Things people forget on holiday

[old.ignus]

Unfortunately living and working in an infamous seaside resort I have noticed a great trend in the low budget British holiday maker. They all seem to forget 3 things before they come on their holiday.
First off we have intelligence, used for such tasks as attempting to find correct change instead of pulling out a £50 note or credit card in order to pay for an ice cream, recognising an arcade machines on/off status before inserting money, realising that a shop is closing down by noting the lack of flashing lights, silence and members of staff stood by the entrance waiting to go home before asking "are you open?", being able to locate toilets by yourself without having to ask for a grid reference from members of staff etc.
second up we have manners, used in such words as please and thankyou, stepping aside when you're blocking someones path for no good reason, not littering and damaging someone elses home/work/car especially a locals (also see below) etc.
and lastly personal and general hygiene, for such things as not smelling like the arse of and elephant with a bowl problem, not exposing a cafe of resteraunt to the sight and smell of your naked fat hairy sweating chest and armpits, not intentionally thowing crap on the ground when you're stood next to a bin, not spitting or dropping chewing gum in places where people may have to sit, etc.

So as you can imagine, this time of year sees thousands of smelling, stupid ignorant twats pouring into our shitty little town. What is this country coming to?

 

[Munkey-]

surley you dont live in Chester as well?

 

[old.ignus]

no its far far worse.

 

[amobea]

it's coz the only people who holiday beachside in the uk are

a) poor
b) retarded
c) inbred
d) stupid
e) ignorant


all the decent people either go somewhere else in the uk or head overseas where the beaches are worth going too

 

[Sar]

Originally posted by amobea
it's coz the only people who holiday beachside in the uk are

a) poor
b) retarded
c) inbred
d) stupid
e) ignorant

Nah, we shipped those all off to Australia years ago m8

 

[Testin da Cable]

ouchie!



still, it's a given that peeps in certain holiday spots are well, a tad dodgy to say the least

 

[Embattle]

Originally posted by Sar


Nah, we shipped those all off to Australia years ago m8

Snappy comeback

 

[PR.]

Originally posted by old.ignus
no its far far worse.

You live in ibiza?

 

[Damini]

Bognah Regus?

 

[dysfunction]

I would like to forget myself on holiday...

That way I get a longer time away from work!

 

[Munkey-]

Rhyl? The mumbles?

 

[Stazbumpa]

Ignus forgot to mention the time honoured ritual of stepping out into the road without looking where they are going. And then complaining when someone nearly runs them over. The look on their faces when you pip your hooter in the "I nearly killed you because you literally jumped out in front of me" way is priceless.
They actually believe they are doing nothing wrong.

And sometimes they do wait by the side of the road, but never on the actually pavement, usually on the double yellow's and gradually inch their way to the center.

The best one is when the parents are safely on the pavement checking for a gap in the traffic, but junior in his pram or pushchair is sat on the road in front of them and gets used as a minesweeper.

 

[Furr]

I plan to never goto one of these Med/british resorts, just seems like a waste of going on holiday.

 

[mr.Blacky]

rofl really come on. Just try to work in A'dam for a shop
At least they speak the same language.
You would think it would be too hard to learn one of the largest spoken languages.

 

[old.ignus]

They also seem to be forgetting the attractive ladies instead opting for complete mingers, the local girls are better looking but they're all dirty slappers that either have children or disease or both (and with that I've offended half of my friends and all my ex girlfriends).

 

[Stazbumpa]

.....and 90% of mine too.

 

[old.ignus]

Today I saw a good looking girl, quite pretty, nice hair and figure, and then she spoke. And seriously I found her accent quite offensive towards the english launguage.
Also on my drive home I noticed as I set out of the dark winding narrow road that leads towards my house a group consisting of 3 adults and 5 children walking in the middle, yes the middle, of the road, a road wide enough for 1 and a half cars. And I thought this was supposed to be a nation of intelligent people.

 

[Perplex]

Originally posted by Stazbumpa
The best one is when the parents are safely on the pavement checking for a gap in the traffic, but junior in his pram or pushchair is sat on the road in front of them and gets used as a minesweeper.

I see this all the time and it really, really angers me. My new tactic for dealing with it is to beep the horn as I pass, causing the parents to be shocked/surprised, but best of all - it causes the baby/toddler in the pram to become shit-scared, and hopefully they'll cry for an hour or so. Retarded parents then have to deal with a screaming/crying baby - cruel, but better than them having to deal with a squashed baby

 

[Damini]

I drove round a corner once in town, and as soon as I came round the corner right in front of me in the middle of the road was a mum with her toddler kid. I wasn't speeding, so I braked in time, but I saw her parental instinct kick in, and the mum (without hesitation) swung her body in front of the kids.

At first I was quite impressed, at this inate protectiveness.

And then I thought, what kind of fucking parent makes their kids cross roads on a blind corner in the first place?



When I was younger I always thought parents were something special. It's quite disappointing when you grow up and realise the majority of parents are just twats that have unprotected sex.

 

[Embattle]

Even better is when OAPs cross the road only a few yards from a pedestrian crossing.

 

[Trem]

When on holiday people also seem to forget their normal t-shirts and tops, instead only wearing their local football team shirt instead, all day and all night every day of the holiday.


Oh and wp Sar

 

[old.ignus]

Originally posted by Embattle
Even better is when OAPs cross the road only a few yards from a pedestrian crossing.

I saw that to, the other day when driving home again I saw an old man trying to cross three lanes of traffic on a busy one way system when quite literally several yards from him was a pelican crossing leading to and island which had another pelican crossing to take him safely across missing the third lane all together. If my window was down I would have stopped and told him.

 

[Mellow-]

Originally posted by Sar
Nah, we shipped those all off to Australia years ago m8

Although amusing, I beg to differ on one point. We did infact send the inbreds over the Atlantic.

 

[Mellow-]

Originally posted by old.ignus
I saw that to, the other day when driving home again I saw an old man trying to cross three lanes of traffic on a busy one way system when quite literally several yards from him was a pelican crossing leading to and island which had another pelican crossing to take him safely across missing the third lane all together. If my window was down I would have stopped and told him.

To which you'd probably be greeted with "Don't tell me how to cross a road, I was in the war you know" probably.

 

[Wilier]

I went on a cycling holiday/training camp to Lanzarote, and forgot to take my wheels

DOH.

 

[Stazbumpa]

Originally posted by old.Mellow


To which you'd probably be greeted with "Don't tell me how to cross a road, I was in the war you know" probably.

This happens ALL the time in Skeggy. Only thing worse than old bastards in Skeg is old bastards from Doncaster or Rotherham, and every single one seems to have defeated Hitler's armies on their own.

 

[old.ignus]

now they know where we live, they wil mock us and never leave us be.

 

[GDW]

Ive just returned from a holiday on the UK mainland (first visit) and for all the above reasons shall probably never return. Horrible place, ! Bleeech