Why guys aren't as noisy as girls during sex (except vlad but he's special)

[Chronictank]

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"If I cum now, will it be too soon" or why guys are quiet in bed (490750 hits)
Category: Science & Environmental

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Submitted by Jon Elkins <jonukah.at.aol.com> [Authenticated] (View user info) at 2003-11-04 23:17:40

I was once having a conversation with Jesus and our girlfriends and Razor's house, and an interesting subject came up. (And yes, I purposely included the name of an uberuser guru in a pale attempt to gain popularity) Anyway, someone asked, "Why are guys so quiet in bed." And while this is by no means true for all guys, here is my answer.

Guys are quiet in bed because we are too busy thinking. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what I've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.

Not only am I thinking during sex, I am multi-tasking. My neuro-net processor of a brain is pounding algorithms as fast as my penis is pounding pussy.

Just what is going through my head during sex? Like the moon, this is a frontier so far journeyed only by man. But here is a small window of what goes on in my head during sex:


"Alright, time for some action"
"I hope I don't fuck up this time"
"Is that the right hole?"
"Oh wait, there it is"
"All right, lets start out slow"

It isn't long before my thoughts turn into a quiet panic.

BRAIN: "Damn, she just moved."
BRAIN: "Did I do something right, or did I hurt her"
<soft moaning starts>
BRAIN: "She's making noises!"
BRAIN: "Pain noises or pleasure noises?"
BRAIN: "Let try stepping up the pace a little"
<increased moaning"
BRAIN: "More noises, I pretty sure that's pleasure now"
BRAIN: "Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that"
BRAIN: "Lets try changing the angle a bit"
.............................
BRAIN: "Nope, didn't like that"
<Moans quieting>
BRAIN: "Damn, what was I doing before?"
BRAIN: "Fuck it, lets try a different position"
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
BRAIN: "Yeah....that one was definitely pain>
WOMAN: "What are you doing?"
BRAIN: "Mayday! Mayday!"
BRAIN: "Decrease Velocity!"
BRAIN: "Open flaps"
BRAIN: "Landing gear engaged"
BRAIN: "Disengage primary thrusters"
BRAIN: "Systems check"
ME: "You allright?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
BRAIN: "No system damage"
ME: "Allright, lets try this again"

—five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over—
BRAIN: "Allright, back on track"
<Moans increasing in volume and frequency>
BRAIN: "Target in sight, hold position"
<Full body blush commencing>
BRAIN: "C'mon.......C'mon"
<Back arching>
BRAIN: "Hold it......Hold it....."
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
BRAIN: "Oh shit"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
BRAIN: "Oh shit, not yet!"
<Moaning above 80 decibals>
BRAIN: "Just a little longer"
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
BRAIN: "FUCK! I'm not going to make it"
BRAIN: "Pull out and prepare for manual override"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "Pull out, pull out"
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
BRAIN: "NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!"
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
COMPUTER: <Target heart rate reached>
COMPUTER: <Breathing nominal>
BRAIN: "Must....hold....on"
COMPUTER: <FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING>
BRAIN: "can't.....hold it"
COMPUTER: <FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING>
BRAIN: "Its out of my control, its in God's hands now"
COMPUTER: "PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING"
<keeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr SPLAT!>
COMPUTER: "AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING"
<THUD>
WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry" <blush>
ME: No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME: Nothing"
ME: Did you cum"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice"
ME: Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"

 

[tris-]

lol. although i disagree completley with it the whole thing.

i dont see whats so difficualt about continuing to sexor after you cum. so in conclusion, its never too soon. because you can just keep going.

unless you are like 50 and you cant keep a hardon or smt. i never found it difficult though.

and also - why do you think so much? do something, ask if they like it. no? ok do another move. yes? keep doing the same move.

 

[Amildin]

Very funny

 

[Haggus]

rofl thats funneh

@tris: Ask ? why ask just go for it tbh.

I'm a receiver not a giver, they always seem to come back so can't be that bad. And no there not desperate

I have to agree on the why think so much tho, I bet if ur enjoying it the women is. Most women want to do exactly what the men want, to pleasure the other person. If your lovin it, most of the tiem she will be too.

Unless its some bimbo you jsut wanted to fuck because shes hot, then you just don't give a shit.

 

[Tilda]

If I could give you extra rep for that I would, its comedy genius!

