read and decide

[Ezteq]

<siiiiigh>

was at work today having a great time as usual (i love my job and really look foward to doing my thang) was helping 2 of the guys to change a chemical tank when one of the sprayers walked past and pinched my arse hard.



Ok no big deal you might think, let me fill you in on the back ground and im hoping for your opionions at the end.

Ive been working there since august last year and as i said i really enjoy it, before i worked there i was signed off sick for 2 years with a condition called agoraphobia, actually this is a general tearm used to describe a few other problems aswell, it is most commenly thought of as a fear of open spaces but my fear isnt that its people especially getting trapped with em, unlike some phobias it isnt irrational i have very good reasons for being scared of people (which i wont go in to but just thing of some nasty things that can happen to a person and im sure youll hit on a few of them)

Anyway, in august last year after moving house and feeling a lot better i was itching to go out and get a job and lucky for me the 1st one i applied for i got and even better i loved it, i didnt want to make a big deal about my problem so didnt tell anyone but i noticed that a few of the guys were very erm over familiar shall we say with the girls and i thought a pre emptive stricke might be the best option so i asked my supervisor to have a word with the guys and tell them that i do not like to be touched or crowded and please just let me be, i am very friendly and dont give people cause to dislike me so i made sure she told them that it wasnt me being snotty it is because of something that happened to me and its my problem but please respect it.

One of the guys i'll call him X didnt pay attention and kept hassling me so i took him to one side and said that as the supervisor had explained i do not like being touched please leave me alone, he seemed to understand and layed off but he'd still try jabbing me in the ribs but never often and i always told him not to, anyway one promotion later and i was moved to another area of the factory and today he came up behind me and pinched me really hard so it hurt right on the arse which if thats not a private area i dont know what is.

When at work i dress like a guy, i dont initiate any physicall contact and i dont get involved in flirting or playing (this isnt to say im a stiff, i have a lot of fun and joke about with my colleagues) i just prefer to let them treat and think of me as a guy, after X did this i yelled at him and was shocked for a while, went to my boss and promptly started to cry (yay me.... sooo embaressing) i told him what had happened and that i'd made it clear to the bloke not to touch me and said i have strong reasons to act this way, my bosses were excellant and said i didnt need reasons and that this behavious is unacceptable, one of the managers drove me home and X was taken in to the office.

This afternoon (after composing myself and getting myself to the gym and enrolling ASAP in the self defence class) my boss called me and said that X was suspended and basically if i could face coming in tomorrow its going to the union and we'll have to decide wheather or not to fire him as its an option, he said the bloke didnt deny it and seemed genuinely sorry..... couldnt help thinking was he sorry for the misery he caused me or because he got caught? Also sevreal other women at work have been touched by him in a way that was painfull or humiliating or both.



Now do you think i am out of order after warning him at least 3 times in plain english in wanting him gone?

He has been told not to and still does it, has done it to other women and never apologises when i yelled at him he just walked off didnt even look at me, if it was a joke you'd think he would apologise straight away after realising his attention was unwanted.

I really love my job but this has scared me, i keep thinking what if he decides to have a go at me and i cant protect myself? i am determined not to let this ruin my job and i know i have to go in tomorrow or i just wot be able to face it again.


why dont people think before thy do something like that.

Tres sad
Ez.

 

[DocWolfe]

some guy pinching your ass has scared you? come on, it's not like he's taken you into a dark corner and raped you. I'm not saying I stick up for the guy because you told him 3 times not to, he's obviously some kind of perverted freak. Once is fair enough, though I dont think I would ever go up to some bird who I work with and start fondling them without some kind of recognition there is a mutual feeling. You told him to stop, but he didn't listen.

But I dont think it's anything to be scared about, pull your socks up and get on with it. The best way to seem like your not phased out is just to put it to the back of your mind, and you will start having fun again and you will forget about it in no time. The guy's got his job at risk, unless he's a complete nutcase he will back off now. Best thing to do is put on a brave face, if you appear scared he knows he will be able to take advantage of you, if he is mentally unstable.

 

[Bori]

Hmm, I think you should have him sacked. If he does this to other women too, it's just wrong, and I think he should learn that lesson.
Very bad thing to do to you, after you've told him not to several times, but it's uo to you. Just what I think.
Good luck, you've got my support atleast, not that it might matter much but anyway

Regards
Bori

 

[Adrianicus]

You've done nothing wrong, so nothing to be sorry about.

You got harrassed, told the employer about the problem, yet still got harrassed again - so your well within your rights to kick up a stink.

