Silly Story for the Bored and...well bored realy.

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
For years i've been writing short shories, mostly out of boredom (we all do it occasionally). Here's one that came to me after watching a prog about the top 10 conspirecy theories. Enjoy, cring etc.

Friday 14th of May 2004. Deep below Burgens Book Store, Oldham Street, Greater Manchester, James Cunningham walked into his new place of business, The Ministry of Truth and Stupidity. The ministry was set up during the sixties, when crop circles, ufo sightings and other strange phenominen started appearing in the public light. Origionally, it was to investigate these strange oddities and report back the government on threat assesments.
This however had changed during the seventies, for reasons unknown to James. He was an avid follower of conspirecy theories since childhood, everything from ufo's to elvis sightings and the assassination of JFK, these were like candy to him. This interest turned to obsetion during his teens, and early twenties. At Manchester University, he studied social theory and there impacts on world history, social theory and psychology in an almost feverish attempt to help him unlock the worlds biggest conspirecies.
However, two weeks ago, not long after graduation, he received a phone inviting him to a meeting with an undisclosed person. Curious to the end, he showed up to the apointment, ready for what awaited for him. What awaited him was a lukewarm cup of coffee, a bagel and a seat opposite a rather scruffely dressed man in his forties, sat in a railway cafe. The invitation was simple, a one time only offer to join the greatest kept secret in the world, and help uncover the truth about the worlds biggest conspirecies. It lasted for only 10 mins, no second chances, no going back. It was his dream come true..... he accepted.

He entered what he assumed was the reception from the lift he had been riding, a hight tec affair built into a mouldy old bookstore upstairs. The reception was concret floors, walls and ceiling, with the usual hodge-podge wiring and poor lighting. The room was ten feet square, with no other obvious door out other than the lift. Before him stood the man he had met, Paul, in rather smarter clothes than what he had been wearing two weeks earlier.
"Ah, Mr Cunnningham. Puctual i see, ready for the good stuff?"
"Yes, yes i am." He replied, trying to sound calm, and failing.
"Well, before we procced, a few ground rules. First, speak of nothing you see or hear here with the outside world. That will happen in good time anyway. Secondly, no recordings, tape players or camcorders are to be active beyond this point unless authorised to do so. Thirdly, everything you see and hear beyond this point is true, no bullshit. If you think were pulling your plonk at anytime, tell us so, don't just explode with anger. The truth is in here, and it's stranger than you think. Any questions?"
"Juist one.."
"Why you?" James nodded "Simple realy, you beleive in evidence supporting the theory, not just one element of it. We've monitored you for years and we know that you beleive in general theories, but specific aspects are held in doubt until you have enough information to support it or not. You investigate, you dont take everything at face value and your suspicious. Those are the main reasons. Also, your not a stone bonker and your a well adjusted young man with no mental or deep emotional issues. In other words, your stable, a rarity in a conspirecy theorist."
"So, your hiring me because i'm not an idiot?"
"Yes, were one of the few organisations that have that hiring policy."
"Oh, ok. Er, what about the bookstore, why is that upstairs?"
"You mean, why do we have a bookstore as a front? Well, internet access is easier to sort out, plus we got tons of reference material up there if we need it. Plus, if we want to order any equipment, materials, etc, it's easy to keep it off offical records if it's handled through the store. Plus ordering nudie magazines and porn is easier."
"Your joking...."
"Rule three, remember." Again, james just nodded "Ready for the good stuff then? Follow me."
He waved his palm over the surface of the wall behind him, and part of it pulled away and slid to one side, revealing a large high tech facility beyond. Both men entered, and the tour began.


<<<Thats about as far as i've got atm, but there is more, just gotta write it all down first. L8r.>>>
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
hay good one man now i really want to know whats behind that wall so get your arse in gear and get writing!!!!!!
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
<<<Continued>>>

Half an hour later, the tour was complete, and both men sat in a canteen, drinking imported Columbian Roast coffee. James still couldn't beleive what he had seen, although he had read about such facilities for years on chat sites, and documented accounts of abductions by governments. The place was filled with cutting edge technology, computer terminals and GPS systems. And they were hooked into every news agency, and almost every conspirecy website he knew about. They had a vehicle hanger that included high tech helicopters, done up to resemble search and rescue, ambulence and news vehicles, as well as a host of cars, vans and trucks, all looking battered and well used.
The observation and breifing rooms were comfortable, clean and filled with monitors. The rec rooms had dart boards, snooker and pool tables, as well as others pub games available. The medical facilities were impressive and the R&D labs were top of the line. The main eye catcher was the amaount of staff for the facility, it could easily staff over three hundred people, yet there seemed to be less than seventy, mostly working in the research labs.
"So kid, what do you think?"
"Quite frankly, i'm stunned. I was expecting military types, heavy machinery, weaponary, black helicopters and other vehicles, secret observation of conspirecy cells and stuff. Not something resembling a modern office complex. Whats with the decor, secret societies should be grey, black and other dark colours. I mean, where the hell am I?"
"Well, to be honest, your in the real world now. The colour of the walls is egg-shell, as we decided when we redecorated, grey was depressing. We added better lighting so we could forget that were thirty feet below the ground, plus, it makes it more cheerful. As for the military, well, they stay out of our business, and we don't publish all of there's. Having a platoon of macho bull-shitters about the place would realy bring down the tone of this place, trust me. As for heavy machinery, what exactly were you expecing? Most types of workshops, and businesses carry most types of machinery theres days. We need anything building, we just contract the job out.
"As for black vehicles, well, there kind of conspicuous, don't you think? The american branch tried that a while back, but it ended up kicking them in the arse, the CIA use the same black vehicle system, and this caused endless headaches for them. So we just buy second hand vehicles and use them. And as for the secret observation of conspirecy cells, take a lok at the computer labs. Almost all of them use the internet to chat, plan and scheme with each other, and those that dont, well, lets just say there correspondence is monitored shall we."
"So we spy on people here, is that it?"
"Nope, we make up all the crap they spew to each other on a daily basis to keep them occupied." James face took on a look of horror. "Oh grow up kid, it's time you learned what we did here, and how the world realy works. We create conspirecies and spin on news items to distract the percentage of our worlds population that are idiots, bonkers or just pathetic loosers who need to feel imoprtant to justify there miserable wreched lives. Almost all conspirecies are made to satisfy these people and to keep them in line. By creating the stuff these souls crave, we can effectivelly shape what they do, where and when and keep them organised."
The look of horror and disbeleif remained, hovever james had somehow managed to keep breathing. This had come as quite a shock to him, although not a hardcore beleiver in any one theory, he had beleived that cover-ups of them had happened and that the evidence out there justified the hype about it all. However, nothing he had read could compare to this. He managed to compose himself for a second.
"How in gods name do you keep something like this secret? There is no way that something like this could remain out of the public light? How do you set up something like this?"
"A good question. I take it that your willing to join us properly, and not write this up and publish it on the net as you were planning."
Shock again crep over the young mans face.
"How did you know THAT?"
"Everybody who joins usually does have that plan, i did when i joined. You see, The Ministry has existed since Edwardian times, after several scandals broke out, and caused much havoc in the monarchy and the aristocracy of the time. The details are not important, mostly because the people involved are dead and it makes a donkeys dick of differece to history. The problem was mainly that the scandal was hushed up, only to resurface a week later, and after more people were silenced through various means, it died down. Then a week later, every bugger ont he street seemed to know about it. Denial and refusal to talk about it just added fuel to the fire. After much descution, the Monarchy created a branch of the government to handle such matters of public and private affairs, keeping scandal in the higher ranks in check. They were given free reign to complete this taks, and lo, the ministry was born.
"Over the centuries, we have modified our mandate. Denial gets you nowhere, but manipulation of the truth can do so much more. If someone makes an accusation, that can be damaging, but a manipulation of that accusation, with a subtle twist of turnaround did wonders. Several scandals to the royal family were thwarted when we used the dirt we had on the accuser and made a story that mixed in well. We then aproached the accuser and told them that they drop it, or thier in the shit too when the WHOLE story came out. Rumours were allowed to roam about it, but thats as far as most of it went. Back then, we were more ruthless than the Inquisition, and we loved it.
"Never deny the truth, just make sure the shit lies on someone else, thats how we operated for a long time. But then something changed to world culture during the late eighteen hundreds. Strange sightings of objects and people. The first claims of someone seeing flying saucers happened in eighteen seventy five, supposedly some dung farmer saw one fly over his place of business. Also, claims of people able to read minds became a populare talk subject, like the witches of olden days. Again, by people with miserable lives. Most of this became folk lore and what-not, but the Ministry saw what was happening and knew that tactics and scope would have to change.
"In more recent memory, there have been the crop circle phenominen, which will have you laughing your ass off, the UFO sightings in America, the royal family being shape shifting lizards from outer space and all time classic, black helicopters. You ok kid? you look a little peeky... kid?"

