The Crap Joke Finger of Shame award...

[Maff]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving."



Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.



A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."




ok i'll stop now

 

[Serbitar]

why does the sun disappear at night?

cos its afraid of the dark

 

[confused]

A man walks into a dentists, and says, " mate I think i'm a moth!"
Dentist replies " why did you come in here then?"
Man replies " the light was on"

infact thats hilarious

 

[Azurus]

Christiano Ronaldo walks into a doctors and says,
'Doctor every time i look in the mirror i get an erection! Why is that?'
'Cos your a c*nt'

 

[Bugz]

Christiano Ronaldo walks into a doctors and says,
'Doctor every time i look in the mirror i get an erection! Why is that?'
'Cos your a c*nt'

lmfao.

 

[Lamp]

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

LMAO

 

[Azurus]

One day an eighteen year old lad decides to join the army. After his basic training he finds out he is to be deployed in Iraq. When he arrives he is sent to a remote base outside Basra. Immediately when he arrives his commanding officer approaches him and says

'Welcome son, there is one important thing you need to know before you start. You are on a one year placement with no chance of leave, as is everyone else in this base. We are miles away from any women so sometimes the men get lonely and start to feel urges....'

'I think i know what you mean sarge' replied the new recruit

'Well the reason we have this camel is for when the men get these urges.'

3 months later the new recruit starts to get this urges. He takes a small stepladder out of his barracks, walks over to the camel and has mad passionate sex with it. As he is doing it the sergeant walks past and the recruit says,

'This is what the men do when the get the ugres ey sarge?'

'No son they ride it into town where all the women are...'