I say fair play to you for 'keeping it out in the open' - many would have kept quiet and put up with it.

If he has to go, he has to go - what ever is needed to make life more comfortable for you at work.

I doubt he'll be a problem to you from now on. Hopefully the guy has learnt his lesson.

Let us know how you get on...

 

[Earl]

Send him to me, I'd enjoy it

 

[Ormorof]

fire him, was warned several times, get rid of him

 

[Speedr]

honestly, have him fired.. it doesnt sound nice, but then he violated personal space u warned him about in advance.

Only sufferers of medical conditions or phobias understand what it's like [ fortunately/unfortunately i don't ] but it's tough shit tbh , let him get whats coming to him.

 

[Escape]

How do the others feel about him? If he's thought of as the local asshole and won't be missed, then get him fired.

But if most of the team like him well enough, getting him fired will be bad for morale and could affect you further. Do you want to go into work, and feel like everyone's talking about you?

What you need to do, is beat him. A little violence at the work place goes down better than getting someone sacked. At your self defence class, learn how to kick someone in the shins and knee them in the face. Leave him in agony and he won't mess with you again!

 

[Garaen]

some guy pinching your ass has scared you? come on, it's not like he's taken you into a dark corner and raped you. But I dont think it's anything to be scared about, pull your socks up and get on with it.

Read what was written again, the poster has a condition which amplifys the effect ten fold. Say if you have a fear of spiders and somebody with a pet spider throws it on you and say don't be scared it's not like the spider took you into a dark corner and ate you is it? How would you feel? Seriously have a little more sympathy and/or understanding.

I'm not going to comment as to what you should do to the guy, just do what you think best for you, not him.

 

[Rookiescot]

Well Ez,
Whether he has been warned about this is irrelevant I think.
This is sexual harasment.
There will most likely be a very stringent company policy on this and as such it may not matter what you feel would be or would not be suitable punishment.
As soon as management were involved they are duty bound to investigate the matter and your personnel dept will make a recomendation based upon the findings.
Companies these days are very strict about stuff like this due to the threat of litigation from injured parties.
As a matter of interest ... is it a large company you work for?
They tend to be far less forgiving in circumstances like these.

In any event ..... YOU did nothing wrong.
You shouldnt be feeling bad about this.

 

[Outlander]

hey Im agrophobic

its not fear of going outside with me, its the fear of people lots of exceptions ofc, but it still sux. Anyways do what j00r heart tells you to do babeh!

 

[Ezteq]

hey Im agrophobic

its not fear of going outside with me, its the fear of people lots of exceptions ofc, but it still sux. Anyways do what j00r heart tells you to do babeh!

hay cool! should we start an agoraphobics anon group...... ah guess no one would turn up though eh?
(sorry old joke but it made my doctor laugh)


thanks for the feedback guys basically i just wanted to make sure i wasnt being unreasonable i didnt think i was but then you know how it is with folk, they generally believe themselves to be right, i'd rather check first.

will keep you posted as to what happens, and to answer a question raised earlier no the bloke is not popular he is a thorn in many sides.

p.s docwolf, your not my mother are you? thats exactly the sort of thing she'd say lol "hay mom i just got attacked" .. "<siiigh> dont be such a baby... and get off the rug your bleeding on it". No offence ment bud it just made me chuckle to read when you said pull your socks up sincerely thank you for putting a smile on me face this evening i needed it

Cheers guys :wub:

 

[DocWolfe]

Read what was written again, the poster has a condition which amplifys the effect ten fold. Say if you have a fear of spiders and somebody with a pet spider throws it on you and say don't be scared it's not like the spider took you into a dark corner and ate you is it? How would you feel? Seriously have a little more sympathy and/or understanding.

I'm not going to comment as to what you should do to the guy, just do what you think best for you, not him.

I did read the post, and I admit that I am infact afraid of spiders, but phobias are conditions that you need to control, you can either cower in a corner or you can take control of your life and overcome them. Thats the choice, you have to be strong, do you really want something dictating your life, to a point that totally deteriates your ability to enjoy it? The answer is simple - no.

I've seen an instance where a woman was afraid of pidgeons and she wouldn't dare venture out of her house, incase she gets attacked by pidgeons, how stupid is that? The thing is it's a pointless phobia, there is at the end of the day nothing to be scared of about them. You have to be weary of the things about you, but the mind takes it to another level where you are mortified of your phobia.

Like I said in my previous post the worst thing you can do is be weak, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My post may have sounded harsh and lacked understanding of your condition but my advice was simple and true.

