I get it again and have to go without for two weeks

 

[Sydrik]

2 Years ago I was staying away with work and ended up at a managers meeting. Hadnt slept for 2/3 nights due to a shit hotel bed and had been eating out most lunchtimes/evenings.

Hello Salmonella Posioning!

I honestly felt like I was going to pass out from sheer exhaustion. I wont go into real detail but lets just say it got to the stage where blood was attempting to escape from various orifices.

On a funnier note I had a call from the council health department after my GP had reported the condition. The conversation went something like this...

"Hi Mr Syder this is blah blah from the council, I have recieved a report from your GP regarding your food poisoning. Can you give me details of all the food you have eaten in the past 72hours"

...blah blah.. etc etc .....

'So, do you file an investigation or something'

"No sir, only if there are three or more cases in the same area"

'Im sure ive seen some in the paper with less than that'

"Only if you die sir"

'.......'

 

[Tom]

Last year I did a job in Amsterdam. On the flight back I picked up an infection which meant a week of constant shitting, complete inability to eat or do anything really.

The worst part of it was that after a week of squirting diahorrea through the eye of the needle, I managed to end up with piles. The pain was incredible, like wiping your nick with sandpaper. I had to go and see the doctor and ask, he told me to drop my pants so he could have a look. I tell ya, dropping your kecks and bending over while spreading your cheeks with your hands so a hairy bloke could have a look at your grapes was perhaps the most mentally scarring thing I've ever done, not to mention the poor doctor who got a mouthful of arse-grape-stench for his troubles.

A few more days of toilet bowls full of blood and a week of cream (not to mention the god-awful smell generated when the cream mixes with sweat), and the problem went away.

I do not look forward to returning to Amsterdamn.

 

[russell]

Get drunk

Well, maybe not.

I do find that a shot or two of Scotlands finest helps with a couple of things that ales ya.

As a "cheer" thing, i did reconcile with my friend in a way

Glad to hear you made up. Who made the first move?

Likin all the stories, thanks guys. And thanks Dukat (x)

Its been 6 hours now since i last saw the contents of my stomach. Yay -things are looking up.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Glad to hear you made up. Who made the first move?

Heh, the Finnish way, ended up via a friends friend to the same table and started talking this and that

Glad you're feeling better. Well, not "glad" per say, as in, my day won't go any better due to it, but i'm not unhappy either

 

[rynnor]

Not counting childhood stuff the worst I've had was the food poisoning I got in Derby.

Was staying the night in a cheap hotel and spent it in agony with the constant task of judging which end was more urgently in need of pointing at the toilet bowl

I had to drive back that day and feeling like death I knew I couldnt last long away from a toilet so I think I averaged 110mph and just made it back in time...

I spent another 3 days in bed - I couldnt even drink water for 2 days so was getting pretty seriously dehydrated - looking back on it I should probably have been in hospital.

My stomach completely shut down - it wasnt digesting full stop - took me a few weeks to actually feel back to normality stomach wise and I dont think my kidneys were very happy either...

Get well soon

 

[DaGaffer]

Last year I was travelling with two girls who picked up no less than five different stomach bugs in Bolivia, including Salmonella poisoning, which led to them ending up in hospital on drips. So I was feeling smug for not eating dodgy fruit off the market in La Paz when I came down with a chest infection (probably due to herioc quantities of cigarettes I was smoking, coupled with high altitude, repeated 6AM bedtimes and, erm, other stuff) that was so disgusting my mucus was a grey-black colour and in enough volume to keep the effects department of a Ghostbusters movie in work for a decade. Eventually I went to a chemist and got hold of (in my very dubious Spanish) some antibiotic tablets the size of saucers. Unfortunately, I'd also started taking my malaria tabs in preparation for heading to the jungle. Cue five days in bed kind of delirous, living off gatorade and Oreos and sweating out the infection and the fighting antibiotics and malaria tablets. I had some very surreal dreams that week I can tell you.

 

[Trem]

I had a cold once. Took whisky and garlic to get rid of it.

Obviously MANCOLD/MANFLU is a life and death thing.

