Scottish Lonely Hearts

evzy

Can't get enough of FH
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A sample of ads from Scottish Lonely Hearts columns..


Grossly overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel. Box 09/08

Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box06/03

Heavy drinker, 35, Glasgow area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in pints, fags, Celtic football club and starting scraps on Sauchiehall Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.

Bitter, disillusioned Dundonian lately rejected by long time fiancée seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches. Box 53/41

Ginger-haired Partick troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shity after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. Box 84/87

Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential Box 12/32

Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. References required. No timewasters. Box 23/45

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney seeks attractive 21-year old blonde lady with big chest. Box 40/27

Devil-worshiper, Stirling area, seeks like-minded lady for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering dogs in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 52/07

Attractive brunette, Maryhill area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition at Framptons Nightclub, Maryhill, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man who's not afraid to cry, for long nights spent comfort-drinking and listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41

Govan man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 24 between 8pm and 11.30pm
 

Penlid

Fledgling Freddie
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I think an english one would be:

Fat fag that acts like a fucking hooligan 24/7 drinks and smokes and is going to have an heart attack anytime now, looking for a fat slag with saggy tits and likes beating people to death.
 

DocWolfe

Part of the furniture
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Penlid said:
I think an english one would be:

Fat fag that acts like a fucking hooligan 24/7 drinks and smokes and is going to have an heart attack anytime now, looking for a fat slag with saggy tits and likes beating people to death.

Nope thats scottish again :p
 

Krait

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
Dec 23, 2003
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607
Lets not leave out the Welsh of course..........


Non-English-speaking bore seeks short,curly blonde for garden maintenance and future moonlit fun.Must have four legs and wellies.Serious offers only.
PO BOX 8AA

:p
 

[slim]

Fledgling Freddie
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lmfao! some of those are funny as feck! Reps all round :clap:
 

old.Tohtori

FH is my second home
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Scots don't breed...they drink a few ales, drink a few more, can't remember shite when they wake up and nine months later, the missus farts out a bundle that runs around the house for the next odd-so-years until it gets drunk too.
 

Ezteq

Queen of OT
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Amanita said:
their gorgeous accents :p

aye sean connery anyone?

Distinguisched male in his sixtiesch looking for schumtous lady to schpend eveninsh schipping champaigne and vanquishing evil doiersch, muscht like ashtin martinsch's. Box No. 007.

Reply: My Name Is Pussy Gallore.

Distinguisched Male: I Musched Be Dreaming!
 

Penlid

Fledgling Freddie
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It is known for Scots to be more aware of whats happening rather than the almight english not giving a care or fuck about anyone or anything apart from themselves, i know this from living in both cultures.
 

lilmissnaughty

Fledgling Freddie
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Aug 8, 2005
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802
this one scared me at the end

Artistic Edinburgh woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, writing poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice dishes, seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy journey. Strong stomach essential

does that relate to the interesting brown rice dishes or is it the sight/smell of her u gonna need a strong stomach for:puke:
 

lilmissnaughty

Fledgling Freddie
Joined
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Outlander said:
I wanna date your avatar lilmiss :)
well i dunno how u gonna date her but u can at least watch the film.


Plot Summary for
Return of the Living Dead III (1993)
Colonel Reynolds and his group of government scientists continue their work on re-animating the dead for military use. His son Curt and his girlfriend Julie use Dad's security pass to sneak in and watch the proceedings. Later when father and son have a disagreement, Curt and Julie take off on a motorcycle and Julie is killed in an accident. Grief-stricken, Curt takes her body to the lab and brings her back to life. Curt must help Julie deal with her new existence as military agents and local gang members try to find them.

its a sorta horror/romance/comedy - just like me :p so i thought i would use it as me avatar rather the just a pic of meself
 

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