<<<More to come>>>​
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
<<<continued yet again, and yes, i have nothing better to do>>>

James awoke from his nap in the lounge, lay on a couch in the corner. Stood nearby was a young (and gergeous) woman in a lab coat, and Paul. Both were chatting about something...
"... Thirty five minutes, not bad, who won the pool then?" from paul.
"Steven in the motorpool."
"lip ring steven or fat ass?"
"Fat ass. He's won seventy pounds."
"Well, do him a favour, buy him a thigh master with his winnings." he said with a humouous tone.
"Cruel. Ooops, he awake, see you later." Sh left the room, leaving them both alone.
"So, do we have a yes?"
"Uh, eh, wha.... oh yeah. Er, gimme a moment." he said sitting up. "You were serious about all that.... i mean the history and all?"
"Oh yes, very serious. You see, the Ministry has existed in one form or another for a long time. You see the mandate today is rather unusual. We create the theories and shape them because we know how to manipulate people for there own good. For example, crop circles. During the late sixties, several psychology and social study students got together and, like academics, argued about social engineersing. Anyway, an experiment was conceived to test if you could manipulate the masses using a basic premis. The basic jist was to create a symbol, ideal or persona, and use it to manipulate people without exposing the experiment itself or getting involved themselves.
"If you dont beleive me, look it up in Oxford Universities referance library, it's all there, the thesis, documentation, the works for anybody to see. After thinking up several ideas for various religous ideals, philosophies and public figures, they decided on something basic. A symbol with no discerable ideal or philosophy, and the idea for the actual crop circles was born. The idea came when one of the students had a bonfire, noting the aftermath, a blackened scorched patch of ground where the fire had raged. After looking around, he found other instances of such markings, squashed or dead grass after something has been parked over it was an exapmle he gave in the paper.
"After looking into various ways to perform such an effect, the students decided this was what they wanted to try. The Westbury White Horse in Wiltshire was the sight of there more famous circles, however they started back in the mid seventees further north, mostly as practice for the main event. When it did happen, we were already on to of it, with media reports and evidence for and against it. We were ready to start the ufo myth with them, just to get the ball rolling, but we got beaten to it by some crackpot farmer. Next thing you know, they had been apearing for centuries "on these very fields" to quote a few shrewed farmers, who could smell money making oppertunities when they saw one. Next thing you know, they were "mother earth, communicating with us" too the more radical "Dimentional worholes apearing on the earths surface."
"All the students did was creat the circle, and all the idiots poured there hopes and dreams into them and created there own meanings. It's quite facinating, the results took eight years to collect, all five students had now become researchers and minor profesors. They have there place in the history of academia thats for sure."
"You mean, it's public knowledge?"
"Aye, it's in the library, for anyone to read. It's no secret, it's just that none of the crop circle enthusiasts have thought of looking for it. After all, it's so simple, no bugger has thought of it."
"I don't beleive it. It can't be that..."
"...Simple. I know, but it's true. All conspirecies are shrouded in a veil of bollocks, thats why they become conspirecies in the first place. Someone refuses to beleive something, and makes a big shout aboutit, someone beleives them and spreads the word. All we do is regulate them, and keep them under control. I mean, if you think about it, we keep enough crap out there to keep the area fifty one theorists in check. Hell, if they were realy keen to get in there, it would be no contest, theres over a hundred troops in there, with weaponary and ammo for maybe sixty of them. There are over a million people who desperatly want to know whats in there. A million too a hundred, in a country that allows anyone to own a weapon, who'd win?"
"Ah....."
"Exactly, so why has the base never been stormed?"
"Well... part of there constitution says they have to declassify all there secret programs eventually. All they have to do is wait."
"Except they dont, they theorise, take snap snots of planes, try to hack the computer systems, break and enter in one and two man groups, even send in adio controlled planes with camera's on. However, the most sensible and straight foreward option is to just walk up en mass, and find out first hand."
"But the troops..."
"Will do jack shit, they can't kill em all. and if they did, that would bring down the entire population of the country down on em. It hasen't happened because we feed em so much contradictory information, they will happily sit at there computers and help argue the point to a conclusion. Thats human nature. Anyway, it's not like theres anything interesting there anymore, not since stealth aircraft were declassified and made public knowledge. All the realy good stuff is up near the canadian border, on a small military owned airfield. Course the paperwork says it's a small exporting and shipping company, but what kind of shipping company has it's own underground hangers for over fifty aircraft."
"But, why all the fuss with area fifty one?"
"Right, would you store vitally important, top secret equipment were every single munchkin knows where to look for it? No, you use an old magicians trick of misdirection. Thats where the stealth program came in, we spread the word that ufo's were stored there, got everyone fired up, and fooled the lot of em. And before you say "but somone would find out" no they wont, because a sad fact of life is that, as individuals were geniouses, as a agroup were smart, as a colective were competent, and as a mob were idiots. One can lead the many, providing that one person can convince them he's right. Thats were we come in."
A few seconds passed "I understand, i think. If they ever decided to work together, there would be chaos as they tore everything apart trying to get to the truth. Keep them at odds with each other and the world will carry on about it's business."
"So, do we have a yes then?"
James pulled out his mobile phone, it was already switched on and transmiting. "You knew that i would pull something like this didn't you. The answer is yes, i'll join." he switched the phone off. "I have another one at home thats been recording everything. You want to send someone to go pick it up?"
"Nah." Paul reached into his pocket and pulled out an identical phone. "I did it this morning, after you left your house, just to save time."
"You were that sure i'd say yes?"
"I was that sure you wouldn't say no. Besides, daytime rates on Orange are expensive."

