A thread about how titanic sunk!

[smolf]

one word:

Chuck Norris

ups that was 2

 

[tris-]

wasnt even a word, it was a name

 

[Mojo]

hence the wand is STILL there

Exactly

 

[Ezteq]

Well it all started when bill gates was investigating in a time travel experiment, wanting to see if he could go back in time and make even more money on the stock market, horse races, national lotto (but not thunderball though) because as we all know he is one greedy bastard!

So anyway he was round at Doc Hammit Brauns house and they were testing the fecks capacitor and the lightbulb popped rendering them near blind in almost total darkness!!

Suddenly there was a huge crash and a flash of light and two cardidan shaped burn trails appeared in the carpet of Hammit Brauns hallway, at the end of the trail was Bill of The Future, he shunted his glasses up his nose and cleared his throat "hay past Bill, Hay Hammit, look i've come from the future and have to warn you that your first dime is in serious danger!!, you have to travel back in time to the titanic and sink it but this time you have to make sure that Phillias McBeadle dies!!.... he survived the origional sinking and his great great great great grandsons known as the Beadle Boys are the ones who organise and pull off a daring robbery where they break in to the money bin and steal my.. our first dime, ok so just go back and sink it all right?" past Bill was entranced (he'd always loved the sound of his own voice) and said that the job was as good as done, future Bill ran up and down the hall way untill he reached 8.8 miles per hour and disappeared in the twin cardigan shaped blaze trails with faint hints of abba's money money money following him Back To The Fu.. the um the Place Where He'd Origionally Come From!

"Blimey" said Hammit Braun, "guess this time travel machine works after all" then he stabbed Bill fortytwo times in the foot with a screw driver (remember the lightbulb had blown and he couldnt see what he was doing) luckily (for him, not for bill) hitting an artery and after he'd Killed Bil...William he jumped in to his trusty Skoda Octavia and went off to sell the time machine to Natasha Kaplinski (who as we all know is about 5 and a half times richer than bill gates).


After the transaction Natasha Kaplinski used the time machine to travel back to the year the titanic sank and tied some lead weights round the ankles of the great great great great grandfather of her news reading rival sir Trevor McDonald and upon her return to her own time she found that she was now the Queen, Prime Minister, winner of celeb come dancing, dancing on ice, big brother, ready steady cook and mastermind.

"all in all gal, thats what i'd call a job bloody well done" she chuckled to her self as she sat in her high rise appartment stroking her persian rug.

The End.

 

[[SS]Gamblor]

Well it all started when bill gates was investigating in a time travel experiment, wanting to see if he could go back in time and make even more money on the stock market, horse races, national lotto (but not thunderball though) because as we all know he is one greedy bastard!

So anyway he was round at Doc Hammit Brauns house and they were testing the fecks capacitor and the lightbulb popped rendering them near blind in almost total darkness!!

Suddenly there was a huge crash and a flash of light and two cardidan shaped burn trails appeared in the carpet of Hammit Brauns hallway, at the end of the trail was Bill of The Future, he shunted his glasses up his nose and cleared his throat "hay past Bill, Hay Hammit, look i've come from the future and have to warn you that your first dime is in serious danger!!, you have to travel back in time to the titanic and sink it but this time you have to make sure that Phillias McBeadle dies!!.... he survived the origional sinking and his great great great great grandsons known as the Beadle Boys are the ones who organise and pull off a daring robbery where they break in to the money bin and steal my.. our first dime, ok so just go back and sink it all right?" past Bill was entranced (he'd always loved the sound of his own voice) and said that the job was as good as done, future Bill ran up and down the hall way untill he reached 8.8 miles per hour and disappeared in the twin cardigan shaped blaze trails with faint hints of abba's money money money following him Back To The Fu.. the um the Place Where He'd Origionally Come From!

"Blimey" said Hammit Braun, "guess this time travel machine works after all" then he stabbed Bill fortytwo times in the foot with a screw driver (remember the lightbulb had blown and he couldnt see what he was doing) luckily (for him, not for bill) hitting an artery and after he'd Killed Bil...William he jumped in to his trusty Skoda Octavia and went off to sell the time machine to Natasha Kaplinski (who as we all know is about 5 and a half times richer than bill gates).


After the transaction Natasha Kaplinski used the time machine to travel back to the year the titanic sank and tied some lead weights round the ankles of the great great great great grandfather of her news reading rival sir Trevor McDonald and upon her return to her own time she found that she was now the Queen, Prime Minister, winner of celeb come dancing, dancing on ice, big brother, ready steady cook and mastermind.

"all in all gal, thats what i'd call a job bloody well done" she chuckled to her self as she sat in her high rise appartment stroking her persian rug.

The End.

 

[Thorwyn]

it was the lobster ofc

http://www.savethegoldfish.co.uk/fun/lobster.php

 

[Chosen]

Ez that was way too much info! I read the 3 first lines before I gave up!
I want less detailed info!!!

 

[Ezteq]

Ez that was way too much info! I read the 3 first lines before I gave up!
I want less detailed info!!!

lol you suck!
remind me never to choose you if im in a life threatening situation that involves solving clues and thwarting evil you'll just be all like "awww man i gotta do what?? cba to read the instructions" and die because you didnt read the bit at the bottom of the map thats all burnt and crispy and says "... but beware, dont step on the blue rocks or your fate will be short and full of pain Haaaarrr!!" and then i'll die and tbh i dont want that.
so no offence but if i'm ever in that kind of a pickle, i'll get someone else.