YouTube - man flu
[youtubevid]6EElqrgk4N0[/youtubevid]

 

[Gumbo]

I had a chinese takeaway once, and within an hour or so started to feel a bit dodgy, 10 minutes after that saw me running for the bathroom feeling like i had to shit, really badly, so was dropping trousers en route.

As I reached the loo I realised I felt pretty nauseous too, but there was no way I could hold the butt explosion in any longer, so sat down and my arse literally began to stream what felt like lumpy piss. Half way through a series of liquid eruptions from my arse, I knew I was going to hurl, so I started to stand up to turn around. Alas I wasn't fast enough and projectile vomitting began as I was turning, leaving a Dexter style spatter pattern of partly digested egg fried rice across two walls and a full length mirror. Only substituting vomit for blood, of course. Are there vomit spatter analysts? Anyway, I digress.

The shock of seeing my dinner arcing away from me and bouncing back from the walls of the 'smallest room in the house' to cover me in sick from the chest down, caused my already battered sphincter to release again sending yet another high speed jet of shit shooting out horizontally, as by now I was bent over the bowl . This coated the door in liquid stench, and as the jet from my arse subsided, it drew a nice straight line across the floor towards my trousers before filling my pants with the remainder.

It was then that the knock on the door came from my Mum. 'Everything alright in there John?' How exactly do you answer...?

Funnily enough though, I was actually feeling pretty well again within a couple of hours. Well, physically anyway. The mental scarring for me and my Mum probably remains to this day.

 

[Gray]

I have been fairly immune to being physically sick the past few years. The last time i was sick was on a school holiday in Menai, some place in Wales. Drank some water which seems to have had a nasty bug in it. Didnt help the fact i hadnt slept for 5 days straight because of the guys in my dorm room!

Prior to it i was scheduled to go abroad for the first time ever. School trip planned for France. The day prior to me going, BAM, ended up with a bug which stopped me from going.

About being sick though, as i say i havent been sick in about 7-8 years. Few month ago i felt like i WAS going to be, but strangely, i didnt know how to be. So it didnt happen. WEIRD.

 

[mycenae]

Sickest I have ever been was aged 13, first term at boarding school. There was a sick bug going round, and I was paranoid about getting it, as I hate being sick....it makes me panic, hyperventilate and cry. Kids were dropping like flies with it....but I somehow managed to steer clear.....until 4 days after the rest of the school was clear I upchucked big stylee. Got taken to the San, threw up 13 times in one night. Got up to go pee and fell over as I was so weak from all the throwing up. I was made to stay in bed for 3 days. I never honestly never felt SO sick or SO miserable ever again.

Worst pain I have ever had was dislocating my knee.....I've done it 5 times now, and its excruciating....then last year I have an op to stabilise it....and waking up from that comes a very close 2nd to the title for worst pain. All I remember is waking up and screaming.....then I woke up again a few hours later on a morphine infusion....still in a considerable amount of pain but manageable!

 

[old.user4556]

I had a chinese takeaway once, and within an hour or so started to feel a bit dodgy, 10 minutes after that saw me running for the bathroom feeling like i had to shit, really badly, so was dropping trousers en route.

As I reached the loo I realised I felt pretty nauseous too, but there was no way I could hold the butt explosion in any longer, so sat down and my arse literally began to stream what felt like lumpy piss. Half way through a series of liquid eruptions from my arse, I knew I was going to hurl, so I started to stand up to turn around. Alas I wasn't fast enough and projectile vomitting began as I was turning, leaving a Dexter style spatter pattern of partly digested egg fried rice across two walls and a full length mirror. Only substituting vomit for blood, of course. Are there vomit spatter analysts? Anyway, I digress.

The shock of seeing my dinner arcing away from me and bouncing back from the walls of the 'smallest room in the house' to cover me in sick from the chest down, caused my already battered sphincter to release again sending yet another high speed jet of shit shooting out horizontally, as by now I was bent over the bowl . This coated the door in liquid stench, and as the jet from my arse subsided, it drew a nice straight line across the floor towards my trousers before filling my pants with the remainder.

