stumbled over this, quite funny

A

Addlcove

Guest
1- Alex Mijtus, 36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with a 20 inch long vibrator. Mrs Mijtus had had enough of her husband's strange sex practices and one night during a prolonged session of fun she snapped, pushing all 20 inches of the vibrator into Alex's anus until it ruptured several internal organs and caused severe bleeding.

2- Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.

3- Peter Stone, 42 years old, is murdered by his 8 year old daughter, who he had just sent to her room with no dinner. Young Samantha Stone felt that if she couldn't have dinner no one should, and she promptly inserted 72 rat poison tablets into her fathers coffee as he prepared dinner. The victim took one sip and promptly collapsed. Samantha Stone was given a suspended sentence as the judge felt she didn't realise what she was doing, until she tried to poison her mother using the same method one month later.

4- David Danil, 17 years old, was killed by his girl friend after he attempted to have his way with her. His unwelcome advance was met with a double-barreled shotgun. Charla's (the girlfriends') father had given it to her an hour before the date started, just in case.

5- Javier Halos, 27 years old, was killed by his landlord for failing to pay his rent for 8 years. The landlord, Kirk Weston, clubbed the victim to death with a toilet seat after he realised just how long it had been since Mr Halos paid his rent.

6- Megan Fry, 44 years old, is killed by 14 state troopers after she wandered onto a live firing, fake town, simulation. Seeing all the troopers walking slowly down the street Megan Fry had jumped out in front of them and yelled Boo!. The troopers, thinking she was a pop up target, fired 67 shots between them, over 40 of them hitting the target. She just looked like a very real looking target, one of the troopers stated in his report.

7- Julia Smeeth, 20 years old, was killed by her brother Michael because she talked on the phone too long, Michael clubbed his sister to death with a cordless phone, then stabbed her several times with the broken arial.

8- Helena Simms, Wife to the famous American nuclear scientist Harold Simms was killed by her husband after she had an affair with the neighbor. Over a period of 3 months Harold substituted Helena's eye shadow with a Uranium composite that was highly radioactive, until she died of radiation poisoning. Although she suffered many symptoms, including total hair loss, skin welts, blindness, extreme nausea and even had an ear lobe drop off, the victim never attended a doctor's surgery or hospital for a check up.

9- Military Sergeant John Joe Winter killed his two timing wife by loading her car with Trintynitrate explosive (similar to C4). The Ford Taurus she was driving was filled with 750 kgs of explosive, forming a force twice as powerful as the Oklahoma Bombing. The explosion was heard by several persons some up to 14 kilometers away. No trace of the car or the victim were ever found, only a 55 meter deep crater, and 500m of missing road.

10- Patty Winter, 35 years old, was killed by her neighbor in the early hours of a Sunday morning. Her neighbor, Falt Hame, for years had a mounted F4 phantom jet engine in his rear yard. He would fire the jet engine, aimed at an empty block at the back of his property. Patty Winter would constantly complain to the local sheriff's officers about the noise and the potential risk of fire. Mr Hame was served with a notice to remove the engine immediately. Not liking this he invited Miss Winter over for a cup of coffee and a chat about the whole situation. What Winter didn't know was that he had changed the position of the engine, as she walked into the yard he activated it, hitting her with a blast of 5,000 degrees, killing her instantly, and forever burning her outline into the driveway.

11- Michael Lewis, angry at his gay boyfriend, used the movie, Die Hard With a Vengeance as inspiration. He drugged his boyfriend, Tony Berry, into an almost catatonic state, then dressed him only in a double sided white board that read Death to all N****rs! on one side, and God Loves the KKK on the other. Lewis then drove the victim to downtown Harlem and dropped him off. Two minutes later Berry was deceased.

12- Conrad Middleton, 26 years old, was killed by his twin brother Brian after a disagreement over who should take the family home after their parents' passed away. Conrad had a nasal problem, and had no sense of smell. After the argument Brian stormed out of the house, then snuck back later, and turned on the 3 gas taps in the house, filling it with gas. He then left out a box of cigars, a lighter and a note saying, "Sorry for the spree, have a puff on me, Brian". Conrad promptly lit a cigar, destroying the house, and himself in the process
 
