X
Xeanor
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- Thread starter
- #31
i wish i had this bad humour
i could laugh my ass off then
i could laugh my ass off then
O
old.job
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- Thread starter
- #32
3 French Legionaires lost in the desert without food or water, when suddenly one shouts
'Mon-dieu we are saved, I can see the rare bacon tree on the horizon!!'
Bacon tree? the others ask.
Yes he replies 'it's nourishing meat and juices will keep us alive'.
'But we must be careful, there are many bandits around I will sneak up and you keep watch'.
So he crawls nearer the tree, then suddenly a shot rings out and he is hit, then gunfire comes from all directions, he staggers back shot many times and falls into his friends arms.
'I'm sorry', he said, strugling to speak, 'that was no bacon tree'
'It was a Ham bush!!!!!!!'
'Mon-dieu we are saved, I can see the rare bacon tree on the horizon!!'
Bacon tree? the others ask.
Yes he replies 'it's nourishing meat and juices will keep us alive'.
'But we must be careful, there are many bandits around I will sneak up and you keep watch'.
So he crawls nearer the tree, then suddenly a shot rings out and he is hit, then gunfire comes from all directions, he staggers back shot many times and falls into his friends arms.
'I'm sorry', he said, strugling to speak, 'that was no bacon tree'
'It was a Ham bush!!!!!!!'
O
ormorof
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- Thread starter
- #33
how do you confuse a scotsman?
put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner
how do you confuse a scotsman again?
give him 3 shovels and tell him to take his pick
edit : the one about the Ham Bush was actually quite funny
put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner
how do you confuse a scotsman again?
give him 3 shovels and tell him to take his pick
edit : the one about the Ham Bush was actually quite funny
H
Hrogar
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- Thread starter
- #34
How do you know there's a japanese elefant in your fridge?
There's a Mazda parked next to the butter
(Courtesy of my bro, I don't get it either)
There's a Mazda parked next to the butter
(Courtesy of my bro, I don't get it either
)
R
Restart
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- Thread starter
- #35
Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove!
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.
Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn't need cleaning.
Is there a pattern to these jokes? :O
There's a clock on the stove!
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.
Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn't need cleaning.
Is there a pattern to these jokes? :O
T
Tilda
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- Thread starter
- #36
Whats red, bubbly and taps on the window?
A baby in a microwave
A baby in a microwave
R
Restart
Guest
- Thread starter
- #37
While we are on baby jokes, here's a few more..
What's red and sits in a highchair?
A baby eating razor-blades.
What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round?
A baby in a blender
What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A baby run over by a lawn mower.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
What do you call a baby on a stick with no kidneys?
Donor Kebabie.
What's red and sits in a highchair?
A baby eating razor-blades.
What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round?
A baby in a blender
What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A baby run over by a lawn mower.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
What do you call a baby on a stick with no kidneys?
Donor Kebabie.
S
Serbitar
Guest
- Thread starter
- #38
Q. Whats green and turns red at the touch of a button?
A. A frog in a blender
Q. Whats the cleverest thing to come out of a womam's mouth?
A. Einstein's c**k
Q. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hait brunette?
A. Artificial Intelligence
A. A frog in a blender
Q. Whats the cleverest thing to come out of a womam's mouth?
A. Einstein's c**k
Q. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hait brunette?
A. Artificial Intelligence
A
Annouk
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- Thread starter
- #39
This is frightening!
There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it isgenerally in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.
The shocking statistic is that "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men might be stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam know as "a relationship" - apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "beer" has been administered and have already been sexually attacked.
Please! Forward this to every male you know.......... However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with a bunch of smilarly-affected like-minded guys. For the nearest support group near you just look up 'Public House' in the yellow pages.
There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it isgenerally in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.
The shocking statistic is that "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men might be stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam know as "a relationship" - apparently men are easier victims for this scam after the "beer" has been administered and have already been sexually attacked.
Please! Forward this to every male you know.......... However, if you fall victim to this insidious drug and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with a bunch of smilarly-affected like-minded guys. For the nearest support group near you just look up 'Public House' in the yellow pages.
F
-fwapp-
Guest
- Thread starter
- #40
what did the boy say to his pretty maths teacher?
subtract your clothes divide your legs and lets multiply
subtract your clothes divide your legs and lets multiply
T
The Fonz
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- Thread starter
- #41
What's brown and sticky?
A Stick.
------------
There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
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Why did the mexican kill his wife?
Tequila
------------
A postman knocks on a door and a young boy, around the age of six answers wearing a smoking jacket, carrying a glass of port in one hand and a cigar in the other.
The postman says, "Heya little man, are your parents home?"
The little boy replies, "What the fuck do you think?"
A Stick.
------------
There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
------------
Why did the mexican kill his wife?
Tequila
------------
A postman knocks on a door and a young boy, around the age of six answers wearing a smoking jacket, carrying a glass of port in one hand and a cigar in the other.
The postman says, "Heya little man, are your parents home?"
The little boy replies, "What the fuck do you think?"
O
old.Dillinja
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- Thread starter
- #42
Heh, a couple of those are quite good.
V
Validus
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- Thread starter
- #43
omg teh fonz is back!
M
makgsnake
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- Thread starter
- #44
Q, why did the 1 armd man cross the road ?
A, to get to the 2nd hand shop
HARHARHAHR
A, to get to the 2nd hand shop
HARHARHAHR
S
Spinky
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- Thread starter
- #45
Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A. It was dead
Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A. It was attached to the first monkey
Q. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A. Peer pressure
A. It was dead
Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A. It was attached to the first monkey
Q. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A. Peer pressure
O
ormorof
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- Thread starter
- #46
some more that i found funny (brother says i laugh at anything stupid though )
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
ill stop now
)Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
ill stop now