You self-important twat

[Summo]

I was browsing some Mafia game sites and came across the most cringe-worthy goodbye message from a web admin I've ever read. It made me angry. The whole thing reads as though he's the CEO who's giving a farewell speech after resigning from a major multinational company. What a twat. It can be found here, but I've pasted it below.

In a world where change is the rule, it is also the only assurance. I have stated many times, both publicly and privately, my high regard for my dear colleagues; Deusiah, ZORRO, d00d, Jeep... I have learned to admire their personal qualities and have appreciated the splendid fashion which they cooperated with me in the performance of my tasks. Nor am I unmindful of their unfailing courtesy at all times and of their loyalty to me.

I can hardly realize that 7 months have passed since I first appeared before you to take my oath of office as co-administrator of lostheaven. The intervening stretch has been full and difficult. Busy as it was and great as have been the burdens, I enjoyed my time as co-admin and I am grateful for the friends I have made here. I am particularly indebted to that loyal body of members who have worked so faithfully with me in the forums. Their confidence and support made my task easier...

TroyZuniga, SecurityManKillJoy, KingCsu, GAVEL, True_Mafiosio, MikeSullivan, LarryFromMadrid, ETERNAL VEGETA, ElliotNelson, El-Chippo, Steve112233, DanielC, kgb15, Skyline, MikeMouse and KaTMAN, come to mind... but there are many more of you...

I’ll be leaving now and in my exodus I feel I’ve earned the right to say what’s on my mind, which is as follows...

Wisdom can never be taught because you must decide the truth for yourselves. And while they say, “Seeing is believing” the true question is: What do you believe you’ve seen? For truth to exist, it takes two people - one to speak it... and another to hear it. Teamwork is forever doomed to destruction if you continue to ask for the truth... but then refuse to listen. On the other hand... Truth is only what you persuade others to believe, so you should be wary, for truth is easily and often hidden by arguments of those who are false.

As confusing as that may seem, those of you who occupy the mental power to decipher that paragraph will know exactly what I’m talking about...

The easier said than done chore of finding someone to watch over lostheaven is complicated without a doubt, I wish Deusiah luck with this task. As I depart I would like to nominate d00d to be my distinguished successor. He is one of the sweetest-natured and most even-tempered guys in this amalgamation. I’m confident it will be a joy for you to be led by him. I know he will give of his real ability, freely, graciously and to the fullest possible degree. He deserves both your vote and your backing.

Without regret or reluctance, I pleasurably relinquish the symbol of this position as co-admin and hand back the illustrious ‘golden gavel’ to Deusiah.

I joined lostheaven in March 2003; I believe I needed help with Mission 15:09 You Lucky Bastard - Sergio... there were more or less 4000 members back then, and since then we have farewelled the likes of Mr. Binkey and have gained 13,000 more.. it is now nearly February 2004 and we have had over 17,000 registered users. That says a lot about this site and the people who administrate it.

My most powerful instinct is that of self preservation and my most powerful desire is the simple need to be free.

May your search for contentment end in victory...

SOULTAKER

Intermezzo...

I won’t be leaving immediately, I plan to stick around for a little while; suggest a few changes to the Don that I feel will be of benefit to the site. Plus I will visit from time to time to make sure no one’s cuttin’ corners... stealing any of my bread... I’m a “made-man”, so I can order a hit (instead of doing the dirty-work for myself), so if just one of you “lostheaven gangsters” goes against the family or steps outta' line, you’ll be wearing concrete for shoes! Capiche?

What a self-loving fuckhead.

 

[old.Tohtori]

What a self-loving fuckhead.

Ok, but, seriously. Lot's of fancy words, loodaadiidaa. Just say,
"Fek all, i'm out." and be done with it.

 

[Frizz]

As confusing as that may seem, those of you who occupy the mental power to decipher that paragraph will know exactly what I’m talking about...

That's a bit...ott, but Summo, i've never seen such hostility from thou!

 

[Xtro]

I remember when I was a kid and I had a bear. This bear, it was bigger than me. This bear, this grinning colossus, this self important fuck.

This bear.

This bear I used to punch in the face. This self important fucking bear with its nonchalant gaze. This bear who would see me cry, me smile, me laugh. And still no change in its nonchalant gaze.

This self important bear.

This bear I would drag round the room by the arm. I'd throw the fucker up to the ceiling and kick him in the head as he came down. His nonchalant gaze. His uncaring stance.