<<<Do you want more, do you. Hmm, yes sure you do, you want more don't you>>>
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
Prob, but i rarely venture in there. It's scary.
Besides, if i get good feedback, ill put it on the website.
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
grr next!!!!!!!! c'mon c'mon was bad enough waiting till i woke up to read this bit get a move on!
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
The next two hours passed with james getting to know various personel and procedures. The procedures themselves were suprisingly simple to learn, short, sharp and simple to learn and master. When he questioned paul about this, the explenation was simply "In a crisis, do you want to be doing something OTHER than reading the bloody manual?", which made sence. In fact everything about the place seemed to work that way, from data access to signing out a vehicle. If you needed something you simply asked, swiped a card and you got it imediatelly. He pointed this out, and got the reply "lifes to short for paperwork." and that was that.
For some reason, this place seemed top of the line and upto day, yet seemed to leave the common conceptions of administration and replaced it with something like it that worked. Even getting his own card was remarkable simple, all he did was sign his name on a data screen, gave his thumb print and the machine gave him his card.
"Right, that card holds your personal data reference number, part of your DNA, thumb-print, voice waveform and retianal pattern as well as a nifty ice-breaker and security by-pass program. Insert it in any card slot and watch it make a mockery of someones hard work."
"How the hell do you come up with something like this." asked james, looking at his card in admiration, to him, it was so james bond.
"The information age is our plaything. Most of the companies that create technologies and most mechanical items also create the items necessary to destroy them as well, in most cases there developed hand in hand. Someone made the mistake of not doing this once, and thats why we have several millions megatons of nuclear ordinance in circulation. After that little fuck-up, it was widely agreed that if you build something, you best make sure you can destroy it, just in case."
James opened his mouth to questiuon this, but instead decided not to bother. It made sence, and this place seemed to run on it, so best not to look a complete fool on his first day. This brought a smile to pauls face.
"Finally getting it are we? Good. Like i said, humans are stupid as a collective, but as individuals were pretty much on the ball. Take a cruise missile, able to travel hundreds of miles and destroy anything from some poor bastard with a gun in a field of wheat somewhere, to the latest and most heavily armed battletanks in a pinch. Yet, it comes with a nice little self destruct option built in as standard. Why detonate a missile like this if its already been launched towards a target?"
"In case someone makes a mistake." The responce had been automatic that time.
"Exactly, machines only do what there told, nd humans tell em what to do. So why not hand over the decision to launch over to a machine?"
James hand figured he was being tested. "Outside interference?"
"Nope. Machines are cold, hard and logical. And the logical thing to do if humans want to kill each other it to wipe out all humans. I know it sounds like something out of the Terminator films, but it is unfortunatelly true."
"So why haven't handed it over to an advanced A.I. system?"
"We try those experiments in america every few years, they've been at it for twenty years and havent even got the bloody thing to do anything more than get a fraw in naughts and crosses. We hand it the tactical nuclear simulation software and see what it does with the simulation. Always the same, humanity is the cause of humanities problems as well as the enviromental problems, therefore if humanity is wiped out, humanities problems go away. It's on the ball, ill give it that, and thats why we havent handed over the nuclear arsenal to a computer."
"So your saying artificial Intelligence is to intelligent for it's own good?"
"No, i'm saying it's too human for it's own good. To cure the problem, all they have to do is program in morality."
James though for a few seconds.
"Do they know this?"
"I'd hate to have to tell them there own jobs, besides, it gives them something to do. Plus i dont even know if it's possible to program a moral compass into a computer, considering most people dont even know how to use there own. And as a bonus, what would a well meaning computer do with the worlds nuclear stockpile?"
"Get rid of it?"
"Possible, people would live in a world where they wont be incinerated instantly if someone got pissed at another nation."
"Peace would break out, no more war."
Paul burst out laughing. "Ever heard of the world wars." he managed to choke out. "We kicked the shit out of each other for centuries before we had nukes. All they did was stop the largest nations on the planet atacking each other, and look at the mess that caused." he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "If it wasn't for the nukes, we'd have had a third world war. And we would have all been better for it."
"So the nukes themselves were a conspirecy in there own right then?" asked james, sarcstically.
"Yup. The best stuff is usually right in front of your eye's and the world just accepts it, whilstthey become obsecced with the shite we come out with. Come on, you have much to learn."

The operations centre was a computer nerds wet dream. Every work station was a top of the line system, three seventeen inch flatscreen monitors, virtual headset's and gloves, full flight sim gear and a sound system linked into 3 types of headset (virtual set, mic and headphones and a wireless kit for the techno-nerd in all of us). The tower systems were kitted out with all the latest tech (and possobly more, james suspected), removable drives, DVD-burners, the works. In short, it was the ultimate games system, and the room had thirty of them.
"Before you die and go to gamers heaven, this is your work station. To sign in, just put your thumb on the little screen on the backof the mouse, it's automatically boot up then. It's coded to your thumb, so if you loose it, notify someone and they'll sort out a finger print then. Your password is your name, all you do is put on a headset, and speak your name. Got it so far?" James nodded.
"Good, when not working, you can play some games off of the central server. We also have laser squad 2 on the e-mail and a full simulation suit built into it, with pnematical chair. You'll get the chair as soon as it's finnished being built. Something about them needing more leather to finnish it, i think. When not working, you are encouraged to us the VR suite built into the system to improve your driving skills as well as learn how to use the other vehicle's. It's all on the system."
"Why..."
"..Is it all on VR, simple, it's easier than getting someone to train you. Most of you kids have a better knack of using computer learning tools. Once you've logged over a hundred hours on a vehicle, someone will be assigned to take you out with the real thing for your license. It's up to you."
"So where will you be then?"
Paul looked to the desk next door, whick had identical equipment covered in post it notes and various other junk. The screen saver was the motto: My desk, My empire. Invasion means war!"
"I'm an old fart, i like my paper. Still, i use the computers when i need to."
Pauls wireless headset began to beep, so he answered it.
"Hello?" pause "Yes sir. Just finnished." another pause "on our way." He put the headset down, opened one of his desk drawers and pulled out a moblie phone. "Left hand drawer, grab you phone and your gun. We got a task."
Paul did so, noting the 'gun' was made of plastic and looked more like something out of a sci-fi film. He assumed correctly that it was a taser.

Twenty minutes later, they were sat in the McDonalds, at Victoria Train station. Both had ordered drinks and fries. No-one wanted the burgers, they knew better.
"Right, were waiting for a man called Edwards o arrive, he's a case man for a group from birmingham. They got there hands on a device's blueprints last year, which they stole from a government computer as far as they know. The device is supposed to be a super code breaker, but its missing the main data chicp with all the software in it. In reality, what they have is gps handset which warns you about accident blackspots, you may have heard about them. The chip is owned by a group from the states, but it wont work without the device. This is actually true, as the chip is the other part of the blueprint we flogged to a group in america about the same time, who also think it's a super code breaker.
"Our job today is to chase them down, capture one half of the device, and thus create the illusion of a major conspirecy. We have to capture at least one person at this meeting, this is important, and bee seen to destroy the part of the device we have. Hackers have already wiped the memory of there machines and some of our guys are doing site search's and what not to 'cover up' the other evidence they have secreted away."
"Ok, but why are we doing this, if they have a duff device?"
"Because they wanted it in the first place, and have expended the effort in trying to aquire one. They broke into a government mainframe, stole plans marked 'Top Secret' and spent months breaking the rather simple codes we put on the files. There desperate, hungry for something like this. Unfortunatlly for them, if they had used there brains, they would have figured that if you have plans for a device as powerful as that, you dont draw attention to it by putting all that security around it, and putting it where someome is going to go looking for it."
"I get it, misdirection again. The plans are probobly on a cd in someones organiser at a lab. Or in a safe."
"Right first time, it in a cd wallet at a military research and development facility listed under porn volume 17. If you over lap all five of the none-colour, images and remove everything that isn't greyscale, you get the plans. The software is every fourth letter in a series of erotic stories on the same disk."
"Perverted and secure. With the added bonus that any computer nerds trying to read it would have to take a cold shower every few lines. Ingeneous."
"Welcome to the real world of 'all things hidden'."

