B
[BF]kate
Guest
Got this through email so I don't know if it's really old and already been seen, but it made me giggle cause it reminds me of a few people I won't mention 
The definitive guide to the archetypal classes of Albion
Chapter 1: Tanks
The Polearmsman
The Polearmsman is an aggressive type, marked by overconfidence in both his weapon and his armor. He believes that the best defense is a good offense, and if he could directly convert his armor factor into damage he probably would. He is a cleric’s nightmare, with little regard for his own safety and even less for anyone else’s. When put in a situation where he can’t use his beloved polearm, he will quickly become agitated and whip out his crossbow to go stand in the most dangerous position possible (preferably one near a crowd of people who are safely hidden behind defilates so he can get them AE’d) and attempt to pepper the enemy with bolts.
Typical Quotes:
“Well what are we waiting for, let’s go kick their ass!”
“All this sitting around is driving me crazy.”
“OMG Polearms ROCK!”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez”
The Sword’n’Board Armsman
One who rolled his character with a romantic tear in his eye for his childhood dreams of being a knight with his sword and shield, over time the SnB Armsman becomes bitter and then resigned to the fact that he will never kill anybody. He’s exceptionally proud of his slam shield style, and takes pride in his ability to safely hold aggro in PvE, and tends to look with disdain and jealousy at his polarm-wielding cousins, who leveled up by using groups as disposable kleenex instead of trying in vain to keep their own stupidity from killing them. Many of the SnBA’s take up hobbies such as trade skills or seigecraft (or a scout alt) to fill the gaping void left by their inability to actually damage anybody who doesn’t stand still. Most of his RPs will come from tagging each enemy once with his crossbow and then hoping somebody more able will kill them.
Typical Quotes:
“I’m hitting this guy for 50, he’s hitting back for 300?!”
“Engaging NPC archer with shield.”
“The enemy is near? Good thing I brought these Trebuchet parts!”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez”
The Paladin
Welcomed in every monster hunt, and laughed at in every PvP encounter, the poor Paladin has much in common with the SnBA, even if the paladin is a 2 handed one. Months of telling himself “I’m not crippled, I’m just a ‘defensive’ tank” has saved the last shred of his self esteem as he spends most of his time in the frontier either rezzing or waiting for a rez. They enjoy creating wild, frenetic lightshows by cycling through their chants as quickly as possible. In personality they range from “biblethumper who stops to pray loudly at the drop of a hat” to “Armsman with chants” with a very wide spread.
Typical Quotes:
“Have at thee! Hey stop! Come back here! Dammit!”
“Rez inc”
“What the heck does matter resist do?”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez”
The Mercenary
The unwanted stepchild of albion tanks, the merc types range from “Jack of all trades, master of none” to “outcast in search of his own identity.” One of the most mystifying things in all albion is how a mercenary deals damage by making thrusting motions with two hammers. An uncanny number of roleplayers choose to be mercs, and despite all the social abuse they take and the stigma of mercenarism, you generally find less assholes among the mercenaries than you do among the other tanks.
Typical Quotes:
“Your group needs a tank? Well sign me up! What do you mean, ‘REAL tank?!’”
“You think you’re so great with your plate, don’t you, buckethead.”
“Wassamatta, got sand in your eyes? Well NOW YOU DO!!”
“I don’t get it, armsmen can spec in crossbows, but I can’t in shortbows?”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez.”
Chapter 2: Healers
The Friar
Friars are fighting healers who generally have a lot more fun than Paladins. They’re usually jolly and sometimes drunk. You meet a lot more “interesting” personalities among friars than you do in most other classes. They are generally more easygoing than other fighters because healing, rezzing and buffing gives them something to do while they wait for the casters to get the killing done. Despite the insane damage that they do with their staves, they are usually recruited as healers, until there’s a shadowblade or nightshade lurking about, and then out comes the friar’s “Caster disguise.” A botched critical strike and a few well placed staff styles later...
Typical Quotes:
“/e drinks his ale.”
“here comes the rez”
“/dance naked”
The Smite Cleric
No class is despised as much as the Smite Cleric. The best way to make 7 people groan in unison is to have them hear the cleric who just joined the group say “I’m a smiter.” And usually, there is just cause for this. Smite clerics have eschewed the helpful heals and buffs that are stereotypical of the healer archetype in favor of caster-like direct damage. Commonly called “Chainclad Wizards” or “Lightning-spec wizards,” they are able to sneak their ways into groups simply because their class still reads “cleric” in /who, and then they drop the “I don’t heal, I smite” bomb. Some of the most notorious and insufferable dickheads on your server are probably smite clerics.
Typical Quotes:
“I don’t heal, I’m a smiter.”
“Can’t rez, need power for smite.”
“(mumble)smite(/mumble)Cleric LFG!”
“OMG smite ROCKS!”
The Rejuv Cleric
No class is beloved as much as the Rejuv cleric. Having someone in your group who has dedicated their gamelife to keeping morons like you from dying just gives you warm fuzzies. These poor bastards don’t get to watch the fight, they stare intently at the group HP miniwindow, playing massively multiplayer online wack-a-mole, healing each bar as it goes down. Their rezzes are incredible, picking people off the ground and giving them back all their HP and half their power, but often these 12-second-cast-time wonders are upstaged by the 3-second-cast-time paladins and friars who swoop upon the corpse looking for ways to help. Since their nature relies on the others in their group to do the fighting and such for them, Rejuv clerics tend to be fairly scarce and usually very nice, very patient people... except they hate smite clerics even more than everybody else does.
Typical Quotes:
“Instant heal used”
“Rez inc......................... dang, another paladin stole it.”
“Somebody DOES have me on Protect-Ability, right?”