 

[Amanita]

The odds of that happening are suprisingly high

 

[Saveus]

The titanic sunk because Bush sr. in a secret investigation trying to find out if gates was making a time experiment machine accidently nuked the ship and killed the 15 arabians and 1000s of americanos on it. Then Chuck Norris caught the baby that fell off the ship and raised it in the ways of the animal teaching all of his skills to it. Hence John Claude Van Damn was born. Cant u see his roundhouse kick has some of the characteristics of His daddy's? and thats how the titanic sunk and John Claude was born.

 

[Tilda]

Water based lubes last longer in humid environments!

 

[Amanita]

Is this statement born of personal experience?

(edited because the emote isn't what I wanted )

 

[Tilda]

Is this statement born of personal experience?

(edited because the emote isn't what I wanted )

Naturally, one has to perform detailed and through experiments to ensure the accuracy of ones statements.

 

[Amanita]

You've started a war inside my head vs. my unnaturally strong curiosity and sheer terror.

*mind soap*

 

[Overdriven]

It got hit by meteor?

 

[Tilda]

You've started a war inside my head vs. my unnaturally strong curiosity and sheer terror.

*mind soap*

I'm not sure why you'd need mind soap. Its not terrifying!

Its all about gradients!
If you have a surface that has been lubricated with water based lube and there is say 2% water humidity in the air, then its "easy" for the water in the lube to evapourate into the air, as there is a gradient between say 95% water in the lube, to 2% in the air.
Whereas, if your in say, the tropics, and the humidity is 95% and the lube water is 95%, then the lube will run out far slower. As there is no concentration gradient, theres a fairly equal amount of water in any given sample of both air and lube.
Thus in humid places, lube runs out generally due to evapouration due to heat produced by friction () rather than it just evapourating due to low humidity.
I'd go into details, but I dont want to fuel your terror

 

[Ezteq]

Water based lubes last longer in humid environments!

take it to the lube poll!

========================================================

and in other news,

Jessie Jackson has been arrested for impersonating a cat.

David has admitted to cheating, Goliath is said to be "waxing philosophical and comtemplating a rematch" as we speak!!

Phylis Hardacre of chipping sodburry had her prize bagonia stamped on last night and has put out a £30- reward to catch the perp


I just used the word Perp

And Finally, Walt Disney corp is plannign to exhibit Walt Disney the person for a special feature in its Disney world resort the "Waltsickle" should be opening some time after Easter.

i'm Armatage Shanks, thanks for tuning in.

 

[Amanita]

You've put a lot of thought into this haven't you ^^

I don't want to think about what humidity does to my hair

 

[Tilda]

The lube poll is inadequate! <snort>

And to Amanita, not much thought, I am a man of action!

This is one thing I dont understand about girls, water/humidity generally makes hair go messy/curly, neither of which is a bad thing. Messy hair on a girl tbh, is pretty sexy and theres certainly nothing wrong with curly hair. You dont have to have every hair on your head perfectly in place to be attractive.
And anyway, whoever your with should be able to accept that your only human and cant look perfectly stunning all the time

Wow, quite a hijack. titanic sinking to lube to damp hair!

 

[Ezteq]

pfft runny lubes are inadequate!!

 

[Amanita]

My hair's usually inclined to be messy and curly to start with, a lot of the time I end up looking like some wild woman ^^

I know you don't have to look perfect all the time but I feel pretty good when I go out of the house looking nice
However, if I should find myself somehow in the Amazon rainforest I'm sure I'd have bigger worries than bushy hair...

 

[Tilda]

The Amazon is amazing!
God, I have so many stories to tell about going there, but its hard to type them out, its better to tell them to photos, and they arnt on my computer yet
Perhaps one day i'll get around to it.
Innuendos aside, the amazon is well worth visiting if you can ever afford the flights.

 

[Amanita]

I've wanted to go for ages but deep down I know I'll spend half the time trying to hide from mosquitos.

 

[Chosen]

lol you suck!
remind me never to choose you if im in a life threatening situation that involves solving clues and thwarting evil you'll just be all like "awww man i gotta do what?? cba to read the instructions" and die because you didnt read the bit at the bottom of the map thats all burnt and crispy and says "... but beware, dont step on the blue rocks or your fate will be short and full of pain Haaaarrr!!" and then i'll die and tbh i dont want that.
so no offence but if i'm ever in that kind of a pickle, i'll get someone else.

Well, when we are stuck alone in a life threatning situation! I'll give you the manual, you evil creatures called female really want to be equal to us men! So I'll give you the job! :touch:

P.S: Just joking

 

[tris-]

water based lube is the best, no matter what you say.

for a while it is all lubey, then it will go down to a nice lubey feel with a friction available if you desire it.

if not then more lube can be applied, but i find the available friction is very welcome

 

[Yshynsin]

The titanic sunk because a giant bottlenosed whale swam out of the english esturary after it and then tried to eat the propelly because it looked twangy.

Bored :<

 

[Tilda]

I've wanted to go for ages but deep down I know I'll spend half the time trying to hide from mosquitos.

I went to the highlands in ecuador, think lake district but another 3000ft up, there the mosquitos where hideous, huge swarms of the things, however, in the rain forest, they were barely noticable, i mean i had to sleep under a net, but if you were sitting out at a bar, it wasnt like you were swatting them every 5 mins.
When I qualify, earn lots of money and have some free time, i'd like to go back the thing is, once you launch into a career its so so hard to find time.

<hides from wild woman>

 

[Ame]

http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbunnies.html


All the info you need.

tbh

 

[Infanity]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Ezteq again.



The titanic sunk because it could not take Gamahs Weight :E

Gamah was the ice burg in that story - Thats why hes still here.

 

[Maxgirth]

My theory is :- cast your mind back to the film,when they are doing that arms stretched thing on the front of the ship,if you look and listen carefully,you will notice the captain saying " will you two move please, I can`t see a fuc..."