Scientology, you GOTTA read this!

Jeros

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from wikipedia

It is not clear to what degree the typical Scientologist personally shares the official belief in space opera, though the above advertisement features in an entry-level publication. The views of individual Scientologists were recorded in the 1960 book have you lived before this life? It describes past life episodes as recounted by 43 Scientologists undergoing Scientology auditing during a conference in london in 1958. The participants in the conference reported having lived past lives including the following:
  • A past life as a robot working in a factory in space, which had gold animals hanging around it which "appeared solid but periodically imploded or exploded". It ground up discs to make small animals, which were then "inflated after blowing up through a totem and a cat devil" before being sent to other planets. A planet blew up, and the robot was blamed. He was drugged and forced to work the grinder.
  • A past life "55 quintillion years ago" in which the being had to do outside repairs on a space ship. He suffered radiation burns and fell off, plunging into an ocean on the planet below. A manta ray killed him and he in turn inhabited the manta ray.
  • A past life as a trouble-making free being on Mars "469,476,600 years ago". He tried to inhabit a "doll body", but he was captured and beaten up. The being was zapped with a ray gun by a Martian bishop in front of a congregation chanting "God is Love", before being run over by a large car and a steamroller. He was then frozen in an ice cube and dropped on Planet ZX 432, where he took another robot body and zapped and killed another robot. He took off in a flying saucer and died when it exploded
  • A past life in which a being went to a planet where the forces of good were fighting evil black magic forces. After 74,000 years of battle, implants and hallucinations, he lost the fight, and joined the black magic side. He went to another planet on a space ship, where he was "deceived into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl."
  • Being transformed into an intergalactic walrus which perished after falling out of a flying saucer.
  • Being "a very happy being who ... strayed to the planet Nostra" 23,064,000,000 years ago

AWESOME!
 

Aesgir

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  • Being transformed into an intergalactic walrus which perished after falling out of a flying saucer.
Sounds like's he's on some good shit :)

And they wonder why no one takes Scientology seriously.
 

old.Tohtori

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I have to think, this is just a point of view i'm not a scientologist or defender or whatnot *looks angrily at few individuals*, that this whole thing sounds as "convincing" or "believable" as some stars forming, then some bacteria forming on one of the planets that's "just right", evolving into big lizard things roaming around until a huge rock killed them and some amoeba jellyfish thingies evolving into talking walking apes...

Well...if you look at it from a completely neutral point of view, you know?
 

Shagrat

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Yeah and if I joined id find out I was a cleaning robot in someones toilet block :(

Tom Cruise gets all the fun :(
 

Lamp

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Tom Cruise has a Bugatti Veyron. Bastard.
 

old.Tohtori

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No, no. That is his spacecraft that he uses to commute to and from Venus.

With a Bugatti Veyron? You could put the kettle on, leave for Venus and be back before the first bubble hits the water surface.
 

georgie

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Apart from the fact it's not mine, what was the problem there? :confused:
 

tris-

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from wikipedia

  • A past life as a robot working in a factory in space, which had gold animals hanging around it which "appeared solid but periodically imploded or exploded". It ground up discs to make small animals, which were then "inflated after blowing up through a totem and a cat devil" before being sent to other planets. A planet blew up, and the robot was blamed. He was drugged and forced to work the grinder.

sounds like someones been smoking saliva.
 

Imgormiel

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Heh, I am pleased with myself. I didn't bother reading past the second word :p
 

Binky the Bomb

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I see a pattern with all these past lives, a common theme linking them all.

They were all idiots!

And now they are scientologists. Coincidence?
 

DocWolfe

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  • A past life "55 quintillion years ago" in which the being had to do outside repairs on a space ship. He suffered radiation burns and fell off, plunging into an ocean on the planet below. A manta ray killed him and he in turn inhabited the manta ray.

This is sort of impossible since the universe is only 14 billion years old... unless he's refering to a previous universe assuming that the big bang and big crunch theories are correct.
 

Dukat

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The worst bit is, people say "well, normal religions are just as bad!!!1" but atleast normal religions have a point. atleast there is a moral at the end of each story in the bible. atleast you can actually take something away having read it.

What exactly is the point in someone standing up and saying "twelvety five bazongatillion years ago I lived on the planet Zog farming golden cows that "appeared solid but periodically imploded or exploded" ?! Where is the moral? atleast if one of the cows bit the hand that fed it before exploding there would be a bloody story in there somewhere!

Its just nonsense. I would sooner take the jokes printed on lollipop sticks as my religion than believe in something as utterly pointless as that.
 

Job

The Carl Pilkington of Freddyshouse
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That clip of Thomas parking up his Veryon on the red carpet and getting out to wave to the crowd makes my toes curl, how can anyone on the planet get so far up their own fukin arse to be so shameless.

I would die of embarassment at the very idea of it, even if I had ten Veryons in the garage I would still pull up on my daughters pink tricycle so as to keep an ounce of reality in my life.

It just says 'Fukin look at me, I actually take myself so seriously that I think I can pull off this cringing stunt without looking a total twat'
 

Hawkwind

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We should start a new Tom Cruise religion.

Our father who art in Veyron
Hallowed be they name
Thy kingdom vast
Thy film be done
On Hollywood & Vyne as it is in space
Give us this day our daily Tom film
And forgive those who slate them
As we forgive those who jump around on sofa's
And lead us not in to flopping at the box office
But deliver us from bad reviews
For thine is the wallet, the power and the vanity
For ever and ever or until the big ship arrives
Amen

It's early and still on first coffee so be gentle ;)
 

Dukat

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Spot on apart from:

And forgive those who slate them

:D Scientologists dont know the meaning of the word 'forgiveness'. In thier vocabulary it is replaced with the phrase "Sue on full power until golden brown"
 

Rubric

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We should start a new Tom Cruise religion.

Our father who art in Veyron
Hallowed be they name
Thy kingdom vast
Thy film be done
On Hollywood & Vyne as it is in space
Give us this day our daily Tom film
And forgive those who slate them
As we forgive those who jump around on sofa's
And lead us not in to flopping at the box office
But deliver us from bad reviews
For thine is the wallet, the power and the vanity
For ever and ever or until the big ship arrives
Amen

It's early and still on first coffee so be gentle ;)

I like it tbh.
 

Jeros

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XENU WILL SMITE YOU ALL!

xenu.jpg
 

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