So this morning I was going to have cheerios for breakfast and was getting coffee out the freezer when I got attacked by sausages, so I thought I'd have them instead...which I subsequently burned, setting the fire alarm off and because there is only a slatted window in the kitchen I ran into the lounge threw open the window...revealing myself in my full jimjam clad glory and startling a few seagulls.
After running about brandishing a tea towel trying to batter the smoke out the window, the smoke finally dissapated.
Anyway, later after showering and getting into my best batman t shirt...because hey I'm just going to be staying in studying all day so who cares what I dress like eh? I think Hmm I wonder if my neighbour will be in later, I could use some company I'll just go stick a note on her door to say come on over for a cuppa. Like the sensible gal I am I slide the bolt across on my door so I don't get locked out go over the hall and omfg the sickening sound of the door closing and fucking locking behind me!
My brain turned into Jonesy from Dad's army and started yelling DON'T PANIC! I ran through the list of options available to me, no cell phone, that's on the desk, no door keys (which ffs I take everywhere with me, I never go out without them, and the one time I do aargh!!), no sodding shoes...well at least I put trousers on which I don't normally bother with when I'm at home so that's a bonus.
OK so option one, look about downstairs incase there's anything that I can use to get back in with, my old neighbour had all kinds of camping equipment and tools under the stairs...fuck, no she's tidied it away aargh, nothing there but a plastic spoon fgs.
option two, kick the door down...in my socks, gave it a try nothing happened, did help me vent rage though.
option three, you've seen enough action movies, get the fire extinguisher and use that RAR!! You can do this, go on Mary free your inner stallion...bam, nope nothing happening there, while being alarmed that I was well and truely up the creek I was also quite happy that my door could withstand such a ferocious assult.
OK option 4, go to the letting agents (which, luckily is only round the corner), argh only wearing socks, cold pavement, run! (run mary!!) fuck no one there...
Option 5, police station, omfg how embarrassing "Hey chaps, this isn't a police matter but I've locked myself out, just wonder if you have a ladder laying about somewhere?" (suffer the 'here we go fred, look another dippy female' look and act like damsel in distress) no effing ladder. Bollocks.
So go home stand outside and wait for a couple more police to come and see what they can do (recieving more 'dippy female eye rolling' upon their arrival), in the mean time the desk blokey has come down with a step ladder that wouldn't even reach to my knee, we all give him a raised eyebrow but he redeems himself by ferreting about round the back of the court house opposite HQ and finding a scaffolding ladder.
Admittedly not ideal, these babies are designed to be used on the horizontal incline but I'm desperate!
...I am also the only one small enough to get in my window so up I go, the ladder is too short but I manage to grab the railing above the little porch on the front door (am thanking flip I've been working on my upper body strength otherwise I'd of just been hanging there, like one of my sodding snails on the lid of his tank, dying of embarrassment) swing myself up and get across to my living room window which because I'd burned my breakfast earlier is still open (Halleluja!!!!) and with my usual grace and elegance slide through the window fall on the floor with an 'oof!' try and ignore the chuckling from outside and my bruised shin and pledge never ever to go anywhere ever again without my sodding keys!
Was mildly peeved to see that the deadbolt which had aided the whole sorry arsed incident by failing to prevent the door from locking behind me had flaming well come off and was laying on the floor, must have been due to my viscous attack with a fire extinguisher.
So, tbh it's a good job I did set the smoke alarms off and an even better job I decided to put trousers on!
The moral of this story...there isn't one I just thought it might amuse you to see what I get up to in my spare time
After running about brandishing a tea towel trying to batter the smoke out the window, the smoke finally dissapated.
Anyway, later after showering and getting into my best batman t shirt...because hey I'm just going to be staying in studying all day so who cares what I dress like eh? I think Hmm I wonder if my neighbour will be in later, I could use some company I'll just go stick a note on her door to say come on over for a cuppa. Like the sensible gal I am I slide the bolt across on my door so I don't get locked out go over the hall and omfg the sickening sound of the door closing and fucking locking behind me!
My brain turned into Jonesy from Dad's army and started yelling DON'T PANIC! I ran through the list of options available to me, no cell phone, that's on the desk, no door keys (which ffs I take everywhere with me, I never go out without them, and the one time I do aargh!!), no sodding shoes...well at least I put trousers on which I don't normally bother with when I'm at home so that's a bonus.
OK so option one, look about downstairs incase there's anything that I can use to get back in with, my old neighbour had all kinds of camping equipment and tools under the stairs...fuck, no she's tidied it away aargh, nothing there but a plastic spoon fgs.
option two, kick the door down...in my socks, gave it a try nothing happened, did help me vent rage though.
option three, you've seen enough action movies, get the fire extinguisher and use that RAR!! You can do this, go on Mary free your inner stallion...bam, nope nothing happening there, while being alarmed that I was well and truely up the creek I was also quite happy that my door could withstand such a ferocious assult.
OK option 4, go to the letting agents (which, luckily is only round the corner), argh only wearing socks, cold pavement, run! (run mary!!) fuck no one there...
Option 5, police station, omfg how embarrassing "Hey chaps, this isn't a police matter but I've locked myself out, just wonder if you have a ladder laying about somewhere?" (suffer the 'here we go fred, look another dippy female' look and act like damsel in distress) no effing ladder. Bollocks.
So go home stand outside and wait for a couple more police to come and see what they can do (recieving more 'dippy female eye rolling' upon their arrival), in the mean time the desk blokey has come down with a step ladder that wouldn't even reach to my knee, we all give him a raised eyebrow but he redeems himself by ferreting about round the back of the court house opposite HQ and finding a scaffolding ladder.
Admittedly not ideal, these babies are designed to be used on the horizontal incline but I'm desperate!
...I am also the only one small enough to get in my window so up I go, the ladder is too short but I manage to grab the railing above the little porch on the front door (am thanking flip I've been working on my upper body strength otherwise I'd of just been hanging there, like one of my sodding snails on the lid of his tank, dying of embarrassment) swing myself up and get across to my living room window which because I'd burned my breakfast earlier is still open (Halleluja!!!!) and with my usual grace and elegance slide through the window fall on the floor with an 'oof!' try and ignore the chuckling from outside and my bruised shin and pledge never ever to go anywhere ever again without my sodding keys!
Was mildly peeved to see that the deadbolt which had aided the whole sorry arsed incident by failing to prevent the door from locking behind me had flaming well come off and was laying on the floor, must have been due to my viscous attack with a fire extinguisher.
So, tbh it's a good job I did set the smoke alarms off and an even better job I decided to put trousers on!
The moral of this story...there isn't one I just thought it might amuse you to see what I get up to in my spare time
