A man...

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...walks into a chemist. He walks up to the counter and tells the chemist “I have three girls coming around tonight. I was wondering if you had anything in stock that would keep me potent all night as I have never had three girls at the same time before”. The chemist then says “Well, I have some extra strength Viagra that I ordered of the Internet. But you can only have some if you promise not to tell anyone where you got it from”. The chemist then reaches under the counter, pulls out a small box of tablets and hands them over. “That will be 50 quid mate”, says the chemist. “That’s expensive, but I guess I will be needing it”, replies the man who pays up and then walks out.
The next day the guy returns to the chemist with a painful expression on his face. “A good night then?”, asks the chemist with a smirk on his face. The man then pulls down his trousers and shows him his dick. “Fucking hell!”, exclaims the chemist as he looks down on the man’s dick which is black and blue and bleeding. “That’s a hell of a state”, says the chemist “what can I get you for it?” he asks. “I need some Deep Heat” please replies the man. “You can’t put Deep Heat on that!” the chemist says. “No no” he says, “the girls did not show up in the end. The Deap Heat is for my arms”.
 
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A young lady in Chicago had boy twins, gave them up for adoption. One was adopted by a couple in Spain; they named their boy Juan. The other one was adopted by a couple in Egypt; they named their boy Amall.

Many years later Juan finds his birth mother, sends his picture to her. She very happy, at first, when she received the picture. But then started feeling a little sad.

Her husband asked, "What's wrong?"

She said, "I wish I also had a picture of Amall."

The husband said, "But they are twins . . . if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amall."
 
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ShockingAlberto

Guest
its bloody marvelous :)

admittedly half of the joke isn't needed since the key parts that make it funny are small, buts its still classy.
hell, any jokes about excessive wanking are gonna be brilliant:D
 
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ReActor

Guest
Three men arrive at the gates of heaven. St Peter is there, and he says "Sorry, lads. Heaven's full right now. But if you tell me how you died, and I find it interesting, I may be able to squeeze you in."

So the first man says "Well, I came home to find my wife naked and sweaty in our bed, so I think 'Fuck! She's got a man in here' so I run roud the house trying to find this guy, and then I notice someone's hanging off the balcony.

"So I go out there and start stamping on his fingers, but he won't budge. So I went back in, and got a hammer, and started whacking his fingers. Eventually, he fell, and it's quite a drop, but he didn't die! So I had to go and get the fridge. I pushed it out, over the balcony, and it landed on the guy. But I had a heart attack moving it and now I'm here."

St Peter says "Wow, that's pretty bizarre. In you go." And the guy goes in. He says to the next man "So, how did you die?"

The man says "Well, I was doing my exercises on the balcony, naked, as usual. When I slipped and fell! But as I was falling, I managed to grab on to the next ledge down. Then I'm hanging there, and this guy comes out, and I'm like 'hey, maybe he's going to save me!' but he starts stamping on my fingers! And I'm like, what the hell? But I hung on. Then he goes in and I'm thinking 'well maybe now he'll get some help' but no, he comes back with a hammer and starts hitting my fingers! And of course, I couldn't hang on so I fell. But when I landed, I didn't die! Bit painful maybe, but I'm thinking, 'Wow, another miracle!" And then this fridge fell on me and here I am!"

Again, St Peter is very impressed and lets the man in.
Then he turns to the last one and says "So, how about you?"

"Well, you're NEVER gonna believe this, right" says the man. "I'm bollock-naked in this fridge..."

Stop me if you've heard it.

Oh no, too late...
 
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xane

Guest
this is what I love about BW, keeps me coming back, the jokes here are pure class, thanks peeps :)
 
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Perplex

Guest
LOL reac....that actually made me laugh out loud at work, and everyones interrogation causd me to print it out and stick it up on the wall :)
 
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I man dies and goes to heavan. When he arives god welcomes him and offers to show him around. As the man is walking around and taking in the sights he notices that there are clocks everywhere, all over the walls, millions of them. Then he notices that, every now and again, some of the clocks hour hands spin around the clock, jumping forward an hour. Intrigued, the man asks god "Excuse me God sir. I was just wondering what all these clocks are for and why some of them seem to jump around an hour". "Well", replies god, " Every person still living on earth has a clock that represent how much time they have left on earth. Everytime someone has a wank an hour is taken off thier life and thus the hour hand spins around". "Really", replies the man, "I know a guy on earth and I would love to see his clock". "Sure", says god, "What is his name?" he asks. "His name is Bodhi". "Oh yes, I know. His clock is in the kitchen". "Why is it in the kitchen" asks the man. "Well it's very hot in there and we needed a fan".






Sorry Bodhi.
 
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old.$aw$aLL

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Damn funny room :D

I've got one but I'm worried about its content.
 
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old.$aw$aLL

Guest
Well its about the Irish and Osama.... should I? :uhoh:
 
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Sir Frizz

Guest
cant be that bad, can it? give us an idea or sumfin:)
 
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old.$aw$aLL

Guest
Some good ole Irish humor we could use in these times.

Osama bin Laden was sitting in his cave wondering whom to invade next
when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, Mr. Laden" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Osama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the
entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Osama paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Laden, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry
equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Osama asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Osama sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my
army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Laden, the war is still
on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've
modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as
well!"

Osama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter
planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased
my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Laden! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Osama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
and decided there's no way we can feed two million
prisoners."



...jokes fun and harmless. ;)
 
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