<<<sorry for the delay in this post, more later>>>
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
If anyone wants more, wait till tomorrow.
I'm going putting the downpayment on a hangover tonight.
 

Dillinja

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
3,056
Binky the Bomb said:
If anyone wants more, wait till tomorrow.
I'm going putting the downpayment on a hangover tonight.

Was that supposed to be funny?
 

Ormorof

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
9,817
"Perverted and secure. With the added bonus that any computer nerds trying to read it would have to take a cold shower every few lines. Ingeneous."

LOL :p
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
Ey, give me a break, had things to see and people to do... no wait, other way round. Besides, was waiting to watch Captain Scarlet this morning, only to find it's been replaced by some pop-gossip program. No happy, so back to the story.

<<< Continued >>>

A man sat down at there table, He looked like a vagrant, with scruffy clothes and an oder that could turn milk. His matted, long, scruffy hair seemed to have a personality all of it's own, handing down limply from his head.
Before James could say anything to move him along, Paul chimmed in.
"James, meet Edwards, american branch."
"Er, pleased to meet you."
"No your not, the smell is assaulting your, making you wheezy. Sorry about that by the way, it's the oderiser. The smells terrible, but it adds something to the disguise."
"Like deoderant, but in reverse." Paul added.
"Charming, and disgusting." said James, his eyes begining to water.
"Anyway, to the point. Three men from each cell will be here in about twenty minutes. The train to Salford University is were they'll meet, one from each group will actually meet and exchange, whilst the other two stay in the front and rear of the train, keeping everyone back or out of there way."
"Except us, well already be on the train. We've got a train parked at platform 2, being loaded with a few agents, disguised as the driver and conductors, as well as a few passengers. We'll board with them and be on the train when it pulls upto platform five. They get on, we let them make the exchange, and we wait till were just about ready to pull into the universities statation, then pounce on the british cell."
"We let the yanks go, however, we have other units to harry them, plus agents already booked on there flight home. Capture of that half will be handled state side."
"Ok then. So what do we do now?" Asked James.
"Drink your drink, have a piss, board the train."

Fifteen minutes later, Edwards, Paul and James sat in the noise and filthy 'first transport' train. The train was actually owned by the ministry, with facilities onboard, such as a clean loo and a changing room. Edwards waas now dressed like an ageing hippy, tinted glassed and sandals as well. Although his hair still looked limp, it was at least clean. The personal odour was repalced with a more familiar and comforting smell of pot.
The train that was supposed to be arriving was purposefully delayed by five minutes, giving them plenty of time to get into position. When they arrived back at victoria station, only six people were waiting, three at each end of the plaform. As they got on, James had to suppress laughter. The men looked like homophobes at a gay pride disco, looking shifty and uncomfortable in there clothes that had been obviously been bought for them by there parents. Each of them wore shirts that either didnt fit properly, or were such odd colours that they were painfull to look at. Each man had taken care to comb his hair and clean there shoes, though this hardly improved there image any. He guessed that at each of them wore there "I beleive" t-shirts under there clothes, like comfort blanket's.
Two from each group sat down at either end whilst the others met in the middle, and sat right opposit the group of agents. James couldn't help but listen in.
"The facist's have the power in the dark." muttered the short one.
"But we shall expose them in the light." muttered the second, nodding.
Sweet jesus, though james.
"We have the chip, you got the board?"
"Yes, but can yoube trusted?"
"Can you. We agreed to meet and exchange, so lets do it. If the facists tracked you here, we could all be in danger."
"Us!?, what about you, your just as likely to have been followed!"
"Impossible, we've been careful. Were not some second rate operation, we know what were doing, fanboy."
"Oh please, were all at risk. At least i understand theat...." There conversation had turned into a slanging match, and it had only started. The trip from victoria to salford was only three minutes long, and half of that was already taken up. The name-calling had also gone from whispers to almost shouting, and everyone onboard was openly watching them, wearing looks on annoyance, paul and edwards included. The two men noticed this and started to whisper again, handing over there packages and hurling more insults as they pulled into salford station.
The british group left at the station, and paul and james followed them. After the train left, both men persued the small group.
"Excuse me, i believe you dropped this?" Said Paul as they approached the group. He lifted his taser and shot the leader, the other two bolted almost immediatly.
"Give chase, then return here... quickly." Said paul.

Ten minutes later, after chasing one of the men, and graciously losing him near the bypass, james returned to the station. A beat up white van was waiting for him when he arrived, with paul and his guest in the back. He got in and they returned to the base, saying little till they got there.
"So what happens to him now?"
"Well, acording to his file, he beleives that he will be tortured, tied to a table and experimented on. Well provide this for him, with a few other bits and peices. He'll be in there or a few days, maybe a week, then well conveniently transfere him, and give him a chance to escape."
"Charming...."
"Well, he has some rather strange ideas, ill admit. But unless he gets the torture he's expecting, he might start asking some rather odd questions. Better to give him what he wants, but not what he needs."
"Thats kind of cruel...."
"True, but it's what they want. And thats why were here. Now fill out your report and send it to the central filing, the instructions are on your computer. Then meet me down in interrogation."

Later, after the paperwork was done, both men stood on one side of two way mirror, looking in on their prisoner. As promised, he was strapped to a steel operating table, electrodes attached to various points on his body, and a bright, flashing light over his head. A voice was saying "We want information, information, information, were did you get the plans, who are your friends, were are they, what are they plotting?" over and over.
"I take it, your a big fan of 'The Prisoner'." asked James.
"Aye, after watching that program, we started getting creative with various operations we perform. Stuff like this, including alien abduction scenario's, are pretty standard. Most of them beleive that this.." he pointed towards the chamber beyond "..is the only way to try and get information out of people. But quite frankly, if there giving away all there realy good stuff away on chat boards, text message and e-mail all the time. Hell, monitoring a five minute conversation in a remote location yeilds better results than torture."
"So your saying that people want to be tortured?"
"I take it you now about B&D, whips chains, leather and some other rather unusual sexual practices? The sex shop next door is filled with such items and reading materials. And besides, he's have to pay extrodinery amounts of cash for this service normaly."
"You mean someone would willingly do this to them if they asked?"
"Yup, for every victim, a torturer."

<<<continued later>>>
 

Calaen

I am a massive cock who isn't firing atm!
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
9,538
Im bored carry on Please!!!!!
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
People are actuallt reading this? To say this is stuff i'm making up at the spare of the moment, it is rather good isn't it. (Ok, self flagulation over with).

