Why men r so cheerful!!

[geldor]

Why Men Are So Cheerful!!

Darn it's good to be a man.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can ware a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to icky.
Same work. more pay.
Wrinkles add character!!
Wedindress -- $5000; tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you'er talkin to them.
The occasional well-renderd belch is practiclly expected.
New shoes don't cut, mangle, or blister your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suite case.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to somthing, he or she can still be your freind.
Your underware is $8.95 for a six-pack.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more then enough.
You don't have to stop an think of wich way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your cloths.
You don't have to shave below your neck!
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes or less.

 

[Apathy]

Originally posted by geldor
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 ablatives

Is how I read that part of your utterly stupid post that wasn't even about Buffy or Osy's Cheeks-O-Love.

a.
*

 

[old.Tohtori]

SEEL STRIKE!!

Darn it's good to be a man. (Not really, we're pigs by default. Annoying.)
Your last name stays put. (Depends on the girl. The real chicks get their way)
The garage is all yours. (And the benz is all hers)
Wedding plans take care of themselves. (Again, if you got a chick with some guts you'll be planning the thing alongside)
Chocolate is just another snack. (Ever had a chocolate bar to yourself when with a GF? Really? Where was she at the time?)
You can be president. (Finland, iceland...females.)
You can ware a white T-shirt to a water park. (If you got a mullet and want to look really stupid)
Car mechanics tell you the truth. (YEah right, i really do need the shiggybangbang into the exhaustpipe)
The world is your urinal. (You lay like you pee)
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to icky. (No but you have to drive 50 miles because the gas is cheaper there)
Same work. more pay. (Same work, still crap pay)
Wrinkles add character!! (Too lazy of a bastard to iron?)
Wedindress -- $5000; tux rental $100. (GEtting her to marry you or to be your GF -$6000)
People never stare at your chest when you'er talkin to them. (No but they look at the better looking guy in the next table)
The occasional well-renderd belch is practiclly expected. (Expected? Yes. Wanted? Never.)
New shoes don't cut, mangle, or blister your feet. (Ever tried on new boots? Holy tight leather torture batman.)
One mood, ALL the time. (From hyper to bastard in one second flat)
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. (With the girls it's more like 30 mins flat)
You know stuff about tanks. (You -think- you know stuff about tanks)
A five-day vacation requires only one suite case. (Gay. It requires a creditcard. And you'll be carrying the missus's bags)
You can open all your own jars. (And open them for others)
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (And bitched at for the slightest act of non-thoughtfulness)
If someone forgets to invite you to somthing, he or she can still be your freind. (What? Left out? Fuck that...go to hell wanker)
Your underware is $8.95 for a six-pack. (A bottle for the missus 20$)
Everything on your face stays its original color. (And under a big piece of hairy carpet you have to shave daily)
Three pairs of shoes are more then enough. (Three? Hell..wear one until they pop a hole.)
You don't have to stop an think of wich way to turn a nut on a bolt. (You have to think of how many times you have to move the shelf for the missus.)
You almost never have strap problems in public. (A grab of grotch anyone?)
You are unable to see wrinkles in your cloths. (You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.)
You don't have to shave below your neck! (You have to shave above your neck.)
Your belly usually hides your big hips. (And your privates from yourself.)
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. (Wallet? Real men use pockets. And one wallet, one pair of shoes, one dry season)
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. (You can do it with your teeth doggarnit)
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. (GF? Didn't think so.)
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes or less. (And be the cheapest bastard in the whole family)

Add-on by Teh Seel

Everything and anything you do is to impress the opposite sex. Amen.