It was then that the knock on the door came from my Mum. 'Everything alright in there John?' How exactly do you answer...?

Funnily enough though, I was actually feeling pretty well again within a couple of hours. Well, physically anyway. The mental scarring for me and my Mum probably remains to this day.

I know it was probably a nightmare, but that gave me a good dose of lol.

 

[MYstIC G]

am living with my face in the toilet bowl

You have a PC in your toilet bowl???

 

[russell]

You have a PC in your toilet bowl???

We have all the latest mod cons down here in Surrey, dont cha know

 

[WiZe^]

You probely have Ebola!

 

[Dark Orb Choir]

i had Campylobacter - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

got it from some chicken breast, lost 2 stone and had 3 weeks off work, for 1 of those weeks i went to the toilet every ten minutes, for a whole week 24/7

a few years before that i went out and got drunk and left my coat at the nightclub and missed the night bus and walked home in the rain.....

could not sleep for 2 days, turned out i had Atypical Pneumonias

3 weeks in hosptital and lost 3 stone

 

[Bodhi]

Well I currently have laryngitis. Which is handy when your job involves a lot of speaking to people on the phone. I am however about to try and kill it with a Lamb Tikka Pathia and a Coriander Nan. And probably some beer.

 

[Trem]

All my bad things tend to be self inflicted.

The day me and Samm got back together after splitting up for 3 months I shaved a length of skin off my penis while trimming.

I got some chilli on my cock, not once but twice after preparing chilli con carne and deciding to itch my helmet, I then cupped my eyes because of the pain and got it in my eyes, both fucking times I did that. Washing my penis while blind and in agony was possibly the worst thing ever.

I once kneed myself in the chin and split my tongue in half, I did that while trying to kick a towel.

I burst my eyelid open but that was Ch3ts fault.

The list is endless actually.

Well I currently have laryngitis. Which is handy when your job involves a lot of speaking to people on the phone. I am however about to try and kill it with a Lamb Tikka Pathia and a Coriander Nan. And probably some beer.

Buy some lozengers called Vocalize or Vocalise they were the only things that worked for me.

 

[Deebs]

All my bad things tend to be self inflicted.

The day me and Samm got back together after splitting up for 3 months I shaved a length of skin off my penis while trimming.

I got some chilli on my cock, not once but twice after preparing chilli con carne and deciding to itch my helmet, I then cupped my eyes because of the pain and got it in my eyes, both fucking times I did that. Washing my penis while blind and in agony was possibly the worst thing ever.

I once kneed myself in the chin and split my tongue in half, I did that while trying to kick a towel.

I burst my eyelid open but that was Ch3ts fault.

The list is endless actually.




Buy some lozengers called Vocalize or Vocalise they were the only things that worked for me.

Christ, we should give you a tank and send you to Afghan, I am sure you could inflict untold damage on the enemy.

 

[Ch3tan]

All my bad things tend to be self inflicted.

The day me and Samm got back together after splitting up for 3 months I shaved a length of skin off my penis while trimming.

I got some chilli on my cock, not once but twice after preparing chilli con carne and deciding to itch my helmet, I then cupped my eyes because of the pain and got it in my eyes, both fucking times I did that. Washing my penis while blind and in agony was possibly the worst thing ever.

I once kneed myself in the chin and split my tongue in half, I did that while trying to kick a towel.

I burst my eyelid open but that was Ch3ts fault.

The list is endless actually.




Buy some lozengers called Vocalize or Vocalise they were the only things that worked for me.

No one told you to listen to me FFS!

 

[Bahumat]

Just an update.
I have heard alot about people being sick and having diarrhoea recently as our GP mentioned it along with the local radio station.

There is something going round which gives you the shits and makes you sick alot. you are NOT supposed to eat much if you have this and it passes in 2 days. If you eat, you will feed it :-( some old people have actually died from this as they never took the warning about not eating...but they may have been super fucked before getting it anyway.

praying i dont get it as im diabetic and our immune system is teh suck

 

[Trem]

No one told you to listen to me FFS!

I DID THOUGH!!

 

[Deebs]

I DID THOUGH!!

twat