<<<Continued>>> (And soon to be in the stories section BTW)

Both men retreated to the lounge when a man entered the room wearing fatuiges and facemask. James asked why, but the responce he got was cryptic at best "To each there own devices, and that man has them all.". Both of them sat and drank coffee whilst an aid updated them on the two 'escapees'.
"One of them was hit by a speeding ford escort with four teenagers in it. He's in manchester royal having his leg reset and his hip seen to. He's also suffering from concusion. The other is holed up in a bar, just off the universities campus in the toilet. He'll leave soon tho, there's a two drink minimun in there."
"Whats in store for the yanks?" asked Paul.
"There will be a delay at processing at LA-X, we'll pic up the bag and the leader there. Well be using the FBI to obtain him, with extra agents just in case of a breakout. We want them to make a scene if possible, newpaper clipping and so forth. Then he'll be taken throught the desert to one of the smaller army facilities, roughed up, questioned and finally, he'll be tracered."
"Tracred?" asked james, who'd followed everything up to that point.
"A tracer is a small, magnetised peice of metal, usually with lots of wierd or strange markings you can only see with a microscope across it's surface. The metal is an alloy we concocted a few years back to rival silicone, but it's heavier and dencer. Not very useful considering it sets off metal detectors for fun, even on a passive scan. So we use it on some people, give them the impression that someone has tagged them. Much like putting computer chips under an animals skin so you can track them if they go missing."
"Can you track them though?"
"If they were in a field and we had a metal detector, yes. Otherwise it's about as usful as a wheel clap on a tank." He looked back to the aid "please continue."
"He'll be then dropped near LA central, in an underground carpark, naked. From there, he'll have to find his friends. Thats all sir."
The aid left, leaving the two men to talk once more.
"Naked? I take it he's expecting that as well."
"Oh yes, we do anything to them that they don't expect. Anal probes, tooth extraction, hypnosis, the works. Each catered for the individual."
"Anal probes?"
"The 'Alien Encounters" bit we do. Don't give me that look, doctors and proctologists do things like that all the time. Mostly for medical reasons, and we get to check on the health of some of our more isolated clients."
"Clients? Is that how you see them?"
"Were pimps for the conspirecy nuts, if thats what you mean. We sell fantasy, and get back far more than we put in. All the equipment they use, had been provided by us in some way, bought off of us. The t-shirt sales and clothing alone every year pay for twenty such facilities like this. The books come from our stores, as were the only ones who print and stock them. The videos, he footage, all provided by us, and usualy at a decent price. Were just like Disney, we were both founded by political extremists and we both brainwashed two generation's with absolute shite."
James shook his head, this was all getting too much for him.
"Can you tell me anything that wont overcome my sensibilities?" He asked hopefully.
"hmmm. Yes. Aliens exist, ufo's and spaceships are real, and real life alien abductions did happen in the seventies. But we had a word with there authorities, and thats all stopped now."
"Eh?!?"
"Right, in the seventees, aliens did land. They abducted people and did the alien probing thing we hear so much about, thats were the idea came from. There authorities finally found out, and with our help finally stopped it."
"So you stopped the experimentation on humans? What were they studying? Were they rouge scientists?" Asked james, now exited by the prospect of some realy juicy information.
"Put your coffee down, i think you may want to lie-down after this. The aliens in question were university students, on a wild night out. They were drunk, recless and out for fun.
you've heard of tipping cows?" Nod "Probing Humans. They tink the look on our faces are priceless when it happens."
Thud..... spill.
"Told him to put his coffee down." said paul to himself.
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
You know that after the last installment, i can only screw things up from here. Whether it's the story or your minds, time will tell. I'll also remember to ask a mod to move this thread for me tomorrow, been busy today....

<<<Continued>>> (Much to your dismay)

James awoke back in the lounge, paul still say wer he was, drinking coffee. There was no sign of the pretty woman in the lab coat, so the sight this time was less than thrilling.
"Anal gangbanging students from beyond the stars?" he asked, after composing himself. Passing out twice in one day doesn't do alot for your self esteem, although it had been a stresful day.
"Aye, chatshows would have a feild day if that one got out. Were saving it for the floorshow when we got hyperdrive for a few years."
"Floorshow?"
"Yup. We already made first contact with aliens, thats how we caught the buggers commiting the.." he made the hand gesture of a probe being inserted ".. and we've been on good terms with them ever since. The universe is unfortunately a desert when it comes to intelligent life. The ratio of systems to intelligent life is fifty to one, and most of them are either primitive or ready to blow themselves up.
"Were not ready to travel to the stars yet, not ill we get rid of some of the mental bagage we humans like to haul round. Once we are ready, we'll arrange to mysteriously 'meet and greet' on our first journey out there. It's all been organised, even the prime minister's speech. As for the Tora, the aliens, they can wait for us. Were not going anywere."
"Right...ok...so, what are they like?"
"Were suprisingly similare, humanoid, skin bone and mammelian. Of course there dwarfs and have quite thick hair, but they are suprisingly human-ish."
"I thought they were grey? And Bald?"
"Your thinking of the roswel landing. Thats just the spacesuit we discected for the camera's, stuffed with cows innards and some other organs from human corpses. Don't give me that horrified expression, they were killed on impact, and if medical science has taught us anything, you cant discect a body thats been turned into a puddle. Nah, we couldn't salvage a body, but we did manage a ship, although it was knackered."
"One second, i thought you were supposed to make stuff like that disapear? Why was Roswel different?"
"Well, some locals had gotten there before us, and started spreading the word. We decided to work it from both angles, firstly cover it up publicly, that would get people interested in it. Whilst everyone was poking around, getting under each others feet and looking at the weather ballon story we made up, we simply buried the ship in one of the hangers. Most of those bases had air-raid shelters because of the atom bomb tests, some of them were quite large in fact. All we did was open up one by moving the concrete slabs in the hanger we were shoring the ship in, and just lowereed it all in, recovered it, and set several truck moving 'equipment' out to baffle and misdirect everyone.
"The ship was studied and dismantled over a period of months, moved in much smaller sections in packing crates with other gear and aircraft parts. We figured out how all of it worked eventually, the communication system included, just before seventy five. Thats when the students arrived, and started having there fun. We sent out a communication on there system, and a small police cruiser showed up in orbit, after a day of learning, we managed to establish dialouge, got talking about the crash, the adbuctions and we set the sting. After that, we've been on good terms with them, we even have an ambasidor with them."
"So who were the crash victims?" james was curious to know, it was one of those things he had always wanted. He braced himself, just he got another shock.
"They were a chartered flight to Epsilon Iridani, a pilot, and three workers. They had been having trouble with one of the collonies there, and they were being flown in to fix the problem. Something about water purification and the sexorium."
"Sexorium?"
Paul gave him a long stare. He said, in a slow an deliberate voice
"Even aliens need sex, in fact it is one of those 'facts of live' thats universal."
"Oh.." james said, now embarrised.
"In fact, being a sex slave is quite a noble proffesion in ther culture. After all, if you send out a hundred or so workers out to build a colony, it's usually the first building next to the hub. It's a long and difficult job, and having the most basic recreation available, makes workers very happy. Plus all sex slaves are fantastic cooks, so you get to have a bang up meal, followed by thanking the cook in your own, special way."
"Oh...but surly they cant have one hooker for every worker?"
"Has the gangbang part of thier culture not sank in yet? Sare and share alike, thats there motto."
"Are you seriously telling me that space is populated by hairy alien dwarfs with a thing for gangbangs and anal probes?"
"All that, except the probes, yes. The univers is populated by cultures we may find strange. But saying that, most of them probobly find us peculiare."
"This is almost too much to bear..."
"You thinks thats strange, just wait till i tell you what happened to jfk."
"Later maybe... i think i need a drink."
"Coffee?"
"Something stonger i think."
"Ill get you some Tora brandy, it should help."
"Tora brandy? Alien stock? I dunno about that."
"Don't worry. It's just like the stuff you'd by from the shops."
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
sorry about the lateness of todays instalment, but some cocksuckingasslickingsonofawankstainedkleenex sent me an email, filled with bloody inactive spyware. Dont know how it got by my software (havent updated in a few days, prob why), but it's booted me out twice today and loaded up a pill of shite on my explorer. I mean realy, why woud i want to enlage my owd chap, i barely have enough blood in my body for a six am wakeup call. Why in gods name would i want to wake up, and pass out again. Fools (Ranting, i know, getting back to the point).

