D
Damini
Guest
Seeing as its quiet in here (some might say *too* quiet) I thought I'd share with my favourite EVER piece of investigative journalism. I read it when I travelled across America, and it's taken from their version of The Sun. I would scan it but no web space, so just for you lot I'll type it out.
Top secret government cover-up EXPOSED!
ZOMBIES stalk FBI Body Farm
A macabre FBI experiment to determine how quickly bodies decompose turned into a horrifying nightmare when two of the corpses rose and lurched towards terrified agents.
A top secret report on the ghoulish event reveals that the two cadavers were in fact zombies - the walking dead!
"Very few people know about the FBI's Body Farm at the University of Tennessee," said a visiting law enforcement officer who was present when the zombies suddenly came to life. "It's where they measure the rate of decomposition in bodies in various circumstances.
"They do this so that homicide investigators can pinpoint times of death with scientific accuracy. The bodies are normally unclaimed corpses that they harvest from morgues around the country.
"It's a gruesome procedure, but usually very uneventful. But what happenned on May 15th of this year was anything but uneventful.
"They had spread 20 bodies around the compund - some lying out in the sun, others partially buried or covered with leaves and debris - and were observing how quickly they decomposed. "Suddenly, one pile of leaves began to stir," says the officer, who requested anonymity before sharing his exclusive eyewitness account with The Sun .
"A bony hand emerged and then a skull with a few fragments of flesh clinging to it. Then the corpse, even though it was badly decomposed, struggled to its feet stumbled towards a group of three agents.
"These guys have been trained in some pretty tough situations, but they were frozen with fear. Fortunately, the body was in such bad shape that the creature only made it a few steps before collapsing.
"Then another body, this one was quite fresh, also lurched to its feet stalked towards the agents. Only this one didn't fall.
"He kept coming at them until all three had emptied their service revolvers into him.
"Top brass in the Bureau brought in experts to examine the corpses and they confirmed they were zombies, probably members of the cult of the walking dead that has been spreading insiduosly across the country.
"They clamped a lid of secrecy on this right away. The report is sitting on the desk of Attorney General Janet Reno right now. We're all waiting to see what her next move will be.
Gripping stuff eh? Now, this is from July 11, 2000 so things may have changed slightly since then, BUT...
Hitler is alive and well, hanging out with Osama Bin Laden and a Very Dubiously Superimposed Alsation who casts a shadow the shape of a man...
Mummy's Curse Is Real! Flesh Eating Plague Unleashed On Humanity!
Jesus is returning to earth soon
Man coughs up Wedding Ring!
How to Make Chicken Stew! A Readers Recipe.
Damini would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your time and patronage of this thread.
Top secret government cover-up EXPOSED!
ZOMBIES stalk FBI Body Farm
A macabre FBI experiment to determine how quickly bodies decompose turned into a horrifying nightmare when two of the corpses rose and lurched towards terrified agents.
A top secret report on the ghoulish event reveals that the two cadavers were in fact zombies - the walking dead!
"Very few people know about the FBI's Body Farm at the University of Tennessee," said a visiting law enforcement officer who was present when the zombies suddenly came to life. "It's where they measure the rate of decomposition in bodies in various circumstances.
"They do this so that homicide investigators can pinpoint times of death with scientific accuracy. The bodies are normally unclaimed corpses that they harvest from morgues around the country.
"It's a gruesome procedure, but usually very uneventful. But what happenned on May 15th of this year was anything but uneventful.
"They had spread 20 bodies around the compund - some lying out in the sun, others partially buried or covered with leaves and debris - and were observing how quickly they decomposed. "Suddenly, one pile of leaves began to stir," says the officer, who requested anonymity before sharing his exclusive eyewitness account with The Sun .
"A bony hand emerged and then a skull with a few fragments of flesh clinging to it. Then the corpse, even though it was badly decomposed, struggled to its feet stumbled towards a group of three agents.
"These guys have been trained in some pretty tough situations, but they were frozen with fear. Fortunately, the body was in such bad shape that the creature only made it a few steps before collapsing.
"Then another body, this one was quite fresh, also lurched to its feet stalked towards the agents. Only this one didn't fall.
"He kept coming at them until all three had emptied their service revolvers into him.
"Top brass in the Bureau brought in experts to examine the corpses and they confirmed they were zombies, probably members of the cult of the walking dead that has been spreading insiduosly across the country.
"They clamped a lid of secrecy on this right away. The report is sitting on the desk of Attorney General Janet Reno right now. We're all waiting to see what her next move will be.
Gripping stuff eh? Now, this is from July 11, 2000 so things may have changed slightly since then, BUT...
Hitler is alive and well, hanging out with Osama Bin Laden and a Very Dubiously Superimposed Alsation who casts a shadow the shape of a man...
Mummy's Curse Is Real! Flesh Eating Plague Unleashed On Humanity!
Jesus is returning to earth soon
Man coughs up Wedding Ring!
How to Make Chicken Stew! A Readers Recipe.
Damini would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your time and patronage of this thread.
