"Baaaaad joke thread." Said the lamb.

O

old.Tohtori

Guest
Ok. Here goes. Let's all tell the worst jokes ever. Old. Not funny. Whatever makes people want to kill themselves and their friend instead of laugh. I'll start.

If my grandfather was alive these days he'd probably be screaming "Get me the hell out of this coffin!"
 
A

Annouk

Guest
Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermits Finger
 
K

krait

Guest
Q. Heard about the Irish Housewife ?
A. Fell out of the window whilst ironing the curtains.
 
S

swords

Guest
Did you hear about the Irish Poledancer? She died...
(this is the worst joke ever because my m8 told it and forgot the punchline...which has something to do with the crowd throwing coinage instead of notes...its still the worst joke ever with the punchline because i had to explain it...hence i win :p )
 
O

old.Tohtori

Guest
Originally posted by swords
Did you hear about the Irish Poledancer? She died...
(this is the worst joke ever because my m8 told it and forgot the punchline...which has something to do with the crowd throwing coinage instead of notes...its still the worst joke ever with the punchline because i had to explain it...hence i win :p )
Click to expand...

Then what happened?
 
A

Annouk

Guest
Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected 2gallons..."
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
A man walked into a bar.. and broke his nose.
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
What's pink and cries a lot? A peeled baby in a bucket of salt.

:puke:
 
J

jagemag

Guest
GOA not fixing the subscription problem is a very bad joke
 
O

old.Tohtori

Guest
Omni now you're juts postfarming. Shame! Even if your count is as near as mine to 3kding you shouldn't do that.

Tut tut.
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
Originally posted by old.Tohtori
Omni now you're juts postfarming. Shame! Even if your count is as near as mine to 3kding you shouldn't do that.

Tut tut.
Click to expand...
That's not funny :p ah! bad jokes... now I get it.. ;)


Bob "My dog has no nose!"
Jim "Seriously? How does it smell?"

Do I have to finish it for ya? :p
 
S

swords

Guest
Originally posted by old.Tohtori
Then what happened?
Click to expand...

Then the irish Poledancer was resurected at Christmas by the poledancer resurection machine and she collected all the coins and went to mars and lived happily ever after until she realised she can breathe on mars so she died...
 
O

old.Tohtori

Guest
Originally posted by swords
Then the irish Poledancer was resurected at Christmas by the poledancer resurection machine and she collected all the coins and went to mars and lived happily ever after until she realised she can breathe on mars so she died...
Click to expand...

And then what?
 
O

old.Tohtori

Guest
I posted. Up there. Now i'm making bad jokes even worse with the old "then what happened?" joke killer :D

Ok. Here's another.

Do zombies rules? Ofcorpse they do!
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
What is Azal short for?




Cos he's a fookin Kobold you numski!
 
X

Xeanor

Guest
you know the joke about bob on the toilet ?

i don't, because the door was locked!
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
I know these are getting really shit now, but you don't gotta cry (more n00b!)
 
C

Coim-

Guest
Ok these are just bad. VERY bad. The un-funniness isn't even funny anymore. :(
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.


ok ok ok
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

:rolleyes:
 
C

Coim-

Guest
Omg where do you hear these shit jokes? :eek: I want some!!!!111
 
J

Jonaldo

Guest
I remember an old classic Tommy Cooper joke :)

A man goes to the doctor and says he's not feeling too well.
The doctor looks him up and down and says "hmmm, ok before I examine you fully, I need you to face the window and stick your tongue out while saying 'aaaaah'"
The man says "will this help you to find what's wrong with me?"
"nope" the doctor replies, "I just don't like the man in the office across the street!"

boom boom!
 
S

swords

Guest
Originally posted by old.Tohtori
And then what?
Click to expand...

Then all the kings horses and all the kings men...couldn't stop spamming this thread in the end.
 
M

Munkey-

Guest
i have a few bad ones:

1. Did you hear anout the Polish girl who got a vibrating dildo for christmas? She chipped her teeth.

2. a lion and a cheeta run a race. At the end the lion says to the other "your a cheata!" and the other said "you're lion" a lion and a cheeta run a race. At the end the lion says to the other "your a cheata!" and the other said "you're lion"

3. Why should you never use the phones in china? Because there are so many wings and wongs that you might wing the wong number.

4. (this is to be said out loud to someone) Ho High is a chinaman. (great for pissing people off)

5. A seal walks into a club. Poor Tohtori

6. Man takes a Giraffe into a bar,Giraffe orders 12 shots, downs them and falls over. MAn goes the leave the bar. Barman shouts "Oi you can't leave that lying there." Man says, "no, it's a giraffe"

and the worst of them all

7. As a kid my mate used to be obsessed with tractors. He'd know everything about them, posters of them all over his wall, you know the usual nutter stuff. Anyway, one day he was out in the countryside when he saw a RX-500 tractor sitting a field. Screaming in glee he ran to it, jumping all ovver it crying in glee. All of a sudden a farmer appeared and chased him off with a shotgun. Running home in tears, he pulled down all his posters and disavowed tractors forever.
About 20 years later he's sitting in a pub and theres a really bad smell. The landlords tried everything to get rid of it but nothing works so he offers 50 quid to the person who gets rid of it. So the first guy goes up to the window, opens it and tries to waft the smell out but it doesnt work. The next guy tries opening the doors to get in some fresh air but that doesnt work either. Eventually the landlord asks my mate if he has an idea, to which he replies yes, and the smell is instantly gone. The landlord was astounded and asked my mate how he did it.
He replied...."I'm an ex-tractor fan"........

I hate my bro-in-law for that joke :(
 
M

Munkey-

Guest
Originally posted by Omniscieous
I remember an old classic Tommy Cooper joke :)

A man goes to the doctor and says he's not feeling too well.
The doctor looks him up and down and says "hmmm, ok before I examine you fully, I need you to face the window and stick your tongue out while saying 'aaaaah'"
The man says "will this help you to find what's wrong with me?"
"nope" the doctor replies, "I just don't like the man in the office across the street!"

boom boom!
Click to expand...

I thought it was "so i went into the dentists the other day, got onto the dentists chair and the dentist told me to open my mouth and go "ahhhhhhh". 'Why' I asked, "because my dog died""
 
M

mirieth

Guest
Did you hear the one about the one-armed man?

He only had one arm.
 
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