How twisted up is god?

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old.Tohtori

Guest
Ok, let's forget about evolution in this thread and say God created all creatures. First off god creates the chimp, monkey and all other human like creatures. Then he creates the human. Now since god has a twisted sense of humour he decides to make them look like apes, only naked apes so the other apes can point at them and laugh so they fall from the trees. Then he gives the naked monkeys the ability to invent weapons so they can kill the hairy monkeys for laughing at them. Those ape/monkeys that didn't fall from the trees that is.

That pretty twisted in itself.

Now, let's take finland as an example of gods sense of "humour":

GOD: Hey check this, i created a place called fineland.

SATAN: Oh, it's a nice place?

GOD: Hell no! It's the smallest fucking country there is!

SATAN: Oh...but it still has land?

GOD: Muahaha! No way! I put like a thousand lakes there to ram the people into an even smaller space!

SATAN: Well, that's kinda mean...

GOD: Oh i only began! Then i filled the rest of the land with trees!

SATAN: Oh, well they can live in the ground below trees. They are well protected by the shade.

GOD: You'd think that right? But i put bears and elks down to the ground so they have to live in the trees!!! *rolls on the cloud laughing*

SATAN: Well how about the weather? Sunny isn't it?

GOD: Aye! For three fuckign months! The most of the year is cold as hell and what's left in between it rains shit from the sky like the great maker was taking a piss around the clock!

SATAN: Sounds like a horrible place...

GOD: Oh it gets better! On the right side of Finland i put the russians and on the left i put sweden!! AAhahhahaha!!

Ok, so even after creating finland and the naked apes who live all around the world, you might think that god is still a pretty neat guy. Well, the last drop in the insanity pool that makes the cup overflow is this. It's not enough that he creates a race of naked monkeys, he creates a race that has women and men who just can't fucking understand eachother, no matter what nationality. And talking about nationalities. Every other race on this world knows what the other is saying/doing expect gods favorite playtoy. Hell, there's roughly a good 2000 languages spoken and if you happen to move a few blocks from where you originally landed you can't fucking understand a word they say. And they say hell is a bad place, atleast everyone is having the same kind of pitchfork stuck up their ass.
 
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[PS]Mung

Guest
Language is the tool of evil.
Before verbal communication came about, the world was a very peaceful place.
Then came language, lots of them and no-one could understand what the foriegn devils were saying.
They were obviously evil, so we wage war on them, colonize them, make them speak our language then everything will be right in the world.

To make this world a better place, we need one language that all can understand.
Then there would be no misunderstandings, nothing to get angry about.
.
.
.
Oh yeah, except religion.......blame God for that. (Which ever one(s) you believe in.)
 
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old.Tohtori

Guest
Originally posted by [PS]Mung
(Which ever one(s) you believe in.)
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That's a big question and the answer will probably make less sense then a hippopotamus dancing polka in a fountain singing he's a britney spears wannab but just can't get hit by a baby one mroe time.
 
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old.LandShark

Guest
And one, and two, and three, stretch those analogies!




Aaaaaand rest.
 
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old.tRoG

Guest
Well Seel, thank you very much - Would you like to make a new continent today? Or how about moving the usa in the antartic?
 
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Tom

Guest
Originally posted by old.Tohtori
The name's Seel, thank you very much.
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Seel, you must come to the General forum and entertain us. We need you!!

:D :D
 
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old.Dillinja

Guest
Originally posted by Tom.
Seel, you must come to the General forum and entertain us. We need you!!

:D :D
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Don't listen to him, it's a trap!
 
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kinag

Guest
God is pretty twisted imo, just look at people you walk by on the streets, people sitting in a coat drinking liquid they find in trash cans etc, I think its sad :(

If god existed he would NEVER have let things like that happen!
 
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mirieth

Guest
That's assuming 'god' is a nice guy/gal, Kinag ;).
 
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SFXman

Guest
If "god" and "satan" are having so much fun laughing at Finland, I wonder what they were doing as they created England and Ireland...
God: "Mwhahaha, the males will have very few attractive women to play around with! Ooooh, and let's make it rain through-out the entire year!! These people shall never see snow and rarely feel the sunlight!"
 
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SFXman

Guest
As to the existance of god, fuck no?
"He" was invented in order to explain questions which were at the time impossible to answer.
"He" is just some pathetic form of comfort when one thinks about death or war.
If someone opposes "his" existance by stating that for example, "well why would he allow war" etc. all some insane priest has to say is: "God works in mysterious ways" and all that bullshit.

I find it amusing how people began to believe this crap in the first place... I suppose many things about the world seemed so complicated that it was unimaginable that everything could have just created itself.
 
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old.job

Guest
If "god" and "satan" are having so much fun laughing at Finland, I wonder what they were doing as they created England and Ireland...
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We made ourselves feel better by owning a 3rd of the world..oh and making a world language which is the only language the Nordics can speak to each other in ;)

Oh yes I also think one of our little colonies went on to be a superpower.
But enough of us, back to Finland and it's thousand types of snow.
 
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kinag

Guest
I agree, "God" does not exist, he was just made up as you said...

I can't understand how people actually believe in such bullshit..
 
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mirieth

Guest
This coming from someone who has a quote from the Bible in his siggy? :p
 
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Sortbane

Guest
oh.. LOOK MOM!! they're discussing religion!! /points and /laughs...
 
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old.Tohtori

Guest
This thread is not about religion! Doggarnit! It's about...

...about...

..umm...

..


.


*blinks*

Oh fuck it.
 
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kinag

Guest
Originally posted by mirieth
This coming from someone who has a quote from the Bible in his siggy? :p
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May it be cause I like the history behind the number 666?
I only quoted that due to the interest of the history..

I dont believe in any religion what so ever.
 
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old.Kerosene

Guest
I was at a buddhist temple a couple of weeks ago and was moaning to the missus that I didn't want to go all prone and start 'Jim Bo' (a kind of prayer). As soon as I said I didn't believe in any of this bollocks, a paint can fell within inches of me from above.

Now that's either divine intervention or the fucking monk who was painting the side of the building speaks English there.... (He didn't half get a shouting at btw. Don't care if he's found his inner child, daft bastard should be more careful around public.)
 
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