I stabbed the bear in the face and set him on fire.

That damn bear.

 

[Louster]

Ahah. That's wonderfully poetic, Xtro.

 

[bigbb]

My sympathies go out to the next 'co-admin' of LostHeaven. This bloke is blatently going to be one hell of a back-seat driver.

 

[babs]

Good god, see what happens when you let a self-inflated egotistical 10 year old loose with a thesaurus.

 

[Cyfr]

I remember when I was a kid and I had a bear. This bear, it was bigger than me. This bear, this grinning colossus, this self important fuck.

This bear.

This bear I used to punch in the face. This self important fucking bear with its nonchalant gaze. This bear who would see me cry, me smile, me laugh. And still no change in its nonchalant gaze.

This self important bear.

This bear I would drag round the room by the arm. I'd throw the fucker up to the ceiling and kick him in the head as he came down. His nonchalant gaze. His uncaring stance.

I stabbed the bear in the face and set him on fire.

That damn bear.

Wonderfull
Sounds like a poem we did today in English

 

[Trem]

I've known Summo to have as much anger......remember the car incident?

 

[Wile E. Coyote]

Yeah the guy seems to love reading his own words. But why so angry?
*Yoda voice*
Beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. The dark side of the Force are they.

 

[Gray]

I've known Summo to have as much anger......remember the car incident?

Sadly that is a thing of the past now ... i dont think its been saved in any archieves from the Barrysworld days..

Major disapointment because it was one of the best ive read .

--

Anyway... that "bear" Xtro is talking about made me think of the advert on TV, that yoghurt advert helping your "inner self"

 

[GDW]

Rimmer? Is that you?

 

[amobea]

it's okay summo
theres room for you and at least 1 other self-loving fuckhead in the world

 

[Paradroid]

Anyway... that "bear" Xtro is talking about made me think of the advert on TV, that yoghurt advert helping your "inner self"

heh it's feckin surreal that bear innit? In the bath's the best scene me thinks. (Quite disturbing too)

 

[Mazling]

I can understand some of it, or so I believe, or I think I Believe, that is I ... er ...

*scratches head & drills hole to relieve internal pressure*

Don't see what most of it has to do with "I'm buggering off, gg thx4games" though.

Therefore the sage manages affairs without doing anything, and conveys his instructions without the use of speech.

Sure this guy could learn from that... *runs away*

 

[SawTooTH]

Guy needs a supository puttin in his mouth

 

[SawTooTH]

Actually you can listen to stuff like this every day on Radio 4, its thought for the day.

 

[Wazzerphuk]

Summo, you can come cut my hair and we can have a little talk eh?

See if that makes my grumpy baby happy again!

 

[leggy]

No, I like Summo like this.

*touches*

 

[Will]

I'd steal that post about the bear from Xtro, but it's too big for a signature.

It is beautiful though. I had a bear like that. The bastard.

 

[jaba]

Its ok will I have solveth the problem:

"I remMbR wen I wz a kid & I hd a bear. DIS bear, it wz bigr thN me. DIS bear, DIS gd&r colossus, DIS self imprtnt feck.
DIS bear.
DIS bear I Usd 2 punch n d fAc. DIS self imprtnt f'n bear w itz nonchalant gaze.
DIS bear hu wud c me cry, me *S*, me Laff. & stil n change n itz nonchalant gaze.
DIS self imprtntt bear.
DIS bear I wud drag round d rm by d arm. Id throw d fuxor ^ 2 d ceiling & kick him n d hed az he came down. Hs nonchalant gaze. Hs uncaring stance.
I stabbed d bear n d fAc & set him on fire.
dat damn bear."

Much better!

 

[old.Osy]

I remember when I was a kid and I had a bear. This bear, it was bigger than me. This bear, this grinning colossus, this self important fuck.

This bear.

This bear I used to punch in the face. This self important fucking bear with its nonchalant gaze. This bear who would see me cry, me smile, me laugh. And still no change in its nonchalant gaze.

This self important bear.

This bear I would drag round the room by the arm. I'd throw the fucker up to the ceiling and kick him in the head as he came down. His nonchalant gaze. His uncaring stance.

I stabbed the bear in the face and set him on fire.

That damn bear.

That is the best thing I've read in a month now...

 

[Xtro]

Lol glad you all liked it

Weird, I had written it about 2 mins before I came online (off work sick so just doing loads of writing) and saw Summo's post and thought it kind of fitted.