Yeah, this is kinda old...

X

xenon2000

Guest
... but I just found it in an old site folder when clearing out my HD, and thought it could be added to. Haven't seen it posted here before, natch :)

If Microsoft made toasters...
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that let's you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If IBM made toasters...
They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Fisher Price made toasters...
"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If the NSA made toasters...
Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters...
They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

If Sony made toasters...
Their Personal Toasting Device, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.
Click to expand...
There were a few more that weren't as good, and the original url doesn't exist anymore. Ah well. Here's my own contribution:

If Gamespy made toasters...
They would run a massive worldwide toasting network, claiming to be the Ultimate Resource for Toasting Bread, and having over 125 giga-ounces of bread toasted in the previous hour. They would offer a 'Personal Toaster' to their customers for $6.95 each month, and anyone who refused the offer would be forced to give their name, address, and other personal information, and would be issued an ID which they would have to use upon collection. These people would also have to wait in an unecessarily long queue in order to access their toast. All toast would come with an obligatory advertisement for those who fund Gamespy Toasters.


Try think up some more... sites like BW or Jolt, companies like AOL & BT... hell, even forum members! :)
 
O

Ono

Guest
If Enron made Toasters......

They would probably still be in business. :p
 
O

Ono

Guest
If London Underground made Toasters...

I would be fucking late for work again waiting for the toast to brown FFS. :eek:
 
O

Ono

Guest
If Electronic Arts made Toasters.....

Joe thick-as-shit public would buy one every year cos the colour of the thermostat knob had changed. Oh, and they would buy the Special World Cup 2002 one too.:rolleyes:
 
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Ono

Guest
If freebieking made Toasters....

It would look exactly like THIS.


:p
 
C

*charlton_thd*

Guest
If Dyson made toasters
They would come up with a new and innovative way to toast bread, which would make the bread taste nicer and stay warmer for longer. When the product has been marketed Hoover would steal the idea and add a auto buttering device and sell it for £2 less
 
N

Nibbler

Guest
If Benny Hill made toasters

They would toast really fast with funny music playing. And the knobs would be painted to look like boobies.
 
C

*charlton_thd*

Guest
If the USA made toasters
They'd be the biggest, baddest, loudest mothers in the entire universe, and would be seen as the best toasters in the universe...by the USA. However the strongarm and sometimes irrational tactics they employ when making toast will be apposed by other smaller toaster making counties

If the UK made toasters
They'd follow the USA toasters around the world and neglect making any toast at all, leaving the toast to its on devices and eventually imploding due the toasts high crime rate and poor, education and health services
 
N

Nibbler

Guest
If Labour made toasters

On the packaging it would say it's self buttering/jamming/peanut buttering/marmiting, with heat seeking sensors and a laser display to show when your bread is toasted, but when you open the packaging and try it out, it doesn't do any of those things.
 
C

*charlton_thd*

Guest
If Barrysworld made toasters
They'd be great and have a great forum where young and old frolic in the realm of m00's and desktop threads.
And jolt would be jealous of us.
 
M

Moving Target

Guest
Originally posted by Lead Nibbler
If Jolt made toasters

They would suck.
Click to expand...

If Jolt made toasters

They would take much less time and the toast would taste nice
 
O

Ono

Guest
If Jordan made Toasters......

It would toast big baps only.
 
O

Ono

Guest
If Gary Flitcroft made Toasters....


would anyone really give a shit?! :rolleyes:
 
S

Sar

Guest
If Bodhi made Toasters

Every piece of toast would have the immortal line emblazoned on both sides.
 
X

xenon2000

Guest
hehe

If most of the BW regulars made toasters...
They'd catch fire... that is, whenever a new piece of bread gets put in the toaster and starts telling everyone about the cheap loaves his company sell...
 
R

raw.

Guest
If i made toast
It would look as burnt as the toast i just ate 2 minutes ago.
 
O

old.Explosive23

Guest
Originally posted by Ono
If Gary Flitcroft made Toasters....


would anyone really give a shit?! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Who's Gary Flitcroft?
 
R

raw.

Guest
The guy with about 10 different birds on the go :D
 
H

Hashmonster

Guest
heheh nice callous

or should i say "ROFL" :)
 
W

whipped

Guest
If the Linux Community made Toasters.

The toasters would be free and readily available. However, you would have to spend an eternity hunting down the best knobs and filiments to work with your toaster and the best bread would only be available from out-of-the-way shops that no-one knows about, except the people that visit said shops.
 
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caLLous

Guest
Seeing as "lol" was too short for the search, I had to stick with "rofl". I'm sure there would be about 17 times as many lol's though. :)
 
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