Something fishy

T

Teh Fonz!!1

Guest
Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life.

One morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised that it was urinary pain.

It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhoea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.

She was screaming wildly, and the neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bathrobe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup.

The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg, which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound.

Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth.

The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace.

If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms.
DeLucci official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor.

It is believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure.

At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub.

The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster tail joints.

The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud Shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's c**t when she was torturing it.

Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes.

You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet.
 
T

Teh Fonz!!1

Guest
I'm 50/50 on whether it's legit or not, makes good reading though.
 
W

whipped

Guest
That story is so old it was being told by single celled amoeba in the primordial soup of life.

Still funny though. Yum, lobsters.
 
C

.cage

Guest
We will enforce name constraints to help promote a Star Wars atmosphere. You will not see LuukSkywalker777 running around. We do intend on allowing players to attain professional titles based on the skills they choose to focus on.
 
T

Testin da Cable

Guest
...in the state of denmark. or was that rotton?
 
U

Uncle Sick(tm)

Guest
Hoax or not... I nearly hurled reading that. :(

A lobster dildo... a niche market to sate the needs of environmentalists? Hmmm...
 
R

RandomIce

Guest
I bet thats untrue, but its funny in a sick kind of way.
 
S

SFXman

Guest
Does she carry a cigarette lighter that works underwater, or was she sitting with a live lobster in a bathtub empty of water?
lol... funneh.
That story was seriously disgusting though, f0nz go back into your hole back at OT. :eek7:
 
T

Teh Fonz!!1

Guest
Oh like you've never thought about doing it yourselves...

pfftt....
 
T

Testin da Cable

Guest
I have thought of causing certain people to be anally infested with flesh-eating mites...but theoretically pleasuring them with a live lobster wasn't exactly up there on my 'to-do' list dudeh :)
 
U

Uncle Sick(tm)

Guest
Well, she used the 'safe' end of the lobster...

lobster.175.jpg

Owch, owch, owch........
 
T

Testin da Cable

Guest
one would think that no female in her right mind would allow a lobster anywhere near her vagina. but then again, living where I did during my student daze I've seen young women play with all sorts of things so I'd not be too shocked. perhaps it's an acquired taste? :eek7:
 
S

stu

Guest
That is so old, it's oldé.

And it's also total bullshit.
 
U

Uncle Sick(tm)

Guest
Murphy's forum law no.1:
There is always someone to yell 'old'.. or even 'oldé'.
 
K

kameleon

Guest
I wouldn't want to go round her house for a seafood dinner anyway
 
O

old.Xarr

Guest
'When you woke up this morning you knew that something was missing in your life. It wasn't the new car, the new job, the boyfriend or the girlfriend. But now you know: it's the Baby Jesus Butt Plug. Slap him on the dashboard. Use him as the ultimate pacifier or make Baby Jesus the centerpiece of your magnificent Dildo Creche'
 

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