Advice regarding "friends"

[Kryten]

Wouldn't normally ask for this sort of help on here, as I know I'll probably get flak/useless/retarded answers or retorts back, but someone might have been in the same boat and able to offer some advice.

Little background : I met my wife when she was dating a friend of mine - it didn't work out (he cheated on her for someone else), and a few months later we hooked up, the rest is history - my life sentence is just over 18 months in . He was with his new fancypeice (lady A) for a couple of years - because he was still friends with our circle of folks and friends, we were civil and things were find as they were.
He then cheated on Lady A with Lady B about 6 months ago, and has been with B ever since.

Now, last week my wife contacts Lady A as some things were said at the start which were "not nice" and she just wanted to clear the air, she has one hell of a concience. IMO not the best idea in the world, but her choice. They got along, apologies were exchanged, no longer want to rip eachothers tits off. No problem.
Now, this "friend" of mine finds out they had contacted - i.e. Lady A appeared on my wife's MySpace (grrr!) friends list, and he kicks off, thinking theres a conspiracy etc etc. Then he sends my wife, to whom he'd been civil with previously lots of threats like "drop dead bitch" and "watch your back".

I don't care two hoots about this twat - he's a moron, and so far 3 women know about it. However, it's dragging my "best" friend into the matters. He doesn't want to lose contact with either party however is more intent on annoying us and saying its "our fault, our problem" rather than having a go at the twat and facing up to the fact he's a no good waste of space. Now the funny thing is, my best mate is still in contact and good friends with Lady A, which the Twat knows about - yet they went out together on Friday night, telling me and the wife he was at his works christmas do!

That doesn't make him much of a friend as far as I'm concerned and I suggested that me and the wife step back from that circle of friends so noone has to choose between friends - and he is now suprised that I'm looking to "terminate" 23 years of friendship and being like brothers.

Anyone have any advice on how to go forward? Generally up until now, my best mate and this twat have been going out and about without inviting us, keeping us separate etc, which has sort of worked, but have occasionally all got together for birthdays etc. However this time if I saw the twat, I'd likely floor him for the comments to my wife, however I know I'm better than that.
So far I've put the ball in his court and I don't think it's going to work. Pessimist as I am, I suspect we're going to be without this group of friends soon.

 

[Clown]

If you can't be arsed reading that shit up there, can anyone recommend me a printer that is decent at doing photos and just normal stuff, around £150?

Cheers.

 

[old.user4556]

Kryten,

I find that in situations messy as these to let things run their natural course and don't intervene or try to adjust/alter the course of things or change people's minds. One thing i've learned in my short time on earth is that humans (friends / family / lovers) can't be changed nor can you really control or change things. I would come off the gas a bit with everyone and allow people to see each other as they really are and let it sort itself out as pointed at by:

...and I suggested that me and the wife step back from that circle of friends so noone has to choose between friends - and he is now surprised that I'm looking to "terminate" 23 years of friendship and being like brothers.

You're right, it doesn't sound like he's much of a best mate; but as I say coming off the gas will allow everyone to see things a bit better.

No disrespect to your wife, but contacting Lady A was not a good idea akin to the "if you dig up the past, all you get is dirty". Women as we all know are superb for holding grudges and not forgetting tiny details that happened a long time ago and they just can't let sleeping dogs fucking lie at times.

It will all blow over, if it doesn't; maybe they weren't as good mates as you thought they were. Everyone is quick to claim "he's my best mate" or "we're close mates", but when the chips are down or the shit hits the fan; these are the true times when you find out who your mates really are.

 

[gunner440]

Clown and I solved it Kryt.

http://crap.gunner440.com/krytstory.txt

 

[Dukat]

Looking at this story solely on what you've posted kryt, I have to say I'm suprised at your best friend's reaction if he's been about for 23 years as a close friend - it strikes me as a very selfish reaction in wanting to sit on the fence and not get involved in what is a fairly big thing for you.

I'd suggest reviewing where you are in terms of this best friend of yours because he doesnt seem like much use to me if he's like that in any other situation. Obviously thats easier for me to type than it is for you to contemplate, but there it is.

I wouldnt go around telling people "sorry we're not talking to you anymore" or even to stop hanging around with them, just dont go out of your way or put yourself out for these people until they start to show that they're willing to meet you half way.

Its difficult, because my initial reaction is to say "fuck it, they're only friends, who needs any of them?" - as long as you and your wife are happy it shouldnt really matter, you're married to her after all and not your friends That said, you obviously put alot of store by your friends - 23 years is a long time and it sounds as though you really do value this friendship, perhaps it would be best just to step back a bit and have a break from that social scene and go elsewhere for a while, perhaps after a break the problems with your old friends wont seem as bad and you'll beable to go back to how things were before.


Clown and Gunz I'm disappointed that there is a major flaw in your otherwise perfect story as it left one big loose end unanswered: Did Clown ever get his printer for around £150? WE HAV TO KNO!

 

[Nate]

Just leave them to there own devices for a while, if he carries on being a prick to your wife. Go and have a word with him, tell him that you don't appreciate it in a calm manner and remain on the higher level. If it kicks off ofcourse, kick his fucking head in, that mother fucker just took it out on your woman! FUCK HIM UP!!!

 

[Calaen]

Anyone wishing my wife dead would be taking a beating, as for the watch your back comment thats a threat and I think you should take the battle to him (kick his face in). Whats even worse is that a grown man is complaining about someone being added as a Myspace friend, I find it somewhat amusing.

I would leave that circle of friends because tbh they all sound like nonces. To many problems and not enough fun. It sounds like my sister and her friends they spend so much time trying to fuck each other off I really do wonder why they even use the term friends when summing up their relationship.

 

[Tom]

Your 'friend' is an insecure idiot. Ditch him. Believe me I know, I've worried about my family for years, apart from my mum none of them are really worth the bother. I found life became much simpler once I removed myself from their silly little squabbles and stories and got on with my own life.

Oh and your 'friend' deserves a slap for insulting your wife. Doesn't matter if he went out with her or not, if I had a friend that did that I'd be telling him on the end of a fist.

 

[Guest]

yes, violence is the answer (not)....


tell your mate of 23 years he isnt a mate for doing what he has been doing...


ask the twat nicely to stop being a retard and then let him get on with his own shit life and you get on with yours.


or another way at it is........

its all your wifes fault for wanting to make everything in the garden rosie. I will never understand the florence nightinggale attitude women have, "lets just all make friends and make pretty ballons"

dump everyone execpt your gf, talk said gf and try to explain that the garden gets very bloody before it gets rosie, and is it worth al lthe effort in the first place.