You need to take control of your life, instead of having it dictated to you. Good luck Ez and I hope you can overcome this particular rut in the potholed filled road that is life. This is my personal take, that every problem you fall into you need to pull yourself out, as you can't sit around and wait for others to pull you out as you could be there for a lifetime starving yourself of missed opportunities. And I think it's a damn good idea.

Every time I've encountered a problem, I've taken myself aside and said remember who you are, you can overcome this. It's all about state of mind. I think you need to realise what has caused your agrophobia, and be better than it.

Again good luck, and last time I checked I wasn't your mother

 

[Dukat]

I did read the post, and I admit that I am infact afraid of spiders, but phobias are conditions that you need to control, you can either cower in a corner or you can take control of your life and overcome them. Thats the choice, you have to be strong, do you really want something dictating your life, to a point that totally deteriates your ability to enjoy it? The answer is simple - no.

I've seen an instance where a woman was afraid of pidgeons and she wouldn't dare venture out of her house, incase she gets attacked by pidgeons, how stupid is that? The thing is it's a pointless phobia, there is at the end of the day nothing to be scared of about them. You have to be weary of the things about you, but the mind takes it to another level where you are mortified of your phobia.

Like I said in my previous post the worst thing you can do is be weak, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My post may have sounded harsh and lacked understanding of your condition but my advice was simple and true.

You need to take control of your life, instead of having it dictated to you. Good luck Ez and I hope you can overcome this particular rut in the potholed filled road that is life. This is my personal take, that every problem you fall into you need to pull yourself out, as you can't sit around and wait for others to pull you out as you could be there for a lifetime starving yourself of missed opportunities. And I think it's a damn good idea.

Every time I've encountered a problem, I've taken myself aside and said remember who you are, you can overcome this. It's all about state of mind. I think you need to realise what has caused your agrophobia, and be better than it.

Again good luck, and last time I checked I wasn't your mother

I agree with what your saying here but tbh from what Ez said in the original post I'd say she's done all of this, she's gone out and gotten on with her life, and when she's come up against a similar problem she has not run away, quit her job or done anything else that would be considered drastic, instead she's kept a cool head mostly and followed it through the proper channels, as someone else said this bloke sounds like a perverted freak and needs to learn some respect.

Seeing and hearing this kind of thing makes me angry, when someone just wont respect other's privacy and keep pushing and pushing, in my experience the only way to deal with these kinds of people is to give them a warning, then take strong action, if this doesnt happen it can lead to more serious problems.

As someone else said, this has all been brought about because the person didnt listen, continually ignored warnings and finally went too far, Ez has done nothing wrong here and this "person X" should be (imo) fired.

Hope things turn out ok Ez

 

[DocWolfe]

as someone else said this bloke sounds like a perverted freak and needs to learn some respect.

I said that

I agree that's she's doing well to try and overcome it but she has come up against another hurdle, that simply needs a bit more effort to jump over, I'm just saying she needs to keep trying, even if it involves taking a running jump.

Damn I'm good with these metaphores today.

 

[Escape]

I did read the post, and I admit that I am infact afraid of spiders, but phobias are conditions that you need to control, you can either cower in a corner or you can take control of your life and overcome them. Thats the choice, you have to be strong, do you really want something dictating your life, to a point that totally deteriates your ability to enjoy it? The answer is simple - no.

I've seen an instance where a woman was afraid of pidgeons and she wouldn't dare venture out of her house, incase she gets attacked by pidgeons, how stupid is that? The thing is it's a pointless phobia, there is at the end of the day nothing to be scared of about them. You have to be weary of the things about you, but the mind takes it to another level where you are mortified of your phobia.

This is all easier said then done, how many phobias have you conquered?
Real phobias are mental conditions, not a mild, fear related emotion which can be controlled.

 

[Equador]

Get the guy fired faster than you can say "I want him fired"

If anyone ever does anything like that against your will, make him face the consequences. Guys like that give the rest of us a bad name, and whatever his excuses may be, he's a piece of dirt and deserves to get kicked out.

Call it harsh if you want, but this is plain sexual harassment and people like that disgust me

 

[Comos]

And if your co-workers don't like him either, all the more reason to get him fired.

 

[Huntingtons]

docwolfe, just because something sounds silly it doesn't mean it's not serious, the mind is a tricky piece of shit :/

get him fired

 

[Lamp]

You did the right thing.

No one has to put up with sexual harassment / physical assaults at work from a fellow employee.

Most companies will come down hard on people like X - and quite rightly so.

No one has the right to harass you.

And don't forget you always have the option to instigate criminal or civil proceedings against someone who assaults you physically.

