What's the funniest crime you've commited?

[Job]

My mate decided to do an insurance job on his car, so we stripped it of all the useable parts and hired a tipper truck to dump it, we drove to a remote spot and just tipped the bed and it slid off, so we drove away real cool like and stopped about 10 miles away to close the tailgate of the truck which we had dropped to let the car slide off, but when we went around the back it was gone...sheet, so we retraced our steps till we found it under the the car, unfortunately it had the reg plate of the truck attached to it, which was a little bit traceable to say the least, so I had to summon the strength of Thor to lift the shell enough to slide it out, being discreet at this point had gone out of the window.
We could barely do it for laughing and shitting ourselves at the same time.
Then about a month later we gave my mates dad a lift and he reached under the seat for some reason and pulled out the reg plate of the 'stolen' car, he looks at my mate and he 'replies, cool as a cucumber, 'I was going to fit that , pity it got robbed'.

 

[Mabs]

yea, people scamming insurance, so the rest of us pay more

how fucking hillarious....

 

[Job]

I made it all up, if anyone asks and it may or may not have been 30 years ago.

 

[old.user4556]

I knicked a toddler from Portugal once.

 

[Scouse]

I'm more interested in the assumption that everyone's at crime!


I stole a chocolate bar from a shop once. My granddad marched me back to the shop and made me give it back. I was 6.

The shopkeeper was so amused he offered me it for free, but the ol' giffer said no. Good on him.

 

[Vladamir]

I knicked a toddler from Portugal once.

Fucking lol'd

 

[Lamp]

How about the most stupid thing you've done today?

Just went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands. Turned the tap on. Didn't move tap to middle of sink. Arm soaked.

Stupid Factor: 6/10

 

[caLLous]

Stupidest thing recently; taking the socket off of the end of an extension lead to thread it through a hole in the fence without unplugging the other end first. Trem-esque, it was. :\

And I was banned from Woolies in Salisbury when I was a young'un, I used to get all light-fingered around the pick'n'mix.

 

[Influenza]

Im a good lad so its probably loosening the top of the salt in the chippy.

 

[Job]

I pulled into the slipway once in our boat and then decided to steam back out again full toot in reverse, but somehow managed to put the control right back round to forward and it stuck on full throttle, some guys were just putting a boat in and i shoved it back up their trailer and right onto the roof of their brand new car.
Wasn't good day.

 

[old.user4556]

I got negative repped (again, again) by bainteor a.k.a 'the most miserable twat who ever graced the internet' for my post.

 

[Rulke]

I got negative repped (again, again) by bainteor a.k.a 'the most miserable twat who ever graced the internet' for my post.

Was it his toddler?

 

[Tom]

Probably not a crime but I was cycling off-road a while back, travelling at warp speed through thick mud and rain along a very wide and flat bridleway. A couple of PCSOs were in front of me, when I got about 50 yards away they turned and saw me coming. Instead of simply continuing, the one nearest me got all panicky and jumped straight into my path. The trail is about 20 feet wide so why she did that I don't know, but there was no time for me to avoid her fully and so I clouted her shoulder with some force.

Considering it was her fault (she could easily have stayed where she was, she had plenty of time), I wasn't about to stop. I bet she had a hell of a bruise on that shoulder, but I reasoned that it was her own stupid fault. She probably ran in front of a bus the next day.

 

[Marc]

Never really commited a proper crime. Although used to nick 5p Mr Freezes from the shop after school, stuff a load up my blazer sleeve but then the older kids would rob me of them on the bus. Kinda ironic really.

 

[CorNokZ]

At a club the top floor wasnt open, but mates and I decided to go up there and "open" the bar.. Free drinks all night

 

[Access Denied]

Nicked one of those huge Chinese bombs (Firework) and an unengraved headstone many moons ago. Strapped the bomb to the bottom of the headstone, which had a cherub sitting on the top incidentally, lit the fuse and ran like hell. Cue big bang and flying stone cherub. Was with about 10 mates at the time, all off our faces on weed.

 

[Laddey]

We went egging prozzies on a Saturday night.


It was a crime and it was funny....back then....i wouldn't do it now though.


Before you all jump on the wagon bla bla egging prozzies that are at the low point in their life...just dont...it was absolutly hilarious but im not proud of it. And it wouldn't happen again lol

 

[old.Tohtori]

Crimes aren't funny

But if someone were to make a funny crime, hmm, lemme think, well if someone sawed and stole a stoplight and planted it on a potatofield, that would constitute.

But no one would do such a thing as a stupid teenager in these here cold parts. Not one bit.

 

[Job]

We stole the Toxteth sign that was attached to a street light, it was only a few years after the riots and we had an idea it might be worth something one day, it had been painted the Jamaican colours and I have no idea where it is now.

 

[Thorwyn]

Not really a crime but...
Many years ago, when I was still in school, me and some mates got bored, so we decided to set up a camera at the side of a road. Whenever a car drove by, we triggered the flashlight, as if it was a speed control.
After a while, a police car came down the road, but the guy on the camera didn´t notice, so we flashed the police car as well. So they stopped, came to us and wanted to know what the fuck we were doing. Friend of mine saved the situation by telling the police men that this was a scholl project and we were "analysing people´s reaction to executive authorities". They bought it...

 

[Cyradix]

When I was a kid I stole a toy in the toystore.
Walked out of the store, opened the box and noticed the toy was broken so I walked back in with the stolen toy, put it back on the shelf and took another one...

 

[Bodhi]

I got negative repped (again, again) by bainteor a.k.a 'the most miserable twat who ever graced the internet' for my post.

Who is this fellow? I've never seen him post anything of value? Shal we unleash the hounds on him?

 

[Huntingtons]

sure as hell crimes are funny toht!

 

[Bodhi]

Oh and the funniest crime I have comitted is probably doing 104 leptons in a Fiat Cinquecento. Well, listening to the engine scream away for dear life and seeing how quickly everything went past was funny, trying to keep it in a straight line....not so much.