A

Addlcove

Guest
and more

FIRE KILLS TREE TRIMMER
> England | A tree trimmer decided to save time, and throw
> the pruned branches directly into a fire he built near
> the base of the tree. Predictably, the tree caught fire,
> putting an end to further timesaving innovations.
>
> WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
> Kansas | A man whose vehicle broke down on I-35 was struck
> and killed by a train while calling for help. The train
> engineer spotted him standing on the tracks, holding a
> cell phone to one ear and cupping his hand to the other ear
> to block the noise of the train.
>
> WOUNDED WIRE BITES BACK
> Pennsylvania | Daniel was practicing his marksmanship by
> shooting at electrical insulators, whose function is to hold
> electrical wires aloft. Eventually the shattered targets were
> no longer able to do their job, and a high-voltage wire fell
> to the ground, sending Daniel to his shocking demise.
>
> WRONG AND WRONGER
> Ukraine | A man was walking his dog, when a Police Academy
> cadet pointed out that dogs on a public street must be leashed
> and muzzled. The men began to argue, until the dog owner
> pulled out a military hand grenade and threw it to the cadet's
> feet. His well-trained dog immediately fetched it back,
> and man and dog met the same messy fate.
>
> BEES 1, HUMANS 0
> Brazil | A farmer decided to burn a beehive out of his
> orange tree. He protected his head from bee stings by sealing
> a plastic bag tightly around his neck. His worried wife found
> him dead a few hours later. He had forgotten to put breathing
> holes in the bag.
>
> CABLE CAR STAR
> Italy | A 53-year-old Glasgow tourist used a mountain climber's
> snap hook to attach himself to an unused cable car cable, and
> attempted to slide down a mountain. Unable to defeat the force
> of gravity, the man accelerated out of control and proceeded to
> bash his way 200 meters down the cable before impacting a pylon.
>
> ELECTRIFIED WORMS
> Norway | If you need worms for fishing, just put a 12-volt
> electric current through ground, and up they come. A 23-year-old
> man withdrew his genes form the pool when he tried to speed up
> the process by using 220V household current. Alas, he did so
> squatting on a steel bucket, holding an electrode in one hand
> while pushing the other in the ground...
>
> GUN OWNER SHOOTS BACK 72%
> New Mexico | 18-year-old Carlos tried to rob a man who had
> placed a newspaper ad to sell a gun. Surprise! The gun seller
> was also a gun owner. He fired it in self-defense,
> and the robber died before rescue crews arrived.
>
> SLICK SHIT SLIP
> Arizona | Had he been eating too many banana peels?
> A 49-year-old Mohave County Jail inmate defecated on his
> cell floor, slipped in his own feces, struck his head
> on the ground, and died.
>
> FOOLISH COURAGE
> Brazil | On New Year’s Eve, some friends were befogged by Pinga,
> a traditional Brazilian liquor, when they began competing to see
> who could hold a lit firework in his mouth the longest. Antonio
> was the winner, biting a firework a bit too long, and thereby
> earning praise for his "courage" at his funeral.
>
> BOOBY TRAPS TRAP BOOB
> The Netherlands | A retired engineer booby-trapped his home
> with twenty deadly devices, with the intention of killing his
> estranged family. Anyone with common sense could predict the
> inevitable outcome. He inadvertently triggered one of his own
> hidden traps, and removed himself from the planet.
>
> WELL-TRAINED
> Kentucky | A 20-year-old demonstrating train-hopping to his
> friends tried to hop a southbound train, but failed to notice
> the simultaneous approach of a northbound train. He was struck
> and killed.
 
A

Addlcove

Guest
tombstone.jpg
 
T

The Fonz

Guest
Some young guy was found dead in the canal near to my house. Apparantly he had multiple stab wounds in the face and chest.
 
T

Teh Krypt

Guest
Originally posted by The Fonz
Some young guy was found dead in the canal near to my house. Apparantly he had multiple stab wounds in the face and chest.

:confused:
 
T

The Fonz

Guest
Not remember that? Happened about 2-3 weeks ago.
 
O

old.tRoG

Guest
Ask Krypt. He was camping outside Fonzehz house all night.
 
O

old.Gombur Glodson

Guest
Debby Mills-Newbroughton, 99 years old, was killed as she crossed the road. She was to turn 100 the next day, but crossing the road with her daughter to go to her own birthday party her wheel chair was hit by the truck delivering her birthday cake.


This is so sad, so ironic and still funny (and a kinda perverted way, but what the heck).
 
M

Moving Target

Guest
Originally posted by old.Gombur Glodson



This is so sad, so ironic and still funny (and a kinda perverted way, but what the heck).

And false. Kewl.
 
S

Sharma

Guest
I dunno some of em are believeable but still LOL i found them funny
 

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