Teh Seel tries to(the) Stand Up.

[old.Tohtori]

I met a woman on the street the other day and complimented on how cute her dog looked.
She ran off before i could ask why it was in a baby carriage.

Sometimes you just don't know others anymore. My friend Sue called the police on me for coming over to her house.
Or was my friend named Jane...

I've noticed that people don't like rodents too much. I wonder why.
And for some reason asking "you want fries with that" doesn't help.

A man had a heart attack in a restaurant i visited. Someone asked if there was a doctor in the house.
I just thought about when it's too late to take off my halloween frankenstein outfit.

There never seems to be a good time to ask "Have you gained weight?"

I met a girl in the bar the other night. Everything went along fine and it was time to go home.
Until the bouncer said i can't take the posters home.

I went to watch a movie in the theatre.
They don't like laptops in there.

A lightbulb went out in my flat. I went to change it but,
...couldn't come up with a joke so just lit a candle.

I bought a used car and drove it home, parking it between my neighbors new porsche and mercedes.
Three times to make it fit.

Everyones alwys asking."How are you?" "How was your day?" "What you been doing?"
I found that you never should kid by saying "I had sex with your wife."

I really wanted to try out half life 2. So i did and went home to play it.
Selling your computer to buy it isn't the smartest move.

I had an almost good bar experience once though. Met a girl, things went ok, made out a bit, we connected...
Met the boyfriend.

Picking up women at a bar is fun though.
Unless you ask my wife.

The same sentence can bring you so many things. If your wife sayes "I've lost three pounds!" answering "It really shows!" brings you some sort of reward.
Saying it when she sayes "I'm fat..." doesn't.

Ok, i'm done, maybe more if people don't lynch me.

 

[Binky the Bomb]

Go for it, it's brightened up my day even more.

 

[Ezteq]

A lightbulb went out in my flat. I went to change it but,
...couldn't come up with a joke so just lit a candle

\o/ \o/ \o/ \o/

seel if you ever need some one to sit in the corner playing the Baa Daa Chaa on the drums at the end of your jokes im yer gal, got hair like animal off the muppets and me gobs about the same size too!

 

[old.Tohtori]

So i rarely bump old threads, but i wrote some new "sh*t" , literally or not, and thought this sure beats making a new thread. So here goes, be brutal or just lol.

I've wondered for the past few years, to wait until october, or ish, and tell my family that i'm gay. Just to see what the hell i get for xmas. Should make for an interesting half an hour opening packets with pink socks, DVD's of "Manly Men in Man Stuff" and a self help book "So you decided to go gay".

What would really crack me up is my gran. 'cause she's old school when it comes to that. She thinks fudge packer is a nice job to have and hiding the sausage is what you play with your dog. "Here rover! LEt's go play hide the sausage!"

I'd go over xmas holiday and she'd be asking the usual things;

"So George, or is it georgina now?"
Nah grams, it's george.
"I made some mashed potatoes, you'd like some sausage? Uh oh! I mean...umm...you want something with it?"
Anything you got is just fine.
"Well that's nice. And after you eat, you want some coffee?"
Yeah, kinda tired anyway.
"You want some buns with that? Eeek, i mean, you want some pie?"
Nah, the coffee is just fine.
"Guess you don't like to eat pie anymore then."


Err....i don't really have an ending just yet or have it finetuned...but...any good?

 

[tris-]

i didnt find it funny at all.

 

[Ctuchik]

and this was worth bumping a 2 year old thread?

 

[old.Tohtori]

and this was worth bumping a 2 year old thread?

Like i said, beats making a new one.

I just wanted some feedback on it, not sure myself if it works or not.

 

[Huntingtons]

i didnt find it funny at all.

not funny as such but you can start some nice standup subjects that way. the sex with wife one is quite fit for that

 

[Mey]

... *yawn*

I guess it could be funny if you recorded yourself doing it then we could hear the different ones of your voice etc.. Which imo is mostly all stand-up is, its not what you say its how you say it.