 

[greenfingers]

Darn it's good to be a man. ... does it still surprise you??? after more then 5 billion years we are satill suppirior
Your last name stays put. ... not necesarely .. but mostly, yes
The garage is all yours. ... yea .. if your wife isn't one them woman drivers
Wedding plans take care of themselves. not if you are gay .. hahahaha[/b]
Chocolate is just another snack. so is ice-cream, but I don't eat it all the time
You can be president. and the chance of that is like 1:56.397.521
You can ware a white T-shirt to a water park. so can woman
Car mechanics tell you the truth. because we know what a car is
The world is your urinal. ye, but still the woman needs to be closest to the bathroom from the bed
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just to icky. woman are soo picky
Same work. more pay. ohhh, so it has nothing to do with that I have a higher IQ, and a better education?
Wrinkles add character!! ofc
Wedindress -- $5000; tux rental $100. we, men, doesn't have to BUY the tux
People never stare at your chest when you'er talkin to them. if it's my grandma, then NO, but she looks like Quasimodo
The occasional well-renderd belch is practiclly expected. YEAH!
New shoes don't cut, mangle, or blister your feet. We buy shoes that fit TODAY, not the shoesize 10 years ago
One mood, ALL the time. sex mood?
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. because U don't have to share EVERY singel moment of the day
You know stuff about tanks. and cars, and everything else with an engine
A five-day vacation requires only one suite case. yep, no need to have evening dresses
You can open all your own jars. as I said earlier, woman are the weaker sex
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. because we rarely do it
If someone forgets to invite you to somthing, he or she can still be your freind. if it's a strip tease show, then I might be a bit pissed...
Your underware is $8.95 for a six-pack. well, I payed 9.95$ for mine, but it's the luxury pack
Everything on your face stays its original color. ye, Im not an indian .. U know!
Three pairs of shoes are more then enough. I got 2 ... but I think I´ll go buy another pair, if U put it that way
You don't have to stop an think of wich way to turn a nut on a bolt. jeeeez, woman problems!
You almost never have strap problems in public. almost never? .. I never wear anything with a strap!
You are unable to see wrinkles in your cloths. ... refering to question with wrinkles=character
You don't have to shave below your neck! no.. ofc not, that would be GAY!
Your belly usually hides your big hips. nope, I don't have big hips... and my belly, well .. it's all muscle BABY!
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. wrong again...
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. or just bite em...
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. *thinking of woman mustache*... EEEWW !!!
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes or less. and woman buys their gifts on the 28th of september, when the christmas shopping begins... but still they haven't decided what to buy on the 23rd ...

 

[old.Tohtori]

Haha..beat you to it Greeny

 

[greenfingers]

BAH !

 

[Erekrose]

THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he
goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're
stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at
a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom
and did you bring your checkbook?

 

[mirieth]

Such sexism .

 

[greenfingers]

VERY nice 1

especially the last one:

All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Originally posted by mirieth
Such sexism .

Teh Seel was very anti-sexist there.

 

[szerena]

 

[szerena]

Lovely...

HE :Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

 

[Kagato.]

Seeing as we're on the subject guys:

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
female: Any part under a car's bonnet.
male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
female: A woman who makes love to other women.
male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
male: Playing cricket without a box.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with your mates.

BUM (bum) n.
female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes look bigger.
male: The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
female: A good movie, concert, play or book, dinner with best mates.
male: Sex, preferably with two lesbians.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: What women do while the man is shagging.

 

[Fjols Nisse]

Originally posted by Kagato.
Seeing as we're on the subject guys:

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
male: What women do while the man is shagging.

 

[Munkey-]

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.





That should be the other way round actually, especially when it concerns radio stations

 

[parisienscot]

"Men can open all their own jars"

Personally I currently have 6 pots of strawberry jam in my cupboard. Every time I go to the supermarket thinking the other ones were just faulty - I'll be able to open this one.

Having a rather muscular Spanish friend of mine round for dinner tonight though so I'll put him to good use

 

[SilverHood]

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: *Looking away* Honey, there's two here!

Man:I can tell that you want me.
Woman:Yes, I want you to leave.

HE: Well, I wasn't planning on doing you HERE!

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Well, I guess you really don't belong in the men's room anyway.

 

[old.Tohtori]

Originally posted by szerena

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Teh Seel did this once..slightly like it.

<She> Mind if i sit here?
<Seel> Not at all. I was just leaving.

 

[Validus]

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/communicate.php

stating the obvious.

 

[Nichneven]

Originally posted by mirieth
Such sexism .

/sniffle
/yes

 

[Sharma]

Originally posted by Munkey-
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 minutes.

Too True