An update, is being rewriten in notepad whilst the updated software gets to work, clearing out the crap. I suggest you do the same, just in case.

Sorry about the swearing, especially if youhavent heard some of those curses before. More to come (story, not profanity. Well, maybe a little then).
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
Christ almighty, one bloody spam bomb gave me 198 items to deal with. Lucky me, there all gone now (AVG we love you). Anyway, back to the story...

<<<Continued>>> (Now, with more spelling mistakes free)

"This is not the type oof stuff i would buy at the store. The stuff from the shops does not change colour." His brandy shifted from red to purple.
"Colour and taste to be precise. Whatever you do, dont drink it whilst purple."
"Why? Are there side-affects?"
"Well, purple enhances your libido. It's like an aphrodisiac."
"How badly?"
"Horney Duracel Bunny on amphetamines and viagra. You'll get laid tonight though, but it's not like you'll have a choice in the matter. The bonus is, you'll have a smile on your face come morning, not to mention several noise complaints do deal with."
"Oh! Let me guess, randy dwarf's from beyond the stars?"
"Yup, we trade with'em for various goods. This stuffs just a part of the package."
James thought for a second.
"What in gods name do we have to offer them?"
"Music, movies and culture. There own is a little stagnent, partly because of space travel and the lack or any real change in there society over the last century. There biggest thing is music though, especially pop tunes and rock and roll, Elvis to be specific."
"I suppose Elvis realy does live?"
"No, the king is dead. Unfortunately, despite the worlds refusal to let go, he died on the toilet. Your drinks changed colour, take a sip, sit back and listen." James did so, his drink was green "Although not the best way to die, he did croak that fateful eve. We trade music and cultural items with the Tora, and in return, we gain technologies thatare benaficial to the world. We implement them slowly, in fact we have so many that we'll still be bringing in item's we got last week well after i'm dead.
"Beleive it or not, they get the better deal. They get to infuse there culture with some badly needed creativity, and in turn keep there whole society from collapsing in on itself. Culture makes a nation, inventions only build's them. Without culture, were nothing more than smart monkey's being probed by aliens for amusement. Thats mostly why they spoke back to us during the first contact."
"So we help save there civilisation, and in return we get technology? Like what, computers?"
"No, that was already underway by then. No we got medical tools and equipment to redevelop, medicines, production techniques, shuttle design's and much more. Most is still being reversed enginered as we speak. Probobly the most useful thing we got was the taser, first time round. A gun that can paralise a victim without killing them. Also, satelite and surveilence technology, mobile phones and plasma reactors. The reactors will be replace the nuclear ones once we get the scientist down south pointed in the right direction. Also, we want public opinion against the old nuclear ones, that way we get them built with minimal hastle."
"So the public gets what the public wants."
"Pretty much."
"So, to recap. Aliens, elvis dead, trade beyond the stars, most conspirecies are bullshit we make up, mostly to divert them away fromthe realy important stuff."
"Yup, and beverages that change colour."
"Anything else?"
"Plenty. JFK was killed because the loony who shot him thought he was the personification of christ, and he needed to accend. Miss Munroe topped herself because they were both having affair, and she couldn't handle it. There was also the problem that she had lost her protection."
"Protection?"
"She was CIA, working to get close to famous figures and collecting information on them. We returned the documents to her house just before they started ripping the guts out for it. She had dirt on almost every mafia boss, crimelord and politition in the country. Kennedy was one of three people protecting her, once her handler was killed and Mr J Edgar was put under investigation, she paniced, hids the documents and killed herself."
"Shit..."
"But, we covered it up nicely, putting most of it on Kennedy. After all, he needed some polishing up in later years. Think Clinton."
"You mean the sex scandals?"
"Aye, after all, what hot blooded man can resist the temptations of women?"
"Gays!"
"Queers are quiters, and nobody likes quiters. Thats why they got so much redicule over the years."
"Thought that was hohophobia?"
"Nope, homophobia is a buzzword invented by gays to explain away there problems. Gays and Dykes are quiters, pure and simple. In fact, Dykes are even worse, they hate straight guys AND gays. There not only quiters, there totaly abstained on the issue."
"What would Darwin say?" said james, jovialy.
"Either: Dont horde all the totty for yourself, woman, i need lovin too, Or: Can i watch!"

<<<To be continued>>>

Just as a note, the last bit was an extract of a conversation i had not too long ago. Although it sounds biased and whatnot, think about it, it does make sence...... in a benny hill kind of way.
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
rofl c'mon bud i demand you keep this continuous sod sleep and taking the reccomended breaks from the pc get graftin!!
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
Had my grandfather over the last few days, been taking him round town, to show him whats changed recently (He lives abroad now). The last few days he's been signt seeing, being rude, letching and chatting up waitresses and barmaids. Now i know where i get my bad habits from. After today tho, i will be able to resume as normal.
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
lol your grandpa from tora? Oo thats where you got the idea from!!!
 

Ormorof

FH is my second home
Joined
Dec 22, 2003
Messages
9,817
it got abit weird towards the end of the last bits :p

(horny anal probing dwarfs?? :p )
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
Joined
Jan 4, 2004
Messages
13,457
Ormorof said:
it got abit weird towards the end of the last bits :p

(horny anal probing dwarfs?? :p )

hmm dwarves you say? lots of hair you say?? omg im an alien!! woohoo that explains a few things \o/
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
I wouldn't put it passed him. Anyway, back to the story. When we left our hero's last....

<<<Continued>>> (Brought to you by, the internet)

"Darwin would not say that!"
"Probobly not, unless he came from liverpool. Anyway, weve covered area fifty one, JFK, Aliens and most conspirecy groups."
"What about the other things. The royal family for instance?"
"Like what. The mutant lizards, the cyborgs, the bit about them being imposters or them being aliens? We make up so much crap, i loose count."
"Er, nevermind. How about bigfoot?"
"Guy in a big wooly suit. Same gear they used in star wars for cheubaca. We did that one for purely sensible reasons."
"Sensible reasons?"
"Ok, fair enough. We did it as a party prank on one of our senior agents. t was his birthday, we were pissed so we stripped him naked, gave him the suit and booted him into the middle of the forest. It was a laugth."
"You guys must have some real fun parties..." said james.
"True, we do have some good party games."
"So almost alll the big conspirecies are hoaxes? Whats left?"
"The real stuff. Werewolfs, vampires, telepaths and psychics. Real ones mind, not people wishing they were."
"Werewolds, vapires....?" he said in a mocking tone "There nothing but superstious nonsence."
"Thanks, we did our best work on them."
"But they dont exist! There not real!"
"Let's take a ride shall we."