 

[old.Tohtori]

not funny as such but you can start some nice standup subjects that way. the sex with wife one is quite fit for that

Thanks. This is what i was looking for, some "Now there's a subject i could laugh at" feedback.

The gay xmas thing, bit rough around the edges and noticably not that funny to carry on.

I guess it could be funny if you recorded yourself doing it then we could hear the different ones of your voice etc.. Which imo is mostly all stand-up is, its not what you say its how you say it.

Cudoes. True infact, but me taping myself talking would be in itself humor enough to piss your pants

 

[Pirkel]

It's a lot better then the first batch as this actually has some body.. it looks like it might go somewhere. The first post wasn't funny in 2005 and now it's just old and not funny.

 

[Levin]

The gay joke would be quite funny if you actually WERE gay.. people making fun of themselves is usually a success. I did find the hide the sausage with the dog thing quite funny in any case.

 

[fettoken]

I found it quiet funny read really. And regarding most people here, theyr too fucking wounded from hanging around here watching Youtube links all day they wouldn´t recognize funny if it was in front of their faces tbh.

 

[tris-]

I found it quiet funny read really. And regarding most people here, theyr too fucking wounded from hanging around here watching Youtube links all day they wouldn´t recognize funny if it was in front of their faces tbh.

or how about i just didnt find it funny? is there some reason i should be obliged to laugh my ass off at what he is saying?

 

[old.Tohtori]

Interesting to see the comments, pro's and cons alike, and thanks alot to all who comment.

All helps to maybe get some material together people of all sorts can laugh at

 

[Overdriven]

Laughed at the first lot, half of the 2nd lot ;o

 

[Roalith]

Hiding the sausage works with the dog in more than one way, if you consider beastiality

 

[old.Tohtori]

Hiding the sausage works with the dog in more than one way, if you consider beastiality

Kinda hoped that would come "out" of that

 

[fettoken]

or how about i just didnt find it funny? is there some reason i should be obliged to laugh my ass off at what he is saying?

Not really, if you don´t think there is ?

 

[tris-]

Not really, if you don´t think there is ?

you are claiming if you dont find him funny, you have no sense of humour.

i do infact have a sense of humour, i also infact dont find him funny.

 

[fettoken]

you are claiming if you dont find him funny, you have no sense of humour.

i do infact have a sense of humour, i also infact dont find him funny.

im just fucking around abit sorry

 

[Huntingtons]

(...)
i do infact have a sense of humour(...)

i beg to differ HAHA!

 

[old.Tohtori]

People people! This isn't finished stuff and it's not meant to break out all the sh*ts and giggles yet

Save the nitpicking on your humorsense for the finished product

Though i do love the positive feedback.

 

[DocWolfe]

People people! This isn't finished stuff and it's not meant to break out all the sh*ts and giggles yet

Save the nitpicking on your humorsense for the finished product

Though i do love the positive feedback.

stand up isn't meant to be polished... its meant to be spontaneous and on the spot.

 

[Huntingtons]

People people! This isn't finished stuff and it's not meant to break out all the sh*ts and giggles yet

Save the nitpicking on your humorsense for the finished product

Though i do love the positive feedback.

guess it doesnt matter that some of the material (most of it cept one "sketch) is 2 years old?

 

[old.Tohtori]

stand up isn't meant to be polished... its meant to be spontaneous and on the spot.

Argh...nitpick on that too wont ya...ofcourse it is on the spot and spontanous and all that...but what i meant is the wirtten part of it, the basic plot etc.

That's not finished, so no point in arguing about it

guess it doesnt matter that some of the material (most of it cept one "sketch) is 2 years old?

Actually that's just a positive thing that people liked some of it too.

 

[Huntingtons]

stand up isn't meant to be polished... its meant to be spontaneous and on the spot.

yeah, assmuning they dont reherse their show so they got all the details pinned down is out of the question? some of it are on the spot but they sure as hell has many punchlines rdy from their backpack