unorthadox fixing methods

[Serbitar]

During my time as a computer technician (i.e. a fixer) I have come across several unorthadox 'fixing' solutions, and to further increase my knowledge (and eventually my career) I have took it upon myself to learn more... i.e. ask you guys...

I will give my 'top unorthodox fixing method' as an example and politely ask for you bundle of lovely smiling happy people to add your own unorthodox fixing methods so tat we all may fix computers with the minimum of hassle and fuss and hopefully confuse our employees into giving us promotion and/or pay rise - although should i receive a promotion I damn well demand I get a pay rise as well. Though a pay rise would not necessarily demand a promotion.

Serb's Unorthodox Fixing Tip

Threaten the damned machine.

There is -some- reasoning behind this: Not many people realise this but Computers are sentient !!! 'Eh??' I hear you cry, 'True' I cry right back at ya. Why else would they break at exactly the wrong time? Why do you always go LD 3 seconds before the HUGE RvR fightthat would of earned you thousands of realm points?

Following on from this reasoning, because computers are sentient this means they are alive, if they are alive then they are interested in staying alive, if they are interested in staying alive then they will respond with great results to threats.

Top three Computer death threats:

3. Hammer - A classic, what could you do with a hammer that a computer wouldnt appreciate? your options are endless it seems... Monitor, mouse, keyboard, system unit, printer, scanner, all are vulnerable to the application of a piece of metal on a stick. If you are a tad sadistic you can 'up the ante' by threatening with a sledgehammer. Success rating - 63%

2. Lawnmower - A bit odd you may think, how exactly could a lawnmower damage a computer? I don't know, and nor do i care. But it sounds nasty (think of the mess a lawnmower would make of a human - especially one of those HUGE ride-on lawnmowers that only really rich flash buggers can afford). Success rating - 72%

And now, the cream of the crop, the piece de resistance...

1. Jaffa Cakes - Jaffa Cakes???? Yes. Jaffa Cakes. Not many people know this but... A computer's floppy drive is its weakest point. Iron filings on a bog standard 3.5" floppy may cause a nice explosion and slaughter the computer but we want to fix it not destroy it. A meer jaffa cake on the other hand... well... Force a jaffa cake into said 3.5" floppy drive, then access it... messy and definately not nice for poor old mr. computer.

Hope this helps all you other techies out there who are sick and tired of computers constantly getting the upper hand in your fight against them.

 

[mirieth]

I usually find shouting at the screen and hitting the reset button is a good fix for when my PC freezes up .

 

[Cap'n Sissyfoo]

When I used to work as a 'technichern' the most unusual method of fixing a computer was to cross two screwdrivers over the motherboard. The mother board would fry and we would send it back to the manufacturers to get it replaced under the warranty. It made diagnosing problems a hell of a lot easier.

 

[Serbitar]

mirieth - Alas I was more reffering to problems more along the lines of: "the internet connection has died, windoze thinks it is linux and the gfx card is smoking again" though of course the reboot is always the first thing everyone should try just to get the user off the line

sissyfoo - Aaaah the good old "can't figure out what it is so we'll just shaft it and send it back" reasoning - nice one :~)

 

[Cap'n Sissyfoo]

I have found that sweet talking and making nice promises kinda helps as well. My current computer is suffering from PMS and BSODs about 9-10 times before boot up. I eventually start saying things like, "Come on, just get into scandisk mode and I *promise* I will reformat you and make you all better." or "Please, please, please work and I will do whatever you need!!".

A week later, these empty promises are still working so it just goes to show that computers are naive chumps.

~blue screens~

Oops. I really should fix this damn thing. :x

 

[mirieth]

Originally posted by Serbitar
mirieth - Alas I was more reffering to problems more along the lines of: "the internet connection has died, windoze thinks it is linux and the gfx card is smoking again" though of course the reboot is always the first thing everyone should try just to get the user off the line

Nah. Trust me, it works every time. Especially the swearing part.

 

[old.Dillinja]

Originally posted by mirieth
I usually find shouting at the screen and hitting the reset button is a good fix for when my PC freezes up .

I usually take this approach when my NTL BB freezes up.

 

[katzeyez]

Originally posted by old.Dillinja
I usually take this approach when my NTL BB freezes up.

Every 5 minutes then? :/

Gotta love NTHell.

 

[Flesh]

Putting your first through the side of the monitor.. DOESN'T fix it. :X

 

[old.job]

WHAT REALLY, REALLY GETS MY GOAT!!!!!!!!!!

When your PC crashes cos of some fookin shite coding by Microshite.

And it boots up to the page that says

'please shut down your computer properly to avoid seeing this screen'

At that point I would like to re-arrange Bill Gates face with a baseball bat.

WHY DON'T THEY WEWRITE THE SCANDISK PAGE TO,

'I'M, SO SORRY THAT WE WRITE SUCH UNSTABLE SOFTWARE, PLEASE ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES, WE WILL NOW HAVE TO SCAN YOUR DRIVE FOR ANY ERRORS WE MAY HAVE CAUSED'

 

[Arnor]

Originally posted by Sissyfoo
When I used to work as a 'technichern' the most unusual method of fixing a computer was to cross two screwdrivers over the motherboard. The mother board would fry and we would send it back to the manufacturers to get it replaced under the warranty. It made diagnosing problems a hell of a lot easier.

When I get pissed I punch the screen, its like an inch ATLEAST of solid glass so wont get shattered much sooner then my fist

 

[wickedragon]

I usually just punch Arnor. Much more fun.

 

[Arnor]

Originally posted by wickedragon
I usually just punch Arnor. Much more fun.

not anymore! I have 360 evade 3 and dodger2 and cap quick, punch me and ill do a 180 and evade-chain you