“Get it off me! Get it off me! I can’t heal you if it is hitting me!”
The definitive guide to the archetypal classes of Albion
Chapter 1: Tanks
The Polearmsman
The Polearmsman is an aggressive type, marked by overconfidence in both his weapon and his armor. He believes that the best defense is a good offense, and if he could directly convert his armor factor into damage he probably would. He is a cleric’s nightmare, with little regard for his own safety and even less for anyone else’s. When put in a situation where he can’t use his beloved polearm, he will quickly become agitated and whip out his crossbow to go stand in the most dangerous position possible (preferably one near a crowd of people who are safely hidden behind defilates so he can get them AE’d) and attempt to pepper the enemy with bolts.
Typical Quotes:
“Well what are we waiting for, let’s go kick their ass!”
“All this sitting around is driving me crazy.”
“OMG Polearms ROCK!”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez”
The Sword’n’Board Armsman
One who rolled his character with a romantic tear in his eye for his childhood dreams of being a knight with his sword and shield, over time the SnB Armsman becomes bitter and then resigned to the fact that he will never kill anybody. He’s exceptionally proud of his slam shield style, and takes pride in his ability to safely hold aggro in PvE, and tends to look with disdain and jealousy at his polarm-wielding cousins, who leveled up by using groups as disposable kleenex instead of trying in vain to keep their own stupidity from killing them. Many of the SnBA’s take up hobbies such as trade skills or seigecraft (or a scout alt) to fill the gaping void left by their inability to actually damage anybody who doesn’t stand still. Most of his RPs will come from tagging each enemy once with his crossbow and then hoping somebody more able will kill them.
Typical Quotes:
“I’m hitting this guy for 50, he’s hitting back for 300?!”
“Engaging NPC archer with shield.”
“The enemy is near? Good thing I brought these Trebuchet parts!”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez”
The Paladin
Welcomed in every monster hunt, and laughed at in every PvP encounter, the poor Paladin has much in common with the SnBA, even if the paladin is a 2 handed one. Months of telling himself “I’m not crippled, I’m just a ‘defensive’ tank” has saved the last shred of his self esteem as he spends most of his time in the frontier either rezzing or waiting for a rez. They enjoy creating wild, frenetic lightshows by cycling through their chants as quickly as possible. In personality they range from “biblethumper who stops to pray loudly at the drop of a hat” to “Armsman with chants” with a very wide spread.
Typical Quotes:
“Have at thee! Hey stop! Come back here! Dammit!”
“Rez inc”
“What the heck does matter resist do?”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez”
The Mercenary
The unwanted stepchild of albion tanks, the merc types range from “Jack of all trades, master of none” to “outcast in search of his own identity.” One of the most mystifying things in all albion is how a mercenary deals damage by making thrusting motions with two hammers. An uncanny number of roleplayers choose to be mercs, and despite all the social abuse they take and the stigma of mercenarism, you generally find less assholes among the mercenaries than you do among the other tanks.
Typical Quotes:
“Your group needs a tank? Well sign me up! What do you mean, ‘REAL tank?!’”
“You think you’re so great with your plate, don’t you, buckethead.”
“Wassamatta, got sand in your eyes? Well NOW YOU DO!!”
“I don’t get it, armsmen can spec in crossbows, but I can’t in shortbows?”
“Dammit, mezzed.”
“Need rez.”
Chapter 2: Healers
The Friar
Friars are fighting healers who generally have a lot more fun than Paladins. They’re usually jolly and sometimes drunk. You meet a lot more “interesting” personalities among friars than you do in most other classes. They are generally more easygoing than other fighters because healing, rezzing and buffing gives them something to do while they wait for the casters to get the killing done. Despite the insane damage that they do with their staves, they are usually recruited as healers, until there’s a shadowblade or nightshade lurking about, and then out comes the friar’s “Caster disguise.” A botched critical strike and a few well placed staff styles later...
Typical Quotes:
“/e drinks his ale.”
“here comes the rez”
“/dance naked”
The Smite Cleric
No class is despised as much as the Smite Cleric. The best way to make 7 people groan in unison is to have them hear the cleric who just joined the group say “I’m a smiter.” And usually, there is just cause for this. Smite clerics have eschewed the helpful heals and buffs that are stereotypical of the healer archetype in favor of caster-like direct damage. Commonly called “Chainclad Wizards” or “Lightning-spec wizards,” they are able to sneak their ways into groups simply because their class still reads “cleric” in /who, and then they drop the “I don’t heal, I smite” bomb. Some of the most notorious and insufferable dickheads on your server are probably smite clerics.
Typical Quotes:
“I don’t heal, I’m a smiter.”
“Can’t rez, need power for smite.”
“(mumble)smite(/mumble)Cleric LFG!”
“OMG smite ROCKS!”
The Rejuv Cleric
No class is beloved as much as the Rejuv cleric. Having someone in your group who has dedicated their gamelife to keeping morons like you from dying just gives you warm fuzzies. These poor bastards don’t get to watch the fight, they stare intently at the group HP miniwindow, playing massively multiplayer online wack-a-mole, healing each bar as it goes down. Their rezzes are incredible, picking people off the ground and giving them back all their HP and half their power, but often these 12-second-cast-time wonders are upstaged by the 3-second-cast-time paladins and friars who swoop upon the corpse looking for ways to help. Since their nature relies on the others in their group to do the fighting and such for them, Rejuv clerics tend to be fairly scarce and usually very nice, very patient people... except they hate smite clerics even more than everybody else does.
Typical Quotes:
“Instant heal used”
“Rez inc......................... dang, another paladin stole it.”
“Somebody DOES have me on Protect-Ability, right?”
“Get it off me! Get it off me! I can’t heal you if it is hitting me!”
