O
old.Tohtori
Guest
-Edited from last year and this year, since people are allready putting up their freaking xmas lights, i decided to post this one early too! In your face you damn cultists!-
So i'm bored and what better way to use up some free time then to write nonsense on the boards. And what's the topic of this ramble? Christmas. First off, why do people insist on keeping their freaking x-mas lights up even when the snow is melting away and the crappy christmas gifts have allready been taken back to the shops for more useless crap? Why don't we just put x-mas lights on the back of our cars and drive around the city singing "ho, ho, ho to the world" while we're sipping our café latte or some other trendy brown sauce. It's not like it's hard to pull the plug and stuff the damn twinkling stars and shining rudolphs away until it's santa time next year. Now i'm all on for the "spirit of chirstmas" and "joy to the world" but enough is enough! I swear if i hear one more nokia phone ringing jingle bells in the middle of february i'm gonna take the cellular and stick it up the season buggers dark hole. Now that should bring a jolly red glow to the face of the damn elf.
"Operator."
"Yes i'd like to make a call."
"And what number are you trying to reach?"
"Mrs. Claus. Tell her to bring her fat red cookie eater husband back home allready!"
It's called a christmas holiday for a reason people! It's supposed to be a short thing, not something you sing about for six months like some Mary Poppins and then start planning on the next one! And let's take a moment to actually look what the people ARE planning.
Invite relatives for a feast dinner with ham, potatoes and all kinds of things you can stuff in to your face for a solid hour and then sit around farting it out for the next two hours. Then open up the christmas preasents that seem to be getting more odd and odd every year. Then eat some more stuff, cookies, cake while you're talking about the gifts you just showed five minutes ago to eachother. Then clean up all the paper trash thats laying around before you eat some mroe, watch the videos you got, since noone knows the concept of a DVD, while stuffing even MORE ham and cookies down your throat and complaining about how your full and how you can't take no more. Then clean up all the things before the cousins and the annoying 5 year olds come around for more coffee and biscuits and a marshmallow cake to talk more about, yes you guessed it, Christmas!
Now that takes planning people!
What about the next day? Well shiver me timbers and call me uncle bob if it ain't time to go to your granny and yes...eat more stuff! With stuffing! Like the morning isn't pain enough when you wait for all the cousins and such to take their turn emptying themselves because of an allnighter chocklad consuming fest. Then when you finally get to "relieve" yourself of the christmas ghost of past, you feel like rudolf the red nosed reindeer is trying to come out of you. No not at all. You have to repeat the yesterdays extravaganza and eat yourself way too full again. Just to sit on a couch and talk about, ah, yesterdays christmas meal or the gifts and how best to destroy them at new years with some innovative use of flammable substances.
By the gods of jolly joy joy and gummy bears, call the party planner 'cause that's out of the hands of a mere mortal! I like christmas, i really do, just not 24/7/365 allright? Too much to ask? No? Good. I don't think i'm asking for too much. Just, let it die people! It has only one good leg left, it's breathing heavily, it looks like a dog dragged behind a semi truck across afganistan and there's something wrong with it's breath as well. Let it die people, just let go.
So i'm bored and what better way to use up some free time then to write nonsense on the boards. And what's the topic of this ramble? Christmas. First off, why do people insist on keeping their freaking x-mas lights up even when the snow is melting away and the crappy christmas gifts have allready been taken back to the shops for more useless crap? Why don't we just put x-mas lights on the back of our cars and drive around the city singing "ho, ho, ho to the world" while we're sipping our café latte or some other trendy brown sauce. It's not like it's hard to pull the plug and stuff the damn twinkling stars and shining rudolphs away until it's santa time next year. Now i'm all on for the "spirit of chirstmas" and "joy to the world" but enough is enough! I swear if i hear one more nokia phone ringing jingle bells in the middle of february i'm gonna take the cellular and stick it up the season buggers dark hole. Now that should bring a jolly red glow to the face of the damn elf.
"Operator."
"Yes i'd like to make a call."
"And what number are you trying to reach?"
"Mrs. Claus. Tell her to bring her fat red cookie eater husband back home allready!"
It's called a christmas holiday for a reason people! It's supposed to be a short thing, not something you sing about for six months like some Mary Poppins and then start planning on the next one! And let's take a moment to actually look what the people ARE planning.
Invite relatives for a feast dinner with ham, potatoes and all kinds of things you can stuff in to your face for a solid hour and then sit around farting it out for the next two hours. Then open up the christmas preasents that seem to be getting more odd and odd every year. Then eat some more stuff, cookies, cake while you're talking about the gifts you just showed five minutes ago to eachother. Then clean up all the paper trash thats laying around before you eat some mroe, watch the videos you got, since noone knows the concept of a DVD, while stuffing even MORE ham and cookies down your throat and complaining about how your full and how you can't take no more. Then clean up all the things before the cousins and the annoying 5 year olds come around for more coffee and biscuits and a marshmallow cake to talk more about, yes you guessed it, Christmas!
Now that takes planning people!
What about the next day? Well shiver me timbers and call me uncle bob if it ain't time to go to your granny and yes...eat more stuff! With stuffing! Like the morning isn't pain enough when you wait for all the cousins and such to take their turn emptying themselves because of an allnighter chocklad consuming fest. Then when you finally get to "relieve" yourself of the christmas ghost of past, you feel like rudolf the red nosed reindeer is trying to come out of you. No not at all. You have to repeat the yesterdays extravaganza and eat yourself way too full again. Just to sit on a couch and talk about, ah, yesterdays christmas meal or the gifts and how best to destroy them at new years with some innovative use of flammable substances.
By the gods of jolly joy joy and gummy bears, call the party planner 'cause that's out of the hands of a mere mortal! I like christmas, i really do, just not 24/7/365 allright? Too much to ask? No? Good. I don't think i'm asking for too much. Just, let it die people! It has only one good leg left, it's breathing heavily, it looks like a dog dragged behind a semi truck across afganistan and there's something wrong with it's breath as well. Let it die people, just let go.
<-- is speechless