 

[Mey]

lol. although i disagree completley with it the whole thing.

i dont see whats so difficualt about continuing to sexor after you cum. so in conclusion, its never too soon. because you can just keep going.

unless you are like 50 and you cant keep a hardon or smt. i never found it difficult though.

and also - why do you think so much? do something, ask if they like it. no? ok do another move. yes? keep doing the same move.

Agreed, you can keep going!

 

[Kinag]

lol, class

 

[Urgluf]

haha, good laugh

 

[Dukat]

had a mouth full of coffee while reading that, its now all over my keyboard, pretty damn funny

 

[old.Tohtori]

i dont see whats so difficualt about continuing to sexor after you cum. so in conclusion, its never too soon. because you can just keep going.

How would you know? *zing*

Bah...too easy...

 

[tris-]

How would you know? *zing*

Bah...too easy...

past exp

 

[lilmissnaughty]

well i never been with a bloke who couldnt keep goin after cumming but then i never been with anyone middleaged n above...

other thought i had was how sad it must be if u only ever had a girl that lay there like a sack of spuds.
she will get fat if she carries on like that.
amazin the calories u can burn during vigorous sex..

 

[Haggus]

sneezing is 1/10th of a orgasim, sneeze 10 tiems in a row and you just had an orgasim !

 

[tris-]

in that case, thats why the bottom part of my penis sometimes tenses up when i sneeze. it does feel like exactly 1/4 of an orgasm tbh

 

[Vladamir]

sneezing is 1/10th of a orgasim, sneeze 10 tiems in a row and you just had an orgasim !

Touching someones knee is 1/8th, pooned!. So me and my mates tried to put 8 hands on a girls knee. Needless to say it worked.




























Not really, but it was close!

 

[tris-]

rofl

 

[Huntingtons]

for me its not about keep going, but its the sheer joy of cumming same time as the girl. both very excited both hurling the one dirty sentence out after the other, pulling her hair and them, bam! you feel it, she feels it and you just fall flat on her back and she's totally relaxed... me like!

 

[Blackjack]

hehehe funny

agreed you can usually keep going, and/or just go for the dry orgasm. But if i dont feel like cramping up my PC muscle and just need to hold out until she is with me aswell . I close off and think about the goal Ebbe Sand and Michael Laudrup scored for Denmark against Nigeria in the 1998 world cup thats my little special moment for simply postponing

 

[tris-]

for me its not about keep going, but its the sheer joy of cumming same time as the girl. both very excited both hurling the one dirty sentence out after the other,

indeed, which happens. and after you can keep going and get teh thrills of giving her even more orgasms

 

[old.Tohtori]

Once again...oh and i love these...

Describe irony?

Bunch of massive playing dudes talking about sexoring the ladies :worthy:

 

[tris-]

Bunch of massive playing dudes talking about sexoring the ladies :worthy:

whats a "massive playing dudes" ?

 

[Chronictank]

whats a "massive playing dudes" ?

i'd like to know also :S (tbh i think he made it up )

 

[old.Tohtori]

Oh come on, MMORPG...should i say massively?

 

[Huntingtons]

there's nothing wrong with playing massivly with dudes!

 

[Mey]

Rofl!

 

[Ezteq]

there's nothing wrong with playing massivly with dudes!

indeed i have actually got a massive (tall before your start, dirty boy!) dude to play with, he doesnt make much noise but thats usually because he's got one of my jubblies in his gob, theres an occasional "Mmmmmmmmph!" though.








and the whole thing of "thinking" during the deed is just awful, theres nothing more of a turn off than making mad passionate whoopdeedoo with someone, looking in to their eyes and seeing the same look they get when theyre trying to remember if kinder hippos were infact on the shopping list or not.










which is where a blindfold comes in useful (wayhay!)

 

[Marc]

Am i the only person cringing at this thread? lol

Fair enough, brag to your mates in the local about your sexual prowess, but on a public discussion board? Maybe im getting old lol

 

[[NO]Subedai]

fucking after cum is like swimming against the tide, is harder (no pun ) but aint impossible

 

[Outlander]

Am i the only person cringing at this thread? lol

Fair enough, brag to your mates in the local about your sexual prowess, but on a public discussion board? Maybe im getting old lol

your not the only one.

 

[Thadius]

Last time I was with my bird, I was hard for hours after

Maybe because she is so damn hot I dunno

*loves massive sex drive*