20 years too late

[DaGaffer]

As women get older they get more desperate. Hormones etc. I wouldn't go getting all cocky

Sort of, but like everything in life its more complicated than that. Its more a case that men get less desperate as their testosterone levels start to dip, while women's estrogen levels are still on a plateau. Add in the fact that a lot of men do tend to age more gracefully than women (not all obviously) and then add in a pinch of "cougar" fashionability, and a man's early forties can be a bit of a minefield. 38-42 I was like a kid in a sweetshop, but I was newly divorced with no kids, which was like catnip for women between 35 and 45 (I think I ticked the boxes of "not gay", "no baggage", "has own hair", "scrubs up alright", "isn't going to mooch off me"). Of course now I'm too knackered to ever think about going astray (not that I would as I am blissfully happy. That sounds facetious but I'm actually being genuine).

 

[old.Tohtori]

divorced

I am blissfully happy.

See? It's the truth!

 

[Shagrat]

So pretty much avoid being so flirty now, as its a dangerous game at 40, and put some distance between me and the divorcee. Pretty much what i thought, and worth doing now when the worst that's happened so far is a couple of kisses.

Wifey knows I talk to the one who's getting divorced anyway so that's in the open anyhoo. Just have to watch myself when I get drunk

 

[Kahland]

What your wife doesnt know doesnt hurt her.

Either tell her how you feel. or cheat on her. Either could be a win/lose situation, or a win/win.

 

[Fweddy]

Sleep with Wij. You'll never feel like cheating on your wife again.

 

[Shagrat]

I've no intention of cheating on the missus, never have done. The initial post was more about a) how have i suddenly got popular and b) how do i put off a divorcee with depression history with a minimum of fuss.

Been married for 14 years and never regretted making that commitment.

 

[old.Tohtori]

b) how do i put off a divorcee with depression history with a minimum of fuss.

Easy really, by talking.

If i've given the impression that i'm interested in that way, i apologise...

I'm not the kind of man who could cheat...

You know, basic TV drama bullcrap lines

 

[old.user4556]

You guys are old

 

[Scouse]

I've no intention of cheating on the missus, never have done.

Y'see, this is where we differ. I think snogging a bird is cheating on the missus.

A mate of mine is quite happy to have a little tart about (as he puts it) with other women. By tart about he means he'll snog 'em and feel up their tits/have a bit of a grope. But he goes no further as he sees this as fair game and owt else as a betrayal.

(Little does he know his missus is a complete ho, but that can't be helped...)


Personally, I think cheating is anything that you agreed was out of line when you started seeing each other. If your missus says that shagging other women is OK as long as you wrap it up then it's not cheating. If you decided that holding other women's hands was out of order then...

So, which is it Shag? Have you cheated or haven't you?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Forgot to add, you need to readjust your "innocent" factor too.

Escorting someone home and going up for coffee after a night out is a green light for boinky boink. You gave that impression.

Kissing someone good night and setting up another date is a clear indication that you want to do something else then watch a friends marathon. It's actually a form of cheating already, dating another woman on the side. Mistress begins that way.

Getting drunk and having someones tongue down your throat is cheating, though as Scouse said above, depend on the person. Did you share this tonguedownthroat with your wifey? If not, then it's cheating.

So at first, i'd adjust myself to realise that infact i've been enabling the women and giving them way too strong signs of wannaboink.

In a nutshell; you didn't just contemplate, you acted.

 

[Kahland]

Imo cheating is only when you have sexual intercourse.

I've kissed with many different women and had oral sex while still being in a relationship. If you're just open with it to your girl/wife she would most likely be okay with it. But then you should not complain when she smells of another man.

Who havent kissed and made out with someone else while being in a relationship??? I mean, dont you guys work ?! Christmas dinners and other parties at work are meant to be the place where you do what ever you want. What happens at work, stays at work.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Who havent kissed and made out with someone else while being in a relationship??? I mean, dont you guys work ?! Christmas dinners and other parties at work are meant to be the place where you do what ever you want. What happens at work, stays at work.

I haven't. I don't even do that if i might be in a relationship.

Just not built that way, but i'm also very open when it comes to what i consider cheating; basically if them ladies are honest, i have little problems with what any kind of lesbian action.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

I haven't, because I'm not a grade A cunt? It's really not hard to have some self-control you know. It's beneficial. Couldn't do anything like that without thinking of my gf, which would kind of defeat the purpose of doing it.

 

[Kahland]

I haven't. I don't even do that if i might be in a relationship.

Just not built that way, but i'm also very open when it comes to what i consider cheating; basically if them ladies are honest, i have little problems with what any kind of lesbian action.

Lesbian/hetero is the same when it comes to sex. If you let her drink of the furry cup she'll think you've given her free reins.

