Actual news headlines from 2003

[Scorn]

Since spamming appears to be somewhat tolerated when it's funny; here's what a friend of mine ran across on a forum he frequents:

1. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
5. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
7. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
10. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
11. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
12. War Dims Hope for Peace
13. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
14. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
15. Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
16. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
17. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
18. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
19. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
20. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
21. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
22. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
23. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
24. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

My favorites:
17. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
20. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

 

[Belsameth]

22. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
24. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

ROFL!