Half an hour had passed, as both men checked out a battered ford sierra from the motorpool and headed out towards oldham. James spent the whole time giving evidence as to why wereowlfs and vampires couldn't exist, the ramifications of such creatures and so forth. Paul spent most of his time drivivng and smiling. Eventually, they pulled up outside a butchers near an estate called failsworth, both men got out and entered the rear of the building.
"Jason. I'd like you to meet someone who thinks you dont exist." Said paul as they approached a man, cutting a prime ribs.
"I suppose this is a vampire?" asked James.
"Not quite." said the man called jason, who smilled, showing two rows of bone white speartips. "I'm more of a hairier person than that."
Jasons had frozen, and a thin layer of sweat was quickly forming across his brow, not top mention a small resevour ready to burst from his loins.
"Jason is a Werewolf. His teeth are permanently that way, you'll also notice the thickened fingernails and the thin layer of fine hair across his face."
"Pleased to meet you." Jason extended a bloodied hand, realised the mess, and quickly took off his gloves, revealing very thick and sharp nails on the end of each hand. James shook hands, still petrified of the vision in front of him.
"How? Why? When?" He managed to mumble out.
"lets go upto the office, and we'll explain."
Up in the office, all three men sat down.
"Well now, as for How? We don't know, all we know is that we can change shape at will, into wolves. Vampires into bats, Ananasii into spiders and so forth. We havent got a clue why, but it's probobly something Darwin would have loved to investigate. When is a matter of debate, some say it's always been this way for us, who knows. As for Why? well, nature makes freaks and see's if they can survive, were just a byproduct of that. Take the platipus, poor bastards, looking like the love child between an otter and a duck, yet they survived." said Jason.
"In the past humans hunted werewolfs because of the problems some created. If born a wolf, they would run on instinct, causing mayhem and destruction wherever they went. Human born werewolfs had to lay-low for years at a time, using friends and family for protection. In more recent times the ministry took over, helping them out, giving them jobs and lives that they can call there own."
"Oh..."
"Trust me, running around in the wolf-man form is ok as a party trick or costume, no bugger knows the difference. For me, the full wolf form is by far my favourite, you can get away with murder almost."
"How?"
"Going for a walk, no-one trying to mug you. Being able to piss in the street in front of people. Looking up some girls knickers, and being able to get away with it. It's fantastic."
"Is everything in this universe sex mad?" asked james, who was still in shock.
"More than likely. Three over-riding rules of any psychie that we know of, sleep, eat, fuck. Thats life at it's most basic. It's all to do with survival."
"Oh!" James thought for a second, and realised it made sence, as usual "What about vampires?"
"Yeah, they like sex too. Probobly more so." Replied James, answering two questions at once.
"I suppose they have the same deal you got?"
"Yup. Similare past to us actually. Most vampires are born that way, some are changed using the mixing of blood, although i have no idea how it works. They work night shifts, as the sunlight causes a rash that wont go away easily, plus it allows some businesses to keep open twenty four - seven."
"But aren't they meniacle feinds that prey on others?"
"No more so than any other human. You got a few others like Dramal Koffshull, the guy who dracula was actually based off. He was a twat and a half, land owner back in the 'Old country' as some people like to call him. Used to torture people who couldn't pay the taxes, having them disemboweled or heheaded, or even flogged to death. And he wasn't a shy man, he did it himself, in public. Being a vampire had no bearing on him, he was a stone cold fuckking psychopath."
"So what happened? I take it the dracula story was something to mask over what actually happend?"
"Yes, as always, not everything is as you read it in the books. He did fall in love, lost, loved again, lost again for a century. Then he hired a forgien accountant to handle the paperwork, as he had plans to move to England. He did fall in love with the young chaps wife, and did try to persue it, but was rejected on every occasion. Then they got to London, and all fucking hell broke loss, as the inquisition was in town. The man called Van Helsing headed up the outriders, the inquisitions hunters in england at the time, and although he persued him, the two men never actually met.
"He fled back to his holdings back home, somewhere close to the carpathians, but in the end, it was a bunch of his own peasants that turned on him when he got back that killed him."
"What did they do to him?"
"Tied him to a heavy slab of stone, and dropped a fifteen tone boulder on him. Twice, just to be sure, then burned what was left, and scattered the ashes into the local river. They were making sure he didn't come back."
"But i though you guys were supposed to be immortal?"
"Nah, longer lived than most, but not immortal. Vampires can live upto three hundred years, although there basket cases by then, the brain seems to shut down on them at two fifty. Us wolfs tendto live to a hundred, sometimes a hundred and twenty, but no more."
"Sorry for asking this but, why submit to a life like this, a butcher of all things?"
"Good question. I do it because i don't want my ass being hunted down by some self rightous tit who thinks i've caused all his problems. Thats what it was like in the past, same would happen today. The folklore keeps people from actually beleiving we exist, thanks to the ministry. And to thank them, i loan myself out from time to time on certain jobs. We make exelent trackers, as well as muscle when required."
"Isn't that exploitation?"
"Only if it's forced. I agreed, and i havent regretted making that decision once. If you stick around, you can ask a few vampires, they'll agree."
"Ok then, but what about the movie culture that brand you all monsters?"
"Let em, it just increases the myth, and makes my teeth look like i'm just some excentric fan. Everybody wins."
"So none of this bothers you?"
"Nah, why should it? I have a job, a home, a wife and a bitch to come home to, three kids and a broad social life. Why is that a bad thing?"
"Your living in secrecy..!"
"Would be anyway mate, reguarless of the ministry. Least this way i got some sort of security."
 

Binky the Bomb

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Jan 31, 2004
Messages
1,897
Right, this installment is late (sue me, it's free remember) anyway, crisis over, seen my nephew and neice yesterday, and got :puke: over my by nephew (well, he is only 5 months), which kind of puts a crimp on your day. Reguardless, here's the next bit...

<<<Continued>>> (An 80 year old man in germany had a heart attack on thursday whilst under the tender ministrations of a dominatrix. Whattaguy)