 

[Kahland]

I haven't, because I'm not a grade A cunt? It's really not hard to have some self-control you know. It's beneficial. Couldn't do anything like that without thinking of my gf, which would kind of defeat the purpose of doing it.

But if she's bad in bed, or she wont snuggle, kiss, hug ?... I guess you wont know before you try it

 

[Raven]

I haven't and I hope I never will. When I made my vows 9 years ago I intended to stick to them, I still do.

I generally avoid things early on so there has been very few situations where it could happen, when it does happen I politely point them in the direction of my wedding ring.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

But if she's bad in bed, or she wont snuggle, kiss, hug ?... I guess you wont know before you try it

What the hell are you even talking about? That makes no sense.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Lesbian/hetero is the same when it comes to sex. If you let her drink of the furry cup she'll think you've given her free reins.

Not the point, i DO give free rei(g)ns if it's based on honesty.

Doesn't mean i can a i won't even if given permission, just that i'm not the jealous type.

 

[Kahland]

What the hell are you even talking about? That makes no sense.

Why wouldnt you dump your girlfriend/wife if she doesnt kiss you, hug you, make love to you?.. But i guess you're right, sometimes you should set things straight and be honest.

I extended my single life for some time. Just hired an au pair for 6 months, her salary isnt very high. 21 year old spanish girl

 

[Fafnir]

Why wouldnt you dump your girlfriend/wife if she doesnt kiss you, hug you, make love to you?.. But i guess you're right, sometimes you should set things straight and be honest.

I extended my single life for some time. Just hired an au pair for 6 months, her salary isnt very high. 21 year old spanish girl

You can send her over to my place and i can teach her a thing or two...

 

[Kahland]

Not the point, i DO give free rei(g)ns if it's based on honesty.

Doesn't mean i can a i won't even if given permission, just that i'm not the jealous type.

Good point. Honesty is the way, and i think OP should talk to his wife.

Maybe he could get free REINS REINS REINS REINS R E I N S.

Reins are items of horse tack, used to direct a horse or other animal used for riding or driving. Reins can be made of leather, nylon, metal, or other materials, and attach to a bridle via either its bit or its noseband.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Got ya b*tch

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Why wouldnt you dump your girlfriend/wife if she doesnt kiss you, hug you, make love to you?.. But i guess you're right, sometimes you should set things straight and be honest.

But... that's never been a part of it?! You're just pulling random assumptions out of your arse to back up your very weak argument.

 

[Kahland]

But... that's never been a part of it?! You're just pulling random assumptions out of your arse to back up your very weak argument.

OP has 2 choices.

- Be honest and talk to his wife. Get satisfying answer or divorce.

- Cheat like hell.

Hidden 3rd choice;

- accept unsatisfying answer and cheat like hell.

It's in man's nature to satisfy his needs whether family, girls, wives, children is in his way or not.

 

[Zenith.UK]

Who havent kissed and made out with someone else while being in a relationship??? I mean, dont you guys work ?! Christmas dinners and other parties at work are meant to be the place where you do what ever you want. What happens at work, stays at work.

Me.
I've never even kissed another woman (or man for that matter!) since I started with my wife. I consider it disrespectful at best, shitty behaviour at worst. I took the "forsaking all others" bit of my marriage vows seriously.

I don't go to work parties for 3 reasons.
1) Work head office is nearly 200 miles away.
2) They bore the hell out of me.
3) Why put yourself in temptations way?

It's in man's nature to satisfy his needs whether family, girls, wives, children is in his way or not.

Depends on if your id is stronger than your superego.
There are plenty of things that I want to do for myself, but I don't do them because it means wife/kids losing out on something. It's called sacrifice, and as long as sacrifice comes from both sides, it works well.

 

[old.Tohtori]

It's in man's nature to satisfy his needs whether family, girls, wives, children is in his way or not.

F*ck that. That is a nature of a man who needs excuses to f*ck around.

If you can't stop yourself from cheating, one form or another, don't go out alone to any event where you might get in that situation.

Or alternatively, man up and don't cheat.

 

[Shagrat]

Blimey this has gone off on a bit of a tagent hasn't it.

Just to clarify. Don't want free rein, never have, wifes already clues up and things aren't changing. I'm.just not going to get myself into these situations again, however novel women taking an interest in me is atm.

Looking at it objectively, yes even a kiss is too far, and the fact I've felt guilty afterwards is a sure sign of how I feel. just shows you can be immature about stuff even at 40....

 

[old.Tohtori]

Oh yeah, the caveat in my man up rant is ofcourse that if your wifey is ok with you sticking your tongue in thai-ladyboys dangly bits, then it's your business

Seems you've talked it through and decided on the "f*ck fire, i'm out of kitchen" regarding other females. Well done on solution, best of luck with resolution