I get the impression you're not based in London - shame - I'd gladly teach you self-defence. Been doing jui-jitsu for 17 years, and have held many self-defence classes for women.

Good luck - hope it all goes OK for you at work.

 

[Thorwyn]

I agree that's she's doing well to try and overcome it but she has come up against another hurdle, that simply needs a bit more effort to jump over, I'm just saying she needs to keep trying, even if it involves taking a running jump.

I basically agree with you when you say she´s bound to keep trying and working on the problem. But in this case, it´s not just another hurdle.
People touching other people, breaking into their individual space (dunno the exact term for it... the area directly around someone, where you feel uncomfortable when someone´s getting too close to you) are an annoyance for everybody, even those people who´re not suffering from agoraphobia or social phobia. The key to working on stuff like this is, that it´s the person´s decision how high the hurdle is. It´s a step by step thing. Falling into a pit full of spiders doesn´t cure your arachnophobia. Getting familiar with spiders slowly and (and that´s the important part) with the option to escape and take a break whenever YOU want to does. That´s the key to confrontation therapy.
In this particular case, she didn´t have that kind of control over the situation, so it can´t be considered a hurdle she needs to take in order to progress. I think Ez deserves LOTS of props for just trying to go out and fight the phobia (thus not let the phobia take control of her and her life). Not many people are able to do this. And people like this guy are making it even harder to perform that step.

 

[Outlander]

get his ass fired! then kick his ass!

ftw.

anyways its got nothing to do with agoraphobia tbh(saying this in your defence ), its quite within your rights to ask to be left alone and not be touched/harassed at work if you have that or not(having it strengthens the case to fire his ass tho ofc ). And since he repeatedly violated those rights then he deserves to get fired and his ass trapped in a mangle.(imo anyway)

get him fired and teach him a lesson!



then burn down his house or sommat ...or cook his pet in a pot....or a horses head in the bed!! thats the one!

 

[old.Tohtori]

Conquered my fear of heights and spiders.

Suck it up and take it like a nutjob way.

It's not that hard, your mind just makes it.

Not going into some psychobabble here, but if you don't like a guy, f*sk him up. Simple as that. I'm not a compassionate person, i don't care what happens to the guy, but if you go down that road, you might become more like me and not care about any other guys in other parts of the worlds either.

But if you don't get his bee(bees...ngh..)hind fired, you'll be more likely to take shit when it's handed to you.

Not saying it's a bad thing either way, but i'd rather be a cold manipulative bitch then a poke-around-pansy


Yes, men can be bitches too, and not only in a pison sense. Bitches.

 

[Rediknight]

Ez, you have to do something about it. I know people say "oh, c'mon!!!" but it's a different matter if he's been specifically asked, by you, in private, to not do it.

First of all, did his pinch leave a mark at all? If it left any kind of reddening of the skin, then technically he's committed assault. I have to deal with Police record checks all day at work and have heard every excuse in the book with regards to this stuff. Approach your supervisor and tell them in no uncertain terms that if somethings not done by them, then you will take it to the police. It's sexual harrassment, management are aware of your situation (in as much as they know that both a) you don't want to be put in them situations and b) that what happened is blatant harrasment), this guy has been told by both them AND you that it ain't on, and personally i'd take it as a massive insult that he didnt respect the fact i took him to one side and politely explained to him "no".

In the meantime, if he comes near you again, go like you're about to grab his balls - watch him back the f'up...

 

[Lamp]

Men have PMS too, it's called Post Marital Stress.

I'm off topic here...just saw the sig (hehe)

Why are ppl so keen to slag off being married ? Go down my local boozer - the blokes in there can't stop moaning about how unhappy they are. Begs the question why get married in the first place. And what are they doing about sorting out their problems ?

 

[Huntingtons]

what i dont agree with tho is that you didn't confront them personally at first

 

[Lamp]

Its not always that simple when you're upset / scared etc

Its easy to judge someone's actions when you're not that person at that place / time etc. I mean look at how appalling rape victims were treated - they were lambasted for not fighting their attackers off !

 

[Huntingtons]

but i mean its general respect that if you have a grudge or a problem with someone (and not too serious, a matter of opinion ofc) you confront them telling em omfg newb you suxor irl cock foad etc.

 

[old.Tohtori]

telling em omfg newb you suxor irl cock foad etc.

You said the foad word! Ban! No...damnit...now i said it! Ban!

 

[Jaem-]

Good on you girl, he has no right at all to do anything like tha to you no matter what, so you should be feeling bad about it.

I'd have turned around and kicked him where it hurts if it was someone I didn't know well.