Both men left Jason to his work, and returned to the car.
"This is just too damn weird. We make up stupid theories about events and things that don't exist and we peddle them to the masses, whilst at the same time we protect...monsters."
"Well, thats a bit harsh. He isn't a monster, he's a pleasant chap, honest and hard working, a dying breed, even for humans."
"But he's a bloody.."
"..werewolf, who has killed no-one, and who's family has killed no-one in over two hundred years. Some livestock, yes, but only as part of there jobs. Your going to have start making some changes to the way you think, monsters, true ones mind, and all to do with psychology and not the body."
"How do you mean?"
"Hitler, and his staff of cross dressers and poofs, they were monsters. The moors murderers, both fucked up killers, monsters. Charles manson, twisted bastard, manipulated others to do his dirty work, monster, probobly moreso than the church of old."
"So..."
"The term monster should be reserved for those who deserve it, thats the reason your carrying a taser and not a real firearm. Remember that."
Both men got into the car, Paul was clearly agitated by something. He started up the vehicle and headed back to manchester city centre.
"Whats got you so annoyed?" Asked James.
"We had Hitler and some of the poof patrol for ten years, we tortured them till there wasn't a live nerve ending on his body. Lord Lucan, killed himself rather than be taken by our agents, bastard. Manson, and others like him, deserve what little life remains to them to be tortured in the most horrible and degrading ways known to man."
"Why? Do you hold human life in such low reguard."
"No, because they did. I'm old fationed when it comes to justice, i beleive that the punishment should be so sevear that they wont re-offend, not locking them up or counciling. I beleive that criminals should be sterilised, and there crimes a stigma upon them, for all to see."
"Thats rather draconian, does the whole agency feel this way?"
"No, just me as far as i know. I make no secret of it, we breed the little bastards for fun these days. Back in the good old days, all we had was jack the ripper, some undersexed member of the civil service who was a devout church goer and confused over his sex life."
"You know who jack the ripper was?"
"Yup, he was the first guest at our 'lock-up', we thought he would be the only detainee. Then a few years passed and we had a few more, luckly the didnt end up quite as famous."
"But why lock only them up, and more to the point, why are we not locking up psychopaths today."
"Society now has it's own way of dealing with them. Back then they didn't, jack the ripper would have carried on had we not interveined. We could have just killed them, but that would have brought up too many questions. We disapeared him, tortured the git for information, and then put him to death."
"So who was he, and why did he have a thing for hookers?"
"Because he was a devout christian who had some of the wrong aspects of his religion drilled into him, then was asked to throw them out of the window and perform tasks that went against his faith. From the boarding schools, and the things done to him there, to his job for life, working for the cities mortuary as a mortician."
"Boarding schools? What could be so bad about boarding school?"
"Back then, everything. Ran by men who abused boys in unspeakable acts of violence. Nasty places, most of what happened drove students to metal problems that would last a lifetime. The average student mortality rate was forty percent every year."
"So jack the ripper was actuallly a victim to begin with?"
"Sadly yes. He was made into an evil fuck, and let loose on society. Most of what happened made it impossible for him to get close to women, fom there it was a matter of time before he snapped. He knew about anatomy from his job, and the rest is history. The markings he left were something to do with his days at the school, but we couldn't confire it. Turns out, he made a trip there one day, during the summer, killed the teachers, and burned it to the ground. Nothing to examine but ashe's."
"Holy shit. How did you catch him?"
"Vampires and werewolfs were tracking him, especially during the day. They kept getting the same scent of death, so we had groups set-up near graveyards and motuaries. One of them got his scent, followed him and called in the troops."
"Didn't anyone notice? There must have been witnesses?"
"Nah, the weather was bad that year, fog and smog contributed to the best cover we had for decades. If someone asked, they were taking him to the hospital, he was 'very ill'."
"What about the werewolfs? Of the vampires, surely someone would have noticed?"
"No, not realy. A werewolf only looks like a wolf if it's in the wilds, at least to the human eye. Most of the time, you see a wolf in the city, you think it's a dog. And as for vampires, well back then there were hundreds of bats flying round the city as well a pigeons, no-one realy cared. After all, no-one does these days."
"Oh... so where now?"
"Were going to see a historian. One of the best in the business."

Manchester reference library was in the heart of the city, a victorian structure that had been revovated and rebuilt so that much of it's charm was now hidden by the plaster-board facade and coffe shop. The library itself was under more than just a simple renovation, in the basemant was a computer lab with over thirty terminals, all fully manneed (and wonamed), scanning books and tomes of knowledge into the mainframe. Both men walked through this room into a hall filled with old books that were on there way to decay. Teams of men and women were treating them in glass cabinets with various gasses and liquids, all to retard the ageing process until they could be forever saved onto disk.
"The government spends millions each year trying to save these books. Mostly because there either limited editions, or last of the known copies on earth, some of them worth millions to collectors. We have a stake in this project, mostly the occult books and and referance materials we used in the past."
"Occult books?"
"Tomes of Deamonoligy, books on witchcraft and it's various traditions, how to summon familiars and even a genuine spellbook."
"A spellbook?"
"Yup. All under the care of the ministry. Through here, " He led him to a nearby door "Is where our resident librarian does his work."
Paul knocked on the door and entered without waiting for a responce. Inside was a man, in his late forties, hunched over a book. He looked up, and smiled, showing a row of teeth with fangs on the lower and upper set. The colour could only be described as nicotine stained.
"Ow do mate, not sin the in a while."
Minutes later all three were sat in the coffee shop in concourse. The vampire spoke with a broad maccelsfield accent, and introduced himself as George.
"So, you've bin 'ired by the ministry eh? Well, well, either your good, or the standards ave slipped a bit. So, a take it thee want to know about the library ere, or do thee want to know about vampires?"
"Isn't this a little public?" asked James. All three looked around, there was no-one except the waitress, who sat behind the counter, engrossed in her womans magazine.
"I think were safe." said Paul.
"So, what do thee want to no in particulare?"
"Er, basic history i suppose, i got told about the guy who dracula was based off, so anything other than that."
"Well, vampires arn't realy social people. Bollocks to others, thats there motto. You see these films were there all beutiful, well thats all f'r shit, most select there breeding on practical matters. Most are born, although in recent years we ave found out that anti-bodies from our saliva ge into vicims and can infect em like a virus. Takes weeks to transform people but it did happen. Nowadays you just go for a tetnus jab, and anti-biotics, can cure thee a treat.
"Those that a born are average looks, mostly. Some rare one's are lookers, but they tend not to go out much, beuty as it's price, so they say, moreso for us. We used to prey on human, mostly cos ov the taste, but that was almost a thousand years ago. In more civil times, we could go te' slaughter houses and butchers for the blood, was easier, and didn't bring ddown people wi pitchforks after yeh.
"Then thie ministry came along, and gave us a choice, security and a quiet life, or carry being hunted. I took the security, obviously. Since then i've done work for the government for over two hundred years, mostly filing and scribe work.. er clerical duties, sorry. It's mi upbringing, was raised in a monestary till i was almost twenty, and it were explained about the whole vampire thing."
"Monks raised you?"
"Aye. Appens alot, even today. We aint the creatures of the night people think we are, ye no'. Silver does jack, oly water does even less, stake through thi eart will kill us tho."
"It will?"
"Ey, if i tack a bloody sharp piece of wood and force it through yeh ribcage into yeh eart, you'll bloody well die too."
"Ah." More common sence.
"What else was thie, ah, sunlight. Well, ther is some truth there, we blister easily in sunlight. Skin disease that we picked up from somewhere, dunno where tho. But some sunblock and skin cream sorts that. As for the general history, it's realy not very structured or documented. All wi do no is that wiv bin part of uman culture fer about three thousand years, give about a century. Part from that, not much te tell."
The conversation went quiet for a few seconds whilst james took it all in.
"But why work in a library then?"
"Well, it's wat a do, work wih parchment and word me whole life, its sort of mi passion. Most vamps ah driven to one particulare thing, were very compulsive, a mean we got te focus on it. Wi me it's words, some it's learning, others it's cars an so on."
"What about dracula?"
"Cruelty. Ey, didn't say we were saits mate. Anyway, i got teh get back to me books. If yeh need anythin else, ill be ere or in the catacombs."
"Catacombs? Where?"
"Fer about ten mils in any direction mate, manchesters built on a bloody mass grave, didn't thie no?"


<<<Continued later, after sleep and coffee>>>
 

Iceforge

Can't get enough of FH
Joined
Dec 24, 2003
Messages
1,861
nice, been reading it all for a while, to this last piece i have some advice for you in the writing.

It is nice you make the Vampire special with a bad-talking ability, showing it off with miss-types in his speaking etc, but try not to over-do it, maybe it is because english is not my primary language, but i found it hard to figure out straight away.... a page more with that would simply have made me dissy...
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top Bottom